L'esprit de l'escalier @shewritesscenarios - Tumblr Blog

I’ve grown to become dependent on pills and idk if thats better than being dependent on ur presence

How i wish the voices of this silent dark night would wash away, how i wish after every prayer thoughts of u would quiet down

Yet all this remains a wish that has yet to be fulfilled. The most painful wish to fulfill though is to be able to say i hate you with all my heart when I still love you as if it was the first day I realized.

#sleepless #angst #sad thoughts #breakup #situationships #toxic relationship #i love you #night

Never wore my hair up

To cover my insecurity

But when you whispered

I looked so pretty

Now I walk around

With my hair clipped round

Striding down into the crowd

Knowing i’ll catch you astound

We were an experiment

You were all skin

While I was all in

Trials now left in our pasts

You were all about trying it out

Knowing what I had sought out

Now I’m left wounded

With you leaving filled

It was midnight

We whispered sweet nothings

Now it's ten past nine

And i look forward to dreaming

Feels so surreal

The dreams you dominate

Abstract, raw, and real

The dark nights that you paint

Thought we were smart

We wouldn't play with heart

Guess now I'm the cheater

My heart you've pleasured

As i force this chapter closed

You made me feel part of love

You made me love you

You made me feel whole

And now

You will always be my first heartbreak

You will always be my first jerk

and I will wonder if we could’ve worked

#Poetry #Angst #sweet words #artistry #beautiful words

Forbidden Memory

Pairing : Reader x Jongin

Genre: Angst

Word count: 1700~

—

Sitting at the back of Kai’s Harley, Soobin’s arms tighten around Kai’s waist with her head planted on his right shoulder as she looks farther away into the scenery of the brilliant red and orange sunset reflected on the waves of the wide ocean view. Setting her lids to a close, she straightens her head to parallel Kai’s as she slowly comes back to sight, being greeted with the sight of his eyes that gave her the world, his lips that brought butterflies to her stomach, and his scent that completely hypnotizes her. All before reality hits with the fact that this paradise will very soon come to an end. It was the sad truth for the both of them, that their love may never be approved by their families. Soobin is the eldest child of the Lee Empire. From the second she was born, her fate was to be the heir of LeeTech. Everything was set for her, from schools that she would attend all the way to the partner she would build her family with. Kai, on the other hand, is the youngest and only son to his family. Being the youngest and only son, his parents were lenient with the things he chose to do and the person he chose to become. He has it all on himself, except for one thing; his partner and lover.

Growing up, Kai looked up to his dad. Mr. Kim had started from being a mere employee at SK Motors and worked his way up to being the director of SK Motors. During his dad’s promotion dinner with the owner of SK Motors, he was introduced to their daughter, Jennie Kim. Ever since then, the 16-year-old Jennie set her eyes on the 18-year-old Kai whom she dreams to make her prince. It was after that night when Kai’s dad would start praising Jennie whenever he was around. At the age of 20, he was called by his parents and told that he was expected to wed Jennie when the time comes. He didn’t think it was fair at all because he didn’t feel the same way, so he rebelled. He turned himself into a reckless and immature young man in everybody’s eyes, which continued for years until one day a phone call arrived while he was at his hideout alone admiring the night sky. “Kai… come to MyungDam hospital…” his sister greeted him, evident in her voice that the reason behind that request was not something he’d ever want to hear. “Why?” he asked hesitantly, attempting to sound carefree in the midst of his fear. “Dad has been diagnosed with lung cancer.” His ears and heart went numb.

Nothing was ever the same again. Ever since then, Kai had always tried to stay by his dad’s side, trying to redeem himself for all the things that he’s done. One night, his dad held onto his hand while laying down on the hospital bed. At the sound of his weakening voice, it took everything he had to try to stop the sadness from showing and the tears from running. “Kai… my one and only son…Dad wants to make a wish. Will you help me achieve it?” Kai stays quiet trying to calm himself down by looking away from his dad’s eyes. “I wish that you would forgive me for the things that I have pressured you to do. Dad just wants you to find your own happiness. Forget who you marry, who you become. I believe in you, that you will make the right decisions for yourself and the family. You already bring so much joy into our family and that’s all we want from you. Please also help dad take care of your mom and your sisters, okay? Please let them know not to be too sad.” His dad finished with a tear running down the sides of his face.

