âyou are the worst case of touch starvation iâve ever seen.â
âyou made a mistake hugging me because iâm so touch starved iâm not letting go of you now.â
âiâm sorry but can you give a hug i need to remember what human contact feels like.â
âman you know youâre really starved for affection when someone gives you a friendly pat on the back and your knees get all wobbly.â
âso i looked it up and itâs called skin hunger, also known as touch starvation. so iâm going to hug you now and you arenât going to complain because this has actually been affecting your mental health.â
âno oneâs hugged me in years. do you mind if we stay like this a little longer?â
âkeep scratching my head. it feels nice and i donât know the last time someone did that for me.â
âthe reason i am acting like a cat right now and why iâm sprawled across your lap is because i canât remember the last time someone held me like this.â
âmy video game spouse called me dear and i started crying please send help.â
â Lifeâs not a bitch. Life is a beautiful woman. â
â Oh dog dog dog dog dog. Thereâs a dog next to you. Please pet ot. It needs to be pet. â
â Where am I? What way up am I? â
â I donât hate kids, Iâm inconvenienced by them. â
â Brunch is how I learned to be a classy alcoholic. â
â I love hating people. â
â Tears make great lube. â
â Everybody was gay in the 90s. â
â You sucked my nipples! â
â On a scale of one to fucked up, guess where I am right now. â
â The ocean has no corners. â
â We are not moving on until I know what a blue waffle is. â
â I need to lay down and die now. â
â That was traumatic. â
â I cam here to tell clean, wholesome, family jokes, and you make me show my balls/tittys! â
â Thereâs nothing more relaxing than a coma. â
â Thanks or being the closest thing I have to friends. â
â Cool is an emotion. â
â I guess Iâm a dumb bitch. â
â Gravity is bullshit. â
â I hate everyone equally. â
â People arenât cats. â
â I have never stuck a finger in my asshole in a sexy way and sent it to a partner because they asked me to do it. â
â From sucking dicks to eating cake. I love it! â
â Considering this may be my last testament, tell everyone I know to go fuck themselves. â
â Iâm only gay in my car. â
â They died being killed. â
â Call me the Titanic, because Iâm sinking about you. â
â Iâm sucking that big dick in the sky right now. â
â Virginity is like your GPA when youâre an adult. No one fucking cares. â
â Tired. Sleepy. Need money. â
â Get fucked, me. â
â Iâm a lovely delicate flower, and also just fuck me hard. â
â I thought the moon was a mile away in sixth grade. â
â All the pretty things are broken. â
â You were born to be THAT guy. â
â France is in Italy, right? â
â How up is space? â
â Shiver me titties. â
â I have the reflexes of a potato. â
â I BLEACHED MY BUTTHOLE FOR YOU. â
â Cockadoodle bitch biscuit. â
â Is my finger suposed to bend this way? â
â You donât get warmer than hell. â
â You look like you fingered Elmo. â
â Look at all those wack-ass trees! â
â I wish you were naked. â
â Are you havinâ my ass? â
â You canât out-think someone who doesnât think. â
â Youâve gotta fuck things sometimes! â
â I get turned on by people who can beat the shit out of me. â
â I was just thinking about horse dick. â
â Ding Dong, asshole! â
â With great power comes, uh, you fuck shit up a lot. â
â You can be beautiful on the inside and outside, you piece of shit. â
â I am concerned about everything. â
â Good lord on a bike. â
â Time to make like a tree and branch. â
â Hereâs a fun fact about [[name]]. Theyâre dying from the inside out. â
â I donât trust the sun anymore. â
â I didnât think that Uno without dicks could be fun. â
â First one to pass out is a bitch. â
â Y'all are supposed to shut the fuck up. â
â Iâm going to mars out of SPITE motherfucker. â
â Iâm made of bad ideas. â
â I donât believe in numbers because I think theyâre stupid. â
â I agreed to a scary game, not a dildo in my mouth. â
âCan I have flaming pistols?â -Theoric ((Imma just send you a few of these...>_>))
Siren set down her meteor hammer with a loud thunk. Â âExcuse me?â
âFlaming pistols.â Â Theoric waved his hand vaguely. Â âI want some.â
âTheoric? Â How many. Â Fuckinâ people. Â On this god damn blasted fucking ship. Â Use fire.â Â
âUhâŠâ
âAt least five. Â Thatâs a fifth of the whole crew.â
âYeah, but-â
No buts! Â Wolfy almost sets thâ entire ship on fire ona weekly basis, Lash jusâ blows shit up for the funovit, thank gods thatâs usually off thâ ship, ând god save us all when Cinder gets fuckin pissed. Â Why the hell would I need ya usinâ fire too?â
âItâs intimidating? Â I could bust out of the ship, fire flying, and that would make six, and six is better than five!â Â Theoric grinned broadly.
