getting unfucked

[fuckyeahbodypositivity]

Fat people do not have to be healthy in order to deserve dignity

Fat people do not have to be healthy in order to deserve dignity

Fat people do not have to be healthy in order to deserve dignity

If I see someone say, “It’s ok to be fat as long as you’re healthy,” one more time I’m gonna lose it. I know this is a crazy radical idea, but how about someone’s health has nothing to do with how you should treat them or how much respect they are deserving of?

[simplifyslowly-blog]

20 minutes of dog snot removal. No after photos because clean paint is not that interesting. The green wall shows a dot of dried on dog eye boogie that was less than a foot from the ceiling. The other photo shows 3 more on a pocket door and bedroom door. In one 20 minute dash I removed 67 of these splotches from all over the house, and also wiped down a lot of baseboard, including my entire entryway.

[lgbtqpjo]

People need to realize that there’s a difference between straight people and Straight People™

[thehumorousace]

Straight person: Hey, you got a new haircut. Looks really good.

Straight Person™: No homo, but your haircut looks good on you.

In case you were confused 👌

[thesoftgrape]

Just like how there are white people who are gay and then there are the White Gays

[racefaker]

White people who are gay: “I’m gay.”

White Gays: “I can’t believe I got accused of racism after calling that person a racial slur! I mean, I know what racism looks like because I’ve been discriminated for my sexuality. How is me being racist even possible? I’M GAY!”

[lena-luthor]

[lesbianpeachs]

Lmao all the angry White and Straight people in the comments, keep reblogging

[ggghosties]

neurotypical: i don’t have any mental illnesses or disorders Neurotypical™: Happiness is a choice!! ✨✨Have you tried yoga? Drink more water and eat kale ✨✨

[exomoon]

cis person: i identify completely as my assigned gender Cis Person™: It doesn’t matter what you identify as, cause you still have Female Genitals! I’m not being offensive!! Read a book on Human Biology! 🚹🚺

[livebloggingmydescentintomadness]

men: I identify as male.

Men™: feminazis ruin everything, get back in the kitchen and make me a sandwich bitch

[gonecryptidhunting-moved]

atheists: I don’t believe in god or identify with a religion

Atheists™: Don’t fucking talk to me if you believe in God. Open your closed-fucking-minds!! (usually targeted towards Christians)

[phil-of-the-phuture]

nice guys: hey I know when not to invade someone’s space and I totally respect boundaries

Nice Guys™: IVE BEEN YOUR FRIEND FOR A MONTH AND NOW YOURE TELLING ME YOU DONT WANT TO FUCK ME ???? WHAT IS THE POINT OF WOMEN IF YOURE NOT HAVING SEX WITH ME?

[maneth985]

this post got all kinds of better since I last saw it

[spottytonguedog]

This post is perfection across the board.

[lilkittynellie-deactivated20240]

feminist: I believe in equality for everything between the sexes

Feminist™: ALL MEN ARE ASSHOLES AND SHOULD DIE! WE DONT NEED ANY OF THEM ANYWAYS AND THEY NEVER DO ANYTHING GOOD FOR US!!

[seereethepagan]

Christian: I believe in God and his son Jesus

Christian™: We must Obey Bible In Everything and Take It Literally and if you don’t do it you’re Going To Hell! I’m praying for you to find God and have your sins Forgiven! Other religions are from Satan and So Is Atheism!

[simplifyslowly-blog]

Cat: Meow

Cat™: Meowfuckyoumeow

[simplifyslowly-blog]

So when 2 lazy people buy a house with a bunch of stuff growing, and then have a wet winter, the weeds need unfucking also. This is a small sliver of my front yard but this represents most of the weeds (the rest is covered with concrete, gravel, and dense, thorny shrubs.  Took me two 45′s separated by a nice long break for tea.  Filled a 5 gallon bucket with hand-picked weeds (which I counted as a bag for my 40 bags in 40 days pursuit)

[arcticfoxbear]

Humans Are Weird

So there has been a bit of “what if humans were the weird ones?” going around tumblr at the moment and Earth Day got me thinking. Earth is a wonky place, the axis tilts, the orbit wobbles, and the ground spews molten rock for goodness sakes. What if what makes humans weird is just our capacity to survive? What if all the other life bearing planets are these mild, Mediterranean climates with no seasons, no tectonic plates, and no intense weather? 

