Shit Old People Say

Real things said by real old people.

[shitoldpeoplesay]

fuck you

Who told old people about tumblr?

[duckypi]

why are old people so obsessed with doing this

[shitoldpeoplesay]

But sir....you just...TYPED this.

[lolfactory]

No, grandma!

✚follow LOLFACTORY on tumblr [this funny picture via lolsnaps] ♥ buy cool hoodies & sweats♥

[hollyxquinn]

I ate hotdogs and got diabetes

My grandfather (via hollyxquinn)

[lifelinemain]

An old woman at this party I’m at just said “getting old is a bitch” and then as she walked away she muttered “then you die” I aspire to be her

[shitoldpeoplesay]

Resident: Did I eat my dinner??

Me: Yes

Resident: I have NO memory of this! I'm never coming back here again!

Me: But... You live here.

Resident: Oh, do I?

[shitoldpeoplesay]

I'm visiting my grandmother and pushing her around the retirement home in her wheelchair.

Grandmother: *spots a cluster of fat old folks and announces loudly* Look, that man is pregnant!

Me: Grandma! You can't say that. *pushes wheelchair quickly past the group*

Grandmother: Old people are deaf, he didn't hear me.

[hobbitpants]

My grandmother just asked if the internet was closed on Sundays

I love this woman. 92 year old, ladies and gentlemen. 

[shitoldpeoplesay]

My Grandmother: Do Vegetarians eat fish?

Me: Well some do - but they're Pescetarians

My Grandmother: Oh really? They do that?

Me: Yeah, Vegetarians don't eat any animals, Pescetarians eat fish, and Vegans don't eat animals or animal bi-products.

My Grandmother: Oh well, My friend Debbie is a Presbyterian - but I didn't know that was part of it.

[ournegligentmother]

I’m not sure… but I think I might need to shit

91yr old lady to me first thing this morning  (via ournegligentmother)

[fyeahtobyturnerquotes-blog]

Carol, the computer’s not working! Oh, that’s a microwave. That’s why my floppy disk melted.

Toby Turner - SH*T OLD PEOPLE SAY - 3rd February, 2012 (via fyeahtobyturnerquotes)

[shitoldpeoplesay]

Things to know: I’m left handed, I work at Starbucks, it was Halloween.

Me: *writes old man’s name on cup*

Old Man: You’re writing with your left hand.

Me: ....yes I am. (??)

Old Man: Today must be witches day.

Me: ..........

[deadlinejon]

political comics that are just kids holding books and going “what’s this?????? not a electronic? no computer???not phone?? how can be??” will always crack me up

[deadlinejon]

[hyperchaotix]

I think old people do this just to feel better about themselves because they don’t know how to use a computer and think that it works the other way around for some reason.

[shitoldpeoplesay]

So I was cleaning out my closet and found my notes from my last 2 weeks at the retirement home.....

-TONY, FIX THE SHIT OMGGGG

-”They threw out my box!”

-Fabulous Finds Senior Shopping Spree 

-Old Man, why did you call me? Oh good you’re alive.

-Cosmos for Chem Guys

-OMG all the packages

-708 wants the Avengers to Assemble

-Ratman, stop touching the fucking smoke detectors.

-WHY IS HE PLAYING CHRISTMAS CAROLS?!?!

-SUE

-Go junk Mitch, hospital bed in 15.

- 406 is cooking.

-Omg you don’t get to choose who gives the meds.

-Yaaaaaaaay

-203?

[betterthankanyebitch]

[king-emare]

So today at IHOP a white lady stepped in and insulted my mother for speaking Spanish. She told my mom to learn English Or get out of America.my mom does speak English with an accent though! I stepped in an didn’t let her do that. Please share!! This will not stop unless we step in. Latinos tenemos que hablar contra el RACISMO! Here’s the video of proof! Share!!!

https://www.facebook.com/carlossteven.vasquez.9?fref=ts

White people piss me tf off.

[superorganza]

Do yall here the pain in that woman’s voice (that woman who speaks Spanish)? That is the pain of someone who has worked day and night to make things happen for herself and her family in this god awful country only to have all of her work be spit on by some stale piece of bread who probably hasn’t had to do half of what the other woman does.

I know this pain well, especially being the child of two immigrant parents and seeing how people reacted when my parents spoke in their mother tongue or when they heard my parents accents. Suddenly any trust or expectations that any (mostly white) person had in them as an employee/house owner/worker etc. was just completely disregarded.

I’m sick and tired of this bullshit and I'ms sick and tired of associating “American” with “white and English speaking” because that’s not what it fucking is.

[just-before-our-love-got-lost]

Yo, I might play around about a lot of things, but I would have given this lady the complete business. The whole “This is America, we speak English” line is sooo tired. Like, she does realize that America doesn’t have an official language, right? So if I wanna walk around speaking fucking Pig Latin then I will. She is batshit crazy and someone needs to put her cranky ass in a home. I’m glad people like this are dying out/are becoming a very small minority, but I still would have had to embarrass the fuck outta her in front of all of IHOP. Y’all need to stay in your lane and stop comin’ for minorities unless you wanna get ribbed.

[this-gay-guy]

I don’t know if I’m emotional but hearing the pain in here voice when she yelled “I speak English.” has me bawling right now.

[shitoldpeoplesay]

As a young white person, I would like to apologize for all the old, racist, ignorant, cranky, stale af white people. They’re a fucking embarrassment. 

[shitoldpeoplesay]

a conversation i had with a 96-year-old woman

96 yr old: You know how your parents probably say things like, "you were BORN with the internet, you don't know what it's like to live without!"

Me: yeah

96 yr old: Well, my parents said that to me about electricity.

[everythingmatters]

this app is truly amazing