With a sigh, Siren thunked her forehead on the table. Â âIâm in hell. Â I somehow left the universe proper when I left the Ravagers, and wound up in fuckin hell.â Â She glared at him sideway. Â âFine. Â FINE. Â Finda set and Iâll wire yer ass thâ credits.â
Theoric gave a cheerful skip out of her quarters, and she fought back a small smile.  âI canna believe this placeâŠâ
âHold my record player, Iâm going in.â -((I'm gonna say Warhound/Wolfhound, but doesn't this sound like Peter Quill??))
âP-PETER!â Â Siren shrieked, flailing at the walkman thrown her way. Â By some miracle, she kept her hold on it, but as she had grabbed for it, the young man had cheerfully thrown himself off the cliff. Â âPETER WHAT THE EVER LOVING FUCK ARE YOU DOING.â Â She screamed after him, as his boots flared haphazardly to life, and he shot up, the wind from his passing making her hair swirl in her face.
âTHOSE HAVENâT BEEN CALIBRATED FOR YOUR WEIGHT YOU FATASS!â
The only response was a thrilled whoop from above her as Peter did a flip.
Sirenâs mouth open and closed, words failing her. Â
âThose are yours, arenât they.â Â Siren jumped. Â She had been too busy screaming at Peter to hear Yondu come up behind her, but now there was someone closer to scream at, so her attention diverted. Â âHE IS GOING TO GET HIMSELF KILLED!â Â She spun around waved the music player in the general region of the blue manâs face. Â âHE KNOWS IT TOO, THATâS WHY HE GAVE ME THIS!â
âHe jusâ needs to keep an eye on the fuelâŠâ  Yondu waved her off, taking a step back so the walkman was no longer a threat to his nose.  âYou worry too much.â
âHEâS NOT LISTENING TO ME! Â YOU CAN NOT CHASE SPEEDERSÂ IN THOSE THINGS!â
âHe seems to be doinâ okay.â Â
âAAAAARG!â Â Siren spun on her heel, wobbling on the edge of the cliff herself. Â She ignored Yonduâs snort as she watched Peter duke it out, but only half, as she had her hand slapped over her eyes and was watching from between her fingers. Â
 âYouâre concerned too or you wouldnât be here.â  She muttered.  Yondu patted her on the head, and she bristled.
âJust wanted to see what you were losing your shit over. Â Itâs usually entertaining.â
âJackass.â
âYer damn right.â
ââŠIâm groundin' 'im when 'e gets back down 'ere.â
Siren smirked as she leaned forward, sweeping the chips to her side of the table in a flashy, pointless gesture.
âIâm gettinâ full value outta ya buddy,â She drawled, grinning just a little wider so the points of her teeth were visible. Â âGoodsâll be picked up in about fifteen hours, anâ so help me, if ya try to cheat me, there wonât be a meteor in this galaxy ya ass would be safe in.â
The blue man slumped, an impressive move given the size of his shoulders, and Siren laughed, plucking the datastick from her tablemateâs unresistant hand. Â âNot that ya could! Â Doubt ya got credits left for fuel!â Â
In her moment of gloating, she missed her victim turn to mutter something to his bodyguard, who angrily stomped away. Â Not that she had paid much attention to his presence anyway; when she was here, sizing up others was Lash and Spackleâs job. Â The more she held herself as a rich, cocky brat, the less people expected of her, and the more she could get away with. Â And she got away with a lot. Â For example, her taunting about being cheated was so heavily hypocritical her tongue should be making clanging noises against her teeth, as Chamile was currently hanging on the ceiling, invisible, and quietly relaying the otherâs hand to her over an earpiece radio. Â Over at the dice table, Chirp had his antenna tucked under a hat as he quietly tilted dice for Zentara, who was flirting just enough that no one was paying any attention to the scrawny kid beside her.
But rules were things for other people.
