Shallower Than A Kiddie Pool @shallower-than-a-kiddie-pool - Tumblr Blog

Review time, bitches

I fucking LOVE yogurt. Love the fuck out of it. I really fucking love Chobani. It fills me up, there’s a million flavors, it’s got protein. That shit is just a little expensive though. Like almost $2 for fucking 12g of protein. Are they getting paid by the gram?

I always stick with my faves, because why fuck with a good thing, and I’ve been burned before. It sounds like a great flavor, I try it, and it tastes like SHIT.

But TODAY my grocery store was running a special! These fuckers were $1 a piece! $1! So I thought, “IDEA! I can try all of the flavors I want now!” and then I thought “I can review all the flavors! Then I can share this with people! I can be helpful! I’m an asset to society!” Reality then set in that it was fucking 9 am on a Wednesday and I’m in fucking grocery store.

But I bought that yogurt anyways. $30 later here I am. Admittedly, this is for my own entertainment. SO here I go.

Today I will be trying 2 flavors: Apple Cinnamon Blended and Kiwi Blended.

First up: APPLE CINNAMON BLENDED!

I like apples. I like cinnamon. I like them together. But do I like them blended??? Let me just say that I appreciate that Chobani has taken the time to blend this because I am a lazy piece of shit and stirring is too much effort. However, I still stir the blended yogurt because I also don’t trust them to do a good job. It smells good, very cinnamony. If you hate cinnamon, this probably isn’t for you. There are apple pieces in this, but they’re so soft, I think a baby with no teeth could eat this. It’s not bad, It’s not an over powering taste. Which is kind of the problem. I don’t feel like I’m eating anything it’s that forgettable. It is very creamy and smooth. Also these apple pieces are kind of weird in my mouth. Maybe you didn’t want to think about my mouth. Too late. Honestly, this is not really my cup of tea. I don’t hate it, but I definitely won’t buy this for myself again. My SO, however, likes this, because he’s weird. They’re lucky this was only $1.

APPLE CINNAMON BLENDED: 4/10

Next up: KIWI BLENDED!

I fucking hate kiwi. It’s a weird fruit. It’s got fur for fuck sake. It’s not that it tastes bad, it’s just got the weirdest texture. Then it has fucking seeds. It’s like all the parts of fruit I don’t like in one fruit, screaming “HATE ME!!” I can clearly see the seeds. sweet. The lid said “limited batch” the apple cinnamon did not. There is also kiwi slivers in this yogurt. I’m not sure I’m a fan. This yogurt is also very creamy, and very smooth. The flavor is almost lime-esque without being sour. A lot milder than the previous yogurt. Honestly, this has the texture of a smooth chowder. Only less gross. This has less sodium than the other yogurt. I don’t think that really matters, but I’m just here to provide information. I could never eat this again and be ok with my life, however, I could also have to eat this everyday for the rest of my life and really not be that upset. Turns out, not actually having to look at a kiwi or touch it’s weird ass fur makes me more accepting of it’s weird ass. My SO is gonna fucking love this one.

KIWI BLENDED: 5/10

#chobani #yogurt #this has been a PSA #honest review #review #things I bet you didn't even want to know #you're fucking welcome #text post #I have too much time

god damn it megan

so good

reblog and make a wish! this was removed from tumbrl due to “violating one or more of Tumblr’s Community Guidelines”, but since my wish came true the first time, I’m putting it back. :)

ghostdog07

OH MY FUCKING GOD, IT’S BACK ON MY DASH.

THIS SHIT WORKS OKAY, I AM DEAD SERIOUS.

The last time I saw this on my dash, I didn’t think it would happen, so jokingly I wished I could go to a fun. concert.

AND GUESS WHAT, I WENT TO A FUCKING FUN. CONCERT.

THIS SHIT WORKS, TRY IT.

deathklaue

YOOOOOOO

I SAW THIS ON MY DASH THE OTHER DAY AND THOUGHT “ITS WORTH A TRY” SO I WISHED I COULD GET A 3DS

LITERALLY LIKE 4 DAYS LATER MY DAD SENT ME A PICTURE OF THE 3DS XL HE BOUGHT FOR ME WHILE I WAS AT SCHOOL

IM STILL FREAKING OUT ABOUT THIS

doryishness

holy fuck, I didn’t expect this to work, I was like psh, whatever it’s just a quick reblog, but I wished my Dad would actually respond back to me AND HE FUCKING DID A FEW DAYS LATER, I GOT A FUCKING TEXT FROM MY DAD TODAY WHO HASN’T SPOKEN OR RESPONDED TO ME IN MONTHS HOLY FUCK WHAT IS THIS MAGIC IT WORKS.

