Slim Shimmy Dim

I live my life as a satire

[zahnegott]

european swordplay is better than japanese swordplay because uhhh

JUST FUCKIN WHACK EM

[fakehistory]

Buddhist monk lights self on fire in Vietnamese protest as followers pray (1963)

[gomjabbar]

the first ever human to conceptualize a computer was a norse farmer named Eðelgarþ Gusvarþ who had a brief moment of supernatural foresight and imagined a large picture frame you would stare into while using a rock to scroll through pictures of oats. he experienced this thought for only eight seconds until he was instantly killed by an errant farming sickle

[picdescbot]

a close up of a suitcase

@picdescbot | about this bot | picture source

all text in this post is 100% computer-generated, including tags

[slim-shimmy-dim]

Oof, wrong kind of suitcase.

[dennys]

What if dogs were loafs of bread with little legs?

what if?

[jeopardybot]

[This casual tank saved the antichrist]

[slim-shimmy-dim]

My favorite final jeopardy

[slim-shimmy-dim]

So a week ago I used cuticle cutters for the first time and now I realize how useful they are

[picdescbot]

a horse standing in front of a building

@picdescbot | about this bot

It’s picdescbot submission week! Submit interesting pictures for the bot to describe.

This picture was submitted by @tsundereglados.

[slim-shimmy-dim]

Woah! I really like that horse!

[picdescbot]

a person holding a baby

@picdescbot | about this bot | picture source

all text in this post is 100% computer-generated, including tags

[picdescbot]

a person swimming in a body of water

@picdescbot | about this bot

It’s picdescbot submission week! Submit interesting pictures for the bot to describe.

This picture was submitted by @sadthattherearenousernames.

[one-time-i-dreamt]

Elon Musk was giving his fortune away to anyone who could beat him in a wrestling match, so I showed up to watch. He walked out in a SpaceX branded wrestling gear and the announcer introduced him as the War Pig. No one beat him.

[pururin]

[picsthatmakeyougohmm]

[old-friends-senior-dog-sanctuary]

[slim-shimmy-dim]

Isn't it weird to think that you could have seen your future spouse today?

I LEARNED RECENTLY THAT PLATO WON THE GOLD MEDAL IN THE OLYMPICS FOR WRESTLING THREE TIMES. THIS PUTS A NEW PERSPECTIVE ON THINGS. I ALWAYS IMAGINED PLATO TO BE FRAIL AND MISSHAPEN BUT HE MUST HAVE BEEN FRICKEN RIPPED. I WONDER IF ARISTOTLE EVER FELT ANXIETY ABOUT GETTING PHYSICALLY (I.E. NOT JUST METAPHYSICALLY) DISMANTLED BY PLATO. PLATO WAS PROBABLY PISSED OFF BY AT LEAST A HANDFUL OF QUESTIONS ARISTOTLE ASKED HIM. ARISTOTLE WAS A LITERAL GENIUS TOO. IMAGINE PLATO LECTURING AND WRITING ON A BLACKBOARD AND ARISTOTLE THROWING A COMMENT OUT THERE ABOUT SOME COMPLEX MISSTEP IN PLATO’S LOGIC AND PLATO’S CHALK JUST SNAPS AND ARISTOTLE’S TESTICLES SUCK WAY BACK UP TO WHERE THEY DROPPED FROM, THEN PLATO IN A BLUR APPEARS BESIDE ARISTOTLE SITTING AT HIS DESK AND HE PICKS HIM UP AND SUPLEXES HIS MACEDONIAN ASS.

[was-once-somewhere-else]

given the content of a lot of Plato’s conclusions I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that Plato responded to a lot of reasonable criticisms with “Fight me” and that was the end of it.

[abotl]

We’re not actually sure whether Plato is his real name! Some people speculate that, because Platon means “broad” in Greek, this was actually his wrestling nick name. Basically, it’s like Dwayne Johnson became a famous philosopher and everyone still called him “The Rock”.

[miscreant-side-puffs]

More and more I wish we kind of had time traveling capabilities.

[lolhistoryposts]

Now I can’t stop thinking about Plato looking like The Rock

[bb-gr8]

i offered her two instead of one and she malfunctioned