Since She Left

What life is like, Since She Left. vintage posts sincesheleft@gmail

[sincesheleft]

Just got super sad. Put the kid to bed and realized it was the last week i had with her before she starts school. All of our weekday activities like library and thurs morning donuts are over and was sick with covid the whole week we didn't get to do any of that.

I can't get out of my head that Ex took this time from me. If she didn't want a divorce we wouldn't have to put W in school/daycare early. I'm not ready for her to grow up this fast.

I always think there's more time than there is.

[marissa--cooper-deactivated2015]

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[heymikewaskom]

Tim Barry– “Avoiding Catatonic Surrender”

I can’t stand being home, but I can’t stand being gone. My ears ring when it’s quiet and I ain’t heard a thing all day. And I’d call if I could but right now I ain’t got nothing to say. I can’t keep singing these songs. I throw empty beer cans at the TV when I’m watching the news. I hate republicans, I hate democrats, I hate liberals too. I think pacifists are weak, and violence is wrong, but I go limp for police and I fight when it’s called for. The truth is I don’t know or care with who or where I fit in at all, but I keep on living simple, riding fast and living slow. I write standard boring songs with boring standard chords, just like the best and the worst, verse chorus, verse chorus, bridge, repeat. 

[sincesheleft]

An update on me is things are going. Not well. But going.

[sincesheleft]

I was not prepared for how much grief I am feeling.

Every new little interaction, or offhand comment made, or old routine broken adds a new crack into the life I thought I had and who I used to be.

[sincesheleft]

Anxiety anxiety.

[sincesheleft]

Ah perfect, the bad dream have started.

[sincesheleft]

I've developed a knack for disassociating from my feelings in stressful situations. While this can be useful, I'm also noticing that I have not yet begun to process what I'm going through. This is fine for now because it's really important to keep my wits about me as things are certainly going to get worse before they get better, but I worry that by not processing that I will eventually not process and maybe I'll miss learning something about myself.(this presupposes that everything that happens in your life has some sort of meaning that you can learn from) or not. I'm literally alone in this process and afraid to make a mistake. The stakes are high and I'm doing my best.

I'm doing my best. I'm doing my best.

[sincesheleft]

I miss your blog. It really was something meaningful to me throughout a lot of my life. I’m now battling a lot of demons and it brought me back to here. I am finding happiness in your old stuff though, so thank you.

it's insane to me that i haven't logged into this account in months, and this /ask came in on Friday, and much to my surprise it turns out as of Saturday i'm going to have to revive this blog. Things are not good in my life, so good news for you. we're back baby.

[sincesheleft]

how incredibly ironic that at the moment of my life where i find the most meaning, the most reasons to go on, where i am--without a doubt-- adding the most value... it’s at that moment that the world is at it’s absolute lowest. 

Two songs you should be listening to that at this moment are always running through my head; one you’ve heard of one you may not. the 1st--and i hope this is obvious; As It Was by Harry Styles. do not argue with me. and No.2; News At 9 by Peter McPoland. i found this guy on tiktok 2 years ago, and he’s not fashioned himself into a very successful musician. here’s the link: 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RsYOsgh3v1o

[sincesheleft]

out of nowhere i remembered this blog today and sighed in relief that its still up with all the old posts and everything! even the layout i think is the same? i used to love reading through here in my teens (maybe 10 years ago now?) and it influenced a lot on how i write. the last posts were in 2019 and i hope this random message finds you well! please dont ever take the website down. looking forward to read through old posts on here today. thank you for creating and preserving this site! :)

thanks for being here. hope you are well, hope everyone is well.

[sincesheleft]

there is no prose created to explain how i feel almost all of the time. our daughter is 8 months old now, and crawling a lot, she smiles at me every time she sees me. my heart is so full. i feel foolish, because i did not know this type of love could ever exist. i have so much to give, and i feel lucky to be able to provide. so much is happening, it’s easy to be overwhelmed, but things happen, that’s all they ever do.  

[heymikewaskom]

Wilder you are an unreal person and I’m so thankful to know you. Thank you for watching Narcos with me when Ashley won’t. (at Austin, Texas) https://www.instagram.com/p/B0EsoSUhXpr/?igshid=qdarqc3sxk6c

[heymikewaskom]

ok also

seriously, i wanna actually use tumblr productively again. please tell me relevant people to follow, who don’t just reblog garbage.  THANK YOU

[sincesheleft]

i miss you. 

[sincesheleft]

Programming Note

It’s been a while, huh? Life is insane, in the past 9 years, i’ve lived in florida, nyc, maine, philly, toured the usa in a traveling show, back to florida, and now texas. Married, baby, more dogs. there’s a lot happening. I still check in on the blog though. Weird thing, someone sent me this link the other day: https://www.instagram.com/sincesheleft/ 

It’s Since She Left on instagram, but it’s not run by me. Frankly i don’t know who runs it. I’m unsure where the writing is coming from, because there’s not many attributions. I’m not really upset that this exists. my wife asked me if i was going to report it. I don’t think i will. imitation is the highest form of flattery, and i don’t want to run a version 2.0 of this blog on IG, though that is a good idea. 

Guess i’m just putting this out there; don’t mistake that ig for being affiliated with this blog, because it’s not. Anyway, i hope you’re doing well. I hope you have identified a dream or a goal, and are pushing toward it. even a little progress is progress. i have always believed in you. -- Until we speak again. 

[heymikewaskom]

god I wish Tumblr was still a place where all my favorite people online lived now at best it’s more like coming home after moving away and driving past all the houses of your old friends, “people I love used to live there” you’d say.

[heymikewaskom]

Dab (at Austin, Texas Ya’LL) https://www.instagram.com/p/BvXbRb8B7yo/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=66jbmnn5d0fb