My page contains sensitive content that will disturb some people.
Expressing myself is really about dealing with themes in my life and things that have happened to me, thoughts I have had, and peeps ive met etc. I'm an adult now, so obviously these ramblings are an expression of adult content, with adult themes. This can negatively affect young children. I like pretty and cute things, like toys and games. But do NOT interact with my content if:
- you are easily disturbed by sad themes such as loss
- you are sensitive to discussion and content about experiencing mental illness, racism, discrimination and abuse.
I want to have some sort of private-ish free-speech digital archive sort of thing, without having to hold back or have ANY barriers in the subjects that I talk about when I type, the images or medium that I use and create. I assume that's what freedom entails, the freedom to exist and to be human, a right or whatever. And then the freedom to express that, to speak etc.
In saying this all, my profile/page-thingiee should be completely avoided by anybody who does not want to see or interact with discussion about violence, mental illness, racism, depression, and physical illness. I try my best to be straight up and cautious, but also to be sensitive and respectful in the way I approach things. But as a general advisory, there are a billion more positive things for children and adults to be doing, than being disturbed and confused by my Tumblr. I personally recommend fun things like online games, kitten blogs, w3schools.com, khan academy, literally anything else.
Some of what I say is irrational and dramatic, for that I am sorry. But I do my best to stand firmly and hold steadfast to my truth. For the sadness & the drama, I apologise. But negative feelings are a part of my happiness and my resilience. I vent into a void because it feels good. And I vent it without much thought, because that gives me more adrenaline. Wow famous last words lol. things can age like milk or wine. No middle men. just me: an adult, keyboard, and void. And if that happens, it'll be rancid by then!! 👃 GRIMACE
My cute boyfriend got me so many new pencils and papers for my birthday. I drew so much that I felt a lil burnt out from practicing, but I'm feeling good that I took a small break to try organize my life. At the moment I'm focusing on drawing perspective and form from imagination. I have to teach myself to draw, so I run out of ideas. I'm encouraging myself to upload the drawings i hate so maybe one day I'll be better, look back and think aw cool.
Ive drafted some compositions in this sketchbook that I want to do in the larger sketchbook my love bought for me on my bday. I generally used colour when I used to do art, but since I moved abroad I can't afford paint or colouring stuff. I've had a couple streaks of not drawing at all and I really want to take it seriously but PDA autism is a straight up bitch.
I make up my own scenarios to avoid the anxiety of anything happening irl. lookup maladaptive daydreaming.
my imagination is so strong, I've been convinced it would happen the same in reality. (IF it happened). sometimes imagining the "experience" helps, if I perceived it as practice or prepping. but the maladaptive part makes it Thought-Experiment Method Acting that would flop at the oscars.
This in itself creates internal anxiety because I get insecure about this weird habit. I've never done it in front of anybody and I hope I never will. I'm still deeply ashamed of it and it is something I'd be so embarrassed about anyone seeing. I don't know what that means. probably that I can't accept myself as a person.
my life is always about striving to accept myself and all the thoughts that come with that. it gets metaphysical. being and living is really malleable and unpredictable which is overwhelming at worst and fun at best. anyways I'll try end on a good note, I'm still motivated to work through it all and stay grounded. grounded to me is about being real, being physical and present. it's also about humili[iation][y].
My Stardew Valley event posters! Created these over the span of like a year and a bit. Did the Spirit's Eve one in November 2022, and finished off with the Flower Dance one earlier in Feb this year.
If you're interested, you can get prints of these over on Redbubble!
I've been living in England for two weeks now and already I'm being told to go back to my country. I just fn got here from New Zealand. Even though we have a fast-track visa for young people to the UK, this doesn't matter to a racist. I am brown. I am different, that's just what it is here I guess...
