I'm a loser, I have a foul mouth and I'm a pervert
@shinra33459
I make 'x reader' stories on occasion. I don't do asks, I'm sorry, but my procrastination is a huge factor in this choice. Currently making Gmod screenshots. Also fuck politics; left, right, center, up or down, I don't give a shit and don't bring that around my page
I get that a lot of people don't like Spider as a character, but when looking through his backstory, his childhood has been straight up fucking awful. And what better way to showcase this than to do one of my favorite things: playing psychoanalyst.
Miles Socorro was born on Pandora in 2154, likely a few months before the Battle for the Tree of Souls. Growing up, he resented his father, and his mother, Paz, was killed in the final battle who he feels the closest kind of connection too, even though he never got to know her. Back in Hell's Gate when he was growing up, he wasn't close to his foster parents, Nash McCosker and Mary, and really only returned to them to eat, sleep, or when the Sullys didn't want him around.
He grew up his entire life immersed in Na'vi culture, so much so that he feels like he's more Na'vi than he is human, even going so far as to paint blue stripes on his skin, style his hair in Na'vi dreadlocks, and wear a Na'vi loincloth to feel more like one of them. He's fluent in their language, knows the customs of the Omatikaya, learned to live as they do, hunt as they do, and survive as they do. In a way, he's a mirror image of Jake with the key difference being that Spider doesn't have an avatar to put his consciousness into.
All the while, Neytiri treats him like shit his entire childhood, berating him, keeping him away from family gatherings, and even trying to forbid him from seeing Kiri when he was growing up. Jake stands up for him from time to time and is somewhat accepting as Jake knows exactly what Spider is going through, but even then, Jake literally refers to Spider as a stray cat. Not as the person Lo'ak and Kiri are the closest to and view as a sibling but likening him to a stray animal.
Neytiri has valid trauma, but that does not excuse her actions. Her actions border on actual emotional and psychological abuse, and then when slashing him with her knife and then holding him at knifepoint and threatening to kill him as leverage, it crosses the line into physical abuse. Her pain gives her no right to treat a literal child the way she has. A child is not responsible for the sins of the father, and he didn't ask to be born human, hell, he didn't even ask to be born, period.
Now, it's obvious that he looked up to Jake and Neytiri in some way before everything, maybe not parental, be he obviously had a deep respect for them. They were the parents of the people he saw as siblings, and it's obvious that even back then, he was looking for any sort of parental affection. From when he was an infant to when he is 16, he never had anything really resembling that in a way that truly mattered, which is likely another reason why he hung out with the Sully family as much as he did, and likely hoping for anything resembling that.
So, when Quaritch comes back, and says that he cares, even if Quaritch was just doing it to manipulate Spider, is it any wonder he started forming a bond with the man, especially over the months he was in captivity? He's been cut out of any parental affection for really his entire life, and here comes a Na'vi clone of his biological father who appears to be offering that to him. Combine that with the possibility of some form of Stockholm Syndrome, is it any wonder why he saved Quaritch as well?
And then by the time Spider is fully adopted into the Sully family, he's 16 years old, two years away from being a full-grown man. The damage is already done. If he were a real person, he would be psychologically scarred beyond belief, and it wouldn't be surprising that a person like Spider would end up with behavioral issues, difficulties forming healthy relationships, boundary issues, self-esteem issues, and potentially substance abuse issues among a laundry list of others.
This poor kid deserved and still deserves way better than what he's gotten, and it's likely that his treatment over the years, not having any kind of a stable childhood, growing up without a stable family, and so many more, likely damaged him for the rest of his life. I genuinely hope that he can find some kind of peace in the upcoming movies, because thus far, his entire life has been one gigantic trainwreck.
Well, I had a bit of an unplanned hiatus for the last few months, and a lot has happened since then. First off was a major situation with my car, the head gasket blew on it and all-in-all, my father and I spent close to $3000 getting everything fixed on my car. Head gasket, ignition coil, coolant lines, oil cooler, just standard Chevy Cruze stuff.
Second major thing is that I got a job again. After trying to make money doing Uber full time, that just didn't seem to be in the cards. I started out making around $120 to $200 in just 5 hours a day doing Uber. By the time I quit doing it, I could work for 12 hours and barely crack $90 at best, usually making only around $40 working for 8-10 hours. By the end, it was hardly enough to keep my car filled up with gas.
So, in late August, I decided to take up a job in my town, working for a Dollar General that's around a quarter mile away from my house. Pay is just standard Illinois minimum wage, but it pays much better than what Uber was paying near the end. For the last soon-to-be 4 months I've had that job, I've been getting into a steady rhythm of working a regular, full-time, W-2 job. Now that I've seemingly got into that rhythm, I should be able to write again, and I do have some stuff in the works that I started writing before taking that job.
Some ways that I would change Helluva Boss as a writer
I've made my fair share of criticisms of Helluva Boss, but one thing that I wanted to do was see what I could do with the characters, the world, and the overall plot of the story. This is mainly just a collection of the things that I would do in regard to the show, that I feel would deliver a far superior product, at least on the writing front.
1.) Ditch Some of the Longtime Arcs
At least in my view, some of the longtime arcs that the show has are what's currently holding the show back. Mainly due to the fact that a lot of the arcs that we get presented with hardly ever get fleshed out and just end up giving us a lot of loose ends. Needless to say, the way that the show currently handles longer arcs is rather messy and makes us feel as if we are drowning in excess.
The best thing about the more serious cartoons of old like Teen Titans, was that it approached one arc at a time, and rarely, if ever, did multiple serious arcs at once. How Teen Titans handled longtime arcs was immaculate and quite honestly, some of the best writing in cartoon history. Helluva Boss on the other hand, its longtime arcs aren't handled well at all, and has a problem with introducing too much too fast.
Overall, Helluva Boss would benefit greatly from simplifying things a great deal. Vivziepop has admitted herself in the past that she isn't a good writer, which is the perfect reason to simplify things. Each season should have its own arc with one particular villain or group, with IMP dealing with said villain or group by the end of the season. Or better yet, it is possible for the show to deal with serious and complex themes around an episodic format while still having its lighthearted moments, like Star Trek: The Original Series.
2.) Less focus on romantic relationships
While many in the fanbase love and adore the borderline hyperfixation the show has on romantic relationships, it is one of the show's weakest elements, due to the fact that everything feels forced. Blitzo and Stolas's relationship doesn't feel natural in its progression, and key elements of their relationship never get shown, and if they are, it isn't handled well at all (just look at the text scene).
With something as important as mending their relationship after a massive falling out, you'd think that it would be shown on screen properly, and not haphazardly thrown in the worst way possible. This was some major character development that should have been an actual full-on episode, yet it was a half a second scene.
The entirety of the Stolitz arc in the show is quite honestly, at least in my opinion, the weakest element in the story. Focusing on it to the degree that Vivziepop has is not telling us a good story. In fact, as many have said before in the critical space, it feels like fanfiction of itself. It's clear that Vivziepop has difficulties in showcasing proper romantic relationships and how they progress, even unhealthy and toxic ones. The show would benefit greatly if the focus on romantic relationships was reduced, if not removed entirely from the show.
3.) Simplify, streamline, and explain the lore and worldbuilding properly
To say that the lore and worldbuilding of Helluva Boss is a mess is quite honestly one of the biggest understatements you can say about the show. Things are introduced that are supposed to be important but never brought up again, such as Asmodean crystals. Things don't make sense on what a character can do or not, such as Stolas being able to intervene with the DHORKS, but apparently not with his own daughter. Even though, he didn't need the Grimoire the first time, apparently, he needed it that time.
Things just don't make sense with the worldbuilding. One minute characters can do something that is vital to the story, and the next, suddenly their abilities do nothing, or they become completely inept for the sake of story progression. Nothing is streamlined, and nothing is ever explained properly and coherently. Everything has devolved into plot-hole after plot-hole.
It would do Vivziepop good to reel back a lot of the worldbuilding that has been done and take it back to the drawing board. Like I said earlier, things keep getting introduced too much too fast. To be completely honest, I'm a firm believer that media should have to speak for itself. You don't need a stream, a 10-page essay, or a 30-minute YouTube video to explain what is going on in the world that you have created. People should be able to get whatever context they need from the media itself.
Conclusion
At this point in time, I believe that the best thing that Helluva Boss as a show could do is to reboot the series and start over from scratch. I'd reboot it with a new vision for what the show should be and go from there. The story isn't nuanced, nor is it complex: it's messy. The show is holding itself back through all of this. The show has gotten too messy and convoluted for it to really continue as it is. If the show were to reboot and not try to pretend that it's more than it actually is (which is goofy demons killing people and saying edgy humor), it would be a far better product than what it is.
He always says that he's an old man, but in reality, he's not even middle aged yet: he's only 38.