At the age of 24, Kai’s dad was pronounced dead. Kai had stuck many of his dad’s life lessons and teachings in his head, but he felt guilty for not being able to accomplish the one and only thing his dad wanted him to do. So he promised himself that he would try his best to make himself fall in love with Jennie Kim. However, nothing ever goes smoothly in life, especially when he met Soobin , his ride or die. The two simply met during a meet up with their respective friend groups. But things started to go better and hotter until they decided to become a hidden item due to the circumstances set upon them.

For the past 2 years, the pair have gone on several secret dates. Soobin would sneak out of her home right before the dark hours of night, only to be greeted with the man in leather jacket waiting on his Harley. It became a routinely rebellious hangout that happened every week and today was no different. Getting off the Harley, Soobin felt entranced at the sight of the dimly lit structure standing in front of her. She’d always go to parties and events at the most exclusive destinations and often times, she would get sick of them and needed a break. And the sight right here, with the love of her life now standing in front of her with his hands up and above as if showing off the place, was the perfect break she could ever ask for. In fact, perfect would be an understatement.

A smile now plastered her face and Kai would swear that the look on Soobin’s face gave him the world. He ran straight up to her with his arms sneaking their way around her petite waist, spinning her around like a child. Setting her down, their bodies kept in contact, but their eyes were inches apart, their lips were centimeters apart, and their souls were completely full of the each other’s presence. Kai kissed the lips that were of an ant’s distance, which only caused a surge of fireworks throughout his body. Soobin pulled away with cheeks red as beet, as she turned around, detaching herself from him, before running away in embarrassment. Kai ran around trying to catch her as he joked around in laughter. Soobin grew tired of roaming around in laughter and before she knew it, Kai pulled her in with her back against his as if in fear of losing her. He spun her around and carried her to sit on top of the railing with his hands as the barrier for her back. The two went for another peck on the lips before going in.

After settling down in the room after goofing around, the two jumped to the bed. Soobin scooched to Kai’s arm that was waiting to be occupied. Her fingers traced the tattoos that were peeking behind his shirt. She trailed down her finger beyond his shirt in attempt to draw out the full picture, only seeming to be a tickle for Kai. With their laughter turning dimmer and dimmer, with now only their calming breaths filling in the empty space, Soobin confessed, “I wish this could go on for forever”.

“You’re not the only one.” Kai answered with his face tilting to look at her with a shy smile.

Then, came the silence that was no other than the consequence of their love.

“You know, being with you, here in this ‘in the middle of nowhere’ place… I feel different” She ended, moving her head to meet his sparkling eyes.

“Different how? Different bad? Different goo-“

“Different, ‘you make me feel amazing’ different” She said, eyes now meeting his. “Know that you will forever be a part of me, no matter what” She ended, tilting her head down shying away.

“A part of you? Why not be a part and beside you?” Kai questioned, confusion evident in his voice.

“You have a duty that you owe.” She reminded.

“Why is that a problem? I can achieve both my duty to my family and to myself at the same time.” His voice argues.

Rising to a sit, Soobin moved farther from Kai and off the bed. “Kai, you can’t possibly pursue me and have Jennie too. I know how much your duty to your father means to you and so do I to my family. We can never get our own happily ever after.”

“What do you mean ‘have Jennie? Look I still stick by my principles and duties but satisfying my family’s duty doesn’t mean I have to be by her side forever. We’re good friends and that’s all. Nothing more, nothing less. And about our families… with time, it’ll all work out. I know it. I believe in us, Soobin .” his words turning to whispers, moving off to close his distance with her.

Soobin knew better than anyone that her and Kai would never be able to be. She had her duty to her family, but there was a bigger part of her that wanted to just drop everything and run away with him.

Shaking her head, Soobin cuts her gaze with him and rushes away and farther. “No. No Kai! It doesn’t work like that. She and you have been connected longer than I have with you and we both know that she likes, if not, love you. I’m not going to be the one sitting here as your hidden partner with her going around you all day. And I won’t make you one either. I, too, have a duty to my own family, generations worth of hard work and success I have to continue… besides, my parents invited the son of BC Industries to come over this weekend.” She claimed, eyes away with a voice now stern and fierce but with a heart that pierced and teared.

