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THE OLD GUARD (2020) dir. Gina Prince-Bythewood

bonus:

The plot of this movie is that some people are immortal and recover from injuries indefinitely. Together they form a mercenary group which alters the course of history.

These two were on opposite sides during the crusades, but repeatedly failed to kill each other and eventually fell in love.

They can’t have any relationships with mortals, and other immortals are from different time periods and can’t relate to them. They have nothing left of their old lives, except each other.

silentauroriamthereal

I don’t know who wrote this or why, but this writing is just *chef’s kiss*

**Editing to add: I now know that this was said by Lindy West in her book The Witches are Coming. Good to know!

loveismyrevolution

This is gold!!!

myhauntedsalem

Prague

Prague is one of the most haunted cities in Europe. There are water goblins under the Charles Bridge, a headless horseman, a huge fat ghost and a fiery coach. A golem made of clay ran amok in the Jewish Quarter and Emperor Rudolph II invited magicians, astrologers and alchemists from all over Europe to his court.

One of the most popular tourist sights is the Charles Bridge and this has its fair share of ghosts and folklore. For ten years the heads of ten lords executed in the Middle Ages were stuck on poles on the bridge. Their ghosts are said to haunt the bridge today - even singing melancholy songs around midnight to terrify passers by. Prague is widely considered to be one of the most beautiful cities in Europe and belongs to the most visited cities on the continent

On the bridge stands a statue of the mythical prince Bruncvik. It is said that his magical sword is buried in his statue: a sword so deadly that it could cut off heads without any help from its owner. Under the bridge lives a water goblin who eats the souls of those drowned by jumping off the bridge.

The city flourished during the 14th century during the reign of Charles IV, of the Luxembourg dynasty. The 17th century is considered the Golden Age of Jewish Prague. The Jewish community of Prague numbered some 15,000 people (approx. 30 per cent of the entire population), making it the largest Ashkenazic community in the world and the second largest community in Europe after Thessaloniki. In the years 1597 to 1609, the Maharal (Judah Loew ben Bezalel) served as Prague’s chief rabbi. He is considered the greatest of Jewish scholars in Prague’s history, his tomb in the Old Jewish Cemetery eventually becoming a pilgrimage site.

There is also a wonderful ghostly coaches. Seen and heard as the hooves and wheels clatter over the cobbles. In one of them sits a monk with his head in his lap. His particular ghostly coach is drawn by huge black billy goats. The monk asks anyone he sees for a coin. One woman threw him a counterfeit coin and ran off. Unfortunately the monk came and found her and she was found dead the next morning with the shape of a coin branded into her forehead.

hauntaur

This is money cat. He only appears every 1,383,986,917,198,001 posts. If you repost this in 30 seconds he will bring u good wealth and fortune.

n-n-e-b-u-l-a-a

Lol it’s too cute not to share. Besides..what if i become a millionaire tomorrow.

polkaart19

cute kitty!

prokopetz

More inadvisable D&D characters, silent protagonist edition:

A gym-rat-themed human barbarian who communicates exclusively via an ever-changing array of pithy slogans displayed on their enchanted novelty t-shirt

An elven rogue who refuses to speak aloud out of a professional commitment to stealthiness; when the need arises, they produce artfully handwritten notes from their numerous pockets

A halfling warlock who traded their voice to their patron for some unspecified favour; their toad familiar, who speaks on their behalf, sounds exactly like a 1950s radio announcer, static included

An orc wizard who speaks a unique three-handed dialect of sign language with the assistance of the mage hand cantrip; when otherwise unoccupied, the mage hand is prone to rude gestures

A bard whose spellcasting performance skill is being a professional sports mascot; nobody knows what species they are because the suit never comes off

prokopetz

A tiefling fighter who uses their innate magic to conjure cryptic omens hinting at their will; it’s legitimately unclear whether they actually can’t talk, or whether they just like messing with people

A half-elven cleric cursed by a rival priest to speak only in rhyme; it was manageable at first, but one day they foolishly ended a sentence with the word “plinth”, and they’ve been stuck ever since

A dragonborn paladin whose draconic parent had a sonic breath weapon, leaving them with a speaking voice with no register between “inaudible whisper” and “2d6 thunder damage”

A gnome druid who understands all the languages of birds and beasts, and no others, relying on random critters – who apparently do understand Common? – to translate when necessary

A dwarven monk who observes a strict vow of silence, except at dawn and dusk, when they pause to scream at the top of their lungs for a minute straight; nobody’s sure what’s up with that

browningtons

Heres a new poster made for SCP Overlord, cause the teaser trailer passed 150k views.

[trailer link]

FOB Legrasse, a minor Foundation base hosting intelligence operations throughout New England, received an urgent report from an agent within the Hampshire County Sheriffs Department regarding an esoteric cult.

The SCP Foundation has since targeted the cult, and the upper echelons of the foundation have deemed the intelligence compelling enough to sanction a raid on the compound.

MTF Epsilon-6 will be the scalpel, performing an armed search of the target building.

