what doesn't kill you makes you wish you were dead

Cait. 21. I am the sun.

[kesus-deactivated20180911]

The only good thing reddit has ever produced https://www.reddit.com/r/casualiama/comments/65788g/im_3_i_know_everything_ama/?st=1Z141Z3&sh=f48ba715

[alva-alice]

[emperorozark]

[thebuttkingpost-deactivated2021]

People are replicating the feeling of a Bethesda game IRL so well that I’m scared someone’s going to get caught clipped through the floor

[nomehablen2]

ive never played a video game in my life and this is so fucking funny 

[dutchster]

when it’s november 1st

[crazyaboutlefandoms]

Songs with the same bpm but played over different than original video tracks give me life

[blus0x]

[sherlck-deactivated20140622]

wear a different perfume when you commit murder fuckin amateurs 

[feathery-soul-deactivated201408]

also wear shoes that aren’t your actual size and use gloves if you have to touch anything

[agnosticwitch]

what the hell is this here? A how-to-commit-the-perfect-crime??

[moontideempress]

[vimbia]

Wear a wig. Contact lenses . Change your accent . Change Hand when writing . Layer up to make you look big if your small n vice versa . Contour the hell outta your face.

[jazmynedrakeford]

Get your car interior thoroughly washed, then purposely dirty it up again.

[youhavearighttoyourwrongopinion]

Also use an icicle for the weapon because it melts away Buy a ticket to a show and tell as many people / post it on social media that u went to the show

[caribe-bby]

Y'all suspect af😂

[dookiediamonds-deactivated20200]

*adds 363,462 more people to list of that I will fuck never with*

[electricocelot]

Make sure you set up a solid alibi Pay for everything in cash

Or, for those of you who’ve read Roald Dahl’s Lamb to the Slaughter, feed the murder weapon to the police

[prismatic-bell]

Bodies should be buried vertically, not horizontally, to avoid the appearance of a grave. If you choose to dismember the body instead of bury it whole don’t forget to take a lighter or bottle of lye to the fingertips until charred or melted away, and use bleach on every surface that may have come in contact with blood splatter.

Also, don’t fucking brag about it later Jesus wept.

[harmonysama-deactivated20190724]

all this info is good for writing

but for actual real life, no one on tumblr has enough energy to get out of bed

ain’t no body on this website is gonna murder anyone

[thewelterschallenge]

Make friends with a pig farmer. A full grown nursing sow can eat an entire human body, bones and all, in about 6 hours.

[bloodforbones]

Shit that last one is more helpful than I wanted it to be, I’ll never look at pigs the same

[sweetgirlfriend]

Reblogging for *educational* purposes :)

[fluidityandgiggles]

This post is legendary and I’m so glad I found it. I love all the advice. Except the icicle. That’s technically impossible. Use a disposable knife instead and break the handle.

[nintendhoe-switchblade-deactiva]

use a glass knife with wooden handle for ultimate wounding. its gonna leave a severe fucking wound and u can burn the wood and melt down the glass if it doesnt shatter inside the victim.

[emilyelizabethfowl]

Thomas what did i tell you about making suspiious posts?

[ferntastic-m]

I love learning.

[srazars-main-blog-deactivated20]

IT’S ON MY DASH I REPEAT IT’S ON MY DASH.

[ratherinterestingmilkshake]

ON MY DASH

[infinitebadashianqueen]

Also bury the body deeper than six feet, so it can’t be washed up or smelled by hounds. Yes, that may mean you dig a 12 foot deep grave. Guess what? Murder is work.

[overpricedvodka]

Reasons why Millennials prefer e-mail to phone in a work environment:

1) We don’t want to talk to you.

2) We don’t want to pause our music to talk to you.

3) We don’t even talk to each other on the phone — why would we want to talk to you?

But the biggest reason is A TRAIL. If I e-mail you back, you can see what was said in the future. You can’t tell me I forgot to tell you something because it’s right there. You can’t tell me I “never reached out” because we can both SEE it. I don’t have to trust your recollection.

And, in a group inbox, you can see who has been responded to. I got forwarded a voicemail from my supervisor (through e-mail! imagine that!) asking me to call some lady back for clarification. So I did, against my will of course…and she said somebody had called her yesterday.

Who? When? What did y’all talk about? Is follow-up necessary?

Phone calls back and forth only work in a workflow where the standard procedure is to *log* phone calls in a shared system with a brief summary of what was discussed. Otherwise, y’all need to let us e-mail. It’s not just about a generation gap. It’s also about efficiency.

Thanks for coming to my TED Talk. Any feedback can be proffered via e-mail.

EDIT

Also: let’s keep it real – we multi-task better than you do. If I’m on the phone with you, I’m FORCED to do that ONE thing and put whatever you want above all the other things I could’ve been doing. If you e-mail me, I can research what you want (while doing other things), find the solution (while doing other things), and offer it to you in a nice concise package (while doing other things) without sitting on the phone with you in awkward silence looking for the answer to whatever you think is urgent. (It’s not urgent. You’re not dying. I know it’s not urgent.)

[anais-ninja-bitch]

OP is being kind in saying “i don’t have to trust your recollection.” people straight up lie, especially customers.

[cybergata]

[fancyeliza-deactivated20200804]

bisexual people aren’t more likely to cheat in relationships but we are more likely to cheat at cards, while lesbians are most likely to cheat at jenga, and genderqueer people often cheat at mario kart

[moulinluge]

how the fuck do you cheat at jenga

[fancyeliza-deactivated20200804]

ask a lesbian

[triplepoints]

[tempusfuckingfugit-deactivated2]

this is never not funny

[psyce]

i wish british accents were real and weren’t just invented for the ppcu (peppa pig cinematic universe)

[porterr-robinson]

[spencerthespacer-deactivated202]

[charlesoberonn]

[up2sky]

[robinxmoods]

👻👿🔮🎃

[turing-tested]

if you dissociate hard enough you can eavesdrop on conversations you’re a part of

[turing-tested]

i don’t remember making this post

[dragontatoes]

you made the claim and then you proved it

[preventive]

[satansbasturd-deactivated202311]

xxx

[d1rtypaws]

I hate that the Dairy Queen cashiers have to flip your blizzard upside down before giving it to you. I hate it. I know it’s most likely going to stay in it’s cup and I know I get a free one if it doesn’t, but the cocktail of a potential disaster and the cashier apologizing to what is most definitely a horrified me, having to sit in a drive-thru while someone behind me just bore witness to my fucking salted caramel blondie blizzard splattering on the asphalt, melting away while they mix me another one and i pray to god that they don’t flip it upside down again, is just a stress that I find entirely unnecessary. I trust it’s thick, just give me your word and i’ll be on my merry way.

[d1rtypaws]

I just imagined how it would feel to have them flip your second blizzard and have it spill too and I felt my shoulders physically tense

[mrgulogulo]

I’ve only been to DQ like 3 times in my life but the 2nd time I ordered a milkshake or something and I heard about DQ drinks not spilling when you flip them. I was not aware that this ability was only relegated to their blizzards. So long story short I said “hey, look at this” to my family and they watched me pour my milkshake on the ground.