the worst thing about being mentally ill is like.. nothing is wrong.. my life is pretty okay right now.. everything is fine. and yet.. theres this sinking feeling in my stomach and i cant stop thinking about dying

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the worst thing about being mentally ill is like.. nothing is wrong.. my life is pretty okay right now.. everything is fine. and yet.. theres this sinking feeling in my stomach and i cant stop thinking about dying
Concept: My hands no longer bring chaos to my skin, now everywhere they touch little flowers grow instead of blood. I am soft and warm and all my pain is just an old, fading set of scars.
Taking pills when itâs difficult to do so
arrowhearts said to realsocialskills: I was wondering if you knew of any tips or resources for taking (pill-based) medications daily when for a variety of reasons (anxiety, forgetfulness, bad taste, fear, etc) it is difficult to do so? Also thank you so much for the time and thought you have put into this blog! It has been very useful and informative to me!
realsocialskills said:
There are some potentially useful reminder/tracking apps for iOS, Android, and Apple Watch:
Mango Health, which is gamification-based and offers rewards/badges for taking your pills every day. (Itâs not very flexible.) It also has notifications and reminders.
(If you like gamification, HabitRPG may also be helpful).
Medisafe, which is in no way gamified and isnât trying to make you have fun or like anything. Itâs just an app that tracks medications, gives reminders, and has a few other features.Â
Getting help remembering from someone else:
Some people find it helpful to have someone remind them to take pills.
Or ask them whether theyâve taken a pill.
Or to bring them the pills.
(Both medication apps allow you to link another person to your pill-taking records, if you want to.)
This can also backfire, and isnât the right option for everyone.
(One way it can backfire is that if you ask people for help remembering, they may think that itâs their job to *make* you take it, whether you want to or not.)
(Needing help with the logistics of pill-taking doesnât mean that you need someone else to take over your medical decisions, but a lot of people think it does).
Some people also find that their anxiety skyrockets when others pay attention to their pill-taking.
Sometimes this is less of a problem if itâs mutual (where you remind someone about their pills, and they remind you about yours.)
Help can also be more occasional:
Some people need occasional help figuring out the logistics, or overcoming anxiety or other barriers. It can help to have people you can ask for occasional help, along the lines of:
âI need to take my pill, but I need to eat before I can take it, and I have no food. Can you help me figure out how to eat?â
âI canât make myself take my pill, can you tell me to go do it?â
âCan you remind me that itâs ok to take pills and that Iâm not being lazy or something?â
âIâm having trouble with the pharmacyâs online refill system, do you know how it works?âÂ
tl;dr: Needing help doesnât mean needing others to take over, and it doesnât necessarily mean needing supervision or ongoing daily assistance.Â
If the problem is that the pills taste disgusting or are hard to swallow:
Sometimes this is a problem that goes away over time.
Sometimes if you keep tasting a particular taste regularly, it become less disgusting.
Similarly, many people who initially find swallowing pills difficult find it much easier as they get more practice.
You can also put the pill in a spoon of something like applesauce, yogurt, or pudding. That can mean that you taste and feel the pudding and not the pill, which can make swallowing easier for some people.
Some people find it helpful to chase pills with a liquid they like.
(A caveat about that:
If  the taste/sensation makes you feel sick to your stomach or like youâre going to throw up, it may not be a good idea to drink/eat something you really like right after.Â
Because you can end up associating that feeling with the thing you like, and then develop an aversion to that too.
But if the nasty-tasty pills *donât* make you feel sick, washing the taste away with something you do like can work really well.)
If the problem is irrational or mostly-irrational anxiety:
Reminding yourself that the anxiety is irrational can help.
Reminding yourself what the pill does and why you want to take it can also help.
And once you get used to taking the pills regularly, the anxiety may go away.
Some people find it helpful to think things like âThis is scary, but I can do it, and it wonât always be this scary.â
One reason that taking pills can be scary is that it can be an unpleasant reminder that you need the pills.Â
If thatâs a barrier, it might help to remind yourself that you need the pills whether you take them or not.Â
Or you might know that it causes side effects you hate.
It also might help to complain about this to yourself, along the lines of âI really !#$!$# hate having to take this pillâ.
(Having to take pills can suck, and itâs ok to have feelings about it.)
If the issue is reluctance or reservations about the pills:
Iâm somewhat uneasy about mentioning this, because logistical difficulty is often dismissed as unwillingness to take pills.
