You know... Looking through some older posts and blogs I grew up with my first years of ask blogging... It’s a bit sad seeing some of them go. askjollydragonite, ask-thepoketrio, speckled-glameow, ask-firefly-the-raichu... I never realized it until now how much it hurts to have left for such a long time period and return where there’s a whole bunch of new blogs unrecognizable to me. The only one I really recognized when coming back from my hiatus was askbookwormflareon, azuraracon, askprofpiplup, and splotchi.
... Just seeing all these posts of older blogs closing, seeing everything pass me by during my absence... It really hurts. anonsables just doesn’t feel like my character anymore. Originally, askteamshelds who inspired me to create the character in the first place, and he left ask blogging even before my hiatus.
Seeing everyone leave like this... It hurts me so much. I see their original posts and what they’ve done. They were a fantastic group of people, and I never realized how much they meant to me. And now... most don’t do their original blogs anymore. They either got bored or tired of their blog, and that’s how I feel right now about my own ask blog...
I’ve never completed a plot point. I’ve always gone on hiatus before I could finish anything... The first hiatus was because I lost drive. I regained drive with askazorua, but then the second hiatus happened because my dad lost his job. I was hoping to complete at least one plotline, but then the third hiatus came to make me leave for two years. I feel like I’m perpetually going into these hiatuses, never able to escape. I feel like I will go into a fourth hiatus when the fall semester comes in because I will just be too busy to do anything, and I want to be a musician more than an artist.
But I feel like I still have to try, at least. I may be slow, but I’ll finish this plotline, no matter what. I’ll end anonsables on a high note, unlike the other blogs who dropped due to lack of motivation. I want to give my appreciation to the wonderful people that inspired me by doing what they haven’t done. I will complete this blog, and I will make them proud that I was able to hang on to the end!
I miss them, but I still love what they did for this community and for myself. I’m not giving up. Not yet. I’ll continue toward the end for them, and I’ll continue for my characters and myself. So, it’s time I stopped missing them and show these new people what ask blogging’s really about!
... Heh. If only I could be that positive, naive self. No, now I see what I’m doing. I’m just ask blogging for the memory. I’m not doing this because I want to. I’m doing it for the sake of memories. I’m ask blogging because I’m trying to achieve something that has long since passed me.
I took some time to think, and I realize... I’m not an ask blogger anymore. I’m not really ask blogging for the sake of myself. I’m just ask blogging so I can complete a story and prove... what, exactly? That I was able to achieve something the others weren’t able to achieve? That I was able to outlast the pain and sorrow?
This isn’t my community anymore... is it? ... Heh... No, this community barely remembers me. I barely remember me. I was so hopeful to continue this blog and remind myself of a wonderful time. But now, I realize... I’m not happy with myself in this place. Barely anyone recognizes me, and I barely recognize them. I’ve been gone for too long, and I’ve grown apart from this place because I only lived in a memory. I cannot bring myself to fully motivate myself to be a part of this new place because it’s not my old memory.
I guess I have to ask whether or not I should continue on. Heh... I probably have already reached the answer. I really shouldn’t debate this, but... I have to. For the sake of closure, I want to give one final chance to see if I want to continue living in memories, or moving on in making new memories elsewhere. The PokéAsk Community gave me so much, but... now, I feel nothing about it. I’ve just been apart for too long from this place, and I just cannot reattach.
And besides... I want to compose music. I have been invited to Twitch Dates Pokémon as a composer. I feel so happy doing music much more than art. Art feels like a burden, but music feels free.
If you guys have read this to the end, thank you for taking the time to read my pain. I will think about this in a better mind state, but for now, I’m just so tired... However, I feel like I’ve already arrived at my conclusion. I feel like I’m ready to start a new prologue in life and write the chapters as a musician. And to the older ask bloggers of the time that are still around to this day... Guide the new ask bloggers well. And thank you for everything.
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