Feminism and Respectability in “Daddy’s Money” by Ricochet
I am decidedly not a fan of country music, but I did spend a good part of my rural childhood listening to country music radio and cassette mixtapes of country music that my mother made. An exception to my general distaste for the genre is “Daddy’s Money” (1996) by Ricochet. This song is about falling for a woman that has everything: she’s beautiful and rich, amongst other things that are not always valued in women. Not only is it catchy and fun to sing along to, but it gently subverts the misogyny long present in the greater tradition of country songs, and our contemporary patriarchal society. “Daddy’s Money” puts value on this woman’s fully-formed personality and independence, and is a contrast to other country songs like “Friends in Low Places” by Garth Brooks, which is essentially about a “country” guy showing up and to and ruining his ex-girlfriend’s “classy” party, which is deemed acceptable and even admirable. Other country music that might be deemed “love songs” overtly reinforce patriarchal gender values, such as “Firecracker” by Josh Turner, which is essentially about a woman being desirable because she is good at sex. This exploration will assume that the subjects are heterosexual, since the singer is a man and his ideal partner in question is clearly portraying a woman. Is “Daddy’s Money” the feminist country anthem that it seems? Let’s analyze.
The main praise of the woman in question is that
She’s got her daddy’s money, her mama’s good looks/more laughs than a stack of comic books/a wild imagination, a college education/add it all up, it’s a deadly combination/She’s a good bass fisher, a dynamite kisser/country as a turnip green/she’s got her daddy’s money, her mama’s good looks/and look who’s lookin’ at me
The speaker here places value on this woman’s appearance and her money, but also on her being smart, educated, and funny. This is a departure from the common [but erroneous] notion that women aren’t funny, or that, if a woman is funny, she must also be unattractive. In addition to being funny, she’s also imaginative, which suggests she might have a creative career or an arty hobby that the speaker will value as their relationship progresses instead of writing it off as way to kill time or earn “pin money” before marriage. I would like to think that the reference to “comic books” means that the speaker is not here for any “fake geek girl” bullshit, but I think that one might be a stretch.
The speaker sees her tertiary education as a bonus along with her natural intelligence, which shows he is not looking for a woman who he thinks might be easier to control due to her lack of education, which flies in the face of that “Men Prefer Debt-Free Virgins Without Tattoos” article that went viral in 2018 for being a gross show of internalized misogyny, especially where “debt-free” was a not-so-subtle code for “without a university degree.” This man appreciates that that this woman has the intellectual capacity for critical thinking needed to obtain a degree and that she is independent enough to live on her own. It is of course entirely possible that she does not have student debt because her family’s wealth covered the cost of her tuition, but unsurprisingly this snappy bop does not specify.
Her talent at fishing is another implication that she is independent. Very literally, she can provide food for herself. Symbolically, she has taken a pursuit men have used to subtly signal that they are a “catch” (pun aggressively intended) in the dating arena and made it hers, thereby subverting the trope of men as providers. She doesn’t need a man, which makes her attraction to the speaker special. She is choosing a relationship with the speaker, and he is excited to be chosen. The flip side of her fishing skills can be taken to mean that she’s a “cool girl,” a fantasy of ideal womanhood that I find best described by Gillian Flynn in Gone Girl. This woman’s fishing prowess can be read as something “cool” and masculine which makes her “not like other girls,” which implies that women in general are weak and uncool. By having a “cool” hobby, she is special because she’s “one of the boys.” She appreciates good [read: masculine] hobbies and does not bother with frivolous [read: feminine] ones.
While these parts of the song subvert common misogynist beliefs about the desirability of women, other parts of “Daddy’s Money” are deeply entrenched in the conservative patriarchal respectability politics common in the United States. Church and God are brought up often in this tight three-minute song and signals the virtuousness, and therefore worthiness, of the woman in question. The first words of the song are “Can’t concentrate on the preacher preaching/my attention span done turned off/I’m honed in on that angel singing/up there in the choir loft,” which shows that both halves of the couple regularly attend the same church, and that the woman is very involved – enough to be in the choir. The speaker does not name church attendance or even Christianity specifically when listing the woman’s desirable attributes, but it is clear that her dedication to the Church is important. Desiring a partner to be from the same religious community is not necessarily a negative thing, but references to organized Christianity is a hallmark of the country genre. In this way, “Daddy’s Money” keeps to “traditional” values touted in country music. Further, the speaker appeals to God to help him win her, even though we know she is already into him: “Lord if you got any miracles handy/maybe you could grant me one/just let me walk down the aisle and say ‘I do’/to that angel with a choir robe on.” In short, she’s “wife material.”
