PLEDGE YOUR ALLEGIANCE

esther silverman, forty-nine, politician, pro hero ban

[upallnight2getl0ki-blog]

post-breach follow up

Loki was tense.

Fidgety, even.

Of course, he tended to be, but now was a particularly rough time, as Loki was currently facing one of his least favorite things: responsibility.

(It had occurred to him a number of times that being Mayor would require quite a lot of responsibility, but he sort of figured that when the time came he’d feel a bit of a thrill-of-the-moment where that was concerned.) Still, having assisted the civilian efforts had felt surprisingly good. He had managed to keep himself off the vigilante list circulating at the moment (for which he was grateful- the irony might have killed him for what he was fairly sure would be the sixth or seventh time), he had made a good impression on the civilians, he had kept his movements trackable (which was more than could be said for his apparent sister- or the Dents, for that matter), and he expected a favorable result in the polls.

And if he were honest with himself- which was rare- he had to concede that he had rather enjoyed feeling useful, and helpful, and seeing people look on him in gratitude. It was a rare joy, like a rainbow at sunset, or treating oneself to Cold Stone.

With- hopefully- a new day dawning in Star City, Loki tucked the small notebook in which he had been trying to work out the meaning behind the Gazette’s hijacked messages into his sleeve, and his sick-with-worry feelings for Harley behind a smile, and waited for the community center he had rented on short notice- with actual money and permission, no less- to fill up with curious members of the voting public.

Loki was ready for his close-up.

[silvcrmans]

     esther had decided to take a back seat for now until she was strong enough. after all the support harvey had given her, it was clear that was the direction that her vote and endorsement was going to go. naively unaware that harvey’s ploy was to take advantage and manipulate her for his own politican game, esther still believed that she had real force in the city. that just wasn’t true. she wasn’t the iron lady anymore but a vulnerable woman who had been broken. star city was becoming more and more unsafe and her own mortality haunted her. against everything, she wasn’t strong enough and she never would be; that had been evident through her experiences with her father. weakness was always frowned upon and if he saw her now, he’d be the most disappointed parent in the world. 

       there were quite a few ‘characters’ running for office and esther was never interested in that; her goal was much bigger. by getting rid of everyone that posed as a threat, she had a real chance of making the city safe for not only her but future generations. however, that was too idealistic of her. there were always going to be threats and she was a fool to think she could eradicate all of them. it was all about safety and control when it came to her. she had no control growing up so looked to have it in extreme circumstances. she hadn’t expected loki to run for mayor but the politician should have got used to things being unpredictable by now. 

        the woman would just watch; esther needed to have her finger on the pulse, she couldn’t let herself become irrelevant whilst she sunk deeper into her pit of despair. it was necessary for her to gain some resilience. how she was going to do that in such a short amount of time was a mystery. the joker said that he was coming back for her, that still played over in her mind but she couldn’t let him win. “loki. i’m surprised you got this far.”

[professional-trouble-deactivate]

“Well this sure is a shit-show, isn’t it?”

[silvcrmans]

       “it’s always the same here.” esther’s fighting spirit was gone these days and the woman didn’t know what to do. every since she was faced with the joker who emulated her greatest fears, she had not been able to get herself to where she had been before; a hateful iron lady with a point to prove.

[silvcrmans]

psyylockex:

betsy knew that there had to be something else going on here—she could feel it coming off esther in waves, that shame, that guilt, that pain. some dark part of betsy thought, good. esther deserved it for all the vitriol she spewed, all the hatred she gave off and all the pain that she caused other people. betsy was pretty confident in who she was. even though she had been used for nefarious purposes before, she had never once wished that she wasn’t a mutant. not once. being a kid, however, who had just found out they were a mutant, a kid who probably felt confused and alone, listening to what esther said had to be irreparably damaging. they deserved better. “you want to silence me just because i’m saying things you don’t want to hear? that’s not what it works. if you’re not willing to defend your position, perhaps you should change it,” betsy said. her voice was sharp—she knew now that her words were cutting deeper than she had expected, than they should have for someone in esther’s position. a vindictive part of betsy enjoyed the power she now held in the conversation, though her better nature told her that she should back away. if esther had been just a little more moderate, betsy might have done just that—backed away and emailed her office, like she said. however, what esther said couldn’t go unchallenged, especially in such a perfect position as this one, when they were face to face and esther would be forced to answer. “you absolutely answer to me. i’m a voter in this city, you absolutely answer to me. what, do you think that because you got elected into office you’re suddenly above reproach? no, if anything, being in office should make you open to criticism and ready to address it.” betsy shook her head. “not only do you sicken me, but you are a disappointing representative for this city. the people you’re supposed to represent deserve much, much better than someone so spineless as to hide from what they’ve said.”

