Everytime I let it slip how bad I’m actually doing, I’m reminded I’m not allowed to actually feel anything.
I have to be okay all the time that’s my job.
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@skybluewall
Everytime I let it slip how bad I’m actually doing, I’m reminded I’m not allowed to actually feel anything.
I have to be okay all the time that’s my job.
hollanov for 8 years
I think the reason why I mostly like shipping instead of looking for already formed queer couples is bc it is really difficult to find a queer pairing that isn't sexualized. And if they aren't together and the writers don't intend to make them canon EVER, I CHOOSE how much I would like for them to be sexual.
That's why most of the time, I prefer kid's media with queer representation. It is NEVER sexualized. And I LOVE the romantic aspects of queer relationships, but not that much the sexual aspects.
Heated Rivalry is one of the exceptions for me. Even if them having sex is a big part of the series and how they get to know each other, they always do it with carefulness, respect and sweetness. I love how Ilya and Shane interact with each other bc it is never JUST about sex.
your assigned ilya of the day is breasting boobily through the horrors
shane hollander be like:
many of us OG steddies are soon approaching our 4 year anniversary and it’s truly wild to think we have a whole ass bachelors degree in devotion to a tragically doomed fictional gay ship from the 1980’s
I feel like Ilya would definitely get some “ball and chain” type of comments regarding Shane and at one point he ends up in a group of guys who start ragging on him when he's thinking about heading out early, calling him whipped, joking about Shane having him on a tight leash, and Ilya ends up just saying, genuinely confused, “do you guys not like your wives?” There’s complete silence for a second before Ilya continues, “maybe you should give them the chance to find someone who actually enjoys spending time with them." And then he goes home to his husband, who also happens to be his favourite person in the world.
shane bent over and being fucked within an inch of his life while wearing his rebooks sneakers, white socks, cargo jorts (pulled down around his ankles), an old philadelphia eagles jersey and a backwards cap and ilya absolutely losing his mind about it and he’s so horny fucking his jock husband
steve harrington i am so fond of you
oh so it's just me you can't do that stuff with....right
good morning soft sad freaks on an unprofitable website
Connor Storrie | British GQ | 06/19/2026
i would really like us to consider shane buying ilya flowers
guys when shane and his parents bring out the birthday cake for ilya he genuinely doesn’t know how to react at first.
they're all sitting around the table after dinner, talking and laughing, and then the lights flick off. a moment later, shane's mother appears carrying a cake covered in candles.
for a second he honestly thinks they must be celebrating someone else.
and then he realizes they’re looking at him.
the cake is for him.
they did all of this for him.
for one impossible moment, he's back in a different kitchen years ago.
his mother used to bake a cake for him every year.
he remembers his last birthday with her.
the kitchen smelled like vanilla frosting. she had gotten up early baking and decorating the cake because she wanted it to be perfect. he remembers pretending to complain when she sang to him in front of everyone, remembers her laughing and doing it anyway.
he remembers thinking there would be another birthday with her after that.
but there wasn't.
his father never bothered. his brother never cared. years passed with barely any acknowledgment at all. no phone call. no card. not even a text.
sometimes he'd spend the entire day checking his phone anyway, despite knowing better. telling himself he didn't care.
somewhere along the way, ilya stopped expecting anything.
but now he’s sitting at shane’s parents’ dining table while everyone smiles at him and sings and there are candles flickering on a cake that somebody took the time to make specifically for him.
yuna sets the cake down in front of him with the same careful pride his mother used to wear.
by the time the song ends, tears are already sliding down his face.
“oh, sweetheart,” yuna says immediately.
ilya laughs through a choked sob and wipes at his eyes.
“sorry.”
“don’t apologize,” shane says, reaching for his hand beneath the table.
when he finally leans forward to blow out the candles, he’s smiling through tears.
and suddenly he feels a little like that little boy his mother used to bake for, standing in front of glowing candles and feeling loved.
doesn’t matter how okay i think i am, the loneliness will always creep in