The idea of “wife material” is often an impossible standard for women to determine whether or not they are worthy of the ultimate honor for a woman: heterosexual matrimony. “Wife material” means being simultaneously a strong, ambitious individual and a domestic goddess, attending to their man’s emotional and physical needs. A woman who is “wife material” will put her man first – above her own needs, fun hobbies, and of course, her career – and engage in unpaid labor over things that are not her job in the first place, like that man whose “girlfriend test” hinges on expecting his female partner to clean up a mess he made in his own apartment, entirely by himself. The speaker in “Daddy’s Money” is certainly using some of the attributes of “wife material,” but there is no evidence that he is expecting her to be his domestic or emotional caretaker. Through asking God to help him win her in marriage, he acknowledges that she could choose to be with someone else (or with no one at all), and that he would be lucky to be her husband. He is also acknowledging that he needs to work to be worthy of her – he is not operating from the mindset that he is a catch and that women should be working for his approval. He knows that she has an independent life and it is up to him to find a way to fit into her world; he is not expecting her to shrink for him.
“Wife material” also includes the assumption that the woman in question is not “promiscuous” or “slutty.” This behavior-policing seeks to keep women from owning their sexuality, and thereby control over their bodies. The woman in this song fits this aspect of “wife material” as well. There are multiple references to her being an “angel,” which signals she is not “promiscuous.” However, we also know she is “dynamite kisser” and is distracting the speaker in church, which signals that’s she’s not “frigid” or a “tease.” This woman walks the seemingly impossible tightrope of being sexually available while not being “slutty,” and is therefore worthy of becoming a wife. The speaker values her independence and wit, but ultimately, he is not seeking a partner that is too radically feminist. He enjoys her appeal as a “modern woman,” but still wants to uphold “traditional” values of respectability (and therefore heterosexual patriarchy) within this relationship.
I would love to hail this underrated and catchy country song as a radical anthem in which men discard toxic masculinity and patriarchal values to embrace a feminist utopia where women are appreciated as funny and as providers and in which the ideal [heterosexual] relationship is not predicated on gendered power hierarchies, but there is more to it. It makes no mention of violence, overt misogyny, or tractors, which makes it special and progressive in the context of country music, but it is not radically feminist at its core. It’s catchy and cute, and I still love it. As fellow subversive feminist musical legend Rebecca Bunch would say, “the situation is a lot more nuanced than that.”
I thoroughly enjoyed this debut from Soraya Bouazzaoui. Her descriptions were evocative without being flowery. She knows waffle when she sees it – IYKYK.
I have been anticipating this book since it was announced – I’ve been a fan of Bouazzaoui for a long time and love her perspective on post-colonial politics. I love myth retellings, especially myths featuring djinn and djinn-like beings, so I have been foaming at the mouth since Aicha was announced.
For the full review of this title, see my Medium page and my website.
I wish I could make a new cozy home inside Caroline O’Donoghue’s Brain
Every time Caroline O’Donoghue writes a new book, I am overcome with excitement and also dread – what if this book isn’t on the same level of mind-blowing brilliance as her previous books that make me wish I could live inside Caroline’s brain and frolic amongst the whimsy. She makes magical books that I simultaneously dread finishing, but can’t stand to put down.
But no fear! Skipshock was mind-blowing and brilliant, and I still wish I could make a new cozy home inside Caroline’s brain. I was so excited for her first adult fantasy book! I am so skeptical of space opera sci-fi (I will never read Dune), but I was so sure Caroline would pull through for me, and I was right. In an Instagram story, Caroline called the vibe of Skipshock “employment depression,” which had me even more pumped. The employment depression was so palpable – I have had jobs that felt exactly like Moon’s relationship with being a salesman. Perhaps not the bit where days in different worlds only last 6 hours, but definitely the parts where the job was making my body fall apart and living in an increasing dystopia. This fictional dystopia might feature space trains, but we all know the consequences of violent border maintenance in our own IRL dystopia.
"Things changed. They can change again."
For the full review of this title, see my Medium page and my website.
I’ve been a fan of Anna Carey for a while, specifically her work on the unhinged fever dream podcast, Double Love, in which she explores the strange and terrifying world of Sweet Valley, book by book, with her co-host Karyn Moynihan. I’m now ready to inhale the Anna Carey literary back-catalogue.
I am living for the 2000s nostalgia in this book. My own memories of this era are quite different because I was a child and was not cool enough to be in a band – then or at any other time – so living vicariously through Laura, cool at all points of her life, felt like I could be cool and musical by association.
For the full review of this title, see my Medium page and my website.
The Other Side of Mrs. Wood by Lucy Barker was such a fun read.
In theory, I should be enamored of the Spiritism craze that overtook the late-Victorian world because of my fondness for the era, mystery, whimsy, and the many scammers at work, but for whatever reason, I’ve never felt very interested in Spiritism. I decided I should give this book a try since the rest of the story – a ghostly All About Eve situation – is definitely something that resonates with me.