    the citizens of star city were beginning to see through her CRACKED facade as more issues came to light. esther was a hurtful individual, she had hurt a lot of innocent people in order to secure the RESULT that she had wanted. however, it was a blame game that she had opted into. powerful beings scared her, she had her father to thank for that. knowing full well that she was vulnerable and unable to defend herself, she was the one who struck first. the problem with the politician was that she was great at giving it out but when people criticised her behaviour, she CRUMBLED. it was unusual for her to act as a wounded animal but that’s exactly what she was. with old wounds opened, esther found herself a woman down and unable to get back up. although she had tried to move past the traumas of her childhood, she had been stuck for a very long time as far as emotional development went. she had wanted to make him proud but she had never managed to achieve that. the word DISAPPOINTING cut her deep, that was exactly what she had been and she could no longer shield herself from that truth. while hal was being supportive with her, the woman told herself that it wouldn’t last; she was unlovable. in her current mental state, esther found herself incapable of being able to answer any questions. tears welling in her eyes at the use of the word, her gaze shifted to the floor. it wasn’t like her to break down so easily, not after the appearances she had given but it was now considered what she was like; she was certainly aware that she was too old to be acting in this way. “just stop.” her words were softly spoken, not strong enough to be a command. the politician didn’t have the energy to defend herself, to make a point; she was BROKEN and that seemed obvious. “this is a pointless discussion that isn’t going to get you anywhere.”

[silvcrmans]

womanof-greenfury:

Jen slowly shook her head, a heavy sigh coming from her lips and she just couldn’t understand the other womans way of thinking “You know full well what happened was whatever the Joker had done. That wasn’t me. I don’t just lose my mind like that no matter what you think. I just can’t stand to have others think such things about me”

     “the damage is already done!” esther’s  intensity levels seem to rise dramatically, tears filling her eyes. it wasn’t about jennifer, she was just an easy scapegoat for her to have. nothing had ever been about heroes or villains, it had been about her lack of control and being uncomfortable with vulnerability. however, now she was showing it more and more. the politician was falling apart at the seams; the iron lady was nothing more but a hurt individual that seemed to be influenced and deceived by so many forces of start city. 

[silvcrmans]

womanof-greenfury:

“Because I don’t like to just..Hurt people. I don’t like the idea of others hating me or being scared of me. I just want to show you I’m human” she then took a gentle breath, running a hand through her shaggy dark green hair. “Then how can I fix it? Tell me so” she offered.

       “there are some things you just can’t fix.” jennifer had already been on the wrong side of esther for OBVIOUS reasons, ones that the other couldn’t control and now the damage was permanent. old wounds open, esther had only just pulled herself together enough to be able to act normal in public. “maybe you didn’t mean to do what you did but you only emphasised my point. let’s leave it like that. we don’t need to go over this.”

[silvcrmans]

renegadelantern:

hal sat down, adjusting his silverware nervously, though he relaxed at the notion she did like the place he picked. “oh thank god. i went through so many yelp reviews to make sure it was perfect. the food’s supposed to be really good so–” when he caught himself rambling, he cut himself off and just smiled at her. “you look so gorgeous right now.” he smiled happily, reaching forward to hold her hand. “so what do you say, my place after?” he teased.

