okay stalker benson stabbing out randy's tires to force him to ask benson for rides to work. stalker benson digging around randy's trash to see what he likes where he goes what he buys. stalker benson breaking into randy's house and stealing his toothbrush and using it every day.
that prev ask about every man you've ever been made me go and reread the fic and holy FUCK i don't think anyone is prepared for an older dean coming face to face to a sammy just weeks before cold oak. like, the sheer pain of that is unimaginable to me. older sam & pre hell dean was bad enough but holy fuck you just know that older dean's mamoth guild complex and need to take the blame for everything would be off the charts.
hiii, anon!! <3
no, you are definitely not ready, lol!! the reason that i originally wrote late seasons!sam with an early seasons!dean is because...well...a late seasons!dean wouldn't try to go back. not right away.
how could he? sam is in so much danger and so, so scared and dean fails him (heavy quotations on that, but dean thinks so) and gets sam killed when he's younger. now? with the things he's seen? he could not possibly imagine leaving Baby Sammy to take care of it on his own. he would try to have his late seasons!sam cake and eat it (early seasons!sam) too. he would insist on saving early seasons!sam before even attempting to go back to his own time.
as evidenced by my own recent fic, i loveeee writing dean angst/self-loathing/guilt so...yeah. buckle up for the inevitable "every man you've ever been" sequel, haha!
-lizzy
[i think this is the ask in question]
[this is the fic mentioned]
girl!dean who can hardly go into a pharmacy anymore without snagging a bottle of sun-in with her five-finger discount, purely out of habit. girl!dean who slathers it into her hair every time she and sammy go out for their morning PT, their afternoon PT in the summer (she doesn't bother during evening PT; no sun, no reason to waste the sun-in). girl!dean who'd use peroxide on her hair if her dad weren't so vocal about his hatred of fake dyed bottle blondes. girl!dean who wants so badly to be blonde — blonde-blonde, proper blonde, like her momma, not mousy dishwater blonde; blonde where people will know at first glance, not blonde that might really be brown. girl!dean who is insistent that she's a natural blonde and sam who peers at her over the laminated diner menu and sneers, "if they listed you as blonde on a missing persons poster, we'd never find you, de."
If season one didn't happen, sam became a lawyer. Sam and dean haven't seen eachother for years, and dean shows up at sam's house/apartment (maybe hes hurt and running low on money or maybe both) would sam let him in and how do you think their relationship would be?
hi, anon!
that's a great question--and a fun one, too! let's talk about it!
hmm i think to start, their relationship would be very similar to the beginning of the show, just pushed to the max. sam is pretty combative with dean, and i think this would be escalated further because sam is resentful of the extended no-contact from dean.
from dean's POV, this is probably to keep sam (and jess, if she stays in the picture) safe and out of the dangerous life, but from sam's POV, dean has basically abandoned him for years.
i can't imagine dean would turn to sam after years because he ran out of money unless it became very, very dire--he and dad have their credit card scams, and dean is a hustler at heart. i'm talking unless dad needs a very expensive, life-or-death surgery that they need the money upfront for (which, for emergency surgery, doesn't happen in the US--or anywhere, i don't think--but something similar would have to happen).
however, i can see dean coming to sam under the guise of needing money but in reality just to see sam (e.g., dean saying that he's stealing mary's silverware in the djinnverse to pawn to keep sam out of the hunting loop).
i think dean would probably show up and be leaning on the door frame extra heavily because he's gotten his ass handed to him, but he's buttoned his thickest jacket all the way up so you can't see it just by looking at him.
and sam would open the door, jaw dropping and breath freezing as soon as he looks at this brother he hasn't seen in years. half a decade. sam immediately half closes the door as if to block him from seeing inside his home and dean looks pale and sweaty and sam thinks he's drunk.
sam asks dean what he's doing here, and dean opens with that shitty, too-light line about needing cash or just dropping in or wanting to see his baby brother and sam'll close the door on him, but dean'll shove his foot in the door and do that big-wet-sad eye move he does and ask to come in.