When he was younger, he was a Marine and quite proud of his service. He earned a few medals, got to the rank of Staff Sergeant, and was a Drill Instructor for his last 2 years. Afterwards, he became an MMA fighter.
Getting him to open up about his military experience is a bit difficult, but he'll talk your ear off about his time as a professional fighter.
Being a Marine plus being a professional fighter put a lot of wear on his body. He may be 38, but he feels like he's 55 with all the damage done to his body.
He likes Bam a lot because of his fitness-oriented lifestyle. Although, that blue deer could use some more discipline and be a little less arrogant.
He'd be happy to help push Bam to his physical limits and even teach him some new things like some martial arts or boxing.
Bam
One of the younger villagers on the island at the age of 24. Don't let his youth fool you, he does have some decent knowledge and wisdom under his belt.
Fitness is all day, everyday bro. Asking Bam to not do something physical is like asking him not to breathe.
His old job was being a trainer at a gym. He knows the value of fitness and encourages everyone to be their healthiest.
He's a very hands-on kind of deer. Whether it be building, catching bugs, fishing, that's the kind of thing he loves to do. Learning anything new, it has to be physical so he can learn it himself.
He's a huge connoisseur of sports. Football, soccer, baseball, basketball, hockey, and even motorsports, you get him talking about sports, he will not shut up.
He sees Lobo as a great friend of his and got the old wolf back into the realm of exercise, which was easy. He thinks that Lobo is a bit stuck-up but that he means well.
Pashmina
She's a bit younger too, but a little older than Bam at 27 years old. She's been around the block quite a few times and is almost as wise as Lobo.
She used to work at a diner as an assistant manager, but despite this, her cooking skills are average as she used to be part of the wait staff.
Because of this, she's very kind and caring towards other peoples' needs. But with her experiences in waitressing and management, she doesn't take crap from anybody.
She won't hesitate to fight anybody who hurts her friends. Whether it be physical or emotional, she doesn't care.
She likes Lobo a lot; both of them are stubborn and headstrong. At first, she hated his guts though. Pretty much the same story with Bruce.
Also enjoys talking to Sherb who is pretty much the island's therapist.
Sherb
He's the youngest on the island at 20 years old. He's a bit naive but he just wants to see everyone be happy. He doesn't care who they are, he just wants to spread smiles.
Hasn't worked a serious job in his life yet. He's done some part-time work though in his teens before moving to the island.
Out of all the residents on the island, he's the best cook out of all of them. His parents taught him how to cook incredibly well, and he wants to be a chef at a good restaurant someday.
He loves talking about and even catching bugs. If he isn't being the island therapist, you can usually find him looking around for some kind of bug to catch.
Out of all the villagers, he's the most partial towards Vesta. She's incredibly nice to him and he sees her as a very close friend which also enjoys his cooking.
In many ways, he's the polar opposite of Lobo and Bruce. While they're more stubborn and callous, he's docile and kinder.
Vesta
Out of all the villagers, Vesta is the oldest at 48 years old. Even being almost 50, she knows the most about computers compared to anybody on the island.
Her old job was working in I.T. and she had been doing that for the last 25 years before she finally retired a few years ago, earning her pension.
She decided to come to the island to enjoy her retirement, and living on an island colony sounded like the perfect opportunity to unwind.
She's best friends with Sherb, but also views herself as a motherly figure. That boy is too naive for his own good.
She gets along best with Sherb and Bam, but is a little biased towards Lobo, Bruce, and Pashmina. She just thinks that they're too stubborn.
Generally supportive of everyone on the island. She is a bit of an old-fashioned lady and has her own line of thought on how people should behave.
Bruce
Bruce is older than Lobo but younger than Vesta at 42. He's a bit opinionated when it comes to advice and often gives unsolicited advice.
He means well by it but doesn't really understand that people don't always want his advice.
Before leaving to go to the island, he was a night club bouncer. He had to be mean and tough to scare off would-be troublemakers at the establishment.
Behind all that tough persona, he's really a nice guy who wants to enjoy life. He's getting older so his mind is on the horizon with things like retirement and family.
Growing up and living in a big city for most of his life, he's used to a lot of noise, but the island is a nice change of pace.
He gets along with Lobo, Bam, and Pashmina the most. The rest he is neutral towards for the most part.
Beau
Beau is a part of the younger crowd on the island at 25. He's a simple man and enjoys some good relaxation, no matter what anyone says.
Before he moved to the island, he was a full-time college student, and recently earned his degree. While he may be smart, he isn't the most mature.
His choice to move to the island was because he just wanted to have some time to relax. At this point, he doesn't even care if his career ever takes off.
He likes Sherb the most because Sherb also enjoys relaxing, but he isn't the biggest fan of Bam who constantly pushes him to be active.
Despite him being a laid back college student, he gets along well with Bruce, that street-smart ex-bouncer.
As long as people aren't pushing him to do what they want, or what they think he should do, he doesn't really care.
Audie
Audie is in the middle of the group when it comes to age, being 30 years old. Despite no longer being in her early 20s, she still likes to party and have a good time.
Before she came to the island, she was a DJ going all over the place playing music. Even a party animal like her needs some peace and quiet.
She heard that coming to some deserted island with some other strangers would be a fun experience and she was immediately down to try it out.
She gets along with everyone else besides Lobo and Bruce. Those two just find her to be condescending towards them and also a bit annoying.
Out of all the villagers, she vibes the best with Pashmina, as both love to just gossip to each other about things that come to mind.
No matter what, Audie is just here to have a good time and try to spread some good vibes.
Phil
Another middle in the age group at 33 years old. He is a bit of a cocky bird that loves to boast.
Before coming to the island, his job was being a baseball player for a Minor League team, his dream career.
He came to the island because his contract wasn't renewed, and he wanted some time away from the baseball diamond. A getaway on a deserted island sounded perfect.
He gets along with pretty much everyone, and doesn't cause any problems either, despite his somewhat egotistical nature.
Out of everyone, he tends to hang out around Bam the most. The both of them love talking about sports, and Bam loves that Phil was a baseball player.
All around, Phil just wants to enjoy himself as much as he can. He spent a lot of time on the road as a professional athlete and was in dire need of a break.
Savannah
Another in the younger crowd of the villagers at 22 years old. She loves to meet new people and experience new things.
Before coming to the deserted island, her main job was being a tour guide at a nature preserve. She loves the outdoors a ton.
Getting to explore new environments was what drew her to the island in the first place. Having just the opportunity to do such was more than enough for her.
She's fine with everyone on the island except for Lobo, Pashmina and Bruce. She thinks that they're too pigheaded and doesn't care much for them.
She and Vesta get along the best. Having another villager similar in personality to her is all that she needs.
You can normally find Savannah going around the island exploring and trying to find new things. She also frequents the museum and eagerly awaits new arrivals to see.
Skyrim Argonian Husbandos x Human!Reader Headcanons
Art Credit - ArtOfZaromi on DeviantArt
Writing for Argonians. I have mods that allow some of the base NPCs to be followers as well, so this also applies to them as well
Derkeethus
You two first met when you rescued him from Darkwater Pass at the request of his friend and coworker, Sondas. Simple enough of a rescue all things considered. You then recruited him as a follower.
He was quick with a sword and deadly accurate with a bow, not many stood a chance. He had some experience in combat, most likely from some kind of military or mercenary experience.
Wherever he got his experience from, he did know how to communicate with humans better than the average Argonian. Instead of using intricate body language cues that only other Argonians would understand, he used human body language.
Instead of jumping straight into the war, you decided to join the Companions to sharpen both of your skills and bring glory to yourselves.
After becoming the Harbinger, you then dealt with the Dragon Crisis first and foremost; the Civil War was going to have to wait, no matter what Ulfric Stormcloak or General Tullius had to say.
After retrieving certain documents in the Thalmor Embassy showing Ulfric was a Thalmor asset in waiting, you joined the Imperial Legion together.
You ended the war and protected the security of the Empire. Your efforts extended to Harkon and his vampires, as well as Miraak. You married him after all of this and retired to a cabin in the woods, living off the land and hunting.
Scouts-Many-Marshes
You found him working the docks in Windhelm for a meager pittance. He and the other Argonians were cold and hungry, making barely enough to have food in their bellies.
Despite you being a human, he held no ill-will towards you individually, unlike his friend Neetrenaza.
You were disgusted at what the Nords here put these poor Argonians through. Poor pay and living out of a small warehouse room. That wasn't fair, nor was it right.
You exchanged some rather fierce words with Torbjorn Shatter-Shield, their boss. The man knew that if he didn't listen to you, his head would be rolling on the floor of his home.
After the Argonians were getting paid better, he decided to tag along with you in your quests, supporting you however he could. However, he was still very much a newbie when it came to combat.