What if several species (including humans) land on a world and the humans are all “SCORE! Earth like world! Let’s get exploring before we get out competed!” And the planet starts offing the other aliens right and left, electric storms, hypothermia, tornadoes and the humans are just … there… counting seconds between flashes, having snowball fights, and just surviving. 

[arafaelkestra]

To paraphrase one of my favorite bits of a ‘humans are awesome’ fiction megapost: “you don’t know you’re from a Death World until you leave it.” For a ton of reasons, I really like the idea of Earth being Space Australia.

[radioactivepeasant]

Earth being Space Australia Words cannot express how much I love these posts

[crazy-pages]

Alien: “I’m sorry, what did you just say your comfortable temperature range is?”

Human: “Honestly we can tolerate anywhere from -40 to 50 Celcius, but we prefer the 0 to 30 range.”

Alien: “……. I’m sorry, did you just list temperatures below freezing?”

Human: “Yeah, but most of us prefer to throw on scarves or jackets at those temperatures it can be a bit nippy.” 

Other human: “Nah mate, I knew this guy in college who refused to wear anything past his knees and elbows until it was -20 at least.”

Human: “Heh. Yeah everybody knows someone like that.”

Alien: “……. And did you also say 50 Celcius? As in, half way to boiling?”

Human: “Eugh. Yes. It sucks, we sweat everywhere, and god help you if you touch a seatbelt buckle, but yes.” 

Alien: “……. We’ve got like 50 uninhabitable planets we think you might enjoy.” 

[val-ritz]

“You’re telling me that you have… settlements. On islands with active volcanism?” “Well, yeah. I’m not about to tell Iceland and Hawaii how to live their lives. Actually, it’s kind of a tourist attraction.” “What, the molten rock?” “Well, yeah! It’s not every day you see a mountain spew out liquid rocks! The best one is Yellowstone, though. All these hot springs and geysers from the supervolcano–” “You ACTIVELY SEEK OUT ACTIVE SUPERVOLCANOES?” “Shit, man, we swim in the groundwater near them.”

[wuestenratte]

Sounds like the “Damned” trilogy by Alan Dean Foster.

[networkentertainment-offici-blog]

“And you say the poles of your world would get as low as negative one hundred with wind chill?” 

“Yup, with blizzards you cant see through every other day just about.”

“Amazing! when did you manage to send drones that could survive such temperatures?”

“… well, actually…”

“… what?”

“…we kinda……. sent……….. people…..”

“…”

“…”

“…what?”

“we sent-”

“no yeah I heard you I just- what? You sent… HUMANS… to a place one hundred degrees below freezing?”

“y-yeah”

“and they didn’t… die?”

“Well the first few did”

“PEOPLE DIED OF THE COLD AND YOUR SOLUTION WAS TO SEND MORE PEOPLE???!?!?!?”

[arcticfoxbear]

My new favorite Humans are Weird quote

“PEOPLE DIED OF THE COLD AND YOUR SOLUTION WAS TO SEND MORE PEOPLE?”

aka The History of Russia

aka Arctic Exploration

aka The History of Alaska

[unicornempire]

Being from Alaska, this was sort of how I felt going to college in the lower 48′s and learned that no one else had been put through a literal survival camp as a regular part of their school curriculum, including but not limited to:

1. Learning to recognize all forms of animal tracks in the wild so you can avoid bears and moose and search out rabbits and other small animals to eat.

2. Extensive swimming and climbing on glacial pieces with competitions to see who could last the longest, followed by a group sit in the sauna so we wouldn’t get hypothermia (no, not kidding, I really did this many times as a kid!)

3. How to navigate using the stars to get back to civilization.

4. How to select the right type of moss from the trees to start a fire with damp wood (because, y’know, you’re in a field of snow. Nothing is dry.)

5. How to carve out a small igloo-like space to sleep in the snow to preserve body heat and reduce the windchill so you won’t freeze to death in the arctic.

[reformed-roark]

“I’m telling you, I don’t think we need to worry about territory conflicts with the humans. You know all those deathtrap hell-worlds in the Argoth Cluster?” “Those worthless rocks? Yeah.” “80% of them are considered ‘resort destinations’ by those freaky little primates.”

[insane-male-alphabeticalsymbol]

This would be an interesting read if this was a book.

Like, an alien invasion is about to start and the book is a chronicle of how the aliens couldn’t handle both humans in general and the range of environments and ended up being destroyed through the eyes of one of the aliens.

