thinking about kevin sitting alone in his bed watching trojan games (because he obviously watches every single one) and seeing how healthy jean looks and how smooth his movements are and the way he smiles at teammates and doesnt check too hard and still does raven maneuvers but in his own special way and how he’s clearly not playing in pain and how tan and strong he’s gotten and just feeling his chest tighten because. there are so many feelings there. of course he’s happy for him. of course he is. but there’s a wretched swirl of jealousy there too. parts of his insides feel rotten because he has no right to this jealousy, he has no claim to jean anymore. he has no right to wish he healed even a fraction of how much jean seems to have healed. he sent him to the trojans so that he COULD heal, he has no RIGHT to be upset that its happening. but that doesnt stop the conflicting feelings of relief and longing
