Both of you joined the Imperial Legion together. Seeing what the Nords were doing in Windhelm alone was enough to stir you into action.
The Civil War was long and bloody, with both of you getting injured at times. Once you two closed in on Windhelm, he left to go back to the city to ensure the safety of the Argonians at the docks.
After the war, you two got married, and took on the Dragon Crisis, the Vampires, and Miraak. After the fighting and adventures came to an end, you two got settled down and enjoyed a nice and quiet life.
Jaree-Ra
You saw the shifty Argonian the minute you walked into Solitude, looking for some person to con into whatever he was planning to do. This close to the coast, he had to be a pirate of some sort.
He enlisted your services to put out the lighthouse fire at the Solitude Lighthouse, ensuring that the Icerunner would run aground. Simple enough of a job to do.
Your hunch about him turned out to be true, when you snuck into the Blackblood Marauders' base of operations and found that Jaree-Ra was going to use whoever put out the lighthouse as a patsy.
When returning to Solitude, you confronted him, and boy was he surprised that you found out. After that, you became an equal partner in that venture.
You were rather clever for a softskin, even more so than himself, and that was a trait he admired. Cunning and intelligence was what you and he needed to survive in your line of work.
Afterwards, you, Jaree, and Deeja joined the Thieves Guild after the Icerunner situation, with you eventually taking the helm of the Guild.
You chose to join the Empire in the Civil War, knowing that Maven Black-Briar would eventually be the Jarl; it was simply a choice of business, not one of morality.
You married Jaree-Ra after the war had come to an end. The Dragon Crisis, vampires, Miraak, and much more got dealt with. Afterwards, you bought a ship and took Jaree and Deeja as some of your crew as you now sailed the high seas as a pirate.
Star Wars - Republic Undying (An Alternate Universe)
The Clone Wars were coming to an end; the Outer Rim sieges were underway, and the Separatists were making their final, daring push against the Republic. The Sith master was hiding in plain sight: a wolf in sheep’s clothing. The Jedi were becoming wary of him, and his intentions. He had been in office for over 10 years, well past his term limit, and something was amiss. The Jedi High Council sent Anakin Skywalker, a man who was close with the Chancellor, to spy on him. But instead of falling into Palpatine’s trap, Anakin talked to Obi-Wan, Padmé, and Ahsoka about his problems and they kept him away from the Dark Side. Obi-Wan even suggested to Anakin that the nightmares he could be having about Padmé were a warning to him if he continued on his current course.
When Palpatine revealed himself to be a Sith Lord, Anakin brought this to the attention of Padmé and Bail Organa opposed to Mace Windu. The two senators then immediately brought this to members of the Republic Security Council. Upon hearing the news and knowing full well that Palpatine is the utmost threat to the Republic, the Security Council issued Order 65 to the Grand Army of the Republic, letting them know that the Chancellor betrayed the Republic and must be apprehended. A contingent of the 501st Legion was dispatched from Mandalore to Coruscant and the 212th Attack Battalion from Utapau, where they would assist the Jedi Council in arresting, or killing, Palpatine. Some of the most powerful Jedi that the Order could muster, and about 750 Clone Troopers were sent to arrest or kill the traitorous Chancellor.
The fight begins and some of the less powerful Jedi are killed easily, leaving only Anakin, Obi-Wan, Mace Windu, and Yoda to fight the Sith. Palpatine ends up falling out the main window and pulls Anakin down with him. Both Palpatine and Anakin land on a walkway and begin a one-on-one duel. Anakin and Palpatine continue to duke it out in the streets of Coruscant, Anakin using every tangible ounce of his power to prevent Palpatine from killing him. Their fight continues as they fall further and further into the depths of Coruscant, eventually making their way into the lower levels.
Palpatine continues to beat down on Anakin, the Jedi knight beginning to waver as he grows exhausted. Palpatine knocks Anakin’s lightsaber away from him and uses his Force lightning on him as he’s on the ground. After Anakin had been incapacitated and knowing that the entire Clone Army is after him, Palpatine flees Coruscant for Separatist controlled territory. Anakin is found by the Clones of the Coruscant Guard who rush him to a nearby hospital as he is in critical condition.
With the truth out that the Republic was being manipulated by the Sith, frustrations are at a boiling point within the Republic. Faith in the Republic was at an all-time low, considering that they had been played by an imposter. Bail Organa of Alderaan is elected as the new Chancellor of the Republic following a vote. Knowing that Palpatine is still out there and still leading the Separatists from afar, the fighting has to continue if there is to be eventual peace, as with the Sith still out there, the galaxy would be plunged into civil war without end if Palpatine isn’t found and dealt with.
An order is placed to Kuat Drive Yards to begin mass production on the Imperator-class Star Destroyer (Imperial Star Destroyer in the normal timeline). The intent is to eventually replace the Venator-class Star Destroyer for ship-to-ship roles as the firepower of the Imperator-class made it far more combat effective. Venators would continue to serve, however they would be used almost solely for carrying fighters and bombers. The Republic also announces trials to replace the Z-95 Headhunter, and the V-Wing. In these trials, the Sienar Fleet Systems TIE/LN fighter is selected to replace the Z-95 and the TIE/IN Interceptor is selected to replace the V-Wing, but their production won’t begin until two years later.
Legislation is passed to allow Republic citizens to enlist in the Grand Army of the Republic to fight alongside the Clone Troopers rather than officer-only positions. These enlisted troops form the newly founded Republic Stormtrooper Corps, while the Clones take their position in the newly founded Republic Clone Trooper Corps. Both are separate branches of the Republic military, but these Stormtroopers are put through a simplified, yet effective, version of Clone Trooper training.
The final months of the Clone Wars begin with a highly aggressive Republic offensive campaign, specifically targeting droid production planets with the intent to kneecap the Separatist’s military. Using the newly fielded Imperator-class Star Destroyers, the Republic fleet was close to unstoppable, with more firepower, bigger crew complements, and better defenses to boot. The Republic Stormtroopers prove to be pretty effective in combat, rivaling some auxiliary Clone Trooper units, but easily outclassed by veteran combat units like the 501st Legion or the Wolfpack.
The Jedi on the other hand found themselves more invested in capturing or killing Palpatine opposed to spearheading the continued war effort. To the Jedi, Palpatine continued to be the biggest threat to the galaxy at large, and if he wasn’t stopped, another army to oppose the Republic would be built in time and wreak havoc on the galaxy. The Sith had to be eliminated at all costs for the protection of the rest of the galaxy.
After most droid production facilities under Separatist control are destroyed, the forces of the Droid Army begin to drastically deplete in numbers as the Grand Army of the Republic continues their aggressive campaign, destroying or confiscating any battle droid units they can. As Republic forces close in on the Separatist capital of Raxus Secundus, and with a rapidly depleting military force, the Separatist Senate begins to collapse as their members are torn whether to meet the Republic’s demands of an unconditional surrender, or fight to the bitter end. Palpatine orders the Separatist military command to head to Raxus Secundus from Mustafar, as he still needed them for his plans.
The final battle of the Clone Wars begins: the Battle of Raxus Secundus. The remnants of the Separatist fleet engage the Republic fleet above the planet in a space battle with a scale larger than the Battle of Coruscant. After hours of fighting, Republic ground forces land on the planet. The main Republic units in the fight are the 501st Legion, 7th Sky Corps, 104th Battalion, 327th Star Corps, and the 41st Elite Corps. In terms of Separatist ground defense, there were a few droid regiments remaining, but they were incredibly stretched thin. As a result, Separatist leaders founded various militias and conscripted civilians into these militias to defend the planet.
With a Republic blockade of the planet, and Republic Intelligence forces pinpointing Palpatine on the planet, Republic forces and the Jedi knew what had to be done. The only way the war would come to an end is if Palpatine was killed. Republic forces were deployed to the planet’s surface to engage the remaining Separatist forces as well as defeating Palpatine. After months of intense training from Yoda, Anakin was now ready to face his greatest challenge yet. A strike force on the Separatist capital city on Raxus Secundus was organized by the Jedi in their daring final confrontation against Palpatine. With a heavy military presence in the capital city, the Jedi had to HALO jump from orbit to the building where Palpatine was hiding.
Once in the building, Anakin Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Yoda, Plo Koon, and Mace Windu begin their final duel against Palpatine. Once again, Palpatine finds a way to get into a one-on-one duel against Anakin, however he is prepared this time. In a duel to decide the fate of the galaxy, the two use every tangible power they have in an attempt to defeat each other. As their duel progresses onto a walkway overlooking the city, Palpatine succeeds in knocking Anakin’s lightsaber away and begins to electrocute him again. Through his willpower, and knowing if he failed, everyone he ever cared about would die, Anakin used the force to pull his lightsaber into Palpatine’s back and impaled the Sith directly through the heart. After regaining his lightsaber, Anakin kicked Palpatine off the walkway where the barely alive Sith fell to his death.