victoriaringsinyourears

I WANTED TO SEE MY BOYFRIEND AND I DIDN’T THINK I’D GET DAYS OFF BUT THIS WEEKEND I’M HEADING UP THERE??? THIS IS CRAZY SHIT

lenshade

SO LIKE I JOKINGLY WISHED FOR MY OWN LEN KAGAMINE AND THEN LIKE A WEEK LATER I GOT A LEN NENDOROID??? H ELP

themixedbagofwhat

WTF OKAY SO THIS SHOT ACTUALLY WORKS BECAUSE WHEN I WISHED, I HAD WISHED MY CRUSH WOULD LIKE ME BACK AND GUESS WHAT? I HAVE A BOYFRIEND NOW. WHAT THE HELLLLL?????

wodkat

ok I’ve said this before but IM DOING IT AGAIN THE FIRST TIME I SAW THIS, MY WISH DID COME TRUE SO I REBLOGED AGAIN AND SAID IT IN THE TAGS BUT THEN I WISHED FOR SMTH ELSE AND IT LITERALLY LITERALLY HAPPENED LIKE A COUPLE DAYS LATER WHAT THE HELL SO NOW IM WRITING THIS HERE FOR YOU BC I DONT BELIEVE IN THIS CRAP BUT STILL IT’S AN AWFULLY BIG COINCIDENCE

acstiel

THE BOY I FELL I LOVE WITH LEFT TO TRAVEL THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WORLD AND HAS BEEN GONE NOW FOR 3 MONTHS. WE HAVENT SPOKEN SINCE BECAUSE I DIDNT WANT TO MAKE HIM FEEL TRAPPED TO ME AND NOT ENJOY HIS TIME SO I WAITED FOR HIM TO CONTACT ME FIRST. I SAW THIS ON A PARTICULARLY LOW DAY WHEN I WAS MISSING HIM SO MUCH I CRIED FROM THE PAIN, GUYS I REALLY LOVE HIM, SO I THOUGHT MEH WHAT THE FUCK, AND WISHED HE WOULD JUST LET ME KNOW HE WAS OKAY.

GUYS.

HE FUCKING CALLED ME 20 MINUTES LATER

20 FUCKNG. MINUTES. LATER.

GOOD THINGS DO HAPPEN. AND ITS IN THIS POST.

juststrokemyglabella

I wish for someone to leave something in my ask.

adweeb-deactivated20160228

OKAY SO I ASKED FOR A HEDGEHOG AND NOW GUESS WHO HAS A PET HEDGEHOG

redandbrunette

i want you to stay for one day and one nigh with me and give me sp much love i dont have to cry of lonliness tonight, every night

swiftaylrs

no bUT THE LAST TIME I DID THIS SHIT I WISHED MEETING MY IDOL AND IT WAS RIGHT BEFORE I FCKING GOT THE FCKING EMAIL SAYING I WAS GOING TO MEET TAYLOR OH MY GOD

openyourthird-eye

REBLOGGING AGAIN BC THE FIRST TIME I REBLOGGED THIS I WISHED TO GET OUT OF MY MISERABLE TOWN AND I MOVED TO NORTH CAROLINA (a whOLE NEW STATE!!!! FAR FAR AWAY) AND THEN I SAW THIS AGAIN AND I WISHED TO TRAVEL MORE AND GUESS WHAT LIL BUDDY! I WENT TO ENGLAND AND FRANCE AND NOW IM GOING TO THAILAND AND TAIWAN THIS SUMMER. SO NOW IM REBLOGGING AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD THIS WORKS!!!

windoorest

JJJJJUUUUUSSSSSYTTTT RRREEEEBBBBLLLLOOOOGGGG

#couldn't fucking hurt

awesomevines

rawren-deactivated20180428

This is one if my favorite vines

everkings

I just laughed for 10 minutes

voodoogecko-deactivated20191022

Classic.

darkpuck

Juan: “Juanita!” Juanita: “I go to church now, and I am in love with Jesus.” Juan: “Jesus.”

Juan: “Jesús! Leave Juanita alone!” Jesús: “What are you talking about!?”

@littlebunnybunbun

Yessss

Murphy’s law, applied to fanfics.

- The fic starts out great, nice style, language, captivating summary. It’s unfinished and has been abandoned since 2013.

- The fic is complete, nice style, language, tons of kudos speak for themselves. It’s about your NOTP.

- The fic is about your OTP, it’s complete, it’s kinky as hell. The plot is absolutely dumbass.

- The plot sounds great, it’s about your OTP, it’s complete. The characters are horribly OOC.

