Shit I Learned - things you pick up on the way

var sc_project=5817022; var sc_invisible=1; var sc_security="2a6cf3fe"; I wouldn't say that I know everything...because that would be cocky and unfair to those of you that don't. But I have learned a few things on the journey. Most of it is shit, naturally, and only rarely of use on trivia nights and winning obscure drunken arguments with buddies. Though there will be the odd handy hint, like not pissing on an electric fence, which most farm kids learn the hard way. Once. var gaJsHost = (("https:" == document.location.protocol) ? "https://ssl." : "http://www."); document.write(unescape("%3Cscript src='" + gaJsHost + "google-analytics.com/ga.js' type='text/javascript'%3E%3C/script%3E")); try { var pageTracker = _gat._getTracker("UA-640493-4"); pageTracker._trackPageview(); } catch(err) {}

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It's hard to tell with fat people. They're sort-of puffy and don't have wrinkles

Louisa P, Prague, November 2012. I asked her how old she thought our barrel-chested barman might have been.

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More ning-nongs...including yours truly. xx

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This is how we spent Sunday, in the bullring at Tarragona, near Barcelona, with 7000 lunatics building towers out of people. I am very sore today. Naturally, getting 80-90kg people trudging over your collarbone or head was never going to hurt, right? This particular tower assembled by our team, Vilafranca, had never been built and deconstructed in competition before.

If none of this makes any sense, here is a more complete vid of the last concourse held  two years ago. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K1HWyUIZ5kk

Did I mention that our mob won the whole thing yesterday? Muchos cerveza.

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Doesn't Kenny look stoked to get the top job at Port? Don't worry, mate, there's some good news too...you have to have all your teeth removed and a third eye inserted in your forehead. You choose where.

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Every politician would like every voter to think that he had been born in a log cabin that he had built himself.

Bill Clinton, National Democratic Convention, 2012.

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The laxative effects of exercise such as hurdling. You should have been in the crowd at the London 2012 Olympics. The long-jump pit was a minefield.

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OK, all you AFL buffs. Did you know that it is 15 years to the day since...

...Garry 'Whiskas' Hocking took the field. Allright, so the first bit is bullshit - I have no idea how long ago it was, although I must be somewhere near it. 

Buddha's tie-in with the cat food company may have been a master-stroke of marketing and anointed him a genius ahead of his time...although watching any interview footage of him would suggest otherwise.

Anyway, got me thinking, what other AFL player promos would be a nice fit?

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"Come ON"!!

Watching Lley-Lley playing at the Olympics. Amusing how different it is from Wimbledon. Crappy camera angles, ball boys and girls who look they were only told what to do at the beginning of the match.

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Irishism of the day

Wandering along in Co. Down. 'So, whereya from?' says rotund Oirish ma'am. 'New Zealand,' replies mother-in-law. 'OOOH,' she says, excitedly, 'oive got a cousin down there. Don't ask me where he is. South Africa, oi think.'

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Nom, nom...geeky goodness.

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You know how people start to look like their pets? 

Have these two been going to the same hairdresser?

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It's Blighty, alrighty! Stunning.

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When the UK let's Spring through the door, it is hard to beat.

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Spam can improve your hearing

I got a very informative email today from someone I didn't even know. Must be one of those good samaritan types. Anyway, it told me all about creams to increase the size of my member. Unfortunately, I misread it at first and thought it helped you to 'remember'. Rubbed some behind my ears and now I look like Mickey Mouse. Can hear a pin drop in Swindon. For all the good it's done, I should have shoved it down my pants.

[flyingscotsman]

(via B3ta)

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That doesn't happen without generations of careful inbreeding.

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Fooking gell

I have become the father of a teenager! Wooster, please bring me my zimmer-frame. And give the old cholostomy a bit of a rinse, willya?

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David Cameron had a poster of Cheryl Tiegs on his wall as a youth.

Gordon Brown had a drawing of the Loch Ness monster in a bikini.

Tony Blair had an extra mirror.

John Major. Who?

Baroness Thatcher had cave paintings of Genghis Khan.