Janai

i dont belong here

[thoughtkick]

“I am a different person to different people. Annoying to one. Talented to another. Quiet to a few. Unknown to a lot. But who am I, to me?”

— Unknown

[slightlyconfusedsquirrel]

March 18, 2019 at 10:08 pm

It was that moment, when you broke my heart and the fragments clung to your shirt, that I realized I’d never be the same. When you were the only thing I could see, even when my sight was blurred by burning tears. When you were the only thing I could think of, when my mind was corroded by sour memories. It was then that it dawned on me; my heart had chosen you for it’s own, and I could do nothing about it.

[slightlyconfusedsquirrel]

i really want to be like a cool person who breaks the rules and does dangerous things but then i remember the time me and my sister and i were taking a walk and we saw a field with a pond and there wasn’t a fence so we decided to run over to the pond but then the owner of the property happened to be driving past and told us not to trespass and i still have anxiety and guilt when i think about it

[slightlyconfusedsquirrel]

anyone else out there with like a million personalities? it’s great for getting along with different kinds of ppl but then someone asks you what you’re personality is and ur like ...shih idk

[kaijuno]

cats go apeshit running around the house at 3am bc it’s the witching hour and they’re defending your home from demons, fool

[slightlyconfusedsquirrel]

*dwight voice*

FALSE

cats are the demons. fool.

[slightlyconfusedsquirrel]

self love is dancing to all about that bass at full blast alone in the middle of the night

[slightlyconfusedsquirrel]

well duck my speaker ran out of battery. guess we’re done loving ourselves.

[slightlyconfusedsquirrel]

I TYPED OUT FUCK AND GOT AUTOCORRECTED TWICE WTH IS HAPPENING

[slightlyconfusedsquirrel]

self love is dancing to all about that bass at full blast alone in the middle of the night

[slightlyconfusedsquirrel]

well duck my speaker ran out of battery. guess we’re done loving ourselves.

[slightlyconfusedsquirrel]

self love is dancing to all about that bass at full blast alone in the middle of the night

[slightlyconfusedsquirrel]

why is it that every conversation i have with anyone my takeaway is that im a bad person? like where am i getting this from? no one said im a bad person but somehow whenever i see anybody being any kind of nice i just think ‘wow im not that nice i must be a bad person’

[slightlyconfusedsquirrel]

im deathly afraid of tornadoes but low key wanna be caught in one like yes i would die but the ✨experience✨

[slightlyconfusedsquirrel]

when I get my braces off it’s over for you bitches

[slightlyconfusedsquirrel]

i just want someone to be interested in my bad poetry from 2018

[slightlyconfusedsquirrel]

since no one asked...

i named this “complicated”

Sometimes I wish

Things could be simple

Like butter on toast

And a baby’s dimple

Our hearts are a mess

But our parents know best

We love from a distance

Across a valley, for instance

“I love you” is forbidden

But our feelings stay the same

To love you forever

Is my only aim

[slightlyconfusedsquirrel]

i would like to share something i wrote in my journal when i was scared to death of my sister getting hurt again. trauma affects everyone ❤️

March 21, 2019 at 8:03 pm

I Get A Bad Feeling (all the things I can’t say to my sister)

I don’t know if I’m intuitive or if I just have trust issues

Maybe it’s a little bit of both

Because all I know is that when you talk about your crush

All I can think of is your ex

His obscure humor and the way he spoke (ew)

His stupid expressions and that ugly ass beard

I’m sure this guy is great, unlike your stupid ex

But as hard as I try I can’t trust him

So forgive me for lying every time I say

“That’s so nice”, “he’s so sweet” and “y’all should totally meet up”

Because if it was up to me you two would never talk

You would never have gotten these feelings

And you’d be happy

But truth is it’s not up to me, it’s up to God

As it should be

It’s time I let go and trusted in the One who knows best

Just give me a minute, I’ll come around

Until then excuse the grumpy looks and the cursing over trivial things

I’m not really okay

[slightlyconfusedsquirrel]

never mind about my shitty poetry, i was just rereading all the love notes my husband would send and oh my gosh i don’t deserve him. here’s just one of the loveliest things anyone has ever said to me:

I’m listening to

Can We Kiss Forever?

And all I see is you

And how much I need you

And how much I love you

“You stand there, so beautiful, so fair

And I from afar look with longing

Only to realize I have found my way home

To my darling love

The one I hold most dear in my heart

And we together are one

And together we will never fall”

- Your adoring fiancé

[slightlyconfusedsquirrel]

i just want someone to be interested in my bad poetry from 2018

[slightlyconfusedsquirrel]

my husband, asleep, just sat up and said:

“she just seems so like bRiGrHt you know like she always has makeup on...so why is that?”

i know he’s not talking about me cuz I rarely wear makeup so my question is who is this bitch and any last words??

[slightlyconfusedsquirrel]

hello im in ✨dental hell✨ and how are you??