      “oh, you read too? that’s definitely a bonus.” it was said out of jest. absolutely nothing could have wiped the smile from esther’s face as hal complimented her, perhaps he was a little TOO honest when it came to his feelings towards her. usually, the woman could have feared this level of intimacy with someone caused by her inferiority complex and need for control but that didn’t happen with him; she felt at ease and that was a rarity. still, esther didn’t want to mess something up and jeopardise whatever type of future that they may have together. “thank you. we’ll have to see how well it goes. “ winking, the woman trailed her fingertips down his palm before taking a seat with her smile still on her face.  there was no question about it, she WANTED to go to hal’s, for the safety among other things but she never wanted to seem desperate. “you look quite dashing yourself. you scrub up well.” chuckling, the woman shook her head. hal had seen her in a few of her worst states, it was him that should have been making these comments.

[silvcrmans]

womanof-greenfury:

Jen stopped in her tracks, making sure not to enter Esther’s personal space if she could help “Please, I just really want to give you my apology…” she stammered “I just wanted to let you know that myself as I am now, I would never ever do such a thing even if you do not want to believe me” she tried, not wanting the other to be afraid of her, angered by her. “I can always pay for any medical costs I caused” she then added softer.

          “and you’ve given it so why are you still talking to me?” esther couldn’t help but snap. that night had been a TRAUMATIC one, in more ways than one and while everyone else seemed to recover, she found herself in the exact same mindset. once the woman who was known to give snide remarks accompanied with chuckles, she was now erratic; all thought had gone out the window. “no amount of money can fix what you have done.” the projection was evident. this was no longer about jennifer or mutants, it was a fight a lot smaller that went on in esther’s head. the more she thought about herself and her situation, the less hopeful she became.

[silvcrmans]

psyylockex:

betsy pressed her lips tightly together, trying to contain at least some of the rage that bubbled up to the surface at the mere sight of esther. here she was, asking for something that betsy didn’t have—patience. she was done being patient and waiting for the glacial pace of justice for mutants. she wasn’t at the point of being radical yet—she wasn’t sure if she’d ever be at that point—but she was more than ready to stand up and fight for herself and for people like for as long as they needed her. she wasn’t going to just back down because this woman was telling her it was enough. betsy knew when enough was enough, and they had barely scratched the surface. “i’m sorry, did you want me to make you comfortable? do you think i owe you that?” she pointed an accusatory finger in esther’s face. “people like you make it so that people like me can’t walk out our front doors without feeling like someone is going to come after us because of something we can’t control. you don’t deserve any comfort. you don’t deserve to just walk around here among us and not be held accountable for every cruel, vitriolic, poisonous thing you have said. you’re staring me right in the face. i’m telling you right now that i’m a mutant. spew your hatred. prove to me why i should be hated for how i was born.” betsy scoffed. “harassment? this isn’t harassment. harassment are the guys who follow me home from my job and yell out slurs about who i am, who threaten me because of what i’m trying to do in this city. have i threatened you? all i have done is asked you to answer for what you’re doing here. the least you can do is explain to me why i deserve that hatred.”

       esther was DAMAGED beyond repair. childhood trauma had made its way into the forefront of her mind as she wasn’t equipped to deal with it; she never had been. weakness had been her father’s greatest fear and here she was, not even fighting for herself or her views. now was not the time, she couldn’t get herself into the mindset to be able to put an intelligent argument together. the politician had tried to gain adrian’s trust but had done the complete opposite, she had made an ENEMY. had esther a reason to hate mutants? not at the beginning but now that she had actually been hurt at the hands of jennifer walters, she felt ENTITLED to. no, it wasn’t fair but the woman had to work every angle she had. it had always been a case of DEFENCE, striking before anyone had the chance to hurt her. there were plenty of things that she could have said back but esther just didn’t have the energy. once the iron lady of star city, she was now a wounded animal that wanted to stay hidden from any more attacks. isolation was never good for her but she could see everything leading to that. although she did hold hurtful views, she was HUMAN and craved connections. shifting uncomfortably on her feet, esther gritted her teeth together. “how about you don’t say anything at all? at least for now.” exhausted, the politician couldn’t offer up much more. she had said some awful things out of FEAR and never really thought about how it would implicate her later down the line. “i’ve told you i’m not getting into it. i don’t answer to you.” and there it was again, the feeling of inferiority setting in. the woman was lost but she had such a need for CONTROL that even the littlest of things could be taken out of context. “email my office.”