- Everything is perfect in this fic, starting from the first letter and ending with the last full stop. It’s exactly 800 words long.

- The fic’s word count is a six-figure number, it’s about your OTP, characters are compliant with your head-canon. It’s dull and boring as seven hells.

- The beginning is enthralling, everything’s great, the plot, the style, it’s long and it’s even about your OTP. It features something that makes you close the tab as soon as you open it, like father/daughter incest or mpreg or some other squicky thing.

- Everything is perfect in this fic, the length, the characters, the language, the style, you forget you’re reading fanfic, thinking it’s a masterpiece of true literature, you cry tears of joy and write a huge review full of gushing love and then rush to the author’s profile to read every other thing they’ve written. It’s their only work.

#the last one

kresleycole

#vday #valentines #valkyriesmartz #everknowing #IAD #nextIAD #SPN #spnfans

#iad #spn #nix #immortals after dark #supernatural #dean winchester

methhomework

cutegirlonline-deactivated20181

mcscuse me bitch!

tyleroakley

civil rats

#seems about right

coldmackerel-deactivated2023110

if u donuts wanna start shipping new star wars characters then be my fucking guest but mama din’t raise no fool. im waitin til i know who related to who so i don’t have to spend the next ten years in the shower praying for forgiveness. fool me once, george lucas.

#lmfao

fair-trade-cocaine

HEY! YOU! STOP SCROLLING FOR ONE FUCKING SECOND AND LEMME TELL Y’ALL ABOUT THE MIRACLE THAT IS KNOWN AS AFRICAN BLACK SOAP.

YOU SEE, ONCE UPON A TIME, I HAD THE WORST ACNE IN THE FUCKIN WORLD. LIKE, IT WAS LITERALLY PAINFUL. I SHIT YOU NOT,I WAS LITERALLY MORE ACNE THAN ACTUAL FACE. I HAD BOUGHT ALL THE FUCKIN 80$+ ACNE KITS, YOU KNOW THE ONES. YOU SEE EM’ ADVERTISED IN INFOMERCIALS ALL THE GODDAMN TIME BY FOLKS WHO HAVE NEVER HAD ACNE A DAY IN THEIR GODDAMN LIFE. WELL, NONE OF THEM WERE HELPING. AT ALL.

I WAS JUST BEGINNING TO ACCEPT THAT I WAS DOOMED TO BE PIZZA FACE UNTIL MY 30’S WHEN I WAS INTRODUCED TO THIS MIRACLE PRODUCT BY THIS HIPPIE-ASS FUCKER I KNEW. SHE CLAIMED THAT IF I USED IT IN PLACE OF FACE WASH, IT WOULD CLEAR ME RIGHT UP, NO SHIT. NEEDLESS TO SAY, I WAS MORE THAN A BIT SKEPTICAL. AFTER ALL, WE HAD SPENT LITERALLY HUNDREDS ON MIRACLE ACNE REMEDIES THAT DIDN’T FUCKING WORK, SO WHY THE FUCK WOULD THIS SHIT? IT WASN’T EVEN FUCKING MEDICATED! BUT I FIGURED I HAD NOTHING TO LOSE, SO I WENT FOR IT.

WELL, LEMME TELL Y’ALL. I WAS WRONG. SO FUCKING WRONG.

WITHIN A WEEK, HALF OF MY ACNE WAS GONE. WITHIN THREE, I HAD THE CLEAREST SKIN I’D HAD SINCE I WAS A YOUNG CHILD.

PEOPLE NOW ASK ME ALL THE FUCKING TIME WHAT MY SECRET TO CLEAR SKIN IS, AND I TELL THEM ALL ABOUT THIS BEAUTIFUL SHIT. IT WORKS MIRACLES, AND IT DOESN’T FUCKING BURN YOUR EYES IF YOU GET IT WITHIN TWO INCHES OF THEM, UNLIKE TRADITIONAL ACNE CREAMS DO. AND THE BEST PART? IF YOU ARE LIKE ME AND HAVE SENSITIVE-ASS SKIN, AND/OR IF YOU ARE ALLERGIC TO A LOT OF THE SHIT OUT THERE, THIS STUFF IS ALL NATURAL, AND SUPER GENTLE. SERIOUSLY. I’M PRETTY SURE YOU COULD RUB THIS SHIT IN YOUR EYES IF YOU REALLY WANTED TO, BUT I HAVEN’T FELT INCLINED TO DO THAT.

WHAT’S THAT? YOU HAVE DANDRUFF AND NONE OF THOSE FANCY-ASS SPECIAL SHAMPOOS HAVE HELPED? WELL, YOU BEAUTIFUL FUCKER, YOU’RE IN LUCK, BECAUSE THIS SHIT CLEARS THAT UP TOO!

