The Next Book I'd Like to Write
There's this contest that Chronicle Books is holding to find book ideas, and I figured this might be a good opportunity to post an idea for a book I've had since last year. It was an idea I had before the book I've been writing, and once in a while, when things get a little tired or frustrating with this current book, I think wistfully about what could be down the road. So here it is, for the benefit of some editors and a few people who still follow my tumblr.
Forsaken Planet: The Surface
A Travel Guide to All Remaining Dry Land on Post-Apocalyptic Earth
Forsaken Planet is a view into a possible apocalyptic future of the
Earth, framed within the parody of the guide book genre. It's a sort of
found document, indirectly telling the story of how Earth became a
wasteland, and what has popped up in its place. In this world, water
gangs rule roads, bizarre religious cults occupy deserts, running some
of the more quaint Bed and Breakfasts in the region, and the buying
power of the corn seed is unparalleled. Forsaken Planet is the guide
book Mad Max or the father and son from The Road would use before
leaving for their next port of call.
Vistas, Veldts, Vantage Points
The Holy Dunes of the Illuminated Warhead
The Forbidden Zone (STAY AWAY!!!)
The Inscrutable Black Hole
Former Dallas’ Gaping Crack
Cognizant Primate Village
The Real Deal – Must-Sees in the Apocalypse
Caveland: The Happiest Place in the Surface
World™
The Forbidden Zone (Ok, for real this time)
Errata, Relics, Scratchings
Any traveler planning the perfect getaway on the surface world—whether from commune work in the grow-tunnels or a screaming diesel Motocross horde closing in each time you try to scavenge a roadside mass grave—will see the name “Puppy Beach” and immediately think their most outlandish prayers have been answered (ha, like we’re still holding onto a concept of a beneficent god). Could there be a place more enticingly named? Maybe only Potable Water Island, but we all know what a terrible trap that turned out to be. Well, Puppy Beach is just as misleading, albeit unintentionally so, and there won’t be marauders stationed strategically away with corpse catapults (“corpapults”) waiting to attack while you’re just trying to fill your canteen, like on PWI.
A Little History
Puppy Beach actually started out as adorable as the name would indicate: a picturesque beach just a few miles south of the Phillipsburg Reactor (see: The Phillipsburg Incident) where a pack of formerly domestic dogs had migrated. As new generations were born, casual visitors who stumbled into this canine paradise learned that the offspring had begun developing a set of functional, if slightly counterintuitive, wings.
Well, if there’s anything that will bring a smile to a wind-cracked face that has seen the atrocities of interzone cross-country travel, it’s a rambunctious little Labradoodle struggling to glide down safely from the top of a palmetto to play with his brothers. And so word spread about the beach that might be the cutest thing anyone had seen since that little traveling ventriloquism act that father had developed with the remains of his son (though everyone can agree there’s nothing in poor taste about puppies).
For anyone willing to risk surfacing in daylight, Puppy Beach was an oasis with adorable mutated friends and swimming water that on repeated tests only ever registered as high as “abrasive” on the Todeskopf Tolerance Scale.
Of course, that was before the first winged pups grew up.
Getting There
While Puppy Beach is pretty much straight down the shore from the old plant (you won’t be able to miss those smokestacks, but make sure the snipers up there miss you!), it’s notable for being hell on your transmission getting down there. Bicycles or some kind of indentured service rickshaw that you can rig up on your way down are ideal, and will really give you a chance to appreciate your surroundings. And remember: always keep an eye out for anti-personnel ordnance.
Lodging
As with all nature areas, shelter is only as available as what you can make on the fly. In your daydreams heading down to Puppy Beach, you may have planned to sleep on the sand, drifting away to the gentle crashing of the waves and the howls of mating animals. Well what were you doing, having dreams in the first place?? No, one look at the beach surrounding the dogs’ aerie up on the nearby rocks will make you reconsider the need for a roof over your head right away. Sure, when they were puppies the risk was light and at worst a bit inconvenient, but with larger dogs circling overhead, you are in for a potentially lethal shitstorm, especially if they’ve gotten into any nearby dumping grounds.
Eating Out
Options are pretty limited, since the dogs have the run of this place, and you know what they say about getting between a dog and his meat. Make sure to bring your own provisions, but also be warned that many of these dogs still remember what it’s like to eat off of the table, and now they can reach it. In light of that, it’s best to just leave all your chocolate back at home altogether.
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