Sep 26, 2025
billy only knows 4 PEOPLE!
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billy only knows 4 PEOPLE!
Bruce going to Fawcett city for work, brings Damian to a park to play while he does business
Bruce: how about you go play with those kids over there they look nice!
Damian: fine father if I must.
Damian approaches the definitely very normal very regularly human children
Damian: Greetings fellow children, may I join in your… what are you doing?
Billy: Oh Hi!!! I’m Billy!! Of course you can play with us!! Right guys!
Mary: For sure!! We love making friends!! My names Mary!
Freddy: The more the merrier!!! Im Freddy by the way
Mary: And I’m Mary, what’s your name?
Damian: What are you doing.
Billy: Hey! Mary asked you a question first mister!
Damian: I will not disclose my name until you tell me what it is that you are currently doing.
Mary: Well gee, what will we ever call you!
Billy: Come on you’re the one that asked to play with us!
Damian: Technically I never said anything of the sort.
Freddy: Well even so, you certainly implied it, but anyway it’s a free country so I suppose you don’t have to tell us if you don’t wanna!
Damian: What. Are. You. Doing.
Billy: Oh yea! We’re just sacrificing this hog to our Gods!!! Wanna join us? :D
Damian: …. I do not kill animals….. That is one sin I will not commit.
Mary: We got it from the butcher silly!
Billy : and since it’s a sacrifice you don’t even have to worry about sinning either!!
Freddy: Do you… do you commit other sins??????? Why did you say it like that??????
Damian:… which Gods?
Billy: Oh you know, little of this little of that, mostly Zeus, he’s pretty demanding
Damian: So I’ve heard.
Billy:
Mary:
Freddy:
Damian:
Billy: So, you gonna join us? :>
Damian: No. And quite frankly I think you are strange,horrible and possibly inhuman children and I hope to never see you again.
Freddy: Golly, that’s not very nice, I hope you don’t have a very good day! In fact I hope when you go to sleep tonight you get so very comfortable and you think you’ve found your new sleeping position, but then when you wake up you’ve given yourself an awful crook in your neck that lasts all day!
After that Damian immediately went back to Bruce.
Bruce: Why did you come back?
Damian: They were strange beings father and I’d rather not fraternize with them. Also I cannot sleep tonight.
Bruce, one eyebrow raised: Oh and why’s that?
Damian: I believe a curse was put upon me.
Damian refuses to elaborate and Bruce is just left wondering what the heck happened

Single superhero who works two jobs.
The marvel family misunderstanding trope where people think Captain Marvel is Jr and Miss Marvels dad (Mary and Freddy hate it).
*captain marvel is sitting in the empty meeting room playing with a small lighting bolt before Barry and Hal show up*
Barry and Hal: Thaûma!
Captain Marvel *jumps slightly before turning around*: Oh, hey guys *boy-scout smile* whats up?
Barry: So you know how we revealed our identitys?
Marvel (Billy, a lying liar who lies): Yeah of course!
Hal: The whole justice league is having a big group get together-
Barry: -Yeah and supes was able to convince batman to let us take our familys along!
Captain Marvel: Oh wow that sounds supef fun! I'll ask Miss Marvel and Jr if they want to come along *lightnings a phone*
Barry: Wait! We were uh, thinking it would just be an, adult thing you know?
Marvel: *stops texting* ..Adult thing?
Hal *nervous*: Yeah! Yeah give us a break from the kids, and it'll be a good opportunity to let all of the super-spouses meet.
Marvel *confused*: Super-spouses.. What do you mean?
Hal: like, your Wife, We've been calling it super-spouse because it makes superman-
Barry *cuts off hal*: What he means is, you should bring your wife along!
Billy *mentally*: huh
Marvel: Wife?
Barry: Yeah we'd love to meet her!
Marvel: Uh, I dont have a wife..?
Barry *sighs and hands Hal a five dollar bill*: Bring your husband then!
Marvel *nervous smile*: I, Im not married guys?
Hal *grabs bill*: Oh. Uh, you can bring your boyfriend?
Marvel: No, I mean I'm not, dating anyone? *scratches back of neck nervously*
Hal *confused*: But, what about Miss Marvel and Jr?
Marvel: What about them?
Barry: *exchanges a look with Hal* Is your wif-husban- partner not, in the picture?
Billy *internally*: Make up something quick!
Marvel *looks away*: Yeah uh, they.. left..?
Billy *internally*: Oh gods.
Barry and Hal: oh
Marvel: Yeah so, I think it'll just be me, uh, this time..
Barry *nervously*: Y-yeah, of course, uh.
Whatever works for you Cap!
Hal: Yeah..
Barry:Wehavetogonowuhseeyoulaterbyebye
Marvel: Okay then? Uh have a good da- *gets cut off by the Barry pulling hal out of the room*
******
*Later in the Rock of Eternity*
Mary: WILLIAM JOSEPH BATSON WHAT DID YOU DO.
Billy: I- I DIDINT DO ANYTHING. *runs*
Freddy: GET BACK HERE YOU TWERP!!
Ya know how Captain marvels suit never gets burned or teared, because in early lore it's explained as the God's shielding the Champions dignity, so i was thinking about how mary marvel wears a skirt and she obviously wears shorts underneath, but I thought it would be funnier if it was just a black void like in video games when you accidentally look up a character skirt and it doesn't show anything ofc. but then I thought it would be even funnier to imagine the skirt just Defying Gravity like say she's upside down the skirt is just stiff as a board but still somehow flowing in the Wind, it's like censorship the skirt covers everything always. Lolll
Things Captain Marvel has done that confuses the JL
Part 2 to this!