MTF Nu-7 will be hammer, cordoning off the property to secure the target building for the entry team.

gay-irl

trans_irl

xanderwithanx

The DREAM

nikniknikin

I distinctly remember the first time my dad called me my right name. I was sixteen, I’d gotten my driver’s license not too long ago, and now that I was driving, my dad gave me a credit card so I could get gas, or food if I was staying late at school due to marching band. He was very clear, this card was for food and gas only. Only gas and food. Just those two categories of product. He would be checking the bill. I had no desire to buy anything else with this card.

However. Often when getting food after marching practice, or on our scant breaks, I’d drive my friends to burger king or little ceasers or starbucks or whatever, and sometimes not all of my friends could afford the food they wanted. And well…food is food. I have a big appetite, and as long as I didn’t go crazy overboard and order catering for the whole band, a few extra burgers and shakes wouldn’t stand out on a monthly bill. So I bought my friends food.

I did this for several months, and sometime during that came out to my parents. They both thought it was a phase, and that I would grow out of it. Since they’re not terrible people their approach to me having ‘a boy phase’ was to let me do my thing and wait for me to change my mind. I didn’t change my mind, and eventually they understood that, but that’s a whole other post. The point is my dad didn’t discourage me from transitioning, but avoided talking about it with me. He stopped calling me his daughter, but replaced it with child rather than son, that kind of thing.

But back to the credit card. Eventually I started feeling guilty. TECHNICALLY I was obeying the rule ‘food and gas only’, but I knew I was bending it. I nervously admitted to him one day that sometimes…on occasion…once in a while… I’d buy a friend food. I waited solemnly for his judgement. He walked over to me, put his hands on my shoulders, looked into my eyes sternly and said,

“Zackary, we are Italian. If you let your friends go hungry….” (and here he decided to shake me just for a little emphasis) “I will disown you.”

And that’s when I knew he’d come around. Trans? Fine okay sure, give it a shot. Stingy? Get the fuck out.

ace-of-spaids2

I’m-

delphinidin4

https-graces

Japanese legend: you have the face of who you loved most in a past life

loveable-korrasami

THE NEXT AVATAR ABOUT TO LOOK FINE AFFFFFF

cupofsorrows

Oh, so YOU guys can just see a face and be like “I like that face, I’m gonna make it my face” and everyone’s just COOL with that. But when I, Koh the Face Stealer,

taste-of-ink-deactivated2020071

humans inviting aliens to visit earth after a long mission and aliens being really excited to go and see the infamous planet that led to the development of such universally renown species but get one look at the ocean and are just. what the fuck is that.

and humans are like oh yeah we don’t fuck with that

and aliens are like you literally hop galaxies with little to no understanding of what you’ll find but you won’t venture into your own aquatic abyss?

and humans simply say scan it

five kicks later and aliens say fuck that fuck that fuck that what the fuck how are you all alive let’s go back to the black holes

sirartwork

Approach, mortal, and receive thy judgement.

prokopetz

Concept: Star Trek style quasi-utopian deep space drama, except all of the ship’s non-human crew members are really obviously based on particular sci-fi horror tropes.

The chief physician is an amorphous mass of tentacles and teeth that’s infested the entire medical bay, transforming it into a quivering nightmare of meat and viscera. It speaks with a conspicuously posh accent; the human crew members affectionately call it “Doc”.

The head of security is a lurking, probably humanoid something-or-other that’s mostly imperceptible in the visual spectrum, save as a faintly shimmering distortion in the air. Her lack of visibility is treated as a running gag, with the most frequent bits involving a. other crew members not realising she’s in the room until she speaks up, and b. her making reference to various unlikely anatomic features which, of course, the audience cannot see.

The ship’s computer is a blatantly rampant AI that speaks in a chorus of voices. It tends to talk in cryptic, pseudo-religious metaphors which contrast to humorous effect with the mundanity of the topic at hand, and sometimes wanders off on rambling philosophical tangents that require whoever it’s speaking with to remind it to get to the point. You can tell when it’s paying attention to a particular part of the ship because the lighting turns blood red.

The lead science officer is just a huge fucking spider.

(The captain is an apparently ordinary – albeit extremely photogenic – human. We don’t find out what their real deal is until the season finale; what’s revealed firmly establishes them as the freakiest one of the lot!)

omnivoidal

There’s something almost darkly hilarious about what might be an equivalent to The Thing being the chief physician, since depending on who got pulled into that mess, it probably is an amazing expert at biology, but going to it for treatment is risky because it is probably not that clean.

prokopetz

Technically it’s swarming with all manner of exotic pathogens, but it’s sterile in practice because bacteria and viruses obey its commands.

(It’s actually quite handy; if you come down with a cold, Doc can just tell the virus to knock that shit off, and it does.)

robotpals

Every year I look forward to the Lyttle Lytton contest, where people submit the worst opening lines to a fake novel that, god willing, will never actually be written. My favorites from this year:

AND my personal favorite:

robotpals

There’s also the Bulwer Lytton Fiction Contest, which doesn’t limit the words/characters of the opening lines… these ones from last year almost killed me