“When your mind becomes obsessed with anything, you will filter everything else out and find that thing everywhere.” - Darren Aronofsky
I obsess. Plain and simple, I fixate on a thing - good or bad - and my mind drowns in it for an indeterminate period of time. Sometimes for years.
Who am I kidding? Often for years.
I only guess that this persistent narrowing of my (or anyone's) focus is a response to the chaotic, brutal and unpredictable nature of life. There are just too many things out there demanding attention. Too many advertisements, too many psychic vampires, too many pursuits promising hedonistic fulfillment - nothing more than various pitches of static disguising the particular signal for which a person is designed to detect and receive and understand. It shrinks the world to one thing. It makes life purposeful, affords clarity, generates a hierarchy, simplifies every decision. Alas, I am not, as they say, a multi-tasker. Betraying outward appearances, this is the truth.
I'd love to say that this character trait has done me a world of good by keeping me focused and motivating me to excellence, but that would only be telling a fraction of the story. Sometimes fixation is the very thing which hinders the achievement of excellence or even progress. Further still, it has the potential to undo much hard work, keep one stagnant, bury one in stasis. Conversely, I owe much of what little I have accomplished in my life thus far to this tendency. It has lent drive and pressure. My task then is to steer the ship into productive waters once adrift on the current.
I'm not sure if it takes a lot of guts to focus on one thing to the exclusion (and often detriment) of all else - other disciplines, relationships, what have you; but I do know that it takes guts to admit that it will fuck, and has fucked everything up. It's easy to pretend that adopting such a monumental imbalance in the pursuit of one thing won't shake the ship apart. Everything is temporary and expendable and at one time or the next every single thing in your life aside from this one thing gets eyed up to get thrown in the gutter because it simply gets in the way. Selfish? Absolutely. Imbalanced? Absolutely. Necessary to achieve greatness? Absolutely.
Keep yourself under pressure. I can't tell you how many fucking times I've heard the tired, motivational coal-to-diamonds analogy and it makes me sick, but there's a modicum of truth to it, as played out as it is. I love pressure. It reveals much about who we are not only to the observer, but also, if we are attentive and astute, to ourselves. That’s the real trick, though, isn’t it? That is, figuring out where we are relative to that thing on which we fixate. It’s important to pressurize yourself in three ways: directly, honestly and consistently. Directly - because any other way is a waste of time; of EVERYONE'S time. Honestly - because if you lie to yourself you deserve all the shit you end up covered in at the end of the day you fucking coward. Consistently - because otherwise, you're a weekend warrior, a dilettante, a fake...and who can respect a fake? I'll be elated to put an arrow through the first lying hand in the air in response to that one.
Now we come to the realization that most people in your life will not understand you or your focus or your drive to render your vision. You will encounter jealousy, rejection, shit-talk, resentment. And if you're lucky, that's just from those in your life who can't or won't understand your tendency towards excellence in one thing to the exclusion of all else. Those who love and support and understand you will not only step back and watch you obsess and give yourself to this thing which has vast destructive potential, but they should (in theory) support you silently just as you would for them. You don't have to sing along to a choir to show them you appreciate their sound - just being in the seats is enough.
I confess that I'm not a positive person. Try as I have to be bright and optimistic and bounding and resilient, it has dawned on me that I am more negative than positive. This is where things become tricky when you add the element of fixation. To those like me in this respect, I wish I had more good news, some words of encouragement, some sage advice. I don't. I can only tell you what I've tried to do and let you take it from there.
So take it from here and take it as far as you can. Take it to the edge. Take it over the edge. Take it over EVERY edge. Get destroyed, get rebuilt, get fucked. Go sear your body with scars. Show yourself that you're nothing like the cowards that crowd and suppress you because mediocrity loves company. Grow teeth and claws and spikes. Keep only those around who know when to get the fuck out of your way.
Stay obsessed like me. Misery loves company, too.
areudirty
snowghoul
theartofmadeline
dededos