Like a caption from the book would be something like

“So we sent a recon team to this place called Russia, but all we’ve heard back thus far is about the temperatures, giant monsters with fur the humans call “Bears”, and that once again, we have been reminded of how heavily well armed almost ever human settlement is.

Thus far we have lost more than a good chunk of our forces through experiments gone wrong, unsuccessful fire fights, and above all else, the humans seem to be more worried about these strange variation of their species calling themselves “Clowns”.

I don’t know what a Clown is, but sounds as if it is the dominant faction of this planet, and considering we only just found out humans practically poison themselves with this thing called beer and only get stronger and more violent, I don’t ever want to encounter such a being.

I believe this invasion was a mistake.“

[elidyce]

I’ve been reading a bunch of these and all I can think about now is aliens finding out about our insane ability to walk away from accidents.

“Human Colony SDO435**, this is Gxanimi survey vessel 3489. We regret that we must inform you that the wreckage of your ship ‘Gecko Flyer’ has just been detected on planet F56=K=. We offer expressions of sympathy for this catastrophe.”

“Shit, thanks for telling us, we’ll be right there.”

“Why?”

“To find our people, of course.”

“… you wish to retrieve the corpses for your traditional death rituals, of course, we understand. We have sent the coordinates.”

“What do you mean, bodies? No survivors at all? There must be some.”

“Official mouthpiece of Human Colony SDO435**, the ship has crashed. It has impacted the planet’s surface at speed. Moreover, this might have happened as much as five vek ago. We do not understand why you speak of ‘survivors’.”

“Oh, there’ll be survivors. There always are.”

“(closes hyperspace voicelink) How sad that they are unable to accept the reality of their loss.”

*

“Hey, Gxanimi survey vessel 3489, thanks for letting us know about the Gecko Flyer. More than half the crew made it!”

“Made what?”

“They survived! A couple of lost limbs and so on, but they’ll be fine.”

“… but that vessel was destroyed! Images have been examined!”

“Oh, well, everyone in the fore-below compartment was crushed, obviously, but the others made it out.”

“… but the crash was vek ago! Excuse we… at least eighty of your ‘days’! How could they survive without a ship? Without shelter and supplies?”

“Well, the wreckage gave them some shelter, and of course the emergency supplies kept them going until they could start growing stuff. It’s actually a nice little planet, they said. Quite a lot of edible flora and fauna. T-shirt weather, in summer, too.”

“What is… t-shirt weather?”

“Oh, you know, when it’s comfortable to go around with only modesty covering over the epidermis. Exposed limbs.”

“That planet is so cold that even water solidifies in its atmosphere!”

“Well, in winter, obviously. But we like that. Listen, our people have been raising crops down there, and that’s usually how we rule a planet as ‘colonized’…. is anyone else using it, or can we call it?”

“Er… we have claimed the warmer planets in the system, but we believe we could come to some arrangement.”

*

It was really nice, the humans thought, how carefully most of the aliens kept an eye out for downed ships after that, once they found out that humans tended to survive anything less than explosive decompression or… well, explosions generally. They’d immediately inform the nearest outpost of a wreck’s location, or even ship survivors back themselves. It was very thoughtful.

They didn’t find out until a long time later that the Gxanimi had put out the word to every species they were in contact with. It was vital that everyone knew the things they had learned about humans after that first encounter.

1. Humans can literally walk away from an impact that renders a space-worthy hull so much scrap and would have actually liquefied a Gxanimi.

2. Humans will eat just about anything not immediately fatal to them - including, in extremis, the corpses of their dead crewmates. In fact, most human vessels keep a list of those willing to be eaten and those whose socio-religious scruples forbid it. They have a ridiculously high tolerance for dangerous substances, and if they can breathe on a planet they can probably eat something on it too. They also have something they call the ‘Watney Protocol’, which requires them to carry live soil samples, seeds, and simple tools that will allow them to start farming their own native foodstuffs on any remotely habitable planet immediately in the event of an accident.

3. Once they’ve farmed a planet, they bond with it. They’ll be polite, but it’ll take significant effort to get rid of them even so.

Conclusion: If a human ship crashes on a planet you like and want to keep, get other humans to come and get them immediately. Remove them yourself if you have to. Even the worst crash can result in a thriving colony in a few vek.