After 2 months of harsh fighting, the Separatists eventually surrendered, and the Clone Wars officially end. The remaining Separatist stock of battle droids are reprogrammed to serve the Republic, further bolstering Republic numbers. Using his emergency powers, Bail Organa signs an act that allows the Clone Troopers the same rights guaranteed by Republic citizens as he believed that they deserved it after fighting the Republic’s war for them without thanks. The Kaminoans also develop a way to cure the accelerated aging of the Clone Troopers, which the Kaminoans have been researching into doing ever since they started making the Clone Army. After receiving this cure, many clones retire from military service, but most don’t.
With the fighting across the galaxy now over, the Jedi Order falls into a schism. Their unwavering adherence and investment to the politics of the Republic and blindly following the will of the Republic’s political machine didn’t allow them to see the threat that was building from within over all those years. With this disorder, many in the Jedi pushed to reform the Order. Many Jedi supported this movement, which pushed for a much more neutral stance in galactic politics, where the Jedi would not simply serve the Republic’s wishes, as well as see many Jedi leave the ranks of the Grand Army of the Republic. These reforms also allowed for much more lax rules about attachment, allowing members of the Jedi Order to have romantic partners and spouses. Many Jedi agreed with these changes and saw the more liberal interpretation of the Force as a good thing, however quite a few did not, chief among them being Mace Windu. Once the Jedi overhauled the order, Windu, and several Jedi who were like minded with him, left the Order and formed the Bureau of Force Sensitives, where they would use their abilities in the Force to help serve the Republic in any way they could.
The Republic decided to maintain its military strength to act as a deterrent to any future Separatist movements and to protect the Republic from attack from external and internal threats. The Republic returned to what it was before the rise of the Separatists, but with a military that is able to enforce the Republic’s will for themselves. The Republic also built large installations across the galaxy to assist in the rapid deployment of the Republic Navy in emergency scenarios. These were usually in strategic positions within deep space with the occasional one being near a planet.
Having been arrested and sent to a prison within the Republic, Maul posed little threat. That was until he hired the bounty hunters Aurra Sing, Cad Bane, and Boba Fett to liberate him from his confinement. Knowing full well that his time as the leader of Mandalore was at an end, as he had been replaced with Bo-Katan Kryze, he needed an alternative plan to ensure that he would defeat and kill Obi-Wan Kenobi. Rallying members of Deathwatch that were still loyal to him, and finding a hidden droid foundry on Mustafar, where he would make his own base and build an army to use when the time was right, as well as training against countless holodroids to learn the exact moves of Obi-Wan, and how to kill him better.
As Maul was plotting his revenge against his most hated adversary, the galaxy had a new threat, one worse than anything they anticipated; the Yuuzhan Vong. News of a large series of invasions in the Outer Rim spurred the Grand Army of the Republic and the Jedi into action, but the forces they face off against were nothing like they’ve ever seen; any technology they have is organic rather than mechanical, and the Jedi couldn’t even sense them as they were outside the Force. The first few battles go very poorly for the Republic with many soldiers and Jedi being killed in the Yuuzhan Vong onslaught.
During their first encounters with the Yuuzhan Vong, the Republic learned of a key flaw in Phase II Clone Trooper armor; the armor is incapable of filtering out biological warfare agents, and as such, the Jedi, clones, and Stormtroopers who first fought the Yuuzhan Vong, died. This was also a flaw with Phase I armor as well, considering that it couldn’t filter out the Blue Shadow Virus. The Republic finished a new set of armor that they had been developing since the end of the Clone Wars. This armor was a more advanced version of Imperial Stormtrooper armor in the regular universe, the only differences being that it retained the HUD from the Phase II Clone armor, it has advanced filtration systems in the armor to filter out biological agents, and it reintroduced the life support systems that were present in Phase I Clone armor. This armor is mass produced and given to the soldiers of the Republic. Whether they be Clone Troopers or Stormtroopers, they must wear this new armor. The Jedi fighting alongside the Republic got armored hazmat suits to wear, ensuring that the Jedi would be harder to beat by the Yuuzhan Vong.
In this conflict, the battle droids the Republic confiscated from the Separatists played a pivotal role. All of the droids in Republic stock were upgraded to have tougher armor, and they upgraded their computers to be able to make more tactical decisions to make them better fighters. Considering that battle droids weren’t even affected by chemical or biological warfare, most means of combat for the Yuuzhan Vong don’t work against the droids, and the sheer firepower of B2 super battle droids and Droidekas alone could easily turn the tide of battle against the Vong.
For many months, the fighting was at a brutal stalemate, but once a lot of people enlisted into the Republic military and new Clone units trickled in from Kamino, the Yuuzhan Vong began to get pushed back. One by one, the systems under their control begin to fall, and eventually, they are driven back to the frigid and unpopulated world of Rhen Var. The Republic began bombarding the planet with a massive fleet of star destroyers, destroying most of the military equipment for the Yuuzhan Vong. After almost a month of sustained bombardment on the planet, the Yuuzhan Vong, defeated and even terrified of their opponents, surrendered to the Republic. The Yuuzhan Vong were forced to stay on Rhen Var and the planet became their new homeworld. In the war itself, massive casualties were felt by the Republic with 15% of their military (not including droids) listed as killed in action, and over 1,300 Jedi dead.
Following the end of this conflict, many Jedi retired from their positions in the Grand Army of the Republic including the likes of Falon Grey, Ki-Adi Mundi, and Aayla Secura. Their reasoning was that the Jedi should no longer be militarily involved with the Republic due to the Jedi switching their priorities away from the Republic. Despite this, some Jedi stayed in the Republic’s military like Obi-Wan Kenobi, Anakin Skywalker, Ahsoka Tano, Kit Fisto, Rahm Kota, and Plo Koon, although their roles in the Grand Army of the Republic took a heavy backseat to their roles as Jedi. During the time the Republic spent fighting the Yuuzhan Vong, Maul learned every aspect of Obi-Wan’s swordsmanship, from how he held his lightsaber to how he stepped before he made a strike. He also had a shape-shifting spy within the Order give him access to the Jedi Archives, where he downloaded all the necessary information on Obi-Wan.
For the next 13 years, the Republic remained in a state of relative peace, but also a state of fragility; the only times the Grand Army of the Republic were deployed were to fight pirates, protect dignitaries, provide humanitarian relief to planets that suffered a crisis, training missions, et cetera. With the news of Palpatine playing both sides in the war still fresh in everyone’s mind, faith in the Republic was still incredibly low. Anakin trained his son, Luke, in the ways of the Jedi, and guided him to become a very powerful Force user. Anakin’s daughter, Leia, was trained by Plo Koon as Anakin couldn’t have two apprentices. When Leia was around 15 years old, she left the Jedi Order and became a politician like her mother.
One day, the first major terrorist attack on Coruscant since the Clone Wars happened. Someone set off a thermobaric bomb with a large blast radius inside the headquarters of the Bureau of Force Sensitives, killing everyone there. Mace Windu was executed by a blaster bolt to the head by his long-time rival, Boba Fett. This was a deliberate attack that had been orchestrated by Maul to further his goal of luring out Obi-Wan. Over the last several years, Maul moved the large force he had created to the remote planet of Yavin IV, as well as a fleet of salvaged ships from scrap worlds. Whether they be former Republic or Separatist ships, it didn’t matter. Maul used a very small portion of his forces to attack some Republic outposts, and willingly let them track these small raiding parties back to Yavin. He would also have Boba Fett drop some breadcrumbs to help lead them into his trap. This made Maul’s numbers seem smaller than they actually were, and that this was just a small terrorist cell.
The Republic sent a small fleet to engage these droids and rogue Mandalorians, and they were met by one of the largest fleets they’ve ever seen. The Republic fleet was destroyed quickly, and any survivors were executed. The Republic sent a very large fleet in retaliation, and among this fleet was Obi-Wan Kenobi, who was unknowingly falling into Maul’s trap. Not far behind Kenobi’s fleet was Anakin Skywalker’s fleet with Ahsoka and Luke with him. Obi-Wan and some members of the 212th Attack Battalion were lured onto the planet. Around this time Anakin and his battlegroup arrived.
On the ground, the company of the 212th that Obi-Wan was with encountered heavy resistance. This company pushed their way to the Great Temple where they holed up and called for backup, closing the large blast doors behind them. There were only 3 survivors in this group: a Stormtrooper named Kanan Antillies, Clone Commander Cody, and Obi-Wan Kenobi. Kanan Antillies is Force choked to death, and as right as Cody is able to squeeze off a few shots into the darkness near Maul, a few Mandalorian blaster shots hit Cody in the chest and put the Clone veteran in critical condition. Maul ignited his weapon, illuminating the Dathomirian in the blood red of a Sith blade. In a scene reminiscent of the events that unfolded 32 years prior. Obi-Wan ignited his lightsaber and began his duel against the man who had taken so much from him.