I enjoyed the relationship between Mrs. Wood and her scheming apprentice, Miss Bird, as it went from seemingly nurturing to openly hostile, and I was able to trick myself into enjoying a narrative about Spiritism. Follow me for more reading tips.
For the full review of this title, see my Medium page and my website.
I read mostly romance on my vacation. I wanted to keep a light vibe because I have such a heavy job and there’s so much happening in the world right now. The books I put on pause for this vacation were Alt Reich by Nafeez Ahmed and Star-Spangled Jesus by April Ajoy – they were just too heavy for the beach. The 8 books I read over two weeks on the beach in the order I finished them:
The Other Side of Mrs. Wood – Lucy Barker
I finished this one on the plane. This one is a historical narrative about the Spiritualist movement and its many opportunities for enterprising, grifting mediums. I have a separate review of this one.
Ten Ways to Be Adored When Landing a Lord – Sarah MacLean
The sequel to Nine Rules to Break When Romancing a Rake, which I read on the beach on vacation last year, this time is about Gabriel’s identical twin brother, Nick. Nick is looking for his friend’s missing sister and stumbles upon Isabel’s house of refuge for women escaping bad situations. It’s a cute Regency romance with just enough actual stakes to feel anchored in reality.
Eleven Scandals to Start to Win a Duke's Heart – Sarah MacLean
Gabriel and Nick’s younger Italian sister, Juliana, is constantly besieged by scandal because of her serial-child-abandoning mother, so naturally, she is attracted to Simon, who will do anything to avoid scandal. This one has a lot of funny situations the leads end up in during their bet on propriety vs. passion.
My Best Friend's Honeymoon – Meryl Wilsner
Very cute sapphic romance. It’s also set on a lavish vacation, so I was vacation-maxxing while I was reading this one. Elsie breaks off her engagement and goes on her honeymoon with her best friend Ginny instead. I appreciate that both main characters were openly queer an had been out for a long time. I also appreciate that Ginny is a fat protagonist that is actually fat (not just a size 6 with big boobs), is portrayed as hot and sexy, and is not fetishized at any point.
Our Song – Anna Carey
A second-chance romance between ad copywriter Laura and the now-famous musician Tadhg after their terrible fight 16 years ago. Tadhg now wants to finish a song they started writing in their student days. I have a longer review of this one up.
Morbidly Yours – Ivy Fairbanks
A romance that is somehow light and fluffy and sad and heavy at the same time. Lark is a widow from Texas who moves to Galway for an animation job and does not realize she is living next door to Callum’s funeral home until a package of body bags is accidentally delivered to her instead. I love hanging out in cemeteries, so this book felt very targeted at me. My favorite part of this narrative was Lark’s problems with a nepo baby sexual harasser at work.
The Heart Principle – Helen Hoang
I finally finished this series five years after I started. Anna was very relatable in this story while she’s dealing with some hefty burnout. Her original boyfriend sucks so much and constantly belittles her – I’m not sure why Anna’s family likes him so much. Thankfully, Anna is on a growth journey and thinks about what she wants out of life. Quan helps her with this, but he does not “save” her, which I appreciate. Anna’s burnout also does not magically disappear once she is in a happy, healthy relationship. I was the heart-eyes emoji reading this book.
You and Me on Vacation – Emily Henry
More vacation-maxxing for me here. I have read almost every Emily Henry book now, and I have been having a great time. My favorites have been Book Lovers, Funny Story, and Beach Read, but they’re all good! This one is one of the funniest of the bunch, for sure. There were so many hilarious situations that one can only get oneself into on a budget vacation in one’s early 20s. I loved Poppy and Alex’s growth throughout their 12-year friendship.
I’ve been following Chelsea Fagan’s work on The Financial Diet for years now an I wanted to read her fiction debut, A Perfect Vintage, but it’s hard to get a copy in the UK. I was so excited when her sophomore effort, The High Dive, became available on Netgalley.
I appreciate Fagan’s insight into the financial aspects of relationships. Romance and relationships are inherently political and romance that tries to gloss over this falls flat. Fagan makes sure to explore class differences in the context of the friendship group that Alex and Danial are part of.
For the full review of this title, see my Medium page and my website.
After reading They Never Learn, I was impatient for Layne Fargo to write another book. When that book was about ice dance, I lost my mind. I am a staunch fan of figure skating and have been for years. The underrated discipline of ice dance has always been my favorite (ha), and I was so happy to finally see it represented in fiction. I was especially grateful to see figure skating represented in fiction by someone who actually knows what they’re talking about – listen, I liked Icebreaker plenty, but the rants I subjected my coworkers to about the inaccuracies of skating basics had them fantasizing about my murder.