[silvcrmans]

psyylockex:

betsy couldn’t help but feel the rage bubbling up in her throat, feel all the anger and betrayal she had felt over the past five years at how she and people like her had been treated. “if you were human, you would show empathy,” betsy replied. “sympathy. anything. but instead, you treat people like me like garbage, and for what? some misguided feeling of being threatened? because, i assure you, we have much bigger problems than going after non-mutants just for the hell of it.” she raised an eyebrow. “not here to comment? that is literally your entire job. you chose to be this person. you don’t get to pick and choose when it’s convenient for you to own up to the vitriol that you have been spreading the entire time you’ve been in office, just like i don’t get to choose when it’s convenient for me to be a mutant. the only difference is that i didn’t get a choice in how i was born. you could have spent your whole life out of the spotlight, you could have spent your whole life treating people decently and with fairness, but instead, you chose to spread hatred and fear. anywhere you go, you have to be ready to defend your position.” she let out a soft, humorless laugh. “you think this is an altercation? this is nothing, ms. silverman, because i, unlike you, know when to stop.”

    THIS was what it was like to be on the other side of her comments and she hated it. no, it didn’t highlight the error of her ways but esther was vulnerable and couldn’t see past her sheer panic about her encounter with the joker. he had managed to uncover her deepest fears with one glance; she had felt powerless, like a little girl that ad absolutely no control and she NEVER wanted to feel like that again. the politician was going about her need for control in the wrong way, externalising her fear when she should have been dealing with personal trauma. it felt like the damage was already done, that she was already going down a dangerous path and it was going to be her downfall. unaware of the betrayal that awaited her, people needed to be very wary of the emotionally unhinged woman. once a figure of great confidence and strength, esther coward in front of the other as she said her piece; kicking her whilst she was down wasn’t going to get results, it was just going to force her to go on the defensive. linda had been right when she had pointed out that she had a preference for attacking first as a defence tactic. long ago, she had lived in an extremely dangerous situation, a situation where no one had done anything and this proved that she could only count on herself. no one was coming to save her, no matter how many times hal came to see her that wasn’t going to change. “in all honesty, i’m too tired for this.” the FIGHT was gone from her. “if you can’t understand that i’m not working right now, you have a problem. this is HARASSMENT.” she was in no fit state to put a case together and although the other was going relatively easy on her, she seemed to be pushing all her buttons. “evidently not!”

[silvcrmans]

renegadelantern:

“yeah, that’s it. the money.” hal teased. he really wasn’t— hal didn’t have much, but he bribed the host with a little extra for a nice spot by the window. even if she’d cancelled, he wouldn’t have minded. though he was oddly confident on his move. “i’ll meet you there then.” he smiled, leaving the office with a wider grin. that evening, hal sat at the table by the window, hair not a complete mess and dressed in a dark purple button up with black pants. he waited anxiously for esther, jaw dropping when she finally showed. “you look great.” hal complimented as he stood.

     esther couldn’t remember the last time she had been on a date. it all felt so surreal to her, that someone else actually wanted to get to know her. they had spent some time together and hal’s willingness to come and visit her while she was at her worst had definitely made an impact. cast now off, no one would have known that she had been involved from looking at her. while psychological scars remained, spending time with the male made her feel a lot SAFER. tucking her hair behind her ear as she walked into the restaurant to see him sitting there, esther couldn’t help but smile. “thank you. you brush up well, i see.” chuckling, she took a seat opposite him. “this place is lovely, thank you.” that’s all she seemed to say; it was certainly a change. 

[womanof-greenfury]

@silvcrmans Liked for a starter! “I didn’t mean for what happened, I truly am sorry…I wasn’t myself, it was that Toxin. It was even proven in police reports after what happened…” Jen stammered when she looked down at the woman “I’m honestly not a monster…” she almost pleaded.