Anakin saw Obi-Wan’s distress signal down on the planet, so he assembled Torrent Company along with Ahsoka and Luke and headed down to the planet. Obi-Wan wasn’t faring well in his duel against Maul; as the two have gotten older, Obi-Wan remained somewhat stagnant in his power, but Maul grew stronger, and combined with the fact that Maul studied every aspect of Obi-Wan’s fighting style, the Jedi Master’s outlook looked grim. Anakin and Torrent Company pushed towards Obi-Wan’s location, becoming more desperate as time marched on. Eventually, Torrent Company got pinned down, and Anakin had to continue on his own to reach his former teacher.
Anakin made it to the old Temple and heard the sounds of lightsaber clashes. Knowing that this was where his old teacher’s distress signal was coming from, he uses all his abilities in the force to lift the blast doors and jams them in place so they don’t fall on him. As he rushes into the temple, Maul, seeing Anakin, decided to end the fight by hitting Obi-Wan with a cheap hit, and stabbing him in the heart before fleeing with his Mandalorian guards. Anakin rushes to the side of his fallen master who was barely grasping onto life. Anakin began apologizing to his old friend that he wasn’t fast enough and was on the verge of tears. Before dying, Obi-Wan told Anakin that he was proud of him, that he was an amazing student, and an even better friend.
After Obi-Wan’s death, Anakin’s anger began to consume him. He’d now lost another person very close to him. His eyes began to glow a yellow not unlike that of a Sith and there was only one thought left on his mind, killing Maul. After calling for a medevac to rescue Cody and retrieve the corpses of Antilles and Obi-Wan, he returned to the battlefield. Anakin struck down as many of Maul’s droids, and a few Mandalorians that stayed to fight, that he could, his emotions similar to that of what he could’ve become 19 years prior, Darth Vader. The Dark Side was consuming him, and he would stop at nothing to exact his revenge. After the battle was over, Anakin gathered his troops and even more members of his 501st Legion and was going to scour the galaxy until he found Maul and struck him down.
In the aftermath of this, Anakin went into isolation, stewing in his anger and hatred. He began to disregard everything as his best friend was taken from him and he believed that nothing mattered except for his revenge. When the Council faked his master’s death during the Clone Wars, he was incredibly enraged, and felt a similar amount of rage and hatred as he did back then. Reaching out through the Force, Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan talked to him, telling him that seeking revenge was not what either of them wanted. If he was going to kill Maul, it should be for a reason of righteousness opposed to anger and hatred. Now seeing clearly, Anakin found the reports of Republic Intelligence that lead him to the planet Mustafar.
Anakin decided to face Maul alone, as he felt that this was his destiny. Luke and Ahsoka stayed behind as Anakin went down to the surface to deal with the final remnant of the Dark Side. Once at Maul’s base, Anakin killed the Mandalorians that were protecting the fallen Sith and began his duel against the Dathomirian. During the duel, they traversed all across the temple and to a nearby mining facility. As they fought, something clicked within Anakin, and that was the perfect balance of the Force. Anger and hatred were only so powerful, but when combined with the love and compassion of the Light, it formed a deadly weapon. After cutting Maul’s lightsaber in half, Anakin cut Maul in half as well, only this time, vertically, ensuring that he would never return to bring pain and torment to others.
Returning to Coruscant, the Jedi Order, several senators, and countless officers of the Grand Army of the Republic held a funeral for Obi-Wan. They remembered his selfless sacrifices he made in his life as well as his valiant actions over the course of his time as a Jedi. Obi-Wan’s lightsaber was placed in a museum of sorts where it rested next to Qui-Gon’s lightsaber.
The following months were all about cleaning up the remnants of Maul’s forces. The droids that he used were either confiscated or destroyed, and the Mandalorians that served with him were either killed or put in prison. Afterwards, the galaxy finally saw peace for the first time in a long while. Faith in the Republic was finally mending, and the galaxy could rest easy and return to business as usual. The final embers of the Clone Wars were finally put out, and the Sith became extinct. Evil would rise in its own time once again, but the bulk of it all was finally over. The Jedi could focus on being peacekeepers once again, and the Republic had finally secured itself.
I have been a fan of this show ever since the pilot. I loved the concept, and I still love most of the characters. What I am not a fan of is that it tries to be a comedic slapstick show like Family Guy at one moment, and then be a serious melodrama the next scene. The show started with the premise of being a dark humored workplace comedy surrounding a group of demonic assassins from Hell, and then quickly amounted into what felt like a walking advertisement for fanfiction headcanons and shippers. My opinions are mine alone, and while I do enjoy this show, there is a lot that I feel needs to be done with the characters and overall writing of the show that would benefit the show greatly, tell a far more compelling story, and give viewers a far more substantial end-product than what we currently have.
If you like the show as-is, then I am glad that you find joy in what the show currently is. However, for many viewers of the show, whether they be long-time fans like me, or people trying to get into the show, there are a ton of compounding issues in the show that can and should be better handled than what they currently are. It isn’t “hate” to want a better product than what you are given, or to suggest ways to make it better. And before anyone says “it’s Hell” in a way to dismiss characters being shitty, I want you to go to your local penitentiary and talk to the people locked up there. Despite a lot of people there doing bad things, almost none of the convicts are cartoonishly evil people; there is a thing known as complexity after all.
Chapter 1 - Stolas and Blitzo
While these two are the main characters of the series, it’s honestly hard to find arcs in the story that don’t revolve around these two in some way shape or form. As for the relationship between the two, in the first several episodes of Season 1, it was originally written as if Blitzo wanted nothing to do with Stolas, and that because of the vast swath of imbalances between the two, they would never be compatible and that they were never meant to be. However, as the show went on, it became less about Blitzo and his relationship with the rest of IMP and their jobs as assassins, and more about the relationship Blitzo has with Stolas.
Both characters are presented in a way where everything that happens to them isn’t their fault; instead, it’s the fault of everyone else, and that everyone in their lives has been holding them back. Neither one is capable of taking accountability for their actions. Neither one is capable of being an adult and realizing that their actions have consequences and that they are the only ones to blame when things go wrong regarding the people close to them. The show makes everyone else who wronged them into the bad guys, and they can avoid their issues by it all just being written away instead of actually having any sort of closure. Instead of Blitzo realizing that the trail of broken interpersonal relationships and the wreckage of his past coming back to haunt him is his fault, it is written as if he is innocent, and everyone who hates him are the bad guys.
Stolas on the other hand is shown to be the innocent victim at all times. Any time he does something that is objectively wrong, like him constantly neglecting and ignoring his daughter in favor of pursuing his sexual fantasies with Blitzo or bashing Octavia’s mother right in front of her, it’s casually brushed to the side, and instead, characters like Octavia are villainized for standing up for themselves due to the poor treatment from him, all because “he’s trying” or that at the end of the day, he is the victim and can do no wrong. Whenever Stolas is 100% objectively in the wrong and due his comeuppance, everyone manages to forgive him instantaneously, or if he and a character had a falling-out (like him and Blitzo), they are back to acting like they normally would like nothing ever happened.
My solution: Have both characters get their due comeuppance. Have Stolas realize that Blitzo never loved him in the first place and was using him and have him deal with the consequences of him putting his own daughter on the backburner for his love-affair. Have him realize that his choices have ruined the relationships with the people he held closest to him due to his lust and greed. Have Blitzo understand that he is the sole factor in everything in his life going pear-shaped. From his lack of friends to people no longer wanting to associate with him because of how he behaves and treated people and have him at least try to make amends in an attempt to fix the damage he caused in his life and the lives of other people.
Chapter 2 - Lack of Development for Female Characters
Very few of the female characters in the show have their moments of development and character growth. The male characters of the show like Blitzo, Stolas, Moxxie, and the much of the male cast members have their backgrounds explored at length. The only female character in the show that has any sort of character development has been Octavia, which even then, it’s more so that she starts to resent her father for neglecting her, and then magically forgives him over the course of 20 minutes. Meanwhile characters like Stella, Millie and Loona don’t really have any character traits besides being associated with the male characters; like Stella being Stolas’s abusive ex-wife, Millie just being Moxxie’s badass wife, or Loona being Blitzo’s bitchy and abusive adoptive daughter.