Fargo crafts unlikeable characters expertly. Every single character is unlikeable but has just enough redeeming characteristics for the reader to still care about their fate. They are also all complicated and unlikeable in unique ways, making their interactions compelling.
For the full review of this title, see my Medium page and my website.
Emma Donoghue is an auto-buy author for me and Learned by Heart is yet another proof of why. I especially love when her stories have a historical setting and the early nineteenth century is a period in which she excels. This time, the reader gets to spend time with historic lesbians against the backdrop of the Napoleonic Wars.
The famous Anne Lister is fictionalized in this narrative, but she is not the main character. Instead, we experience her through the eyes of Eliza Raine, Lister’s first love.
For the full review of this title, see my Medium page and my website.
I am already a dedicated Lucy Foley fan so I am so happy to have received The Midnight Feast from Netgalley. I have enjoyed all of Foley’s books thus far, but her previous release The Paris Apartment was not my fave. Foley has bounced back spectacularly in The Midnight Feast. As usual, her characters are complex and compelling, especially the unlikeable ones.
For the full review of this title, see my Medium page and my website.
Long plane rides are for scarfing down anticipated reads
I rated Lizzie Pook’s debut, Moonlight and the Pearler’s Daughter a well-deserved five stars, so I salivated over her new release, Maude Horton’s Glorious Revenge until Netgalley pitied me and gave me an advanced reader copy. I had a long plane journey in a window seat, so I saved this book to help get me through the experience of being penned in for 12 hours. Pook got me through it – I finished the book with several hours left to go!
Maude Horton opens the story witnessing a hanging – but whose? The hanging is the future and we find that the start of the narrative is Maude’s sister, Constance’s, mysterious death aboard the Makepeace in the arctic and the beginning of Maude’s revenge arc. She has her suspicions and soon she embarks on an execution tourism excursion, organized by the creep in her crosshairs. Her clever game is at constant risk of being exposed and the stakes are high – if this creep killed her sister, he might kill her too.
For the full review of this title, see my Medium page and my website.
I was a fan of Alexis Henderson’s debut, The Year of the Witching, so I have been pumped to dive into another of her creepy narratives. House of Hunger takes a vampiric approach and has a sapphic storyline like one of my favorite vampiric fiction works: Carmilla.
In this setting, old northern families drink blood from live victims/volunteers who live in relative luxury in their manors. There is a stigma against becoming one of these “bloodmaids” in a way that is an analog to sex work. The matriarch of the eponymous House of Hunger is the aptly named Lisavet Báthory — if you know, you know. While there might be a revisitation of the history of the real Báthory, House of Hunger’s version lives up to the gruesome myths.
For the full review of this title, see my Medium page and my website.
I enjoyed Cross the Line by Simone Soltani, but it was cringe AF. The writing style was really cringe as well, but I have nothing specific to point to as “evidence.” It’s just vibes. I have no context for the Formula 1 aspect of the story. I have never watched any F1 but maybe I should – it seems exciting and fun. I only read this on a recommendation.
Willow has a hypermobility disorder (like me!) and I felt very seen in those parts where it shows up in the story, but I did feel that Oakely and Dev fell into the infantilization tropes at times, which was never addressed. Get a Life, Chloe Brown does a much better job of showing a healthy romance with hypermobility representation.
For the full review of this title, see my Medium page and my website.
Original Grimms' fairytales vibes. If Frozen were more gruesome and focused on discrimination.
It took me a while to understand the world's magic system[s] in The Wolf and the Woodsman, but I got it in the end. I think.
I appreciate both Évike and Gáspár as complex and sometimes unlikeable characters. Their changing motivations made sense for their characters - it is difficult to give characters drastic changes of heart without it feeling jarring and only in service of moving the plot forward.
For the full review of this title, see my Medium page and my website.
I found Everyone in This Room will Someday Be Dead to be very thought-provoking. It was not immediately a story I “liked” because experiencing Gilda’s obsession and decompensation was very uncomfortable, but I have not been able to stop thinking about it, now weeks later. In thinking about it all the time I have come to “like” it more.
Gilda’s depression is something I recognize within myself as well, though I am less of a hot mess. She has become sucked into her weird job that she got by accident and it is taking over her life in an unhealthy way. She does not even like this job! Haven’t we all been there?
For the full review of this title, see my Medium page and my website.
I love Juno Dawson’s writing – all her books I’ve read make me so sad. This Her Majesty’s Royal Coven series prequel about Anne Boleyn is making me even more impatient to be devastated further by Human Rites. Please come and rip my heart out, Juno!
I have somewhat accidentally been on a witch marathon recently and Queen B has reminded me why witch narratives are so great.
For the full review of this title, see my Medium page and my website.
