oh, you want a bite mark?

macs/max. 24. she/they. i am a fool for good storytelling first and a human being second! tracking #usermacs

[oliviadumhan]

I need you to take a breath.

ANNA TORV as Tess Servopoulos in THE LAST OF US, 1.01 - When You’re Lost in the Darkness

[dgalerab]

honestly my favorite thing about hardison is that he has no real tragic backstory, he's just like "i am very smart and therefore i should be allowed to do crime" and he's entirely correct

[dgalerab]

i love everyone reblogging this going "yeah! soft boy!" in the tags bc that's my other favorite thing about hardison (i have many) and that's that he's never particularly treated as morally grey bc he is constantly so kind and loving and good and also he enjoys some crime

[dgalerab]

parker: i have severe psychological trauma and i steal things to cope bc i don't know how to relate to people

eliott: i have a tragic history being entangled in the mafia and even now i could kill the most dangerous fighters without firing a gun

hardison: if money is fake, why not for me and my grandma who i love? :)

[feralmode]

thinking about how all of neil's IDs are fake because of his fake names and then the FBI issues him a new set of IDs with the name neil josten, including a driver's license. but neil certainly never took a driver's test. and probably learned how to drive from his mom. he must be an absolute menace in the driver's seat. to me this makes it even funnier that when neil bought andrew the maserati, andrew kicked nicky off the insurance (even though nicky is the oldest and most experienced driver) and added neil, who probably drives like he's running for his life

[typewriter-worries]

journal entry - 8.17.22 

“what is something that is always true?” 

[penelope-garcia]

emily prentiss in criminal minds 2x20

[concerningwolves]

sorry i was so weird but you invoked a topic i am incapable of being normal about

[cryoverkiltmilk]

[meladoodle]

my friend angella was doing a comedy gig, and as soon as she came out a guy shouted ‘can i give you my number?’ and all the crowd groaned cause it was so inappropriate but angella was like ‘yeah sure’. the guy started shouting out his number and she started entering it into her phone. the whole crowd was like woaaah. she got the whole number and then dialled it and it rang. everyone lost their shit. finally the guy answered and angella just said “hello? shut the fuck up” and it was the most incredible thing i’ve ever seen 

[alex-plante]

So some of these details are probably wrong, it happened a long time ago so I don’t remember the specifics leading up, but it was incredible. A friend of mine who does stand up was doing his bit at open mic one night, and a guy was heckling him. Just being a total asshole, and then his phone rang and he started talking loudly on his phone about how he’s at open mic and this guy isn’t funny, etc. Now the weird thing about hecklers is that they just want to be a part of something most of the time, so my friend said, “hey man, what’s your name? Can I see your phone for a second?”

The guy actually handed over his phone, and my friend hung up, and scrolled through his contact list until he found the person he was looking for. He hit dial, and starts.

“Hello? Is this [Name’s] mom? Great! It’s very nice to talk to you. I’m a comedian in the middle of my standup routine, and your son is being very rude, [lists off some of the things her son said]…. hold on, can I get you to repeat that?”

He takes the phone away, puts it in speakerphone and holds it up to the mic.

“I said, I’m sorry my son is being such an asshole.”

Everyone lost it. Fuckin’ destroyed by his own mother. My friend said it was one of his proudest moments ever.

[tim-lucy]

“Of course I’m scared. If we do this and it doesn’t work, I’ll have ruined the most important relationship in my life.”

[chenfordsource]

@therookie: My heart is on that field ❤️   

[katestewartt]

“Not only did she graduate top of her class at Oxford, start multiple charities, and is a fashion icon, Astrid has the biggest heart of any of my cousins.”

[troutlawyer]

Grandmas were so right about puzzles and knitting and crocheting and solitaire and reading slow and slippers and baking and watching deer in the backyard send post

[oscarskirt]

New afternoon pastime: eating popcorns and looking at your captain revise

[bellefoxs]

BUCK & EDDIE IN EVERY EPISODE ↳ 3.03: the searchers

[tim-lucy]

chenford + applicable quotes from my favorite ships ↳ seth & summer (the o.c.)

[bellabrady]

incorrect 911 quotes part idk

[evilcentral]

Thank you both. I mean, really.

[fxlthyangxl-deactivated20240122]

[cargopantsman]