sam pauses. for so long that dean--who still drove in the impala for hours until the blood loss made him woozy and thought of every possible thing he could say--stumbles a step back, because sam is going to turn him away, sam is telling him to fuck off, and dean is--
but sam says nothing, and opens the door. the second dean stumbles over his threshold, sam tells him he has exactly thirty seconds to explain why he's actually here, or sam never wants to see him again.
dean unzips his jacket.
sam's face falls. he curses, loud and mean, and then his hands are on dean and dean's eyes immediately flood with tears that he swallows thick and deep because oh fuck maybe he is actually dead, maybe he fucking died in that car and sam looking at him again is the great beyond.
jess pokes her head in, confused, and sam barks at her to get what he needs. towels and antiseptic and gauze and needle and thread. sam still keeps it all.
but as soon as dean is patched up and cognizant enough to have a conversation, sam is stonewalling him again. this doesn't change anything, sam insists, you still left me for years. a decade. you did this to us, not me.
i think it would be very grudging. fits and starts. two steps forward and a step back.
dean doesn't have a place in sam's life anymore, sam thinks. he outgrew his big brother a long time ago. he put himself through stanford, alone. he put himself through law school, alone. he has his own job, his own responsibilities, fuck, his own taxes. dean doesn't fit into that life anywhere.
dean just wants sam back. he'll take anything sam gives him, because he almost bled out and the last person he wanted to see was sam.
dean hangs around longer than sam thinks he ever would. he gets a motel in town and comes to bring sam lunch at work and brings him beer and awkwardly sits through dinners with jess like a champ.
he looks at sam and it's almost not covetous, almost not sickeningly needy.
but dean gets a call. four weeks later. from pastor jim. drowner in michigan.
sam grits his teeth and nods goodbye to dean and watches dean peal out of the parking lot, and sam knows he's never going to see his brother again.
he's in agony over it. jess has never seen him like this, not ever, even when sam was first starting out at stanford. there is no righteous indignation this time, only sam disappearing into their bedroom and not coming back out. he sleeps for fourteen hours and wakes up shaking and sweating and reaching for someone that's not in his bed.
he's a shadow at work. he's listless in meetings and has to stare at documents for hours just to read a few lines.
he'd missed dean. he'd missed dean like a fucking limb. like the pulse of blood in his veins. like the smell of home. he's a vehicle of grief, now that dean's gone. the hunt will always be more important to dean, more important than sam, always.
and then, a week and a half later, there's a knock at the front door.
dean is standing on his doorstep, struggling to hold the sweating bags of takeout in his arms with cups of watered-down-melted-ice sodas for all three of them--jess's favourite iced tea, sam's diet cola, and dean's root beer.
he asks sam if he's going to let him in.
sam throws the door open.
i unfortunately think something would have to happen to jess or with jess to get sam back out on the road again. maybe she's tired of having half a partner when dean's gone, or maybe something else comes for them, or maybe she just realizes she deserves better than a man who's been in love w his own brother for half his life. who can say.
but definitely i think that melting period would take longer, and they'd have to go through a lot more to forgive each other.
dean'll tell him years later that if jess answered the door that first night instead--when dean was holding his insides in with a hand--dean would've walked away and sam calls him a fucking idiot and pulls him closer in bed and bites down hard on dean's shoulder to keep from screaming because now he has the image of dean in that stupid fucking jacket bleeding out and curled up in the car, rotting away in baby for days, weeks, maybe months until he's found, soaked so far into the bench seat that they can't be separated.
anywhooooo
i really liked thinking about this, anon! thank you for the ask! i hope your new year is lovely! :) <3
Relationships: Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester, Background Sam Winchester/Jessica Moore
Tags: Amnesia, Stanford Era, Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Falling In Love (again)
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Summary:
“Dean.” Someone says, loud and breathless.
Dean turns around. There’s a kid standing there, looking at Dean, then at the girl. He’s tall—Dean doesn’t often have to tilt his head up to look at people but he can tell he will for this guy—with shaggy brown hair and wide eyes. Dean looks at the blonde girl next to him.
“Sweetheart,” Dean says, raising his eyebrow. “You are way out of this guy’s league.”
Or: After a witch hunt, Dean is cursed to lose his memories of Sam. With Sam gone at Stanford, Dean doesn’t even notice. Sam does, though.
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