I know this one! Or, at least, I know a way to do it, because Iâve done it.
1) When you call them up (or email them, which I prefer, because PHONE, EW), you ask if theyâre taking new patients.
2) If they say yes, say something along the lines of âGreat! Iâm looking for a new therapist. Would it be possible for me to schedule an appointment so we can see whether weâd be a good fit for one another?â
IF THEY SAY NO, THEY DONâT DO âINTERVIEWSâ: theyâre a dick, you donât want them anyway, donât bother to make an appointment
3) Assuming everything is a go, head over to the appointment. Bring your notebook, pen, and questions. Also, if possible, have a very brief rundown prepared of what youâd like to accomplish with your therapy (or even what you think your biggest issues are).
4) Introduce yourself. Reiterate that you want to see if the two of you would be a good fit, so [a nice little social laugh or smile here, while holding up your notebook] you brought questions.
IF THEY DONâT LIKE THAT: theyâre a dick, you donât want them anyway, cut the meeting short
5) Give the rundown of what you want, what your issues are, whatever. See how they react.
IF YOU FEEL WEIRD AT ALL ABOUT THEM: they may not be a dick, but if you donât feel comfortable with them, then itâs going to be a shit therapeutic relationship
6) Ask your questions â about their therapeutic approach, why they entered the field, whether they feel comfortable working with *your* needs (I, for instance, specifically told my awesome therapist that I needed her to tell me absolutely nothing about her personal life or experiences â as much as possible, I needed a blank wall to bounce things off of. Itâs been years now, and I THINK sheâs seen at least a couple of episodes of Doctor Who. I THINK. Thatâs all Iâve got. Itâs amazing).
AGAIN, IF YOU FEEL WEIRD ABOUT THEM: go with your gut â your therapy is not the time or place to try and soldier through
7) By this point, youâve probably hit the 45 minute mark, and youâll know if you want to see this person again.
IF YES, say that this was a really great meeting, and youâd like to set up a regular appointment.
IF NO, say âThanks for meeting with me.â If it wasnât too terrible, feel free to add in whatever social niceties you want to lessen the blow (âI have appointments with a few other people, still, but thank you again!â), or you could just skedaddle as soon as possible.
IF YOUâRE NOT SURE, go a bit heavier with the social nicety: âI still have appointments with a few other people, but I really enjoyed our meeting. Iâll let you know as soon as possible if Iâd like to schedule another one. Thanks again!â
Regarding current therapists: If theyâre toxic, get rid of âem before you even start interviewing others. Nobody needs that kind of garbage. Otherwise, you could keep seeing them while you interview others, and then the second you find one you like (and you schedule your next appointment), get rid of your current one. You donât have to say why â just say that youâd like to cancel future appointments. Do it over email, if you want. If you like them, you can tell them that you just need something different now, but that you âreally appreciate all the work weâve done togetherâ or something. If you donât like them, just cancel. They donât need to know jack.
IF YOUR CURRENT THERAPIST SAYS SHIT ABOUT YOUR LEAVING â and I mean anything other than a positive hope for you in the future â then they were a dick and you were right to find someone else. Who needs passive-aggressive bullshit from a therapist? Nobody, thatâs who.
So thatâs my philosophy/style with regard to therapist shopping â I may be completely wrong, but itâs worked for me so far. Good luck!