Batman: “Captain, have you finished your debrief report? I need to know the details of the mission.”
Captain Marvel, looking up from where he’s painstakingly carving words into a stone slab with a chisel: “Almost done, Mr Batman sir!”
Batman: “why… why are you doing your report that way??”
Captain Marvel: “what else would I use? A pen and paper?”
Batman: “…”
Batman: “yes. Yes you would”
Captain Marvel: “Really? Huh…”
Batman: “did you not think of that first???”
———
Captain Marvel: *chatting with Flash (Barry)*
Lieutenant Marvel (Freddy), running up to Cap: “Hey, throw me into the sun.”
Captain Marvel, unbothered: “‘Kay”
Flash: “wait wha-“
Captain Marvel: *picks Lieutenant Marvel up and throws him up into the sun without hesitation*
Flash: *horrified Flash noises*
Lieutenant Marvel, flying back down with a slightly singed cape and slightly charred hair: “again”
Flash, watching as Cap picks the lieutenant up again and throws him back into the sun: “this cannot be real…”
———
Captain Marvel: *absentmindedly gnawing on the rim of his now empty coffee cup like a dog with a bone*
Green Lantern (Hal): *unbothered*
Captain Marvel: *the cup breaks and he shoves a shard of the mug into his mouth and chews it still absentmindedly*
Green Lantern, slowly looking up at him with a worried/horrified look: “uh… Cap?”
Captain Marvel, looking over at Hal while he eats another piece of mug: “yeah?”
Green Lantern, wincing at the sound of the ceramic being crunched by Cap’s teeth: “I’m pretty sure that’s not healthy… or normal”
Mary Marvel, sitting down next to Cap and staring at Hal unblinkingly: “What’s not healthy or normal?”
Mary Marvel: *takes a piece of the broken mug and eats it*
Green Lantern, suddenly very intimidated by Mary: “nothing…”
Capt Marvel & Mary Marvel: *eating some plates and mugs together like it’s popcorn*
Homeoffice marvel
There's a meeting, Captain Marvel is unavailable (he's grounded for not doing his homework, but the league thinks he's injured or something) and Batman asks him to join the home office conversation through a notebook he received from the league
What they come across on Captain Marvel's camera is: him on an old couch inside a cave with HUGE PILES of treasure and gold, and every now and then a random CHILD, a TIGER or a DINOSAUR IN A SUIT, walking behind him
No one says anything so as not to interrupt the meeting, but when it ends and Batman asks if there are any questions, Green Lantern is the first to raise his hand and ask "Are the 7 children who passed behind the Captain his children?"
And the Captain frowns, "seven?" and when he looks behind the couch he has a terrified look on his face "DARLA I SAID NO CIVILIANS IN THE CAVE" he quickly leaves the frame and they listen to the discussion begin
Darla (?): But B, Pedro brought his boyfriend here yesterday and no one said anything!
Pedro (?): FREDDY BROUGHT HIS GIRLFRIEND HERE FIRST.
Freddy (??): I ONLY BROUGHT HER BECAUSE MARY HAD THAT GIRLS' NIGHT.
Marvel (B???): IS THERE ANYONE IN THIS CAVE WHO UNDERSTANDS THAT WE HAVE RULES FOR A REASON?! WE CAN'T BRING CIVILIANS IN HERE
As the argument continues, the tiger in the suit walks over to the couch and sits down in front of the league, "hello, gentlemen and ladies, I'm going to hang up on the Captain now, okay? I guess if there's anything else to discuss, one of you can update him later?
*A scream and things being thrown.*
Marvel: EUGENE, YOU'RE GOING TO PUT A DOLLAR IN THE DOMESTIC VIOLENCE JAR RIGHT NOW!
The call ends.
Batman, writing down the various names he just discovered: Domestic Violence Jar… I'll write that down too.
Do Billy being saved by the Flash from lightning strikes... when he has to turn into Captain Marvel
Close Call
The Flash, holding Billy: Phew! That was a close one, kiddo!
Billy, trying to explode him with his mind: Haha sure was! :)
Masterlist // First // Previous // Next
Captain Marvel: *quietly sobs over a huge stack of papers*
Flash: Whoa. What happened?
Ms. Marvel: One man broke a lot of rules, Marvel is trying to solve them all.
Flash: Seriously? Who is this man?
Ms. Marvel: D-e-a-d-p-o-o-l.
Hal: Why are you spelling it?
Ms. Marvel: There's a belief that if you say his name, he will appear, no matter where you are or when you are.
Hal: What's so scary about Deadpool?
Ms. Marvel: Oh my God! What have you done!!
Deadpool: *suddenly appears* WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!! Holy chimichangas! Where am I? Oh, Marvy!! Marvy!! There you are!!
Marvel: WHO SAID HIS NAME?!
Ms. Marvel: It's Green Lantern!
Hal: Why does his voice sound so familiar?
Deadpool: *looks at Hal and reloads* I have to do what DC didn't have the guts to do.
Marvel: NO! You will not kill him! You need to be returned to your universe!
Deadpool: Will you come with me? Spidey misses you. You're like the son he never had but needed.
Marvel: *grabs Deadpool by the shoulders* I'll visit you later. Now, you're going home. Right now. *disappears with Deadpool*
Ms. Marvel: I advise you to leave the Watchtower if you want to keep your teeth.
Flash and Hal: What?
Ms. Marvel: ✌️*disappears*