[silvcrmans]

     esther tensed as the other approached her. it hadn’t been entirely jennifer’s fault but a reminder of past events was the last thing that she needed. “it doesn’t matter.” of course, that phrase had two meanings. it didn’t matter that she hurt her OR it didn’t matter that she was a monster because she STILL ended up hurting her; the latter was correct. even if jennifer hadn’t meant to, she still had done it and had the skills to do some serious damage to people weaker than she was. esther was only small in stature and the other hadn’t thought about it before throwing her into a wall. bones had healed but esther hadn’t. “no one ever MEANS to do anything yet here we are.” she spat out through gritted teeth.

[silvcrmans]

renegadelantern:

“oh trust me, i’m aware.” hal nodded. he’d been so used to one night stands and quick flings, but after parallax and red lantern– he really needed something permanent. especially because his past relationships seemed to be slipping through his fingers. esther marked a fresh start for him, he was going to therapy and AA for his alcoholism… this was his chance to become the man he wanted to be his whole life. and esther was the one to begin the domino effect. “good, because they don’t do refunds for cancelled reservations.” hal smirked at her, wrapping his arms around her to hug her close.

      chuckling slightly at hal’s response, esther nodded in agreement. she was a lonely woman, consumed by fear for people whom were different who were able to assert their power over her. however, the male made her feel more relaxed and she was able to let down some walls; it was something she was doing more and more these days and it was going to get her hurt. hopefully, hal wasn’t going to be the one to do that. “oh, is that it? you’re worried about your money? she teased, surprised that he had even paid for a reservation. the effort that he seemed to be putting in with her still astounded her. “have no fear, i’ll be ready. i’ll have my assistant tie things up when i leave.” with his arms around her, the woman did feel PROTECTED and this was a foreign concept to her. she definitely wanted this to be a permanent thing. “i look forward to it.”

[loislanereporting]

Lois didn’t want to do this interview. Despite what people thought of the news, fake or not, it was just a group of people compiling stories for other people to read. Those people, reporter like Lois, had their own families and lives and worldviews. It was great to be able to see and hear the stories of others, which is what Lo loved about her job.

But other days – there was this.

Interviews with people whose views were radically different than hers. Like Esther Silverman who was very pro hero ban. Do was Dent who Lois had spent some time interviewing, of course, but it just felt like all the political voices were of this view and it was getting a little personally exhausting. But Lois was nothing if not professional.

“Ms. Silverman,” Lois said, holding out her hand to shake Esther’s. “A pleasure to meet you. Thank you for taking the time to speak with me.”

| @silvcrmans​

[silvcrmans]

      after taking a few weeks to recover from the event, esther was now ready to do her bit for the press. although her arm had healed, her psych was damaged; it always had been but it was worsened by certain happenings involving the joker and jennifer walters. the woman still wasn’t sleeping right but makeup and a smart outfit were always going to hide that. it was all an ACT when it came to the politician, as most politicians were, and she now had to use her bad experience to her advantage. reporters were always risky but esther was a professional at playing the role of the victim; she could never see it any other way. her father would have been disappointed in her, that was for goddamn sure. 

      standing up from her seat to greet the one and only lois lane, esther looked towards her before giving her a friendly smile. she took the woman’s hand as she nodded and then took her said once more. “and thank you, ms. lane.” the politician was always going to be polite. although she was this figure of hated, she wanted to be LIKED by others. esther had been surprised when hal continued to see her and the acts of kindness from harvey and june never stopped amazing her. of course, the latter was indeed a ploy for loyalty. “i imagine you’re a very busy woman.”

[silvcrmans]

captainsaralances:

“i understand– i’m– i’m sorry for getting snippy.” sara looked down, taking in a deep breath before slowly exhaling. “i’m running. i’m running from my problems and i know it’s not a good idea, but i need to try.” she let out an exasperated laugh. “and i’m going to hurt the nicest, most undeserving guy in doing it but— but i don’t care right now. because all i want to do is run.” sara chewed on her lip, she wasn’t looking for esther to talk her out of it. she just wanted to say it. out loud. as if it’d help her think clearly.

        “honestly, sara. i don’t know why you approached me after that rally but i’mm glad you did. you’ve been transparent up until now but i’m not going to advise you on what to do.” esther knew NOTHING. from someone that supposedly had so much power, she was clueless about her surroundings and the people around her. “just ask long as you’ve thought about it and know the consequences, that’s the same for every decision we make.” that was something esther struggled with. the politician would speak freely but as soon as someone wasn’t happy with her or she didn’t want to deal with them in the street,she would shut it down. she was great at giving hate out but couldn’t actually take it. linda had been right; esther would rather strike first.

