The 6 Spectators You See at Every Tournament
6. The Misinformed Parent
They mean well. They’re here to show their support, not matter how little they actually know about quidditch. They are often heard quoting outdated rules such as “The snitch doesn’t have to stay on the field. He can do whatever he wants”, or “He has NO RULES EVER”. Will usually congregate with other misinformed parents. The best ones bring snacks.
You drag your bae to a game, and they’re less than impressed. They’ve come because they know how important this is to you, but they don’t really want to be there. They will spend most of their time on their phone, only looking up when the rest of the crowd cheers. The rest of the team knows that your relationship won’t last much longer.
Besides, if it’s not quidcest, is it really true love?
Maybe they’re here to bang the hottest girl (or boy/other-gendered individual!!) chaser. Maybe they’re here because they saw the crowd and thought there’d be free beer. No matter what the situation, the frat guy is the person loitering on the sidelines and asking stupid questions (so, like, how do you fly?) (do your balls not get hurt?), and making not-so-under-his-breath comments about the stupidity and lack of athleticism of the game. Though one can probably hashtag #notallfratguys, we can safely say that all of the people just mentioned will be involved in Greek life.Â
3. The Team You’re Playing Next
This group will sit away from everyone else, usually on the sidelines just besides your hoops. They want to see how you’re playing today. Is your team missing any players? Are there any injuries? What are your weaknesses? They’ll know everything by the time the snitch is released.
2. The Over-Enthused Alumnus
You’re here to support your former team, and you know what? Cheering is good! But when you, a 23+ year-old with a job and everything, are wasting the day at a college quidditch tournament, you might need to rethink your life choices. True, the love of quidditch never dies, but perhaps from now on you should enjoy it quietly…and from afar.
1. The Other Sports Players
They showed up to practice, and they don’t really know how to react once they realize their field has been taken over. Some of them will leave immediately, but a few will wander around and end up at your game. They’ll watch for a few minutes, trying to figure out what is going on, but will leave when they understand that you’re not leaving the field anytime soon.
By far the most popular spectator, there is always at least one at every tournament. He’s there, he’s friendly, and he’s ready to be petted. He’s just as excited as you are when you win a game, but don’t worry if you lose. He knows you did your best and is still proud of you.
