occasionally subtle
Mike Driver
Origami Around
Keni
I'd rather be in outer space 🛸
blake kathryn
Three Goblin Art
YOU ARE THE REASON
Game of Thrones Daily
Not today Justin
Janaina Medeiros
❣ Chile in a Photography ❣
Jules of Nature
art blog(derogatory)
oozey mess
trying on a metaphor
pixel skylines
Cosimo Galluzzi
Monterey Bay Aquarium
Andulka
seen from Türkiye
seen from Argentina
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seen from United States
seen from Netherlands
seen from United States
seen from United States
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seen from South Africa
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@silentghostdark
this is the 2016 apology post. reblog in 45 seconds and 2016 will apologize to you in the form of money.
not risking it.
Not even scrolling past it
I deserve an apology smh
i was gonna scroll past once i saw 2016 but then i read it lol
me when a girl refers to her “partner”: 👀 me when i find out she was talking about her boyfriend with a beard: 😴
bi women when the lesbian you were talking to suddenly devalues you for dating a guy:
woman finding out the lesbian shes talking to assumes her nb partner is a man:
tony hawk landing the 1st ever 900 seen at the x games in 1999:
Me when a straight person doesn’t understand the concept of the post but tries to be included
tony hawk :
Laptop: “There’s a new OS update my dude..”
Me: “Mehh.. I don’t feel like it.”
Laptop: “It comes with a new ‘dark theme’”
Me:
Music from stage 4 of Dyna Blade.
Can’t risk it
The duck of creativity. I waited so long for it.
if you’re reading this
a lump sum of money is on the way to you
it happened today, damn that was like 3 days maybe?
It Works the money is on its way!
Need this.
Of course
It worked tho
I just won $500 off a scratch Ticket lottery.
ENERGY
You have been visited by the Chan of wealth, reblog this and you will have money come to you!
I REBLOGGED THIS YESTERDAY AND LIKE 2 HOURS LATER THE WALLET I HAD LOST 6 HOURS AWAY FROM HOME THAT HAD MY DEBIT CARD AND LIKE 80 DOLLARS IN CASH WAS DELIVERED TO MY HOUSE WITH NO RETURN ADDRESS I CANT HELP BUT THINK IT WAS JACKIE CHAN WHO SENT IT GOD BLESS YOU JACKIE CHAN
Last time I did this it was payday so duh. Let’s see what you’ve got this time, Chan.
Er, actually, about a minute after I hit reblog I got some very important (and positive) money-related news out of the blue. The system works, guys.
THIS WORKS!!
Doesn’t hurt to try 💕
This is totally what I see behind my eyelids when I rub my eyes for long enough..
We go forward.
This is too deep to comprehend.
Stop it
I THOUGHT THIS WAS GOING TO BE FUNNY
:(((((
I’m so mad because this worked
help me roger
Reblogging myself because
Originally posted by gifs-for-the-masses
Reblogging myself because… what was that? Five minutes?
O_O
………my friend has made me curious
help me roger
Update: after I reblogged this someone messaged me offering me tickets to the sold out Hausu screening with a Q&A and autograph session with the director
let’s do it, roger
Roger helppppp
I need you Roger!
ROGER PLEASE
Such a cute Roger
u think ur on a first name basis with mr. krabs
This video is a rollercoaster
My Second Instalment of Smuttieness
Okay, so I’m making this a trilogy now. Maybe by some insanely impossible miracle, some big publisher will find my work and ask me to write for them, and I’ll be able to make everyone on the planet touch their privates. But for right now, I can only hope that you do. Hope you enjoy it!
Prologue:
Okay, just like last time. Read everything very slowly and carefully. I want your mind to process each and every last word of this story as its own little sensation that your body is feeling. It would be good to make sure that you’re alone in a comfortable spot. Somewhere that you can feel free to let your perfect body express itself the way it wants to. There’s no reason at all to feel awkward or shy. You are perfect. You deserve to give yourself a nice release… And I want to be the one to give that to you.
“The Witching Hour”
“Hey baby?” You call for me in a muffled tone while you’re brushing your teeth in our en suite.
No answer. You spit into the sink and call for me again with a clear, minty fresh mouth.
“Babe?” You say a bit louder. “Yes, Darling?” I respond from across the apartment.
“Can you come here for a sec? I need you.” You ask in a confused tone. I respond, “Sure sweet heart!” Continuing as I enter the room. “Sorry Love, I was cleaning the kitchen and listening to my music. I couldn’t hear you.”
“No, its fine! I know you haven’t touched it, but is there any chance you might have stumbled across my hair dryer? I know I unpacked it, but it has clearly wandered off into another dimension or something.” You explain as you look around the en-suite, opening up cabinet doors and bouncing between looking in our walk in closet. Your hair is soaking wet and you’re wrapped up in your soft, fluffy bath towel that hugs your body so perfectly.
