Writing

Space for my Midnight rambles

[silverwicker]

I forgot when I decided God wasn't real.

It was not in sunday school with my best friend,

Only half listening to stories about Paul, Noah, and Mathew.

It was not during Christmas service where I ate donuts and listened to music,

Learning to laugh, love, and listen to another.

It wasn't during the potluck when I met Nathan who lived in the shelter ran by the chruch,

Or when I learned Miss Tracy fed him dinner each night.

It wasn't when my friend's mother cursed God,

Suffering from a miscarriage.

It wasn't when my best friend told me the police officer who got baptised last week,

Took advantage of her in her sleep.

It wasn't when my grandmother blamed me for disobeying God,

Throwing me out of her heart in the name of rightousness.

And it certainly wasn't when I prayed at the alter,

Begging God to allow my father to live one more day.

And it also wasn't why I cried,

Asking why God decided I needed to grow so fast it hurt.

And it certainly wasn't the moment I realized,

God made me disabled forever.

But our lord still loves a cripple.

And our lord still loves an addict.

And our lord still loves a sinner.

And maybe I never believed God was real.

Maybe that's why I never felt betrayed.

[silverwicker]

I met who I'm gonna be from now on— They're kind.

I met them in City Cafe and They smiled.

I ordered a cinnamon roll; They ordered an iced vanilla latte.

I saw them smile softly, They wouldn't say the first word.

I felt my blood boil in my veins, They avoided my eyes.

I asked if the world had ended yet. They had no answer.

I left in a wind of fury, They never followed.

I cried on the sidewalk outside and They just sighed.

I watched them leave, cane in hand and They still waved.

I yelled after, "When did we give up strength for kindness?"

They finally responded.

"Why would I need strength if there was no one to protect?"

I did not hate who I'm gonna be from now on,

They walked with pride.

[silverwicker]

My world is collapsing in on itself but there are kittens outside and a sun shining and a park to see and air to breathe and how could I ever forget that there is life to live?

[silverwicker]

I wish I asked my nana fun questions like when I was a kid, like, "where does the egg come from? The fridge?" Instead of "what am I going to do when I must bury my dad at 22?"

Whoops

[silverwicker]

I'd like to formally apologize to rain

I use it for every metaphor ever and only negatively

I promise I love you in real life rain

I'm so sorry

[scramratz]

I think people would be less suicidal if they were allowed to talk about being suicidal without risk of being sent to the Torture Dungeon

[silverwicker]

I'm just in pain guys please don't send me to the torture dungeon

[sleepdeprivedsurgeon]

the purpose of friends is to have people who unconditionally hate your shitty exes & relatives. like maybe YOU have a complex relationship with your father but i sure don't. i'm outside his house with a gun. he's not the unforgivable asshole who raised me he's just an unforgivable asshole

[femnby-lesbiab]

[gloomsday]

sent this message to my coworker today and he sent me this screenshot with microsoft teams's suggested replies... incredible 10/10 no notes.

[fruitviking]

Can we stop with the character development. Where's my beach episode.

[orpheuslament]

i need (abruptly stops talking & stares at some random fixed point with a vacant expression)

[squalamander]

unfortunately. me for real every time I make a spreadsheet.

[nola-rourke]

My boss at work once told me— quote— “you make a spreadsheet for everything. why? you don’t need that many.”

[silverwicker]

I need that many

[crabanarchy]

I can tell my evil advisor has been feeling down lately so I've been pretending to take big sips from his cursed chalice and then roaming the palace grounds groaning and clutching my abdomen. Lowkey I know it's deceptive but I can tell it's really cheering him up. I heard him evilly cackle for the first time in weeks. WIBTA if I keep doing this

[naranja7331]

When you mention piracy to the wrong person and now you have to listen to them talk for 2 hours that we need to support small businesses such as EA and Amazon

[silverwicker]

B-but! Poor target!

[voskhodart]

Turning heavenward.

[silverwicker]

On chronic pain.

I don't want to die.

I want to play in the field, eat

Bananas with my brother, and drink

Lemonade!

I want to sleep in a pile in the living room,

Breathe in the smell of popcorn,

Climb a tree.

I never want to die.

Maybe I do want to die.

Bananas have a terrible texture,

Lemonade tastes too sour,

My brother is nowhere to be seen.

The living room floor hurts my back,

The smell of popcorn gives me a headache,

And the tree is too daunting.

Maybe I want to die.

I definitely want to die.

My smile feels too heavy,

My love feels too empty,

And my heart beats harder every day.

I have nothing left to live for.

I definitely want to die.

I definitely want to live.

I love the sun,

The smell of rain after a storm,

Swimming in the Atlantic Ocean.

I love to eat apples,

Chocolate,

And ginger beer.

I definitely want to live.

Please don't let this kill me.

I love making art,

I love smiling every day,

I love laughing.

I hate the pain,

The suffering,

The constant faking,

But I want to live.

Please, God, don't let this kill me.

[silverwicker]

On the Nature of Death; Inspired by a fanfic title don't ask

It came for us in the night;

Cold,

Distant,

Harsh,

And yet the sun still rose.

Love waited at the door, ready to unveil itself;

Lonely,

Impatient,

Trembling,

Just as I was that night.

Will I ever shake off the horror?

Will we ever forget the things ingrained in our bones?

Will the prey ever ecape the the scars of its past?

The memories claws at the door like animals;

Crying,

Wailing,

Screaming,

Just as we all have heard before.

The words echo in my head;

Forever,

Forget,

Forgive,

But I never shall.

Will I ever remember the love?

Was there love in the first place?

Or, do our brains forever try to shield us from reality?

After all, the nature of death is simple;

Cruel,

Just,

Unforgiving,

And despite all, it is complex;

Loving,

Warm,

Personal,

It is the home we all return to some day.

[ficauthor]