Dear Taylor, Hi! My name is Emily (tswiftem on tumblr) and I’ve loved you since I was five years old and in kindergarten. Now I’m FIFTEEN (yes, FIFTEEN) and I’m very proud to say I’ve grown up with your music for ten years now! Your music has helped me through my toughest of times. Around the age I discovered “Our Song” my parents went through a nasty divorce (which still affects me to this day). Listening to your music and belting it out in the karaoke machine always made my day. I continued loving your music. A few years later I was in third grade and stressed at school as I was a perfectionist and put an immense amount of pressure on myself to have everything absolutely perfect in an assignment. Every day on the bus after school, your music helped me through it all. Two years later, fifth grader about to enter middle school, I attended #1989WorldTourFoxborough and finally saw you live after being a fan for what felt like my whole life. This concert came in a time where I needed it the most; my dad remarried and I had an incredibly difficult time coming to terms with the whole new situation. Your music helped me more than anything else; I’m so grateful for you and that you dedicate your life to creating music and sharing it with the world. Fast forward to eighth grade: I’m sitting in the Hasbro Children’s Hospital Emergency Room in severe pain accompanied with joint inflammation in December 2017. A month later, January 2018, I was back again as the pain intensified and never went away despite the swelling going down. I was diagnosed with a pain syndrome in February 2018 at Boston Children’s Hospital. Now, in December 2018, I’m still in terrible pain daily. I gush to my pain team about you. Although it’s hard, you are a constant reminder of wanting to hang on and keep trying to win my life back from my pain. In Summer of 2017, I got involved in theatre after wanting to for quite a while, since I found my passion of singing from you. I also have Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD). At one point this year, it was extremely severe; my hands would crack and bleed from excessive washing, my days consisted of constant ritualizing and perfectionist tendencies taking up all of my time. Finally with my pain psychologist, she diagnosed me with OCD in May 2018. Suddenly, so much clicked with habits from my childhood. It was a relief but also terrifying to have a name for this monster that was consuming my life. I worked tirelessly for 10 weeks and 2 days at a Pediatric Intensive Program for OCD (my time there was 2-4 weeks longer than average, I was in a really bad state, but daily I persisted thinking of your “Clean” speech). This program was 4 hours a day, and I had home and community visits 2 times a week. This was very demanding and on my worst days I would blast your music in the car, singing the lyrics to myself. That really helped me every single day. Every single day at program I spoke about you there, and I quickly became known as the “Taylor Swift girl,” which I am SO proud of. Your music and poetry motivated me daily; I proudly wore my Taylor Swift bracelets (all 13!) every day to remind myself of you, and to serve as a reminder to keep fighting. The program occupied my whole summer, but on August 18, 2018 after being at program since June 6, 2018, I graduated. I was given a card with your lyrics on it, which made me sob. Luckily in the midst of program, I was able to attend #repTourFoxborough on July 26, 2018 and July 28, 2018 and factoring in #1989WorldTourFoxborough, those are the best three nights of my life. I loved getting to dress up in costume again, (for #1989WorldTourFoxborough I was the “Shake It Off” ballerina, but for #repTourFoxborough Night 1 I was Elsa, and my sign was “my love had SVEN frozen!” as a shout-out to “Dancing With Our Hands Tied!” The poster was decorated with Princess Anna, Queen Elsa, Sven, Kristoff, and Olaf!
For #repTourFoxborough Night 3 I wore a pink dress that had a floral design that instantly reminded me of the “Clean” visuals on the #1989WorldTour and I was also dressed as a unicorn. My sign was covered in glitter and read “I’m Wonderstruck!” — a lyric from my second favorite song of yours, perfume of yours, and Taylor, in every way you make me WONDERSTRUCK! Now in September 2018, I’m beginning high school and in less than a month, landed myself back in the Pediatric Intensive Program for OCD. This time I’m in the morning program for more severe cases, and it’s 6 hours a day, with home visits daily. You inspire me to keep bossing back on my OCD. You inspired me to speak up and ask for help again, and I really needed it. You inspire me to be FEARLESS. I then slowly transferred back into school and into the afternoon program for OCD, which I graduated again and began treatment for my depression in the “Mindful Teen” program at Bradley Hospital. 2 weeks after my second program graduation, I ended up inpatient on the Medical-Psychiatric unit at Hasbro Children’s Hospital for 11 days, where I spent my fifteenth birthday and Thanksgiving 2018. I missed your music so much, and had mental health workers play “Fifteen” for me the day of and after my birthday. Now in December 2018, I’m doing much better, out of the hospital and in the “Mindful Teen” program. I love you Taylor. You have helped me so much and I cannot thank you enough for that. I deeply admire your personality and gratitude. You are very down to earth and welcoming to everyone you meet. I admire your strength and bravery that truly shined through during the assault case, and I am so proud of you. You were a voice for so many that can’t speak up, or aren’t ready yet, and just know how grateful everyone is for you speaking out and sharing your story. Your kindness to others is impeccable. I’m so proud to call you my role-model and idol, because you are the best. Thank you for sharing your talent with this world and being the kind, lovely woman you have grown to be! I love how you’re doing better than you ever were, and thank YOU for helping me get to a place in my life where I am also doing better than I ever was! I love you endlessly and thank you for helping me through everything. It was so hard to get accustomed to chronic pain and adopting self care, but with performing, my dog Remi, friends, family, and your music, all at once this is enough. I love you so much Taylor.
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