Lamb Loose 👁️👁️ (u know me very well)
(hehe I do know you dear 👀)
so, I will try to use my (nonexistent) pitching abilities to both: 1) introduce new people to what I’m currently working on; and 2) give you (yes you Fifi) some more intel to munch on while you wait for the next update. let’s see how it goes.
it was a dark and stormy night when I finished the drama Evilive, in mid-November of last year, and I couldn’t sleep. for days I couldn’t stop thinking about the characters and I decided to put my Word of Honor big fic on hold to give this new fandom a chance. the plan was to finish everything around the 80k words mark but.. oh boi. I knew myself. I knew I wasn’t gonna cut it, verbose as I am, so I decided to be diligent about it: I took 1 month to plan this fic at the best of my abilities before I started typing like a maniac on my laptop.
at the end of the month I posted the first chapter and since then I woke up at 5am (almost) every single day to chip away at this project. long story short: it changed my life. not in a big way, it didn’t magically get me a super fancy job or a stable paycheck. none of that. but it made my life significantly better.
because you have to know that, before I decided waking up at 5am was a good idea, I was so used to be dreading the new day that it was messing with my brain. I didn’t want to go to sleep because “then another day would have started” without me enjoying myself even a little bit. but the difference between going to sleep at 3am (to wake at 7) and going to sleep at 11pm (to wake at 5) made me look forward to the new day time and time again. that way, if I manage to fall asleep on the right time every day, I get to start a new morning doing what I love most: writing.
this came at a cost, however, bc apparently waking super early is bad for my blood pressure (?? rude and biphobic of my body to do me so dirty, if you ask me >:/ like.. hello??) and I get (almost daily now) a sensible energy drop around lunchtime but it’s worth it in my book. this fic turned me into an optimist and I’ve always been a realist at best.
cons of this project: the fandom is tiny. so tiny infact that there are not many “work in progress” fics besides mine on ao3 ;—; I remember this being the case for Beyond Evil too, even if I was just a casual reader at the time, back when it first aired: we were starving for new content and I recall translating Korean fanfics into English just to have someto dig my teeth into xD
moreover, I tend not to read for the fandom I’m writing for, because I’m a sponge and (like my friend Amethystina said once) “I don’t want to accidentally steal someone else’s idea” just because I have shit memory (I’ll admit I caved at the beginning of 2024 bc I was in a bad place mentally and I read a couple of one-shots on Evilive, it’s ok, ik. I forgot the majority of them anyway, I just know they were lovely and their authors very smart indeed). so it’s a very lonely process! I churn up content, I don’t consume content, I wait for comments, I joyfully reply to comments and then, if I want more human interaction I have to (*checks*) come up with more content?? ahah. Ik it doesn’t work like that, and that I have to put effort in talking with other people in the fandom for it to become larger.. but this is why I do these tag games :D to engage with other lovely people in fun activities like these! good thing this fic keeps me going, bc I would be lost without it.
the general plot idea comes from a need I wanted to see fulfilled: I wanted to read a story about a group of women going apeshit crazy on the world. no repercussions, absolute power, no remorse. women from different levels of society, different ethnicities, different nationalities, different sexualities just.. being allowed to do whatever they wanted. I wanted to explore the pros and cons of such circumstances and yet I didn’t want it to be merely focused on that alone. I also wanted to point out how every person is capable of evil and that there still needs to be a moment in our life when we choose to be better instead.
one thing that made me side-eye Evilive specifically was.. well, the lack of women. there are 3 adult women in the whole drama taking some sort of role inside the story and all of them felt rich with the implication of a personality underneath, but no actual character to be seen. I love all 3 of them, from the “wife”, to the “mother”, to the “femme fatale” as they are, yet they still are flat compared to the other people in the show, even the more stereotypically evil or corrupt among them. I needed more, so more I made.
in addition to this, I really wanted to write from the point of view of a nasty, selfish man who has been corrupted by power long enough to have forgotten how to be human again. someone who believes they can fix it all by taking revenge on the person who turned them into a monster.. not realizing they had the potential to become a monster all along and never noticed.
Lamb Loose may be a “fix-it” of sorts based on the happenings (and the finale) of Evilive, but I also think it can be some sort of Atonement Arc rather than a Redemption Arc all in all: just because you become self-aware of the evil deeds you’ve put in motion and want to be better now.. doesn’t mean you can redeem yourself for the sorrow you caused. and, sometimes I also like characters who don’t change in their (evil/selfish) ways but somehow still learn to broaden their perspective after meeting new people. restoring one’s trust in humanity is hard, but maybe it can start by looking into our own selves and look for humanity within us first and foremost.
Han Dong Soo as a character seemed the best option for me, even if it is challenging to write from his POV at times. some of the things he thinks and does are truly horrendous to me personally, but it’s a necessary step towards understanding someone as bad as him in my opinion. not to justify his actions, but to learn how to recognize them in other people instead.
there’s also horny thoughts, not gonna lie, but those feel more like an extension of all that Han Dong Soo as a person has repressed along the years. so, in a way, the sexual tension is just another character in the script, unnamed and all-encompassing, but never at the center itself. since Han Dong Soo is also an unreliable narrator, I can play with him and make the reader question everything he is going through at the same time, which is fun to me :)
2) a treat for Fifi bc she was patient and read to this point eheh:
dear, ch16 may not be full of plot-relevant quests but there’s a lot of yearning involved 👀 and I know it’s tough to wait for something more juicy to happen 😥😔 but I’m finally seeing the end of the big draft (working on ch31 now, aiming to finish the whole thing at ch40 ending a ch37 was too optimistic of me apparently ahah) and I promise you it will be absolutely worth it.
sometimes I feel very dejected about this project, bc it’s taking forever and I absolutely want to finish it before the end of the year :(
but your constant support and care are one of the reasons I keep going 💪😤💘 your art is extraordinary in itself, but your enthusiasm for this fic truly has made me appreciate living in the moment and enjoy the process more and more. so thank you dear for always cheering me on and for indulging me with your lovely comments and messages :)
I’ll see you very soon :D (I’ll reply to your comments and DMs as soon as possible! but I wanted to give you a little something today)
baratheonpilled
germansingergirl
kianamaiart
theartofmadeline
dailybridgerton
tangentwithtanner
titsay
romaincrisis
gummygunk