GOT PSORIASIS? ECZEMA? NO PROBLEM! NEITHER OF THOSE THINGS ARE ANY MATCH FOR THIS SHIT!

WHAT’S THAT? YOU WANT TO KNOW WHERE YOU CAN BUY THIS MIRACLE SUBSTANCE? WELL, POP ON OVER HERE AND GO FORTH AND GET YOUR HANDS ON THIS WONDERFUL SHIT, YOU BEAUTIFUL FUCKER!

ask-miss-vargas

Okay, this actually works friends. Seriously, I’ve used it before and whoa.

My face! OoO!!!

I haven’t bought any recently, but I can say 100% that it works.

tundramoth

You had me at Hippie-ass fucker.

novice-whovian

All the reviews say the same thing too

studying-hard

you guys can get it here too!! (in case you live outside the US, because shipping is a pain on this website otherwise)

santinafontana

OKAY LET ME LEARN YOU A THING ABOUT THIS SOAP

I fucking love this soap. You can get it at Whole Foods or the Vitamin Shoppe like honestly it’s so easy to access and I have used this soap for years.

I have a horrible dry patch on my forehead, and this soap is the ONLY thing that works on it. I have tried everything. EVERYTHING. This is literally a miracle cure.

When I wash my face every day I don’t break out. At all. It’s seriously amazing I cannot recommend it enough.

#important #reference

acutelesbian

A lot of people ask me what my biggest fear is, or what scares me most. And I know they expect an answer like heights, or closed spaces, or people dressed like animals, but how do I tell them that when I was 17 I took a class called Relationships For Life and I learned that most people fall out of love for the same reasons they fell in it. That their lover’s once endearing stubbornness has now become refusal to compromise and their one track mind is now immaturity and their bad habits that you once adored is now money down the drain. Their spontaneity becomes reckless and irresponsible and their feet up on your dash is no longer sexy, just another distraction in your busy life. Nothing saddens and scares me like the thought that I can become ugly to someone who once thought all the stars were in my eyes.

fat-thin-skinny

this fucks me up every single time

acutelesbian

I never expected this to be my most popular poem out of the hundreds I’ve written. I was extremely bitter and sad when I wrote this and I left out the most beautiful part of that class.

After my teacher introduced us to this theory, she asked us, “is love a feeling? Or is it a choice?” We were all a bunch of teenagers. Naturally we said it was a feeling. She said that if we clung to that belief, we’d never have a lasting relationship of any sort.

She made us interview a dozen adults who were or had been married and we asked them about their marriages and why it lasted or why it failed. At the end, I asked every single person if love was an emotion or a choice.

Everybody said that it was a choice. It was a conscious commitment. It was something you choose to make work every day with a person who has chosen the same thing. They all said that at one point in their marriage, the “feeling of love” had vanished or faded and they weren’t happy. They said feelings are always changing and you cannot build something that will last on such a shaky foundation.

The married ones said that when things were bad, they chose to open the communication, chose to identify what broke and how to fix it, and chose to recreate something worth falling in love with.

The divorced ones said they chose to walk away.

Ever since that class, since that project, I never looked at relationships the same way. I understood why arranged marriages were successful. I discovered the difference in feelings and commitments. I’ve never gone for the person who makes my heart flutter or my head spin. I’ve chosen the people who were committed to choosing me, dedicated to finding something to adore even on the ugliest days.

I no longer fear the day someone who swore I was their universe can no longer see the stars in my eyes as long as they still choose to look until they find them again.

conceitedtrash

This is so fucking important and I think it’s something I needed right now

#important

paarsetulpen-moved

what i really don’t get about older generations shitting on online friendships is that they seem to forget that before the internet, people used to have pen pals. they put up ads in a newspaper seeking people who shared their interests they could exchange letters with. and often they wrote to each other for years, even decades. maybe they never met but they still considered each other friends, someone they could talk to, someone they could trust.

today’s online friendships are practically the same, except we don’t have to wait for weeks/months for a reply anymore.

#true

h0odrich

omg

trapcard

Trans Queen Of Pop

thishartominefeelz

WOW. WOW. WOW.

shallower-than-a-kiddie-pool

This article is wrong. She's been seen mating. And has never produced Cubs. She's most likely infertile.

flawlessgentlemen

I’m an ambitious person. I never consider myself in competition with anyone, and I’m not saying that from an arrogant standpoint, it’s just that my journey started so, so long ago, and I’m still on it and I won’t stand still.

#hot damn #idris elba