You had just gotten home from a girls weekend out of town. While I was able to enjoy coming home from work and having some alone time playing video games on an insanely loud volume and catching up on my DVR recordings, nothing felt right without you here with me. Nothing really felt proper or complete without you here to enjoy it with me. I know you were only gone for three days, but to me, it was an eternity.
“No, Baby I can’t say that I’ve seen it anywhere! You don’t think you left it at the hotel do you?” I ask in concern.
You immediately stop and snap your head in my direction. Your facial expression looking like something from the climax scene of a horror film. You stand there in silence for a few seconds. Mortified.
“Ohhhh nono-nono…” You start panicking. Your search efforts becoming more desperate.
I try to calm you down by saying, “Darling, its okay. I’ll get you a new one tomorrow!” But it was no use.
“Ohhhhh nono-nono-nono…” You say again. “You don’t understand. That thing is the greatest piece of technology I have ever wielded. Nothing could ever be the same. Even if it was the same brand and model of hair dryer, it will never be the same!”
You continue to frantically search the room for a few minutes before giving up and wrapping up your hair in another towel. I try to reassure you by saying, “It really is okay, love. We’ll go to the shops in the morning and look for the same exact one.”
You puff out your bottom lip in defeat as you finish tying up the towel on your head. Looking at me through the mirror with your adorably sad puppy eyes. The ones you use to your advantage. The ones that you know I can’t ever resist.
I step over to you and wrap my arms around the small of your back. Resting my forehead against yours as your perfect, smooth arms lightly fall onto the back of my neck.
“I’m so happy you’re home, my sweet love..” I whisper, gently swaying side to side with you while our songs are playing softly from the stereo in the bedroom.
“Oh babe, I’m so happy to be home with you.. I missed you so much.. It felt like an eternity without you..” You whisper back as you lean in to kiss me. My arms pulling you into my embrace as you start kneading your fingers into my hair. I start walking you to the bed while slipping my tongue between your lips.
Suddenly, you stop me.
You reluctantly whimper, “Babe I’m so sorry, but I am completely exhausted. Could we just snuggle and fall asleep together? I promise we’ll do stuff when we wake up in the morning.”
I can’t help but feel a little bit disappointed. I was so excited for tonight and hadn’t gotten myself off all weekend. I wanted to save it all up for your return. But, you’re right. You’ve had a crazy busy weekend with the girls and you need to get some sleep.
“Oh, Okay sweet heart! Snuggles and kisses sound like a perfect idea. Plus, the morning is when I’m at my horniest, so it works out perfectly!”
You put your tank top and adorable panties on, and then we both snuggle down into bed, turn out the lights, and wrap each other up in an intoxicating embrace. Listening to the soft pulse of our songs in the background of our pillow talk.
One last kiss before our eyes begin to close, and we drift off to sleep under the soft, blue glow of the moon.
I’m then slightly awoken by a soft little squeak. My eyes only open for a moment to peer at your perfect face. “She must be having a dream” I said to myself in my head. I immediately fall back to sleep. But, only for a few minutes before I feel your knee press up against my side. I unconsciously rest my hand on the inside of your thigh. Which causes you to let out a quite audible sigh.
I peel open my eyes again to see you in the moon light. You’ve pushed the blanket down to your shins, your hand is inside your tank top massaging your breasts, you’re legs are spread widely apart with your panties around one ankle.
Its 3:22 in the morning and you’re masturbating.
I pretend to still be sleeping so I can watch your flawless perfection in the moonlight without interrupting your euphoria. You must have woken up from a wet dream and gave into your desires. I can see your fingers dance along your hardening nipple under the thin fabric of your tank top. I can feel your pulse escalating from my hand resting on the inside of your thigh. Your other arm cascades down your gorgeous body. Staying in place as your hips begin to write back and forth against the mattress. I can only see your wrist as it covers your pubic area, but I can hear the gentle shlicking sounds coming from your pussy as it gets wetter and wetter while you tease yourself.
I then open my eyes as you let out a sudden yelp. You must have just touched your clit for the first time since you left. You see me looking at you. You gaze into my eyes with a familiar hunger. You bite your lip in just the way that drives me insane.
You take my hand thats on your thigh and guide it toward your perfect little pussy.
“A little help, babe?” You whisper as I feel your sweet juices drip onto my fingers.
“Of course my love.” I say softly as I become fully awake. I passionately kiss your lips as I slip my middle finger inside your pussy. You are completely soaked from only touching yourself for a minute or so. I start gently thrusting my finger in and out while you rub your clit. Your squeaks and sighs start to become full on moans and whines of pleasure.
“Oh babe.. Please make me cum…” You say under your unsteady breaths.
I prop myself up on my arm, look down at your beautiful, flushed face and I whisper, “I’ll do you one better.”
I then pull your shirt up and suck both of your nipples, then I kiss down your chest…
…then I kiss down your belly…
My lips caress the front of your waist as I reach up and grab the pillow my head was resting on. I slip the pillow under your butt, which was an immediate tell tale signal for you..
You start frantically saying under your breath, “Oh my god. oh my god. oh my god, yes baby.. Oh please eat my pussy..”
