PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
blake kathryn
JVL
Discoholic 🪩
Claire Keane
Aqua Utopia｜海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
i don't do bad sauce passes
🪼
dirt enthusiast
we're not kids anymore.
todays bird
Three Goblin Art
PR's Tumblrdome
oozey mess
Peter Solarz
#extradirty
shark vs the universe
$LAYYYTER
trying on a metaphor
Love Begins
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@shadowsnblood
Happy Pride to my gay, trans, bi, aro, ace, queers, angels, vampires, dragons, and all my other wonderful souls, keep slaying, keep resisting, keep making the homophobes/transphobes uncomfortable, be bold with your existence. I love y'all muahhhhhh 🫶🏻💋
Never been anyone's first option. Never had anyone to hold me through my anxiety attacks. The depressive episodes are getting worse again, and I find myself standing at the edge of a dark tunnel waiting for the darkness to engulf me. Been rawdogging life since I was 12, don't know why it feels so heavy and lonely as an adult.
~V.J.C
(30.04.2026)
My silence flows continuously through every language of loss.
The wintry winds asked me to vocalise,
"Vocalise your yearning. Ask love to stay."
But it's winter, and someone has to leave.
Your language tells me it's going to be me one day.
I love the winter of your country.
~V.J.C
Sometimes, loneliness grabs me by my throat and refuses to let go. Like an unwanted guest who's been staying for 20 years and refuses to leave. Like a rock that has been weighing down on my chest. Loneliness is all the people that left but didn't close the door behind them. The door is open, but no light ever comes in. The sun has set on my horizon long ago. They tell me it gets better, that one day someone sees past all this insecurity and flaws and trauma and still chooses to love you. I don't believe that. What if there is no one, and I'm just inherently unlovable? My own parents couldn't love me, how will anyone else? I just wish I could subdue this needy, desperate girl in me who just wants to be held.
-V.J.C
(18.04.2026)
Loneliness grabs me by my throat and refuses to let go. Like an unwanted guest who has been staying for the past 20 years and refuses to leave. Like a rock that's been weighing down on my chest. Loneliness is all the people who left but never closed the door behind them. The door stays open, but no light ever comes in. The sun had set on my horizon long ago. They tell me that it gets better, that one day someone will see past all these insecurities and flaws and brokenness and still choose me. I don't believe them. My own parents couldn't love me, so how can someone else? I just wish I could subdue this needy and desperate little girl who just wants to be held.
~V.J.C
(18.04.2026)
Privileged are the ones who are born under a roof they can call home. Not me, though. I was born with one foot out the door. I was born to leave.
People talk about leaving as if it's a choice. As if we don't tear every nerve and shed every drop of blood just to try and stay. As if the weight of our dreams being crushed and identities being erased doesn't splinter our ribs. As if leaving isn't survival. They will never look at their parents as people and not parents. They will never know the pain of leaving our city just to heal our inner child. They will never know what it's like to leave our entire lives behind and start anew just to feel alive.
Some people have the privilege to not spend their entire lives looking for a place to belong, a place to call home. Maybe in my next life I'll be those some people. Maybe in my next life I will rest. I will stay.
~V.J.C
(02.09.2025)
I don't think we ever get over over the people we love. I don't think love ever leaves. And I don't think it is meant to either. And even when it leaves, it leaves a part of it with us. And we are meant to carry love with us forever. Love is the number 16 circled my calendar. Love is the half-eaten chocolate bar hidden in my school bag. Maybe love is hidden in 10 rupee note I lent you. Or maybe love is all those weird science facts I studied just to talk to you. Love is every note played in your guitar strings, whose melody is still stored at the back of my mind. Maybe love never left even though you did.
~V.J.C
(25.08.2025)
Oh sweet child of love,
Did your altruism save you?
Your saviour illusion made you an alternative. A backup.
Swallowed your own grief while nursing their wounds.
But darling you were never the second option.
You were never the first option either.
You are the only option.
The weight of it makes this toxic.
-V.J.C
18 is such a messed up age. But all your ages were messed up, weren't they. Suddenly, you're 12 and begging to be loved. Starving for an ounce of affection like a hungry child. The child in you wants to be held, but your adult self wants to euthanize her.
Tell me, child, are you starving? Gnaw your fingernails across their skin, let the crimson stain your lips. The metallic taste comforts you and appeases your hunger. Bite. Screech. Sink your teeth into their tender muscles and devour them raw. Tell me love, when your starvation makes them bleed, will you still call it love?
Daddy issues so bad might start liking someone's dad now.
(Chat am I cooked?)
There were times I was kind when I should have been cruel and times I was cruel when I should have been kind.
Maana ki zidd nahi thi, magar aadat toh thi.
Maana ki khuda nahi tha, magar ibadat toh thi.
You hugged me when I said I missed my mom.
You hugged me when I spiralled.
You hugged me when I had a fight with my dad.
You hugged me when I started self harming.
You hugged me when I stopped eating.
You hugged me when I stopped sleeping.
No questions asked.
You were just there.
Always.
As if you just got me.
Then how did you end things within 2 days?
How did you leave as if I meant nothing?
Maybe it was my fault.
I got attached way too much way too quick.
But how could I have not?
You felt different.
You were the first person who ever made me feel comfortable.
First person who had made me want to let my guard down.
So I did.
Only to realise why I had created boundaries in the first place.
(-you were the flame they warn moths about)
-V.J.C
I like people who are like the sun.
People who shine so bright that a few eclipses do not define their worth.
I like people who know grief.
People who have known damage but haven't let that consume their entire being.
I like people who are a little broken.
People who leave cracks for the light to enter, a leap of faith.
I like people who choose to be kind.
People who grow up with violence but teach themselves to handle it with tenderness.
I like people who are not like me.
I like people who are like you.
(I like you.)
-V.J.C
(23.09.2024)
Maybe I am broken beyond repair.
As kids, we wish to leave our homes and hometowns, but when the time actually comes, no one prepares you for it. How can you pack 18 years in 2 bags and move away?? Start anew?? Settle alone in an unknown place where everything could go wrong?? You think it's wrong, but it feels right. They say you're brave, but you're scared. Coward. You can't do this. What if it doesn't work out?
Please let this be right. I hope this works out. Please.
~V.J.C
(29.06.2024)
(Happy Birthday to me)
Self-harm is not always slashing your wrists open till it bleeds out. Sometimes, it's punching the walls because those bruises heal quickly, you can't let them see the blood. It's showering with extremely hot water till you feel your skin burning. It's holding the cutter but not applying enough pressure, just enough to hurt and not bleed out because blood is messier to clean up. Sometimes, it's forgetting to eat or not eat purposely. It's chewing on your nails till they hurt. It's feeling the pain in your mind get so intense as if your entire body is aching.
Self-harm isn't always a cry for help. Sometimes, it's suffering silently.
~V.J.C
(02.03.2024)
