𝑨𝑽𝑨’𝑺 𝑨𝑫𝑨𝑴𝑨𝑵𝑻 𝑺𝑻𝑨𝑵𝑪𝑬 is of no surprise to boyd , vexed features riddled with frustration , guilt & choked affection . growing up , he’d 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐈𝐒𝐄𝐃 himself he’d keep from his own daddy’s ways of raising children . in truth , he’d envisioned the picture in passing as an adult , BOURBON in hand , gaze losing itself in the idea while the screechy jukebox of 𝐨𝐥' 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐢𝐧 𝐣𝐨𝐡𝐧𝐧𝐲'𝐬 bar would play from the main room . proposing to ava had been the first step , but they’d hardly ever discussed 𝐁𝐀𝐁𝐈𝐄𝐒 . couldn’t make the time ‘tween dealing with talkative associates & downright backstabbing family members . & the picture had been clear . for BOYD CROWDER liked to believe he would be a good , devoted , doting father ━━━ & even more so to a child borne from 𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙖𝙫𝙖 ; loved by her . IF ONLY SHE WOULD GIVE HIM THE CHANCE . ❝ you’re right , ava . an’ i’m more’n willing to help in giving him that chance . ❞ tattoos inked into his skin , burning with a persistent fire but he’d never ridded himself of them . keepsakes of a time long GONE . but there’s no color to 𝐂𝐑𝐈𝐌𝐄 . no smell . only the lingering taste of copper stuck to his tongue , a deep crimson tainting his fingers that only he can see & that she remembers . thus , no desperate occurrences of 𝙄'𝙑𝙀 𝘾𝙃𝘼𝙉𝙂𝙀𝘿 would carry weight into her ears . would instead sound a joke rolling on his sharp tongue , & yet he’d 𝐋𝐄𝐅𝐓 𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐋𝐀𝐍 𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐕𝐄 , hadn’t he ? wasn’t that a proof of goodwill in itself ?
the boy lifts his gaze & the man’s eyes find unexpected solace in those innocent , PROTECTED pupils , free from the gruesome visions both 𝐁𝐎𝐘𝐃 & 𝐀𝐕𝐀 had suffered through . with the exchanged glance & inquisitive rise of child’s brow , boyd’s lips part , pull into a genuine , longing grin ; one almost knowing , as if understanding was shared in the simple , silent greeting . the moment passes … & boyd’s eyes return to ava , meet hers momentarily as he SIGHS . 𝐃𝐄𝐅𝐄𝐀𝐓’s always left a bitter taste in any crowder’s mouth , but the situation requires he BACKS DOWN ( & preserves their son from a scene boyd’d witnessed routinely at zachariah’s age ) & leaves her side , coming to a squat in front of the boy . another stretch of lips , a passing show of teeth as he reaches for his back pocket , takes out a small wrapping & hands it to him . ❝ i brought you somethin’ , zachariah . somethin’ very precious that my mama used to read to me when my brother an’ i were barely older’n you are . ❞ 𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐮𝐫𝐞 𝐢𝐬𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐝 . young boyd would carry with him the tales of buried gold , seafaring pirates & the value of FRIENDSHIP . ❝ perhaps your mama’ll do the same , sometime . ❞ fingers reach up , run through an already thick lock of brown hair atop zachariah’s head, shift down to his plump cheek & rest there a while before boyd rises & returns to ava , voice LOWER , words meant for her only . ❝ does he know ? ❞ short & to the point , much like the concerned gaze he casts , swallows hard . ❝ about his daddy ? ❞
his answer disarmed her . boyd had somehow become compliant under the barrel of her stare . just like he used to before everything got ugly . back when they were younger and happier and dumber , ava knew she could trust the man to NOT TURN INTO FLAMES when close to her . memories cam rushing in and caused ava to cross her arms over her chest to protect her heart , fearing that she too might give in to something softer . zachariah looked up at his father and that moment felt like something precious ; something rare . the blonde lowered her gaze , focusing on her bare feet and allowing boyd to have that meeting to himself . that was all the privacy ava could afford to offer him . the moment lasted for too long though . their stares met again . and she recognized the shade of honey touched by wildfire ━━━ SWEET BUT FLAMMABLE . the mother stood her ground . and when boyd crowder sighed in defeat she realized how much they had both changed . her once full curled lips were pursed into a thin line . they had been so inviting when he had first moved in . now they bit at the inside of her cheeks and silently prayed for all of this to be over . and boyd ? boyd seemed to hang his head low ... an acknowledgment of something lost perhaps . something he had traded for what he could not help . VIOLENCE , GREED , DYNAMITE .
when the blonde allowed herself to glance at her past lover crouching next to their son she saw the love that grew there . she watched zachariah’s tiny hands gladly taking the gift he had been handed only to stare at the stranger with wide dumbfounded eyes , filled with both admiration and uncertainty . both feelings that boyd crowder tended to bring up in adults . THAT PICTURE OF DOMESTICITY threatened to break her heart . ava saw the hand pressed against her son’s small round cheek and thought how much it would mean to zachariah to have it there to brush his tears away when waking from a nightmare or to teach him to write beautifully , much better than SHE EVER COULD . her nails sunk into the flesh of her arm leaving a red mark there . this is all in your head , ava thought with a flare of her nostrils , pinch yourself , woman . IT’S JUST A DREAM .
she looked tired when boyd spoke to her again . his voice was low and desperate . somewhere behind him , ava could hear little hands tugging at wrapping paper . she straightened her back when looking back at the outlaw . ❝ he knows he ain’t here . ❞ she too was short and to the point . the dryness of her tone seemed uncalled for . for the first time in a long time, ava thought about having a drink if only to make her words seem silkier . after a moment of contemplating , she decided to grant boyd with something merciful .
❝ ━━━ but he also knows his daddy loves him more than anythin’ . wherever the hell he is . ❞
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