That said â sometimes the problem really is that someone is trying to force themself to take pills that they donât really want to take.
Everything is harder when you donât want to do it.
There are all kinds of reasons that people might not want to take medication. (Some good reasons, some bad reasons).
Eg: Some people feel ashamed of needing medication, or feel like they should be able to somehow will themselves to not need it.
Eg: Sometimes the side effects really suck. Sometimes side effects mean that a given treatment needs to be reconsidered.
Eg: Sometimes people take pills that donât seem to be working, and that can be demoralizing.
Eg: Sometimes people are misdiagnosed, and prescribed medication that isnât appropriate, (or suspect that they were misdiagnosed).
Eg: Sometimes things that seem like a good idea in the doctorâs office donât seem like a good idea in day-to-day life.
Eg: Sometimes when people have been taking a pill for a while, they forget what it was like without the pill â but keep noticing the side effects. This can make it hard to feel that the pill is still worthwhile.
Eg: Sometimes people come under intense pressure from others to believe that a particular pill will fix things. This can get complicated if the pill isnât actually the right solution.
(And there are any number of other reasons).
Sometimes the solution to this is changing your attitude towards your medication, and sometimes the solution to this is changing your treatment plan. (And sometimes itâs a combination of both).Â
So it might be worth asking yourself: How do you feel about taking this medication, Is this a pill you want to take?
Why are you taking it? Why was it prescribed? Do you agree with the reasons?
Are you having side effects that suck? Are you questioning whether the side effects are worth it?Â
Is there another option you want to consider, or does this seem like the best choice for now?
If you really are reluctant, err on the side of taking that seriously. You may have a good reason, and it may lead to needed changes.
If you think about it and decide that your reluctance is irrational, that can also be very helpful.
Either way, if the problem is reluctance, thinking through things and getting to a point where you feel confident that youâre making the right choice can help a lot.
*All that said*, itâs important to remember that taking pills can be hard for all kinds of different reasons.
Some reasons it can be hard to take pills have absolutely nothing to do with how you feel about them.Â
Wanting to take pills doesnât always make it possible to take pills.
Sometimes pills are easier to take if you associate them with an action you do every day rather than with a time. Eg:
If âtake nighttime pill at 11pmâ doesnât work, âtake nighttime pill when I brush my teethâ might.
If âtake morning pill at 8amâ doesnât work, âtake morning pill after I eat breakfastâ or âtake morning pill when I get into my car/bus to go to work/schoolâ might work.
Or âIâll take my pills when my kids come home from school and Iâve given them theirsâ.
Sometimes changing where/how your pills are stored can make a big difference, for instance:
Keeping pills in the medicine cabinet can make it easier to take them when you brush your teeth
Keeping pills next to your bed can make it easier to take them when you get up and/or when you go to bed
If you frequently forget to take your medication, keeping some in your purse/ backpack/etc can make it easier to take it once you realize you forgot.
If you need to take medication when you eat, keeping the pills near your food might help.
Some people find pill sorters really helpful. Theyâre clear box-things with a box for each day, and at the beginning of each week you put a weekâs worth of pills in them. This can also be a way to tell whether youâve taken a given dose or not.
Sometimes you can get pills packed in blister packs, with a compartment for each day.Â
(Birth controls are usually packed this way, and some pharmacies can pack any kind of pill this way).
If part of the issue is privacy:
Sometimes not wanting other people to know can complicate taking medication.
This is a common issue for birth control pills â and there are cases you can get for birth control packs that look like little makeup cases. (So you could keep it in your purse and it would just look like you have makeup).
(If youâre in a situation in which itâs unsafe for others to know that youâre using contraception, birth control pills may not be the best option. An IUD or Depo-Provera shots might be better. Planned Parenthood can help you consider options.).Â
Similarly, it might help to keep pill bottles inside little containers that donât look like pill things (eg: Claireâs has coin purses that are a good size for this).
Or to get a lockable toolbox and keep the key on your keychain.
Or to keep pills in your gym back if you have one â most people are going to assume there are gross sweaty clothes in there and be reluctant to look.
If youâre in college and donât want your roommate to know about your pills, it might work to keep your pills with your shower stuff, and take them when you shower.
Or to keep pills in your backpack, go to the bathroom after class, and then take the pills there
If part of the issue is that theyâre hard to afford:
If youâre taking a name-brand drug, look online for a coupon. A lot of companies offer them.
