he thought hearing it come from their lips would’ve been enough to sate his woes, yet, it simply doesn’t. it’s not warm, or cold, it’s not black, it’s not white, their sorry leaves him feeling empty. as if they both knew that it didn’t amount to anything, in the end. death loomed above them, and they couldn’t do anything about it.
a low-flying panic attack: his hands tremble, gripping the black fabric of his suit until his knuckles turned white, until he felt like he could continue talking without making an ass out of himself. the last thing he wanted to do was make himself look like a joke in front of angel. he just couldn’t, he couldn’t fail, he couldn’t let his feelings go unnoticed. last time it happened, she…
it didn’t matter anymore. grief turns into resolve. “ there’s no need for comfort here, angel. i just wanted to let you know that. i’m tired of seeing my partners die in front of me. and you won’t be the next one. ” they won’t be the next one for one painful reason that he wasn’t going to divulge just yet, a realization that makes him grit his teeth, cracking a bit under the collected façade he’d managed to regain.
“ all i’m saying is… ” it’s a tough pill to swallow, and even as he takes a seat next to them, aki feels the blood in his veins freeze up. it wasn’t going to amount to anything, in the end, but he needed to try. to put these feelings of dread of his to rest. “ i don’t want you to die. i want you to stay by my side. ” because i’d rather spend the rest of my years with you, rather than alone, again. he wants to say, but bites his tongue.
“ now. ” they weren’t the type to continue conversing about such heavy topics, and he didn’t want to push them over the edge. “ do you want another cone? i can offer you one, before we have to leave. ” hand reaches for his front pocket, pulling out a lighter and his well-used pack of lights. “ vanilla, i’m guessing? ”
Tension was often laying between them , thickening the air and making everything much harder than it needed to be - a near alien like experience.
( If you care about someone you need to be attentive )
Hazel eyes slid up Aki’s figure , lazily taking him in before once again looking away , this time sitting up as they slipped their hands into their pocket, taking out twin black gloves slender digits finding their way into them.
They flexed their hand lightly before nodding. “ Vanilla. “ Angel echoed, getting up to stand before the other , wings flattening against their back as they looked up towards Aki.
A mountain , a rock , impenetrable coldness that cracked under the warmth of things he cared about. They wonder what they had done to fall into his good graces , to be good enough for the man to care in a level where such a calm conversation seems to have caused so much panic.
That was the thing about silence , reservation often seen as laziness had turned their eyes sharper , learning human behavior - for someone who had been locked underground for so long with the presence of only few humans who walked past and the wails of devils trapped alongside them learning patterns wasn’t hard.
It wasn’t different with Aki. If you wanted a human to understand something, often you had to be quite explicit. They wanted to die. So much was clear, said within them like clockwork. “ There’s no good in keeping someone who can cause only harm. “ They began, careful and slow movements as their hand reached forward to be gently placed over Aki’s sleeve.
“ I consider the angelical side of me a weakness. It makes me ... inclined to be protective of your kind. “ ( If you care about him, if you care about his feelings, you need to stop being vague. ) “ It’d be far too easy for me to kill you ... I already hurt you once. “
The hand slipped from the sleeve, falling to their side. “ I want to stay by your side. But it scares me. I don’t ever want to hurt you again. “ More than anything ... more than the world those words were true. Clear as glass.