Her opponent (he had introduced himself when he sat at her table, but she had promptly forgot and had been thinking of him as Fresh Meat all night) stood, glowering at her. Â Siren just grinned wider, settling back in her chair, as Lash and Spackle stepped forward. Â Meat looked like he was considering it anyway, probably because he alone was as wide as the two of them together, but decided against it in the smartest move he had made all night. Â
âRun along, buddy.â Â A casino bouncer had come along, and rested his hand on Meatâs shoulder. Â âComputer says you donât have enough credits left to stay.â Â Meat, having been given a smaller target and the smashing realization he had, in fact, just bet away almost everything he owned and now had nearly nothing left, turned and punched the man in the face. Â The bouncer didnât budge, and Meat recoiled with what definitely looked like a broken hand. Â
Siren didnât care to stay and see how this was going to go down, and promptly sauntered off as the bouncer pulled back for his own punch and a flock of black-suited bouncers descended on the starting fight. Â She didnât feel bad. Â Meat had been downright rude to the waitstaff, and that was the lowest kind of person. Â Even space pirate had standards.
âLetâs get drinks. Â On me.â Â Siren decided, as they exited. Â Hailstorm and Warhound pushed themselves to their feet from their seats next to the door and fell into step beside them. Â Chamile became visible next to the two, and gave a quiet cheer.
Drinking on won money was almost always a bad idea, and last night was not the exception. Â There always seemed to be even less concern with how much money was spent, and on backwater planets like this, there was some potent stuff if you had the credits for it.
Siren dragged herself out of her tank, glad she had made it in, because most of the rest of her crew were going to be useless for the rest of the day. Â This way she was at least somewhat safe from the hangover, having spent the night hydrated. Â She peered at herself in the mirror, tugging a brush through her hair, which was already drying, thanks to its oils. Â Wasnât much she was going to do about the circles under her eyes today, and she was already in a losing battle with the crows feet. Â âWeâre only thirty-eight.â Â She snapped at her reflection. Â âItâs bad enough we got white hair already, stop that!â
âStress does terrible things, boss-lady.â Â Shine commented from her doorway, smiling serenely.
âSo itâs all yâallâs fault.â Â Siren grumped. Â âNoted. Â Ya need somthinâ?â
âNot particularly. Â However, you may be interested to know that your winnings from last night have been delivered. Â Also, the man you won them from who started the fight as we were leaving? Â Heâs going to be working at the casino until he can pay off the fine they levied against him, so we might want to avoid it for a while.â
âGo figure.â Â Siren sighed dramatically. Â âWas one of the only ones âround her we could still get inâta.â
Shine smiled. Â âGuess weâll have to actually work a job then.â Â She narrowed her eyes slightly. Â âI am surprised though... Â You almost never drain someone completely like that.â
ââE was ân idiot.â  Siren shrugged, and yanked her coat on.  âShouldnâta bet more than âe was willinâ ta lose.â  She reflected for a moment.  âHe also slapped the waitressâs ass.  I didnât like that.â
âHmm...â
âAnyway, whereâs âAilstorm?  I need someone sober ta help move shit.â
It hadnât really occurred to Siren that when you win all âeasily liquefied assetsâ from a man who owns slaves... Â That included slaves. Â But here sat the long haired man who had been behind Meat all night, with the rumpled look of someone who had spent a night sleeping on a crate. Â And now he was glaring at her, holding tight to a small sack that must have held everything he owned in the world. Â Siren probably looked much the same when she was dropped off in the orphanage. Â
âNo!â Â She screeched again, jabbing one finger at the employee, who was almost straining something with the level of âI couldnât give less of a shitâ attitude they were exuding. Â âI donât do slaves! Â I donât deal in âem, I donât transport âem, and I certainly donât win people!â
âWell, you won this one, and he canât stay in here. Â Iâm obligated to make sure all your winnings get off planet with you, and that includes this...â Â He glanced at his tablet. Â âTheoric. Â An Asgaurdian combat slave, about 900 standard years of age. Â Male, and fuckinâ smells it.â Â Behind him, Theoric looked massively offended, and tried to give himself a subtle sniff. Â The employee closed the program, and popped the data stick out. Â âHis info and ownership papers are all on here. Â You could give him back, but heâd just get sold to cover his old masterâs debt to our casino, and the owners donât care who buys those they sell.â Â (The offended expression switched to vague panic.)
Siren stared at the man, unable to form words through her fury. Â Next to her, Hailstorm was almost vibrating from his own disgust. Â Pretty much everyone on her ship saw eye to eye on slavery, but that had never stopped him from going on long, angry rants about it. Â
Shine stepped forward, before Hailstorm could explode, and took the stick from the manâs hand. Â âOf course weâll take him.â Â She was releasing her calming pheromones, and to her (decreasing) frustration, Siren felt herself respond to them. Â âI know where this place sells people. Â I donât wish that on anyone.â
âFine.â Â Siren seethed. Â âAlrighty, Mr. Theoric, come aboard. Â Iâll find ya a room without some weird ass bird in it, and decide whatta do with yer ass once we get off this shithole.â Â She stomped back up the gangpank into her ship, waving for him to follow her. Â Shine smiled apologetically at the man. Â
âSheâs nicer than she acts, I promise.â Â She patted his shoulder as he walked past, before moving to help bring boxes into the cargo bay.