And don’t, for the love of gravitational regularity, try to solve that problem by killing off the survivors. Just don’t. It won’t work and it just makes all the rest of them mad.

[dr-dendritic-trees]

This is the best one yet! 

[roachpatrol]

if any humans spill on your planet, make sure to scrape them up real fast and repackage them or you’ll never get them out. 

[simplifyslowly-blog]

Can't wait until this genre adds in the power of our psychiatric variables!

[simplifyslowly-blog]

Current solution for the "hell hole". I hid the fan behind a plant and some candles. I've enjoyed all the suggestions posted to the before & after post. It sure is nice not to see a huge pile of "I really should do something" piled everywhere.

[topshotpicks]

When scientists get too honest

> I would love to see more science posts on Tumblr. I particularly liked, “The postdoc who did all the work has since left to start a bakery.”

[maplejustice-deactivated2021090]

@vertebrae-in-cursive

[o-ceti]

@evasivemilk

[simplifyslowly-blog]

I will be reading the "Methods" sections and related citations with great anticipation from now on.

[simplifyslowly-blog]

Cleaned out this hell hole today. It doesn’t even qualify as a “hidden corner”, because it’s my view all day while I work! We moved 4 years ago, and boxes got shoved here. I’d chipped it down to this amount a year or two ago. It took three 20/10s, but it turns out there were a lot of little decorative items in one of the boxes. They’re all cleaned and on display now. I generated 3 bags worth of trash, recycling, and donation. It’s still an ugly hole, not interested in piling wood (and spiders) there.

[simplifyslowly-blog]

No before picture, it just looked stuffed. There was no wide open space on the top shelf. All the crap piled in front of the microwave came out of this cabinet. Expired spices, stale tea and nuts, mostly. The white bins are from IKEA, and they're a very handy size. Two bags toward my 40 in 40 days. Being attuned to the UfYH way of life, I'll take how ever long I need to do my 40 days!

[simplifyslowly-blog]

Unfucked the top of my dresser, including a lot of dusting, dealing with all the paperwork, improving the cord placements (I charge 4 different devices up there), and re-setting my alarm clock after shutting off the power strip. It took two 20's separated by fetching my kid, finding a tortise (and getting him home), walking the dogs, having dinner, and getting freshly washed sheets back on the bed. While I have other sheets, most of the time I'd rather put the same set back instead of folding them!

[simplifyslowly-blog]

Here's what a little cleaning up inspires. I bought this El Gato Gomez drawing a few years ago. Finally hung it in my bedroom today. One room that needs a major unfucking has all my wall decor, just waiting.

[simplifyslowly-blog]

So motivating to have a lot of people see my prior post. Cleaned out the fridge and the entryway today. Three bags gone (recyclables from the fridge, and stuff for Goodwill from the entry). 45/15s including cleaning all the fridge shelves and bins, and hanging the wreath that had been just slouching in the entry for months.

[simplifyslowly-blog]

Finally tackled the kitchen. Three 20/10s, and some cleaning that doesn't show up, like the top of the fridge, and cobwebs up in the corners. All my prior unfuckings remain unfucked. I patrol them daily. Some of my "hidden corners" are starting to clean up themselves. I think the fam is starting to worry I'll throw away their crap! I'm also working on 40 bags in 40 days, a decluttering exercise promoted by the blog White House Black Shutters. Like #ufyh you can make it work for you; no dogma, just advice.

[simplifyslowly-blog]

Many cycles of 20/10 to clear all the stuff that had been put down (not away) in our inhospitable guest room. A big chunk of time went to sorting paperwork that filled the IKEA bag. The bookcase and closets are a project for another time.

[simplifyslowly-blog]

My first documented unf*ing. This horrible peninsula thing fills up with crap. It took two 20/10s to get it cleaned off and wiped, and most of another two to put away all the stuff that isn't going back. In the process, figured out a much more logical place to keep the charger for the land line so I can reach it from either side.

[unfuckyourhabitat]

Unfuck tomorrow morning

Wash the dishes in your sink

Get your outfit for tomorrow together, including accessories

Set up coffee/tea/breakfast

Make your lunch

Put your keys somewhere obvious

Wash your face and brush your teeth

Take your medication/set out your meds for the morning

Charge your electronics

Pour a little cleaner in the toilet bowl (if you don’t have pets or children or sleepwalking adults)

Set your alarm

Go to bed at a reasonable hour