So do yall know about Jon Breaks Bad News? Guy that calls people for other people to, y'know, break bad news, sometimes in a funny way sometimes for serious stuff...the reason why I am saying this is because like any other DP fan I have the urge to say "But what if my favorite ghost?"
Danny, l a ring down as he reads the message: Hello is this Jason?
Jason, fully still in "I cut off mafia boss heads and put them in a duffle bag" days: Who the fuck is this.
Danny, not even a little bothered: My name is Phantom, from Phantom breaks bad news, are you Jason?
Jason, honestly confused what is happening here: I...how did you get this number?
Danny, sipping a smoothie: i am just going to assume your Jason, Tim says that you broke into his house and beat him up in scaled panties, and that your whole gimmick is a rip off of the guy who killed you, B misses you and would still love you after all...why did you wear underwear while breaking into some guys house?
Jason, feeling like he just got flashed banged: Ex-fucking-scuse me? Tim that little bitch, I swear to- he fucking stole my dad and my fucking suit he doesn't get shit to say!
Danny, looking to Jazz off camera: So you broke inot the house to beat up the guy who slept with your dad and stole a suit? What was he going to a wedding?
Jason, feeling like he is having an aneurism: I...I am going to hang up.
Danny, stretching like a cat: Okay bye, love you.
Jason: confused sqawking before hanging up
Danny, dead pan looking to the camera: He didn't say it back.
Babs, infront of the computer in the clock tower: Keep going that way Batman, the target is just around the corner...hang on i am getting a call.
Danny, now floating upside down: Hi this is Phantom from Phanton breaks bad news, is this Barbara?
Babs, eyes widening as she scrambles to start tracing the call because its coming through the bat network: Who is this? How did you get on here?
Danny, looking to Sam and Tucker off camera: I just picked up the phone, are you Barbara? Because I have bad news for you.
Babs, getting frustrated because every time she finds an avenue of finding the caller, it goes dead a second later: It...it is, who is this?
Danny, watchingnas Tucker gets an evil smirk on his face, typing hard on his PDA: Like I said, my name is Phantom of Phantom breaks bad news, this message is from a dude named Jay? Saying, get your redheaded ass back home you can play with the leather clad bastard man later, you have a college exam later, your father would be disappointed. What are you doing for college?
Babs, freaking out because what ever was blocking her started to counter hack her: U-uh...Library stuff, Sorry did you say Jay?
Danny, popping the 'P': Yup, payed me 50 dollars to call! I love you bye."
Babs, confused as the counter hacking stopped dead: I...what?
Danny, still haven't hung up: Say it back.
Babs, so utterly confuaed: I-i love you too?
Danny, grinning: great thanks bye.
Babs, wondering what the fuck just happened.
Danny talking to Sam: Could you see what Tuck was doing during all that?
Sam, who in turn was lounging in a bean bag reading a book: Yeah...something about batman files? I wasnt paying attention, he'll tell us if we need to worry.
Bruce, running around all of Gotham, trying desperately to solve the Riddlers puzzle to save some hostages, getting a call over coms: What is it.
Danny. Looking over at Ellie who was in camera frame, floating above him: Wow someone's grouchy, take a cough drop dude, Anyways my name is Phantom from Phantom breaks bad news,I got hired from a guy named Edward to tell you some.bad news? Is this Batemen?
Bruce, skidding to a stop, tapping into another com level: Oracle, he is back
Danny, blinking a bit as the call went silent: Hello? Fuck did he hang up on me?
Bruce, growling as he speaks: Speak, You said that Nigma sent you something to tell me?
Danny, scrunching up his nose: Your a real people person arnt you...Your buddy Edward says, you got duped, it isnt actually him and your being scammed into not looking in the right places, and that he is offended that you would think such a low quality riddle is from him.
Bruce, eye twitching: What. How could this not be him we...unless...
Danny, batting away Ellies hand as she tries to steal the Fenton phone they are calling from: Oh he just payed me more, looks like he is...actually on vacation? And who ever bitch with a bad bob is running around with his name isnt actually him, if you dont believe him check...I think that is in Cuba?
Bruce, switching coms once more: Oracle, look into Cuba, The real Riddler may be there actually, Robin, go back to the cave and grab the extra strength Clayface spray.
Danny, at the same time, looking at Ellie who makes grabby hands at the phone: No i am- no i am not done yet- okay you can do the next one but- ugh fine but let me hang up first.
Bruce, finally returning to the call: Phantom are you still there? Phantom...Fuck me sideways in a gondola.
Babs, pulling a face that could be felt from over the coms: Could never pay me enough to sleep with your stinky goth ass, go see the Cat or Supes later if you want to get-
Bruce, blushing slightly: Silence. I didn't mean to say that, try and find Nigma then get back to tracking Phantom.
Ellie on the phone this time, Danny over her shoulder this time: Hello this is Specter from Specter breaks bad news is this Bateman?
Bruce pausing giving a presentation, looking up at the intercom of the watch tower: Of course you are able to call here.
The rest of the JL, looking around at each other: Batman what is-
Ellie, leaning back into Danny: Yeah, so i got a message here from you kid Dick, which b-t-dubs, is a super bad name to give to your child, like come on man.
Bruce holding his head in his hands because he has been subjected to these two for years at this point: I didn't name him, he came with it already when I got him...just speak, get this over with.
Ellie, giggling: Pump the hate breaks Bates, Dick here says that Fuck you for being a horrible father, you are a narcissistic, sociopathic, middled aged man baby that cant seem to keep the goth furry inside and causes untold emotional and mental trauma on anyone unlucky enough to meet you, he hopes you die alone and you are undeserving of love...also that if you replace the pop tarts you ate he takes everything back and he would love you forever.
The JL, completely speechless because some little girl just absolutely roasted batman but also since that roasting was written by a grinning Nightwing that is sitting across from batman
Bruce, after taking a few deep breaths: I really dont like how my children use you two to air grievances with me.
Ellie, humming: Oh yeah, we also got one form Tim, Tason Jodd, Damian Al Ghul (specificallynot Wayne), and...Jarro? Also, like five more from this Dick guy.
Bruce, slumping into his chair: I am revoking Tim's computer privileges...its that bastards fault about telling the others about your services...