"PS. When I was with that man I became very isolated with him. I was vulnerable when he and I met, still knee deep in the isolation of grief. I am horrified looking back to see how disconnected I became from my closest friends and allies. It's not all about him being a bad man, separating me from people. It was me feeling unworthy and full of shame that allowed his treatment of me to persist. He discovered that shame and used it to manipulate me, driving me further from the people I love. It was really scary to see myself in that place. I experienced major brain fog from the intense verbal violence, it's really hard to think clearly and understand what's happening when you're in the middle of abuse. When I finally realized that this situation was dangerous for me I had already grown to know this person intimately and cared about him, (yes we had a lot of good time that we enjoyed connecting!) it wasn't easy to walk away and leave him with his pain. In fact, I couldn't walk away because he wouldn't leave. Thus a community intervened and the police were called.
Now I am looking back on that time absolutely flabbergasted by how easy I was to manipulate, and beyond grateful for all of the healthy relationships that now overflow abundantly in my life. I love you! I am grateful for our friendship! I know I am a kind and loving person, equally deserving of love and safety and respect as anybody else. "
Anonymous