Millie in several instances has had opportunities for character development and fleshing-out, however the writers have not really expanded on her background much, if at all, even in what was supposed to be her own episode. All that we know about Millie is that she grew up on a farm, has a lot of siblings, got into fights as a kid, is good at killing, and is married to Moxxie. Another character that has been woefully underdeveloped has been Stolas’s ex-wife, Stella. She has just been a one-dimensional villain because she has abused Stolas and hired a hitman to kill him after he cheated on her. She hasn’t been shown to have any sort of relationship with her own daughter and has almost no character traits outside of her being an abusive ex. Loona was only given one scene in the adoption center where she was shown to have had a rough life. It never gives her any motivation for why she constantly treats the ones close to her badly, or why she can talk to Octavia about Stolas trying to be a good dad, yet she will punt-kick Blitzo in the balls less than a minute later.
Octavia on the other hand has been completely trivialized, and her issues with her father are presented as if they can just be easily dismissed or that she has to forgive him. Instead of showing that her father neglecting her all the time, compounded by the fact that her father tore apart her life by cheating on her mother, has caused her to grow bitter and resentful of him, it’s dismissed, and all is forgiven at the drop of a hat. The issues regarding why she feels the way that she does and causes her to run away at times are never addressed fully or given proper closure.
My solution: Give the audience more in-depth reasons as to why Stella is the person she is. Make it seem like she isn’t just some one-dimensionally evil bitch. Her and Stolas’s marriage could’ve been great for a little while, but slowly turned resentful and distant over time. But most importantly, give her any kind of parental relationship with Octavia. Give Millie some proper fleshing out as a character instead of what she has been and give her more depth besides being the badass woman that Moxxie decided to marry. Give Loona an actual reason to be the way that she is in the present, not just growing up in an orphanage.
Chapter 3 - Horrible Gay “Representation”
This section is going to be shorter, but when it comes to the gay “representation” in the show, it usually comes across as fetishization of same-sex couples, with those couples being presented as borderline to outright sex-pests. Straight couples like Blitzo and Verosika, or Moxxie and Millie are presented as having normal relationships for the most part, while the non-straight relationships are presented as being driven solely by lust. Whether it be Blitzo and Stolas, or Moxxie and Chaz, all of the gay characters come across as dick obsessed yaoi stereotypes.
My solution: Gay couples are just people as well. We have the same type of relationship dynamics that you can find in straight relationships that can and still do still apply. Usually being that these are two people who love each other and want to see what life has to offer each other, together. Some couples are far more sexual compared to others, however, there is a distinct difference between a couple being more sexual, opposed to being a hentai stereotype of gay relationships. Present their relationships as normal relationships, not like the only reason they’re together is that they both have a penis.
Chapter 4 - Tonal Clashes
One thing that Helluva Boss tries to be is a slapstick comedy like Family Guy, characters being messy people like in Bojack Horseman, a musical, and a melodramatic serial drama, all wrapped in the package of gore and black humor. A good example is how the show portrays abuse. While abuse that is directed towards Stolas is presented as absolutely reprehensible and you should feel bad about it, meanwhile the abuse that is thrown towards Blitzo and Moxxie is shown to be comedic.
It has proven to be a repeating theme with the show. One moment we will have a scene that aims to tug on your heartstrings, while the next is a slapstick scene tantamount to Peter Griffin falling down the stairs, or some sex joke. In what way is this supposed to mesh together? How would this be any different than if a movie showed a guy and how horribly depressed he is after getting divorced and how he now has to figure out his life, only then to cut to a scene where his friend is taking a dump with comically loud fart sounds? The way how emotional scenes in the show are presented goes against the very nature of the show itself. If Helluva Boss is supposed to be a comedy at heart, that just makes the gut wrenchingly emotional and dramatic scenes just feel out of place and makes them feel difficult to take seriously.
My solution: Pick a genre and stick with it. Flip-flopping between what genre you want your show to be at one given moment is not conducive to good storytelling. In fact, the serious melodrama and slapstick comedy grind against each other pretty hard and don’t really mesh. It’s hard to find comedic scenes funny when you had a depressing scene just a few moments prior, and hard to take a serious moment seriously when you had goofy slapstick comedy and sex jokes before that. If you want your show to be a goofy slapstick show like Family Guy or American Dad, then go for it and stick to it, the same applies if you want to make the show a serious drama like The Sopranos.
Conclusion
Look, I love Helluva Boss. I mean would I write ‘x reader’ stories for IMP and have old Gmod screenshots with Helluva Boss characters in my portfolio of work if I didn’t like the show? I love the setting and a good deal of the characters, and I want to see the show actually stand out and succeed for all the right reasons, not fall into obscurity and ridicule because of what the show currently is. The concept and some of the ideas that the show has are brilliant and would be amazing if they were executed correctly. However, what I have noticed about the show is that good writing is substituted for fan-service, previous events are retconned to appease a rather small, yet belligerent sect of the fanbase, and both comedic and deeply serious themes are being undermined alike by each other.
I understand liking a show and wanting to defend it. Hell, I used to and still defend the Star Wars Prequels, but even though I love and defend the Prequels, I understand some of the jarring moments within those movies and how they could’ve been presented better. I feel that the fandom that Helluva Boss has needs to learn that nuance and critical thinking to better argue to the creators what needs to be changed, or what doesn’t: what works and what doesn’t. As the show currently is, there is a lot that should be changed to deliver a better project and it can make the show even better than what it is.
Ever since I was a kid, my dad has hoarded tons of comic book collectibles and memorabilia. In my childhood home, it was relegated to a room in the basement, and later, when we used to live in a mobile home, it was only relegated to his bedroom. However, ever since we moved to a new house in August of last year, it has spread from far beyond his bedroom. Now, we have boxes for his collectibles in the living room, the upstairs hallway, the 4 seasons room, the guest room is filled halfway to the ceiling with the boxes for his collectibles, the crawlspace under the stairs in the basement is filled all the way up with boxes, the laundry room has some boxes, and half of his room is filled 3/4 of the way to the ceiling with more boxes of the same statues and busts with the only walkable spaces in his room are to his bed and to his television.
He always talks about how me and my brother need to be more cleanly while a solid 1/2 of the house is filled with boxes for his collectible junk. I know that I am not some clean freak. I occasionally leave stuff out from time to time, and my room is a bit messy with some dirty clothes, a few small boxes for some technology, and some papers because I filed my taxes recently. However, I can clean my room in about 20 minutes at most. His bedroom alone would take several hours if not more to clean, and I just don't know what to do about it. He tells me and my brother that we're messy, but he will straight-up deny that he has a problem.
It isn't just comic book collectibles that he hoards either, he also hoards old food that he refuses to throw away. When we moved about 8 months ago, I had to pressure him to throw out shrimp cocktail sauce that expired in late 2021, and an already open jar of mayonnaise that expired about a month prior to when we moved. Even as a kid, I remember that he would refuse to throw out expired spices as well. It was around 2010, and we still had spices that we would use regularly that expired in the late 1990s. When we lived in the mobile home, one of the cupboards was filled with expired cereal and Pop Tarts that he refused to throw out. Even still, we have a container of raisins that expired in August of 2022, and in the fridge, we have brown mustard that expired in August of 2022, and a jar of pickles that expired in November of 2022.
By the end of the year, I plan to move out and be on my own, and I know that my brother will follow suit in a few years on his own, and I am seriously worried that his hoarding will be far worse when he is living alone. I know that he won't throw any of that stuff away because he spent thousands on all of it, and if he had to sell that stuff, he wouldn't even come close to breaking even, which will also encourage him to keep that stuff. With how little he actually does around the house, I am worried that more rooms and other spaces will get filled up with more junk to the point where the living room and kitchen are the only habitable rooms in the house.
I’m also worried that his refusal to throw out expired food is going to result in him getting hospitalized because he just refuses to throw out old food. Combine that with a refusal to actually clean the house and care for our cats, which he currently relies on both me and my brother to do, his house is going to fall into disrepair in a matter of a few short years when both me and my brother move away. When trying to get him to throw away an already opened and expired jar of Miracle Whip results in an argument and him saying absurd things like expiration dates being a scam, I know that him living on his own, is going to result in the house becoming a part of the hoard.
Aight, how the hell did I get almost 200 followers?
Seriously, thank all of you for liking my work over the last 2 years. It brings me a ton of joy to know that you guys like my content, and I love all of you people for all the support you have given me. More content is on the way, and I hope all of you guys continue to stick around :3 ❤️
(Screenshot credits to Fox-Petal-Designs on DeviantArt)
After using this mod for a while and falling in love with it, I decided to make some backstory/lore for the Lykaios since there isn’t much backstory within the mod. As a side note, I used the Creation Kit to turn some Nord NPCs into Lykaios so it would fit the backstory. I wrote the following in the perspective of an Imperial scholar, and I hope you all enjoy!
