How To Make Risky Decisions, and How to Offer Support
This is a quick post on how to make decisions, and how to offer support to others making them, when there is a lot of risk involved- Irreversable, permanent, dangerous and/or harmful risk.
This community is severely lacking in support and resources, especially on how to give support- In a community where many people now are openly and willingly partaking in self injurous behavior or intentionally harmful relationships, there needs to be resources on how to do so safely and responsibly. Life is full of risk, and many decisions we want or need can be incredibly risky- Risk and harm are not things we have to abandon, shame, or avoid. But we absolutely SHOULD be aware of them and the consequences they carry.
https://www.verywellmind.com/why-you-make-bad-decisions-2795489
https://screening.mhanational.org/content/how-help-someone-make-decisions-about-their-mental-health/
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/trust/202012/who-can-you-trust-when-making-risky-choices
https://time.com/6180370/9-lessons-for-making-high-risk-decisions/
https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/how-to-support-someone-without-enabling-them-from-therapist
https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/supporting-someone-in-a-mental-health-crisis
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/harm-reduction
https://harmreduction.org/
https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/harm-reduction
As someone looking for support:
Know your What, Why, When, Where and How. Understand what you want to do in detail, and understand your core motivations for why you want to do it. How do you want do to it and why this way? Do you have a time frame for when to do it? Where can it be done safely? Take your time learning this- it can take years to properly be confident in what you want.
Understand the consequences, asses your pros and cons. Risky decisions can not only affect you, but those around you. Be mindful of how your decisions may impact others and how they will react.
Know if you have the capabilities to go through with your decision. Knowing if you're able to handle or stick with your decision is important. It saves you resources. While we can't guarantee we'll never regret our decisions, we can learn to cope with them if we do end up regretting them. How much will it cost- in money, time, energy, and health? Do you think you can handle the costs? Do you have support to help you before, during, and after the decision? Many risky decisions also involve potential fatal consequences, or irreversable damage. Are you okay with knowing you may end up worse than you were before the decision? Are you okay with knowing that, if you regret it later, you may not be able to take it back? You may lose friends or family who don't agree or support you, or your life in general may become significantly more difficult than you expect. Are you ready to handle all of this? Is the reward you hope to get worth the risk?
Know you know yourself better than anyone else. At the end of the day, you have the autonomy to do what you want with your body and life- not anyone elses. Nobody else can control what you do. But you are also responsible for the consequences that arise when taking control of your life. Stay responsible and informed.
As someone looking to support someone else:
Be informed on the situation. To make the best decisions we need to know all the information available to us. Do you understand why they are doing it and how its being done? Have they looked for support before, done similar things before, or are they completely new or lost? Have they tried to do it already? How did it go?
Know if the person is in the right headspace. Being in a negative headspace can warp our perceptions of reality and ourself. We may make risky decisions impulsively or do things we normally wouldn't ever want to do or agree to do. Unfortunately we may also be unaware of our own negative state and believe we're doing the right thing. As a supporter, it is important you try your best to support someone in this state by listening to them, while also being careful to avoid encouraging behavior that you believe, or the person has discussed beforehand, is not in their best interest. In these situations we cannot always be expected to help ourselves reliably. This includes psychosis, major depression, panic attacks, obsessive compulsions, flashbacks, dissociative states, extreme stress, anxiety, fear, anger, confusion, euphoria or dysphoria. It is also just as important to make sure you're not limiting the autonomy of anyone in these states, either. It's a difficult balance, but prioritize harm reduction and risk management over control and limiting their decisions. If the person is insistent on doing something you believe may not be right for them or they discussed beforehand is not right for them, continue to support them and offer alternatives and resources. Do NOT use guilt, shame, or attempt to use manipulation or force, to get them to not do something. This can cause further stress and avoidance of support in the future. They may refuse to listen to anyone else period- its best to let them do what they need to do, with careful but not overbearing monitoring and support. Check in once in a while, make sure they're safe.
If someone asks you, with no warning context or reason, for how to hurt themselves, do something dangerous or others, do not answer. We are all responsible for the safety of others, especially when sharing dangerous content.
Don't openly post information that can or will be used to hurt others or oneself, without proper warnings, censorships, or qualifications.
Avoid the spread of misinformation. Back-up everything you have with real evidence, research or sources. Don't half-ass it either. If you're going to send links, read them. If you're telling someone how to do something, don't just copy-paste what you saw on a quick search. Make sure it makes sense and is appropriate. Don't share information you're not confident about or don't remember the details.
If you have anything important to add, please reblog or comment. Your contribution is needed!
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