One second and the silence saturated the space between them. Soobin finally takes a turn to him with quiet tears running down her face. She moved closer to the man in front of her and placed her right hand over his left cheek as if framing it in attempt to remember his face that she has been loving with all her might. However, it only only caused both of their sights to flood in sadness and despair, leading them both to heavy tears.

“… So will you be with him? Won’t you fight for us?” Kai interrogates weakly, evident that he could break down any moment. “Forget about me. Please…” she pleaded, now with heavy tears exposing her sadness.

“We should go…” Soobin said snapping herself out of the moment as she turns around and grabs her belonging. She proceeded to open the door about to leave the room only to feel a sudden rush of the wind, of his figure to be exactly behind her. "I'm sorry I'm the reason behind your tears" he apologized in a whisper to her Soobin that sent a rush down through her body. His teardrop fell onto her clothed shoulder and she could feel her heart being crushed into a million pieces, but she closed her eyes and took a deep breath before opening them up with her chin up before walking out.

A week has gone by and Soobin never heard from Kai ever since that night but it felt like a year has gone by. She would count the stars out the window in the midst of her room’s darkness and wonder about Kai’s whereabouts. “Is he happy? Is he lonely? Is he having a good time with Jennie? Has he forgotten about me?” she wondered inside her head, leaving her heart to break into million pieces.

“Soobin-ah, you got a package! A big box!” Soobin’s mom informed from the living room. “Coming!” replied Soobin before she sighs as if exhaling her crowded head.

Rushing downstairs, she was greeted with a big green box with a pastel pink ribbon around it. “Do you know who sent it?” Her mom asking in curiosity but also worry with her prior knowledge of her daughter being involved with Kai.

Soobin reaches out to hold the cover of the box and lifted it open to be greeted with the most beautiful blue roses that were aligned perfectly full. She knew who sent it, why he sent it, but she hated it because this has just made her fall deeper into love with Kim Jongin. She felt an envelope on the back of the cover and proceeded to detach it. She took the folded piece of paper and read the note stuck onto it, “When you smile, I shine together with you. When you cry, I break together with you. I’m sorry I’ve let you down. Give me a chance to let you know that I love you, only you. <3” In that moment, Soobin didn’t care whether her family said no, or if her head insisted it. She knew at that very second that she would fight for what made her truly happy.

Dear you, its urgent

I have never been hurt. Nor have I ever been loved. But let us skip all the hugs, and kisses and please do the honours of shooting me down when you never intended to bring me love.

#chanyeol #kpop angst #chanyeol angst #just angst #chanyeol fluff #exo fluff #exo angst #park chanyeol #cy #chanyeol park #kpop #angst #fluff #just thoughts

Flying Distances

Pairing: Chanyeol x Reader

Genre: Fluff

Word Count: 386

*Trigger Warning*

A/N: It’s short and straight out of my head. T’was a quickie :). Sorry for any mistakes that I made.

You rush down the airport doors onto the arrival area as soon as you saw Chanyeol, your busy scheduled boyfriend who had just came back from touring for work. As soon as you got closer to him, who was rushing away from the arrival gates onto where you were, he spread his arms out as he left his luggage before you ran in for the tightest, and fitting hug as your bodies moved around in unison. You took in his scent for a good couple of seconds before you looked up at your tall boyfriend who was now looking down at you. “I miss you.” he said, a little pout visible up close from where you were. “Did you gain weight?” you interrogated, which only brought his face to disbelief. “This is so sad. The first thing my girlfriend says to me after months is ‘did you gain weight’” he expressed his disappointment, as he began to unlock his arms from your back. But before he could retract, your hands were fast to reach behind where his hands were. You set his arms to where they originally were before you looked up, with eyes that screamed pure joy, longing and adoration at your exhausted boyfriend from the long flight home. You sneaked a wider smile, quickly going on your toes to give him a quick peck. “I missed you too, Park Chanyeol… Maybe even too much.” you said, with feet now flat against the floor and arms around his back, as you spread the biggest, most loving smile. To your surprise, he settled you on one of the empty counters in the waiting area, where not a lot of people were at. Your smile had now vanished into thin air, only showing your wide-eyes that were filled with shock, as you directed them straight at Chanyeol’s hypnotising pupils as you were of the same height now. He smirked at you, before he went in for a kiss that only became deeper and deeper as his hands travelled down to your hips, with your settled on his neck. It all still felt the same, maybe even more spectacular and amazing as you recall the lesson you’ve learned from LDR and it was that sometimes distance is the one thing that we need to love someone even more.

