Hello Ms. Michaela! I have something of a personal question. How did you find balance between your sexuality and your faith? I was raised old-school Catholic (aka think sinful thoughts and you're going to hell) plus a very traditional family, and I can't tell if my hesitance for sex is because I'm not ready for it or if it's the "have sex before marriage and burn" ideal that's scaring me.
This is not starting the wall of answers (sorry guys!) but I wanted to answer this one as it’s pretty personal =)
Please know that I came from a very open family where I happen to be the Christian while my other 3 immediate family members are Spiritualists/Buddhists, so my experiences on it may not reflect what you may have experienced.
That being said, I had some very religious and some very conservative friends who often preached to me that sex and sexuality was sinful. However, my balance comes from my understanding of what sin is.
When we think of sin, we think of impurities; sexual thoughts, violence, etc.
However, God essentially created us and gave us the ability to control ourselves and our actions. We have the means to train ourselves not to let sin corrupt us or control us, thus making us a forgivable species worthy of judgement at Heaven’s gates.
Thinking sinful thoughts are a natural instinct we have, sweetie. We live in a world where sex sells and violence is unfortunately a common occurrence to the point of numb feeling. What makes it a SIN is when you can’t stop your thoughts from moving on from it and, eventually, can’t control ourselves acting upon those thoughts while harming others/ourselves.
Personally, and this may or may not be a surprise to people, but I am a very sexual-minded individual. More often than not, I find myself lost in some dirty thought about the guy I like or a memory of a wild night in my past. However, I do not let these thoughts control me. I will not DARE lay hands on the guy I like just because I imagine having sex with him nor will I ignore any of my responsibilities just so I can think about the sex-adventures I have had. Yes, I masturbate on occasion out of sexual need and drive, but with science (given to us by God in my belief) comes knowledge that it is cleanses and heals the body and the responsibility of “You cannot let your sex-drive control you to do this constantly. You must control it and only do it once in a while.”
Sin is when it is uncontrollable and detrimental to our minds and our bodies. If it frightens you, then it is okay to seek help and quelling them through psychological means (therapy and communication with a specialist). However, the unfortunate stigma of Catholicism and Christianity is that we believe sin is the general sense of impurity and not what causes us to be sinful individuals. We believe that God will not love us if we do not follow his word to the letter but what we forget is that, one, the word of God has been spoken through the mouth of Man and Man is ever full of mistakes that we may not realize twist his words around, and two, we are merely human and God is an all-loving being, able to forgive our mistakes and guide us to peace.
I suggest this if you believe in God/Any Deity: do a private prayer. Sit in your room in a comfortable spot and simply talk to God/Your Deity. Ask them to help you overcome this fear you have if you believe it harms you from being the fullest human being you can be. Sometimes a prayer will help spark that confidence to truly look at sexuality and understand it before making a personal decision about it (whether it be “I don’t like sex”, “I don’t want to have sex yet”, or “Sex is not that bad”).
If you do not believe in a higher power, do some self-reflection. If sex 100% scares you, then close your eyes, take a breath, and try to find the source and understand that sometimes the source can be the only gate towards enlightenment.
We are human beings on this earth are deserving of total enlightenment. It’s just finding the means to get over our ignorance and fear that allows us to embrace the world around us.
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