The Lykaios, A Long-Lost History
By Sven Ice-Hilt, Imperial Scholar
The Lykaios, my people, my culture, and who I am. Distinguished reader, my name is Sven Ice-Hilt, and while my name may scream that I must be a Nord, I am anything but. In fact, I am a Lykaios, a wolf-like Beast Race native to the cold, and unforgiving northern climate of Skyrim.
The history of my people has mostly been lost to time, and what little knowledge that we retain of our history, I wish to make known to anybody who who decides to learn the knowledge contained within this volume. Many of my own people have forgotten our history, and the people of Tamriel barely know of our existence due to our reclusive nature and a desire to stay within the borders of our frigid homeland.
We lived in Skyrim since before the Nords came from Atmora and took it for their own. The history of our inception is unknown, but we are believed to be related to the assumedly extinct, fox-like, Lilmothiit people. It is assumed that some of the Lilmothiit migrated north from Black Marsh to Skyrim and settled there, evolving to be able to withstand the frigid temperatures of Skyrim's northern climate.
After migrating to Skyrim, we maintained a semblance of stability and peace with the Snow Elves and the Dwarves. Our peace, however, was short lived, as when the Snow Elves waged war against the Nords, it almost cost us everything. After the Night of Tears, the Nords sought revenge for the slaughter of their people by the Snow Elves, a revenge that included the Snow Elves themselves, and anybody who dared to call themselves allies of the Snow Elves.
We were an ally of the Snow Elves for a time, but after the Night of Tears, we slowly separated ourselves from the Elves. When the Nords returned from Atmora, however, they knew not of our desire to distance ourselves from the Elves. Many Lykaios villages were slaughtered and razed to the ground. Only after one of our most powerful chiefs, Nokose, negotiated with Ysgramor, did the Lykaios finally see peace once again. Our people were never the same, as to this day, many Lykaios choose a nomadic lifestyle traversing Skyrim opposed to forming settlements of our own.
Throughout the eras, the Lykaios people have maintained a stable peace with the Nords, living our lives as we see fit. All throughout Imperial history, the Lykaios have been there: from the age of dragons, to the formation of the Empire, to the Oblivion Crisis, and finally to the Great War. We, as a people, have fought side-by-side by those who would protect our people, and we have been loyal to the Empire ever since its inception.
Over the course of many centuries, the Lykaios gradually became assimilated into Nord culture. The only things remaining of our culture at of the time of writing in 4E 192, are our distinct hairstyles, our proud cultural rituals surrounding hunting, and our general reclusiveness to the outside world. Few Lykaios choose to leave Skyrim and instead choose to remain within our homeland. Few choose the scholarly lifestyle, and even fewer choose the adventurous life of military service.
As civil unrest grows in Skyrim, the Lykaios feel threatened. We see the rising racial tensions growing in our homeland amongst the Nords who we once viewed as our brethren at a time. With the rhetoric preached by Ulfric Stormcloak, and his decrees which have disenfranchised the Dark Elves and the Argonians within Windhelm, many Lykaios fear that the countless centuries of peace that we fought and died for will be discarded completely if Ulfric Stormcloak and his growing rebellion succeed.
My character from my non-Dragonborn run, Viloria Ice-Fang, and her backstory:
Viloria Ice-Fang was born on a small farm outside of Windhelm in 4E 176 to a Nord father, Thongvor Ice-Fang, and an Imperial mother, Sibylla Aerocius. Thongvor was a farmer and a noteworthy critic of Ulfric Stormcloak and his repeated attempts of causing an uprising. Sibylla was a critic of him as well, stating that his experience in the Great War and using it as a rallying cry, was wildly irresponsible and went against the oath he took as a Legionnaire. Other than that, the Ice-Fang family maintained a somewhat simple life of farming.
After Ulfric ascended to the throne to replace his father in 4E 183, Thongvor and Sibylla’s criticism grew even more pronounced of Ulfric, due to him racially segregating the city by forcing all Dunmer to live in the Grey Quarter and forced the Argonians outside the city. With a bit of money and crops to spare, the Ice-Fang family would give the Argonians what they could, whether it be crops to sell, or gold to help them out. During this time, Viloria became close friends with an Argonian boy named Scouts-Many-Marshes, who quickly became her best friend.
Due to many Nords in the region wanting to silence Thongvor and Sibylla, in the middle of the night one evening in 4E 186, Stormcloak supporters stormed the family farm and burned it to the ground, trapping Thongvor and Sibylla inside so they would burn to death. Viloria was thankfully not at her house, instead, staying the night with the Argonians with her best friend. The next morning, news spread quickly that her parents were murdered, but nobody knew the people directly responsible.
With nowhere else to go, Viloria was adopted by the Argonian dockworkers, particularly by Stands-In-Shallows, her new official legal guardian. The Argonians would share their food, and kept her safe from discovery, due to the fact that if the people who murdered her parents found out she were still alive, she would be murdered as well, and the dockworkers keeping her safe as well would meet their end.
In 4E 191, Viloria had saved up enough gold, and left Skyrim for Cyrodiil on a ship to head to the Imperial City.Once there, she joined the Penitus Oculatus, the Emperor’s personal security forces and espionage group. Here she learned how to be an effective spy and a soldier. Over the course of the next 10 years, she trained harder and harder, becoming a fierce killer, and an incredible spy. She, and Commander Maro were on the cusp of finding out the whereabouts of the Dark Brotherhood.
Starting in 4E 198, Viloria went deep undercover, probing around and finding out what she could about the Dark Brotherhood’s whereabouts. For the next 3 years, everything she and Maro tried led to a dead end in Cyrodiil, and thus, she went back to Skyrim to find out what she could. Here, she made her first stop in Windhelm, as some whispers were being told about an orphan trying to summon the Dark Brotherhood. This assignment would be to her benefit, as she would reconnect with her childhood best friend and her adoptive father.
I’m BAAAAAACK, and giving Helluva Boss a shot at writing :3
Blitzo
One day he was on an airbase, snooping around for one of his targets that was just some random serviceman. He was peeking in and out of the hangars, looking for the target, and he encountered you.
You saw the imp and instantly drew your pistol on him as you were standing next to your jet. Instead of reacting with violence, he decided to charm you with his sense of humor.
Once he managed to deescalate the situation, he made a break for it and escaped, calling off the assassination as he was compromised in the middle of a military base.
A week later, he used the grimoire to visit you in your barracks room. You were surprised, but he kept the situation light, cracking jokes and being as funny as he could. From there you two hit it off quite easily.
He always pesters you about using your jet to help him in assassinations, but you refuse every time; you weren’t going to use a government fighter jet and level entire buildings or even city blocks to help him kill one random civilian.
After so much pressuring, you decided to take him on a flight with you in your jet. Deciding to show off and to be a bit of an ass, you pulled the most aggressive acrobatics your jet could do. He passed out from the G-forces a few times, and when you landed, he vomited.
He never admits his fears to you, but the thought of you either getting shot down, or getting in a crash terrifies him more than anything. You getting KIA is enough to keep him from sleeping sometimes.
The only time where you used your jet to help him was when he and the rest of I.M.P. were in a life-or-death situation. They were in a massive gunfight with the D.H.O.R.K.S and were heavily outnumbered and outgunned.
Remembering an authenticated code you told him, Blitzo hacked into the comms to your airbase and gave the code, authorizing a fire support mission, and you were scrambled to help them.
In minutes you were on the scene, and in the air, loaded up with several air-to-ground munitions. You dropped your JDAMs onto the agents, killing most of them, and you finished off the stragglers with your jet’s guns. From the ground Blitzo made a heart shape with his tail and waved at you dreamily.
Moxxie
You encountered the thespian imp sneaking around on the aircraft carrier you were stationed on, just underneath the flight deck. When you saw him, you attempted to capture him, only for him to knock you out with the butt of his rifle.
He killed the captain of the carrier who was his contract. And in a flash, was gone. No trace of the killer, no evidence was left behind, nothing. Just a dead Navy officer, and a pilot with some mild head trauma.
You woke up in the sick bay, nursing a moderate concussion. Military police questioned you, but you couldn’t recollect what your assailant looked like.
A few days later, he felt guilty for hurting you, so he showed up in the sick bay to visit you with some flowers from Hell and a card wishing you to get better. Due to his kindness and remorse, he became your friend.
Once he learned that you were a fighter pilot, the questions were never-ending. He was always asking you about previous missions and even technical questions about your jet.
One day, you had enough of his questions, and decided to take him for a flight, so he could see it for himself. You didn’t pull any aerial acrobatics, instead, you showed him the world from far above at high altitudes. After this, he confessed he had feelings for you, and you kicked it off from there.
Moxxie was never worried about your safety, he knew that you were a skilled pilot and capable of holding your own. That was until one day. You told him you were being deployed, and he got extremely nervous.
On one of your missions, you got shot down into the wilderness. You set up your rescue beacon and waited for days and days for a rescue that never came.