nikadonna

for staying with us!

Thick and Cozy

Word Count: 839

Genre: Fluff

Pairing: Haechan x OC

Having spent the whole night doing your projects brought you to where you are now. Sitting at one of the campus’ couch, slouching away on your phone surrounded by an army of pillows. You plugged your earphones on and started scrolling through your playlist.

You shifted your body sideways as you laid down and held onto a pillow, making sure that you don’t kick your bag off the surface. Humming to the beat of the song that blasted through your ears, you found yourself falling farther and farther away from reality into slumber.

Just finally having the time to rest after hours and hours of forcing energy out on your work was what you really needed before continuing onto the recently assigned project. You began to dream of yourself sitting in a bed of flowers, with the harmonious scents of lilies and daisies that hugged your sense of smell. All of it was perfect until you felt a shake and in a split second, you were woken up. Jumping onto your feet back into reality only to be greeted by Haechan.

“Mind if I share your spot?” Asked the tall, curly haired boy who had his hoodie on and his bag strap hanging onto his right shoulder.

You blinked once, then twice, until your vision came clear. Looking up at Haechan who was evidently trying to hide his smile, you lightly scolded, “Of course! I wasn’t taking a rest on this completely comfortable couch anyways”, finishing it off with an eye-roll.

He moved his left leg to lightly tap your right one, signalling you to scoot over. You moved over to the very left of the couch, making sure to grab a pillow for you to hug only to be greeted by Haechan’s head that halted the pillow on your lap.

All of the sudden, all you could see was Haechan; you found yourself looking down at him, with his fluffy hair showing parts of his big forehead, down to his closed eyes and rosy cheeks that were the effect of a light smile plastered on his face.

You have never seen him so up close as you could see the little creases that appeared around his face and how his cheeks popped out more as he slips a smile making him look like the hero of your dreams. As seconds passed, your heart started to wake itself, speaking its own voice by the rhythm that thumps faster and faster.

You’ve always suppressed the feelings that you had for your long-time friend. It was because you just couldn’t imagine risking your friendship over your emotions. You hated the possibility of what you have now come crashing down to pieces. What makes it all harder is that Haechan and you are so comfortable with each other that people think you guys are ‘something more’, which both of you have clearly stated would never happen. You hated yourself for ever stating that ‘something more’ would be unimaginable, but life’s a bitch.

You lightly shook your head as an attempt to snap out of your regrets. Yet, you just found yourself being captivated by the boy laying down on your lap every-time you open your eyes. At one point, you were all he saw as he opened his eyes, looking straight up at you. You swore your heart exploded and it felt like its bits and pieces were sliding down your lungs, onto your stomach, and all you could feel were just its residue doing splits and fireworks all over your system.

“Can’t keep your heartbeat steady?” He said, locking eyes with yours, making sure that you fell deeper and deeper into a pit of darkness.

You cleared your throat as soon as you clicked back into reality, “This is exactly what happens if anyone disturbs me from my sleep. Like, excuse you, but I am exhausted.” You ended with an eye-roll and no longer looking down at him.

He sat back up, as he moved to the side to take out a big paper bag and delve his hand in, only to show a big, thick, fluffy blanket.

“Well, you looked like you needed a cuddle, so I brought you this” he said, tugging at your arm, which all of the sudden brought you to his side, enclosing the gap between your knees and your chest.

“Doesn’t this count as harassment or something? I can report you” You complained, as you moved closer and snuggled your head on his shoulder.

“You like it though” He said, with a light laugh.

“You wish” you said, looking up and poking his cheeks, as he let out a laugh.