They found a room Theoric could put his stuff down on the third try. Â First door had a large, blinking machine making concerning noises in it, and the second did indeed have a large, weird bird, which flew at Siren when she opened to door, shrieking wildly.
âFirst order of business, is you are taking a shower.â  Siren wrinkled her nose.  âIâve lived with an unwashed crew once before, and its not ever happening again.â  She pointed out the shower room, and continued, âOnce you do that, come out.  Weâll figure out getting you free.â
Theoric bolted into the shower with more enthusiasm than she expected, though he did mutter something about not stinking THAT bad.
Siren sat on what was to be Theoricâs bed, and brooded.  Slaves were documented, so that meant she had to go submit paperwork for not only his transfer to her ownership (a frustrating mess), but also for his freedom (An even more frustrating mess.)  It also wasnât much help that she had been banned from the planet as a slave thief, a title she wore with pride.  The Goats had told her about how slave escaped on their home planet, how simple it was in comparison...  Cross the right boarder and you were generally safe.  (Actually, it had been a much more complex explanation, but there was just something about Chamile trying to explain things that made Siren lose all focus and retention)
Here, if you were stolen as a slave, your paperwork had to be stolen too, and then purchase or exchange information forged, then you would still generally have to be on the watch for bounties out on you. Â And that was just if you were being stolen by another master. Â Stolen to be freed? Â It was easier just to find a way to fake your death. Â Fake identities for ex-slaves were highly sought after, and Siren was pretty sure thatâs how Zentara made most of her money. Â They hopefully wouldnât need that though, considering this was all done legit. Â
Huh.
That was a weird feeling. Â Though she supposed bounties were things done legitimately... Â Probably...
Her musing was interrupted by Theoric coming back out, toweling his hair. Â There had only been one towel in there. Â Nothing she hadnât seen before, but...
âSo I suppose the âass-gaurdâ part ainât really embraced in yer culture, huh?â  She drawled, giving it a vague inspection.  Probably in the top twenty sheâd seen, and that was saying something considering how many brothels she had wandered around in. Â
âčïž - My muse to stand on top of a display stand trying to fix a light and topple on top of your muse
đ± - Your muse to be riding in a cart standing with my muse pushing it
đ - My muse to stack up canned goods far above where they can reach
đ¶ - Your muse to catch my muse slip and fall on a wet spot before they had a chance to place a wet floor sign down
đ - My muse to use the display lipstick that everyone else uses with their gross lips
đ€ - My muse to be stocking an isle as your muse falls against the stand and knocking it over
đ€ - Our muses to be baggers that keep putting plastic bags over eachothers heads
đ€€ - Your muse to catch mine eating food out of the trash on lunch since they forgot their wallet at home
đ - My muse to double scan items for a rude customer⊠to be caught be your muse
đ - Your muse to have to crawl up and retrieve a little boys toy from where he threw it on the air pipes, my muse is spotting yours incase they fall
đ - Your muse constantly shoots mine with a stapler at their register
My muse doesnât realize theyâve been dead for a long, long time. Your muse is the only person who can currently see them. How do they explain to my muse that theyâre no longer among the living?
the squad gets captured and interrogated separately, and theyâre all telling equally terrible, completely contradictory lies
people completely missing the completely unsubtle, very visible dangerous thing in the room with them
alternatively, people absolutely seeing the completely unsubtle, very visible dangerous thing in the room with them and just not giving a shit
bonus points if itâs a beleaguered minimum wage employee who just goes about their business like âyep same shit as alwaysâ
someone pretending they donât know another character is eavesdropping, only to casually reveal at the end of the scene that they know (*leaving*Â âtell tom that he can come out nowâ *tom drops from the ceiling in spy gear, irritated*)
choosing to deal with the villain by just leaving them alone in a room with another character
the âhands go downâ trope
example: âany questions?â *everyoneâs hands go up* ââŠthat ARENâT sarcastic?â *everyoneâs hands go down*
These are all great but letâs not forget two characters giving extremely biased flashbacks to the same event that each paint the other as an incompetent loon
i would like to respectfully add: scenes where a character walks into a room, sees something scary, and turns around and walks out with no reaction or change of expression