[silvcrmans]

enchant-the-moone:

“Good, we’ll do this quickly.” June helped Esther gather her things, not once leaving her side, as if she knew that she was too frightened to be left alone. There was a lot of work that needed to be done for and with the people who were seen to be on the “good” side. Dealing with Joker and any other villains never required much effort. They were more predictable, in a sense, and there was much less manipulation involved. It was never wise for her to be off her guard in front of Joker, but he - for all others seemed to believe - was merely human. It just happened to be to her advantage that he had a certain… sway over people… and in this case he’d caused Esther to fall right into her hands. “You’re ready?” She nodded when she saw the keys, then turned to open the door where her bodyguard was still waiting. “This way. The car is downstairs. We’re going straight to the complex. You’ll stay with me until the apartment next door is ready.” 

         catching her reflection in the mirror, esther quickly looked away. she couldn’t remember the last time she had looked THIS terrible. sleep deprived, her paranoia escalating, it was damaging her both mentally and physically and she couldn’t let herself get any worse. it was an overreaction to the situation that had unfolded at a fundraiser but something had been triggered inside her that caused her to regress into acting like a child, unable to take care of herself or find a solution to fix the problem. esther felt like she was clinging on for dea life and she hated being in this position. june taking her under her wing when she was so FRAGILE was definitely going to reward the other; little did she know that that was her entire motive. the woman was lethargic as she moved, exhausted but still somewhat wired over what could have transpired. a lot of people were unhappy with her but it was the thought that the joker had pinned her down to a tee; he KNEW that she was afraid of and he was no doubt going to use that in the future for his sick and twisted game. “thank you.” that’s all she was able to say. of course, there were other things that she could have said with words but the desperation in her eyes were enough to confirm her serious need for help. esther needed to feel safe in order to get some sleep else she would make herself even more ill...

[silvcrmans]

renegadelantern:

hal pulled away, beaming down at her. “you keep telling me i didn’t have to but here i am, and i did.” he told her, taking a step back so he was sitting on the edge of her desk. it’d been a while since he was this way with anyone. there was so much time where hal wasn’t even himself but esther made regaining his own feelings so much easier than if he had tried to do it alone. “that was a yes to dinner though, right? because i made reservations and everything without asking and i was really hoping you don’t work tonight.” he grinned at her, holding out a hand for her to take so he could pull her close.

        “you’re sweet.” her giggling made her feel like she was a school girl with a big crush. this wasn’t the usual for esther, she had never really wanted to commit in the fear of being rejected or too damaged. when june had asked her about her love life a few months back, she had shut it down; this was before she had met hal. although the event was traumatising for the woman, she felt safe when hal was around and seemed to momentarily forget about all her worries. “i would love to go to dinner with you.” it had been a while since she had had such a proposition but was glad someone was this interested in her. sex was one thing, she never had a problem with that but the frequency of actually dating someone was much lower. despite her preconceived ideas, hal didn’t make her feel trapped and she couldn’t help but feel that she was falling HARD for him.. 

[one-hela-of-a-gal]

@silvcrmans liked for a starter! “Why Ms Silverman, so much I’ve heard about you. I would most love to catch up for a little…Chat. It’s always nice to put two political heads together” Hela purred, in her blonde disguise, happily playing that card still.

[silvcrmans]

       esther was going to stand with harvey whatever the outcome of this conversation. despite being hated by many groups of people, she did have a strong following and it allowed her to influence votes. the other politician was a PAWN, to be used by people around her. esther silverman was so sure that harvey and june were her friends and the truth was going to break her. she meant nothing, sometimes she questioned whether or not hal actually liked her or whether it was just a sympathy quote. despite esther knowing the outcome, the woman still engaged with hela; she wouldn’t be portrayed as anyone’s lap dog. “of course, what would you like to discuss.” everything was becoming tense around star city. of course she knew what it was concerning but she wanted to make the other work forthis.