How it feels to look at the sc@le and ain’t shi change 💔

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How it feels to look at the sc@le and ain’t shi change 💔
Feeling like shit today
Just wanna be skinny
I’ve been trying to decide what part of me is hurting me right now.
I feel pain all over my body but until today I couldn’t identify where it came from.
It’s my soul.
My soul it’s hurting so much right now I can barely breathe.
I’m just so afraid of people leaving that to be honest I wish everyone would leave already so at least I would stop being anxious about it and I would confirm everyone hates me
At least I would sleep better knowing I was right about something once in my life
Things I hate about myself:
- being fat
-being ugly
- never been loved truly by anyone
- not being smart enough to
- my awful personality
- how I never accomplished anything meaningful
- How I keep getting older but I never grow up, I’m just stuck in the nothingness
- I’m to scared of everything
- Not being my parents favorite (neither one of them). (Not sure they even like me)
- How much I suffer in silence but wanting to be saved so much and no one care so they don’t even try to talk to me
- My apparent incapacity to love anyone
- being me
It’s so hard never being anyone’s first choice.
Not friends, not parents, no romantic interest choose me as their priority.
I’m never enough for anyone but people keep me around. Maybe just in case. Maybe because they don’t know how to get rid of me.
But I’m there. Never choose, but never let go.
Sad to be this
swinging rapidly from "maybe i'll be okay" to "it never gets better" every damn day
I’m literally in bed with no energy, I’m so sad it’s even painful tu move my fingers to write this.
I just wish I could sleep forever and be alone
Wtf with life
Today happened something crazy. I was at work and a male coworker notice I never eat lunch when I’m in the office.
I don’t know if I feel good about people thinking I have an ed (cause it clearly doesn’t look like it I’m so fat rn) or I feel embarrassed/mad about the comment and the hole situation
Either way why tf he cares what I do with my life is beyond me tbh
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I dont want to do this anymore.. I can't do this anymore.. I'm fuckin exhausted, I want it all to stop.. I need it all to stop..
I'm not pretty, I'm not smart, I'm not interesting, I'm not funny, I'm not talented. What the fuck am I.
I don't have a morning routine. I wake up on straight survival mode.