If youâre taking something insurance isnât covering, GoodRx can often save you a LOT of money. (It tells you about coupons, and shows you which pharmacy near you has the lowest price.)
Anyone else want to weigh in? What are some strategies you know of for dealing with pills?
Me: I have this mental illness/disorder that makes certain things very difficult for me
Family: Itâs okay!! We completely understand ^_^ We feel bad that youâre having a hard time, and weâll do anything we can to help! : )
Me: *actually has difficulty with certain things*
Family:
So I havenât posted a selfie in a really long time (please ignore my VERY tired eyes, I pulled an all nighter with the guy and please Ignore the background my place is under lots of construction/renovation) Iâve been debating all day whether I should post this or not. So basically this is a derma update. I officially havenât worn foundation in about 2 weeks! My skin has NEVER been this clear. I go through phases when I have the upper hand with my dermatillomania and then I slide back on my progress. Things have been different lately Today was different. I woke up this morning and got ready and when I looked in the mirror I noticed a few larger blackheads lurking on my nose. This would usually send me into a face picking tailspin for hours! I would pick until my face had holes Instead i just washed my face, acknowledged that Iâm really happy right now, and walked away from the mirror before I could obsess. Thatâs extreme progress. So hereâs what is FINALLY working for me: sunshine when i can get it, Letting salt water touch my skin every so often (cleansing salt water instead of picking when my face was first healing. this helped A LOT), cutting back A LOT on my work hours and not taking work home with me, naps, being in a happy low stress relationship, washing my hands a lot, avoiding mirrors, only wearing makeup to go out, a skincare routine that is finally working enough to keep consistent!!! (What is working wonders for me right now is the Murad acne time released cleanser in the shower followed by palmers cocoa butter ⌠I do this routine at night too if i remember)
Idk that feeling like Iâm not gonna survive is creeping back in Like maybe the thing to do is just disappear. And then if I do decide to kill myself, my family and friends will be angry at me for cutting them off instead of being sad. And that's better right?
To everyone who is planning their relapse today - I hear you. Your pain is real, our world is frightening, and I am so, so sorry.
But please remember that you are needed here. More than ever, this world needs you to fight. You can be the good among all of this hate. Stand tall, take a deep breath, and pick up your sword. Your presence makes a difference, even if you cannot find a way to speak.
Let this be your victory, not his.
depression symptoms that need to be brought to attention, supported and not demonized:
not showering/bathing for days or even weeks. (this has nothing to do with laziness - a main symptom of depression is being unable to be motivated)
not engaging in any social actvities
staying up and sleeping in till lateÂ
not being able to eat
neglecting self care as a wholeÂ
spending entire weeks at home, in the same pajamas, in the same bed
disregarding help/support (nothing against you. weâre just really fucking down.)
donât shame us. weâre having a hard time managing being depressed in general.
I forget that itâs my depression that keeps me chained to the floor.
tip for attention/memory issues, dissociation, and self esteem: construct your train of thought like youâre giving an interview or narrating a book in the first person. include thoughts about your surroundings, mini reviews of products you try, and talking head style salt about whateverâs bugging you, no matter how small
okay but
the thing is, iâm not lying about being mentally ill
one day i decided to pretend nothing was wrong with me for a few weeks
i decided to forget all about my illnesses and âbecome neurotypicalâ
and guess what
it didnât work, like at all
in fact, keeping things inside made me feel worse
if it were as easy as that, i would be fine now. if i had a choice, i seriously would rather be neurotypical.
âI donât want to die, I just donât want to exist any moreâ sounds mild if youâve never experienced it, but it is in fact a horrible, violent way to feel.
i see all these shoutout posts well shoutout to me im still alive and functioning at a quasi-acceptable level
i hate when people ask what i do in my free time because whatever i say will be disappointing. like what can i even tell you?? i lay in bed for days without talking??? i sob for hours at a time??? i stare at my tv mindlessly whilst screaming internally??? dunno
identity crisis time! like if i progress into real recovery and donât have any of the symptoms of depression - am i still neurodivergent? am i still a spoonie? i feel so connected to these communities and i wonder if i can still call myself one of them if my brain stops malfunctioning. feels like iâm a fraud idk
*Desperately wants to be comforted and held due to effects of mental illness*
*Fucking refuses to talk about said mental illness to anyone*
*is pouty*
If this isnât the truth idk what is