I quietly chuckle as I rest the back of your knees on my shoulders. Kissing the insides of your thighs, only to occasionally interrupt my kisses with little tiny bites. Each little sensation sparking your sensitive nerve endings. Your pussy getting more and more aroused. Dripping your delicious juices onto the pillow.
I press my lips against the lips of your pussy. Your back arches in euphoric shock. I spread your lips open and let the tip of my tongue just gently graze your opening. Tasting your warm, slippery and yummy juices as they continue to flow from you.
Your legs are quivering in anticipation. I take your wrists and lay them up above your head.
“Keep them right there, darling.” I whisper to you before I passionately kiss you.
I then head back down between your legs and spread the lips open around your delicious, tingly little clit. Letting my warm breath caress the sensitive skin, I look up at you and say,
“Hey, guess what?”
“Huh?-OOHH GOD YES..” You scream as I run the entire length of my tongue against your clit. Licking it just the way you love it. I giggle as your body convulses when the tip of my tongue presses against the dead centre of your clit. Your hips writhing in time with the movements of my tongue. I then wet my fingers in my mouth, and then slip my index and middle fingers into your pussy to rub your G-spot as I eat you out.
You’re doing such a good job with following my instructions of keeping your wrists above your head. I don’t want you doing any of the work. You just simply need to lay back and enjoy yourself.
I keep licking your pussy for a few minutes before you start trying to say something under your chaotic breaths.
“B-baby.. Can.. Ohh… Can we..” You struggle.
After giving your clit a nice long suck as I lift my head up to gaze into your eyes, I say “Yes my love?”
You sigh.. “Can we please 69?”
…My favourite…
I immediately lay down on my back in the middle of the bed. You crawl over me on your hands and knees. Straddling your leg over my face and taking my diamond hard cock in your hand. I bite my lip and take your immaculate butt in my hands and spread it open. Gazing in awe at your pussy and butt hole as they are both fully exposed together. Your legs cascading down to both sides of my head.
I hear you giggle and say, “Hey, guess what.” right before you put your lips around the head of my dick and gently swirl your tongue around the tip. I let out a sudden gasp as you begin to pleasure me. Taking more and more of my throbbing hard cock into your mouth. Feeling it pulsate against your tongue every time my heart beats for you. I then pull myself together and go back to making sweet oral love to your pussy.
We are a dead match. Pleasuring each other at the very same time. Feeling you deep throat me while I bury my tongue into your opening. Softly moaning as I tease your butt hole with the tip of my tongue while you jerk me off. Everything is just completely perfect. Both completely in sync. Nothing held back.
We’ve lost track of how long we’ve been at each other. It feels like its only been a few minutes.
The clock strikes 4:45 am
I feel it coming…
You do too, I can see it and feel it in you.
Your pussy starts clenching super tightly. I start digging my fingers into your butt cheeks and my legs start shaking.
Visions in my head start speaking softly as you suck my cock faster and harder.
-Wave One: hard pulse, soft convulsions-
-Wave Two: unsteady breaths, cold sweat-
-Wave Three: Pupil dilation, maximum sensitivity-
-Wave Four: Major convulsions, uncontrollable moaning, Curling toes-
-Wave Five: Climax-
You take all of my hot thick cum into your mouth and down your throat as your sweet juices pour out of your pussy like a dam had just burst. Our apartment filled with the cries of our pleasure. The air hangs still as our energy becomes a static entity.
We lay on the bed in a satisfied heap. Letting our breaths return to normal.
A job, truly, well done.
Epilogue:
“Darling, we’re out of pepper, will your eggs be okay with just salt?” I ask you as I make your favourite breakfast.
“Oh, yeah that’s fine baby. We should remember to get some while we’re at the shops today.” You say as you flick through the store catalogue. Sipping your coffee.
“Babe, last night was fantastic..” You add as I juggle between cooking your eggs and making your pancakes.
“Oh my god, right??” I say excitedly in agreement. “I, honestly, was about to go for it..”
You smile at me with that little smirk you always give me. You say, “I, honestly, was about to let you..”
I giggle and kiss your perfect nose and serve you your breakfast.
“I found your hair dryer, by the way! You put it in the night stand for some reason.” I laugh.
“I fucking love you.” You giggle as you take another sip of your coffee.
Thanks for reading 🇺🇸🇦🇺
Whenever you’re taking exams and the examiner comes and stands next to your table.
Stu, let me ask you a question: how did you not realize until then that you had too many eggs? Nobody sells eggs in a big cloth-covered basket, so you must have done that yourself. That means you spent god-knows-how-long opening up twelve whole cartons of eggs, carefully placing each egg one-by-one inside a big basket, and then covering it with a big picnic cloth… and at no point- at no point- did you ever stop and think “gee, there might be TOO MANY FUCKING EGGS HERE”
You really have lost control of your life.
I may have gone overboard with this
I-M-P-E-A-C-H-M-E-N-T
This is so funny I’m going to pee