Besides this, I've never actually encountered hatred at this level in England. So I'm still trying to enjoy myself being somewhere new. I've never been to Europe, so I'm learning a lot. Today's doodle is what would name my pub if I had one. STILL TRYING TO GET MYSELF SOME PAINT AND BRUSHES. 🙏🙏🙏
i promise you that person on fent bent over + swaying in rags is having a worse couple hours than you've ever had in your entire life. i promise you that person begging for money on the subway is going throughs something 1000% worse than you having to avoid their eyes while going to a restaurant. i swear on my life that person talking to themselves in public isn't evil or the devil or going to kill you. i think you need to get the fuck over yourself and stop acting like you're suuuchhh an NYC native and being afraid of all drug-heavy areas and posting videos of people on the trains like "only in the city! lol!". i think you should learn how to either have some compassion or shut the fuck up
The worst things for GP clinics in NZ to do after their abysmal drop in annual profit is to make their patients come in. What is wrong with you.
Your patients stop coming because appointment prices are more expensive, among all other inflated prices of goods & services. And your kneejerk reaction is to encourage and force them to come in?
Going to the doctors in NZ in 2024 is not a human right. At prices of $30(15GBP)-$90(45GBP)per appointment (ur lucky or subsidised if youre at the $30 mark), going to the doctors is a privilege. Getting proper treatment for an illness is a privilege.
Nobody has money for your clinic because nobody has money for anything. Some of us would rather accept ill physical health to survive in other aspects of our lives, because health is multi-faceted. Now that even healthy people are avoiding the doctors, clinics are somehow confused about why their profit based model is deeply flawed. We'll soon see the consequences of privatised healthcare in NZ if our government continues to defund the sector.
Healthy people choose sickness over treatment when they have to, more and more people make that choice. When we all start stripping ourselves from our experts, sicknesses worsen and the pressure on the sector deepens.
I might be quiet but I'm smiling to myself about the New Zealand Court (with it's faults and all) ruling in favour of Dr. Siouxse Wiles against The University of Auckland. Because they failed to protect her as their contracted employee when she was being harassed and stalked by anti-vaxxers who refused to believe COVID-19 existed. I'm also vexxed about the audacity that so many academic institutions have when it comes to academia and the pursuit of knowledge.
Even though she deserves far more on top of probably being an underpaid microbiologist. The University of Auckland has to now pay her $20,000 in damages because they couldn't take responsibility for being an active agent in why she had to be a public figure. HOLY SHIT, THE AUDACITY BRO. Academics are literally paid to be public figures, to do their own PR, publish as many HiGh IMpAcT articles as possible AND prove their "public influence" through several channels.
On top of this, academics are also expected to teach, lecture, mentor, and mark students. What do they get in return? Universities take entire credit for how iNfLuEnTAL their academics are, by using literal engagement statistics to negotiate the amount of public funding they get. They literally tell their academics to improve these statistics and in return, they'll get promoted. THATS LITERALLY THEIR INCENTIVE BRO. I'm not joking, this is for real how global university rankings are calculated and they make it sound more complicated because numbers look cool and complex.
Please don't even get me started on how this system only reinforces a university's propensity to game the system. There are so many examples of that. You have an academic (Siouxse) who actually cares about ensuring the public gets legitimate information straight from the source. In an easy-to-understand format, without manipulation or gaslightery. Just straight up hard science. And when the politically charged naysayers pipe up and are unable to regulate their emotions, the "faceless entity" that is the UoA pretends they didn't know what they were doing from the beginning. EW?
The audacity of bureaucracy really gets to me. I'm really worried and sad at the state of academia as it is. The way that UoA went about all of it, even defending itself in a court of law just exposes how slimy and snakey these people are. Nothing is worse than a confident wrong person with money. No wonder why so many conspiracy Qanons distrust academia. Because they're right about not trusting the academic bureaucratic structure, but they're so jaded by misinformation they lump the slimeyness all together. It's easier to blame the individal styley champion on TV than a cycle of high salary earners having their turn in the University executive office for a couple years.
