serafskid

time traveler who tries

[iluvthisy]

the good side (letter to mom)

i got the good side of things left you with your messed up husband out of sight, out of mind it was how i lived by

i got the good side of you thankful for this intellect i managed to give myself grace something you never got to give yourself

but i symphatize and i recognize i apologize that i got the good side of things

i got the good side of life got my own house got my own money but there are days i feel empty

i got the good side of new found someone i can call family i know how it looked, it wasn't the plan i just know you'll never understand

i symphatize and i recognize i apologize that i got the good side of things

i'm sure we'll try to pretend everything's fine you'll tell me you're doing great i'll say me too and that'll be the end of it i wish it's true, even just for you

i symphatize and i recognize i apologize that i got the good side of things

~

note: used troye sivan's song to help me write this

[extramadness]

Sometimes you’re 23 and standing in the kitchen of your house making breakfast and brewing coffee and listening to music that for some reason is really getting to your heart. You’re just standing there thinking about going to work and picking up your dry cleaning. And also more exciting things like books you’re reading and trips you plan on taking and relationships that are springing into existence. Or fading from your memory, which is far less exciting. And suddenly you just don’t feel at home in your skin or in your house and you just want home but ‘Mom’s’ probably wouldn’t feel like home anymore either. There used to be the comfort of a number in your phone and ears that listened everyday and arms that were never for anyone else. But just to calm you down when you started feeling trapped in a five-minute period where nostalgia is too much and thoughts of this person you are feel foreign. When you realize that you’ll never be this young again but this is the first time you’ve ever been this old. When you can’t remember how you got from sixteen to here and all the same feel like sixteen is just as much of a stranger to you now. The song is over. The coffee’s done. You’re going to breathe in and out. You’re going to be fine in about five minutes.

Kalyn RoseAnne (via extramadness)

[serafskid]

i think of you and the many colors of the sky the purple pink cloudy ones of the cold february and it's cotton candy sunset, us lying on the fields with our sweats drying, the indigo starry night of a chill november as we go hurry home for dinner, or maybe we wait for the late teacher, the brightest bluest of all sky blue skies of the scorching sun of our april birthday summers the silhouette of the bony trees against the afternoon baby blue during the long free hours before a deadly boring class

i think of you and i think of blue just as i feel for not seeing the same sky as you do

[pechebo]

they had a great time

[serafskid]

grief

grief is laughing hard with friends and stopping yourself suddenly how could you be happy in a world that doesn’t contain them? a world where they don’t exist?

grief is waking up early in the morning with a wet pillow, tired you saw them in your dream or a nightmare what do you call it?

grief is taping a broken object they used to own relentlessly holding on to trash.

grief is opening the cupboard and have tears fall after seeing a brown coffee cup.

grief is travelling to school alone in the wee hours of the morning and having to steady your breath so you won’t bawl your eyes out.

grief is writing down memories you refused to write about you thought you wouldn’t want to remember being so miserable.

but most of all, grief is love, a love with nowhere to go.

(inspired by jamie anderson)

[serafskid]

on long covid brain fog

never have i ever in my 23 years of existence had such a noticeable short attention span and bad reading comprehension. i feel and probably am dumber than i have ever been. i find it so hard to focus on anything without clicking away or fidgeting on something else. would i be wrong to blame long covid brain? 

[whoarei]

she guessed my favorite color first try..

but between me and u……. i didnt even have a favorite color until she yelled out yellow!! she was hella excited n smiling like a little kid. so i told her she was right and i havent seen yellow the same since, its in everything. i could probably live in it now. 

[bk-poetry]

Impossibility of This

A sunset—  will never look as good in a photograph    as it does in real life. & a sunset—  will never stop being photographed    by people, until it stops setting. I guess that’s kind of how,  i go about  writing you.

[serafskid]

You have been in every way all that anyone could be… If anybody could have saved me it would have been you.

-Virginia Woolf-

[bk-poetry]

The Amount of Anger & Pain

The amount of pain and anger dwelled on By unloved children the hate and greed and jealousy and envy building up like rockets heading towards stars and Kosmos I hold my breath for such event in the midst of the explosion shattering, shattering broken pieces of glass fill up your lungs and disrupt themselves onto the world around you you sweet child burdened with the griefs I make writing sins in stone hating the universe, for God’s sake eating the pride swallowing it whole swallowing the tears pain-staked for no reason costing us our lives with the love we wanted the love forgotten hold close towards yourself your heart your hate.

you will live on, sweet this world has not ended and the amount of pain and anger that boils through your veins and makes your heart pump like cotton will only hold as long as you let it and the mystical workings of this heartbeat will let fly a million white doves driving them straight towards the suns the suns of freedoms where your love lies and where it will never cease this love will never cease this love will never cease and I shall caress it so holding it carefully towards my chest until it has nurtured itself once again into a beautiful red sky oblivion where it once came and where it shall slowly come to a halt not like this not with this pain or anger.

[serafskid]

beautiful

[serafskid]

to u… -matsubara miki

hey, gabriel

not the angel with u i had fun in hell

from the tallest tower to the deepest abyss i fell it took eons to tell

six feet under could i get back, i ponder three years squandered

tell me, friend would u get back? we wonder let's rot at least, together

musubi,

katou

[lovesickbrat]

[serafskid]

the short-haired anime girl who never gets picked

The first time I saw them together, I had an inkling that they were meant to be. That was a time when none of us have yet to accept that we’re not all main characters. I was just a side character in someone’s romantic adventure. I am not fate. I am her pawn. Our falling apart brought them together. I lost. Valuable things. She only gained more than what she paid for. Fate is cruel, isn’t she? Just like how I was cruel, and how they were cruel. The cards I have been dealt with was not the best. I am ungrateful. Maybe I refuse to make do with them. I am to blame, too. I am guilty of dismissing a friend over my feelings. But what are we but a ball of emotions? It’s heavy. It will always be. I just don’t feel it as frequently. That’s good, I guess.

[serafskid]

your language

i hope i'm not just a side story you decided not to explore, an npc without any redeeming quality, not even pointing out the correct path. a slow-paced anime that you dropped halfway, a song you used to sing with friends but was never on any of your playlist.

but i am.

[serafskid]

maybe if i write enough about you, i might stop someday because i finally don't need to. maybe i'll forget, even the regret.

[serafskid]

you

i search the crowds knowing you won’t be there when i went to the grocery, i expect to see u in the pancake aisle, i look out the car window and wish for u in every skinny guy, with a gray shirt on walking on the street, those with backpacks clinging too tight on their backs, u hate being outside but u always walked.

i inspect our old messages i try to find clues as to why only to realize it’s not enough to go by. i search possible usernames on the internet, any update would be a relief, any sign that u’re really truly alive, maybe just breathing, but still here, on this earth.

Will I ever see you again?

[serafskid]

summer came, us in our black toga tossed our caps, holding onto our fake diploma up on the stage, we bowed and gave a handshake to the adult life you are so, so ready to take to all the unexpected mistakes, to what equates a nightmare, you might never awake

when summer went away, it took all warmth with it

summer is here again, so different from the last my skin has never felt so scorched, my heart has never been so cold some days, like an unwatered flower, dried up one touch, one petal less, a wind, it’ll be gone far dead on the ground, maybe but if the wind keeps blowing, who knows where it might be going