Your back was now against his side, with the fluffy blanket draped over your bodies. It was now quiet between the two of you, and all you could feel was a hand sneaking its way to yours under the blanket as you both started speaking to each other through your hands as you closed your eyes, ready to return to slumber, surrounding yourself with a cozy blanket and the boy of your dreams.

#haechan #haechan fluff #haechan angst #nct scenarios #nct fluff #nct 127 #nct dream #haechan scenario #fluff #fullsun #lee donghyuck #kpop fluff #kpop angst #nct

LOVING YOU

Pairing: Haechan x OC

Genre: Fluff

Word Count: 840

---

8:00 pm

You walked the stairs of SM Ent. up to the dance room. As you went up, you could hear music blasting off of the dance room and at that moment you knew NCT was in the midst of dance practice. You didn’t have it in you to simply wait outside in silence hoping not to attract other members’ attraction, so you opened the door by an inch and attempted to peak in to find a lone boy dancing.

That lone boy was none other than NCT’s lead dancer, singer and also your boyfriend, Haechan. You stood at your spot, with one eye peaking at a sweaty Haechan doing his slick dance moves. It has always made you so happy whenever you see him dance because the fact that he’s able to do something he loves to do is all you want for him. Even though it takes away his energy and also time to be spent with you, you promised him that you’ll be with him whenever possible and, of course, when you’re allowed in.

After what had been minutes of crumping, Haechan let out a big sigh and moved to the couch at the corner of the room as he harshly drooped his body and laid down, placing his arm on his face, covering his eyes. He stayed like that for a good minute as he steadies his breathing.

As you thought he was now calm from having seen him hold onto the same position, you tip toed to the side of the couch and kneeled down so that you were at his level. You stared at his side, paying attention to the heavy beads of sweat that trickled down his face. You took a piece of tissue from the side table and took great caution as you lightly dabbed it onto his face. Luckily during the entire process, he stayed in place and you began to think that he has fallen asleep, so you sat down and placed your arms atop the couch, settling your face on your arms.

You counted the amount of times you wished you could be by his side just being in his embrace as you held your stare at his face, making sure to follow his fine lines that caused you to feel like the luckiest girl in the universe.

Time passed and you fell asleep. As if it had just been 10 seconds, you felt something move on your face, which led your lids to open. You were met with Haechan’s face that now directly faced you, leaving some space between.

Both of you held your positions and you were just in awe at how amazing, passionate, caring and talented this boy is. You started smiling widely just at how cute he looked with his cheek fat all crowded up and squished on his side.

“Why are you smiling?” Haechan asked you softly as he let out a tiny smile.

“Mm nahh.. its nothing really” you replied attempting to brush it off, automatically moving you up onto your two feet, walking away from him.

“Y/N, come one~ tell me~” Haechan whined allowing you to see his pout.

“Mmm... nope” you teased, finishing with a grin.

“Why is my babe evil now?” He questioned playfully as he was now on his two feet, as if he’s ready to chase you down.

“Fine, fine. I’ll tell you.” You said keeping a straight face, and standing still.

“I was just... surprised at how funny you look” you said, staring to laugh.

“Oh my god! How could you?! You’re so evil! Come over here!” He said as he started chasing you around the dance room, only to catch up with your laughing soul within seconds as he encircled his arms around your waist tightly and all at once from your back. You couldn’t stop laughing as he started tickling your sides, which ultimately made him gaggle as well.

—

10:30 pm

Back at the couch placed at the corner of the room, he was laying down with his arms sprawled around your laying body that had just enough space. He held you close and placed his arms around your figure as if it was a barrier from falling.

Your head was just below his face and whenever you looked up, you saw his charming, handsome face with eyes closed and peaceful as ever.

Coincidentally, as you looked up to get a look at him, he was staring down at you and you swore, in that moment, the whole world, the whole existence of time didn’t exist as you were entrapped in his brown orbs and the closing distance between your lips.

He moved his right hand up to your cheeks and caressed it before your lips met with his soft one.

What started as short pecks became a long, deep kiss that was only filled with access to two rooms. And with that, this much needed late night date, turned out to be one of the simplest, but exciting dates you both have ever had.

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