After not getting any communication from you in over a week, his anxiety kicked into overdrive. Something was terribly, terribly wrong. He used the grimoire and went to the living world, searching for you at your last known coordinates.
He found you in a cave, alive, but messed up badly. You had several wounds and several bandages on you. Knowing that lack of action meant that you would die, he took you back with him to Hell, nursing your injuries and making sure his personal fighter ace was well.
Millie
Her first encounter with you was when you managed to kill her target before her. She was after some terrorist in the Middle East, and you blew him up before she could even get to him.
Letting curiosity get the better of her, she found herself heading to the nearest airbase to check out who did it. No ill will intended, she just wanted to meet you.
Lo and behold, she found you. The sight of the redneck imp made you feint as you came to the realization that Hell was real. Upon awaking, she was still there, and struck up a conversation with you. You made a good friend pretty quickly.
She would always go on a little detour on areas where you were deployed over the course of a few months, always visiting you after I.M.P. would finish a contract. She loved catching up with you and getting to know you better.
You two always had competitions, like who could beat the other in a sparring match in the ring, or who could shoot the other down in a combat simulator. You were very competitive, and so was she.
Millie loved a man who was as competitive as her, and by all that is unholy, she fell for you hard after this. She confessed her feelings soon after, and you reciprocated, getting yourself a lovely girlfriend.
Seeing you in action, she was never worried about you getting hurt or anything like that. You were pretty capable in a scrap for one, and you were pretty much an ace pilot.
One day however, your jet was shot down and you were captured by insurgents. When Millie found out, there was going to be HELL to pay for those insurgents. She organized a rescue mission, and everyone in I.M.P. went along because they were scared of HER.
She and the rest of I.M.P. killed every single one of the terrorists who held you captive. When she got to you, you were hurt pretty badly; you had some broken ribs, an injured back from the ejection, a concussion, and some other cuts and bruises from the torture you were subjected to.
She got you back to your base so you could be treated for your injuries, and she went on one helluva revenge mission. She was going to kill as many of the terrorists from that group that hurt you, and nothing was going to stop her.
Loona
Your first encounter with Loona was pretty drama free. She decided to go to the living world to get away from everyone at the office and relax a bit. She was at a bar in her human disguise.
She ran into you getting some drinks in your dress uniform. Several other pilots were with you, celebrating the retirement of another pilot. You mustered up the courage to talk to the goth girl at the bar, and hit it off pretty well, with her giving you her number.
You texted her back and forth for a few weeks, getting to know her better over everything, some playful flirting and all. She made the first move and asked you to meet her at a park.
You met her at the park in your leather pilot jacket and some jeans. You had a great time there, got some coffee, and got to know her a lot better over time, her even revealing her true form to you, which freaked you out a bit, but you still loved her regardless, and she became your girlfriend.
You took her on-base one day and showed her the jet you flew, and she was impressed. She honestly thought that you being a fighter pilot was really cool and hot.
You never took her into the jet on a flight, but you did buy her tickets to an airshow that you would be performing in. While she was there, she was stunned at how easy you made it look to dance that jet around the sky.
She had some fears of you getting hurt or worse, but she knew that it came with the territory of dating someone in the military. She never let her worries get to her though, and always remained strong for you.
One day during an exercise while you were flying, your jet had a complete hydraulics failure, and you weren’t able to control the plane whatsoever, leading you to eject from the jet, and leaving you with a pretty nasty spinal injury.
When you could, you texted her about it, and she was at the hospital within a few seconds, teleporting herself to you from Hell. She never left your side while you were there, oftentimes staying in the hospital for days.
Once you were better, she took you on a vacation to Hell where you got to meet her work associates and her adoptive father. Everyone there wanted to get ahold of a fighter jet to use for their missions and you’d just roll your eyes whenever they mentioned that.
Hey everyone, I won't be posting for a bit. I just got into a sour breakup with my boyfriend last night. I don't want to get into details right now, but my mental health has taken a nosedive. Thank you to everyone who has been liking my works and following me, I won't be gone for long.
Transformers x Human Reader Headcanons (The World Finds Out)
Art credits go to lesnee
Optimus Prime
Optimus Prime decided to give a speech of the human population on Television. A speech about hope and the personal heroism of the various humans he knew. That the bravery and sacrifice by the humans he knew for an alien race was admirable and praiseworthy.
He told the world that out of all the humans he has met, none inspires him more than you. Your selflessness and willingness to help the Cybertronians left a massive impression on him about your species.
Halfway through the speech, he picked you up, and placed you on his shoulder. Making sure to not lose your balance, you sat close to his face, and felt the Autobot leader’s voice rumble through your body.
As Optimus continued his speech, you stroked his shoulder and face, and the cameras definitely saw what you were doing. Optimus knew what you were doing, but he had no intention of stopping it. It was part of his plan to show that if a human’s heart can open up to a Cybertronian, anything is possible.
At the end of the speech, when everyone in attendance was applauding, you kissed Optimus on the side of his face. And again, the cameras caught everything in full view. You didn’t care what the rest of humanity thought, Optimus was the love of your life.
The following day, headlines all across the world said something about you and Optimus Prime’s relationship. While some were excoriating the idea of a human dating an alien robot, some were much more empathetic to the idea.
Bumblebee
One night you were out of town with Bumblebee, travelling from your small town to the Autobot base for an important briefing on Decepticon plans. In the middle of the night, you stopped at a gas station to use their bathroom and grab a snack.
While Bumblebee was parked outside, a robber came into the store and grabbed a hold of you, pointing a gun to your head, and demanded that the person behind the register give them the money, or you would die.
Bumblebee noticed this almost immediately and transformed before ripping the front and roof of the gas station off. Before the robber could react, Bumblebee knocked him away from you, and picked him up by the throat with his index finger and thumb.
Bumblebee threatened the criminal, saying that if it weren’t for his affiliation with the Autobots, he would crush his head like a grape. He even threatened the robber with his plasma cannon and told him to give one good reason why he shouldn’t turn him into a red mist.
Looking down at you Bumblebee dropped the robber outside and told him to run, before he changed his mind and decided to kill him for threatening his significant other like that. Bumblebee transformed back into a Camaro, and you two got out of there fast.
The next day, the security footage and audio were released and put on the news. Soon it spread to almost all of the major news networks on the planet. While Optimus understood why Bumblebee chose to protect you the way he did, he disapproved of his choice of violence.
Megatron
Megatron usually kept your relationship a secret from even his own allies. He didn’t want them to think he was an unfit leader for having a soft spot for a human that was originally a captive.
This changed one day when government agents from the FBI had arrested you and brought you in for questioning, as they believed that you were a collaborator for the Decepticons, which would classify as treason against the United States.
Megatron flew into a blinding rage when he learned of your capture. Using intel from Soundwave, he gathered every Decepticon he could muster and went into a full-scale assault on the FBI building you were being held in. He told the Decepticons to leave no survivors besides you.
Soundwave sent Rumble and Frenzy into the building to locate you, and within a few minutes, the Mini-Cons had found you. Breaking you free, they took you outside and back to Lord Megatron. Once you were safe with him, he ordered the Decepticons to level the building and kill anyone in their way.
He then flew you to the tallest building in the city, making it clear to everyone that he existed. He screamed to the people in the city that if anyone had the audacity to take or harm his lover, they would face the full wrath of the Decepticons.
Afterwards, the world stood mortified that one of their own species would align with the faction that wished to overthrow Earth’s governments and make the human race subservient to them. You scoffed when you learned of this. Megatron didn’t want to hurt or kill anyone unless they were a threat to him, the Decepticon cause, or you.
Starscream
One day you were on a mission with other military fighter pilots over hostile territory. Your mission was to destroy an enemy airfield so that the advancing ground forces could advance without having to worry about enemy air cover.
As you and the other pilots were advancing on the airfield, suddenly Starscream’s RWR started beeping in a high-low tone, indicating that something was tracking you with radar.
You and the other pilots were unnerved by this, and you began to panic when the RWR beep got even more aggressive, signaling that a missile was fired at you. Immediately you pulled hard and deployed flares to try to evade the missile.
Despite your best efforts, as well as Starscream’s, the missile connected, forcing Starscream out of his alt-mode and you ejected, with him catching you midair. Your squadron saw this and were shocked, the enemy was more shocked when Starscream landed at the airfield.
As Starscream clutched you, he began destroying and killing every person at the enemy airbase. How dare they try to kill you, and how dare they even attempt to damage him! Video footage was released of the incident on the internet and the world saw you and Starscream in full view.
A military investigative board questioned you for hours, but with a lack of any tangible evidence, they couldn’t discharge you. However, after the situation, many other military members called you a traitor to your own species for aligning with the Decepticons.
