Tim and Damian don’t hate each other
They misunderstand each other.
I’ve been delving into the comics, searching for the thread that is Tim and Damian’s relationship throughout canon and the overall theme I’ve been seeing is misunderstanding.
The best place to start is the beginning.
Tim came from a neglectful home. Love and attention was never something just freely given to him. The happiness he felt post-adoption, living with Bruce, was something he felt he earned, and in a way he had. After all, Tim was not Bruce’s son when he first wormed his way into the Batman operation. Bruce had no obligation to love Tim, but Tim proved himself to Bruce time and time again to get to where he was, and did eventually gain Bruce’s love.
The issue where Damian was introduced starts out showing us the state of Tim and Bruce’s relationship at present time. Bruce is immensely proud of Tim, and says as much. He claims that Tim knows that, and it’s likely that he does. Tim seems secure enough in his position in the family.
[Batman (1940) #655]
Tim is an eager, excited, normal teenage boy. Despite all the loss he’s endured recently, he’s in a good spot.
[Batman (1940) #655]
And he’s one quite content in his place by Batman’s side.
Enter: Damian Wayne.
Damian, on the other hand, was anything but neglected. Not in the same sense Tim was, at least. Canonically, Damian was abused both physically and emotionally.
[Batman (1940) #665]
[The Shadow/Batman #3] / [Robin: Son of Batman #2]
I will point out, that #665 happened after Damian met Tim, but I think it still shows what life Damian has come from. Talia is the one who blew Damian up, after all. And that smack on the back of the head was nothing compared to the year of blood it preluded, but I digress.
Perhaps it can be claimed that Damian was neglected in the sense that he was never shown the love children need. He was never nurtured and allowed to thrive as himself. Instead, he was forced to commit horrible acts, exposed to graphic violence from pretty much birth, and indoctrinated into one of the worst cults in the DC Universe. (I would claim the worst, but I am, unfortunately, only familiar with the Batman side of the universe)
[Batman and Robin (2011) #0]
So when Damian is thrust upon his father, he has no idea how to function in ‘the real world.’ He is operating on the rules and values of the League of Assassins. There, if he felt ignored or brushed aside, the way he won attention was by acting out and proving his worth. Proving his use.
[Batman (1940) #658]
In fact, he had to continue to prove his worth in order to stay alive in the League.
[The Shadow/Batman #3]
So why would it be different in Gotham? Damian is about 9, maybe 10. He is just a child. How many children that young, that deeply indoctrinated, are going to flawlessly adapt to an entirely new culture and new set of ideals and morals, without being taught them first? Or even being told it’s different where they now live?
Exactly none.
Bruce, for all his shortcomings as a parent, understands this. He knows exactly where Damian is coming from, and resolves himself to give Damian what he needs: love and respect.
[Batman (1940) #657]
Tim, however, does not accept this revelation. He argues that Damian should earn Bruce’s love and respect like ‘everyone else.’ Read: like he did. Again, Tim has never once been freely given the love and respect of a parental figure. Perhaps Jack, in his later years, but it’s difficult to take just a couple good years and ignore the years of prior neglect.
[Batman (1940) #657]
Tim is operating from a damaged worldview, just as Damian is. No child should ever have to earn his father’s love, and respect is not something anyone should earn. It should be freely given, then lost if necessary. Never the other way around. And children should always be respected, especially by adults.
Neither Tim nor Damian understand this.
Regardless, Tim is a kind person. So he tries. And that’s how we end up with the infamous attempt on Tim’s life.
Tim came home to find a new kid in the cave. He was a little confused by Damian’s presence, and has a hard time keeping the scorn off his face while Damian throws his fit for them all to see.
[Batman (1940) #657]
Despite all this, Tim tries. Again and again.
[Batman (1940) #657]
Damian, being himself, ignores Tim and fights him at every opportunity. Even though Tim is highly annoyed with Damian, and seriously defending himself against a violent attack, he still attempts to calm Damian down, saves his life, and tries to talk some sense into him. Damian, well, pushes Tim off the dinosaur.
[Batman (1940) #657]
A lot goes down while Tim is out of commission. Damian steals Jason’s robin suit and goes out to prove himself to Bruce. Once Bruce makes sure Tim is okay and being taken care of, he willingly brings Damian with him on a mission. And this is what ultimately drives another wedge between the boys.
Damian already saw Tim as competition. Another contender for Bruce’s attention, and by all outward appearances, the current favorite son. Tim, however, now sees Damian as competition, because Damian just did the unspeakable. He murdered someone. In cold blood. He attacked Alfred and he tried to kill Tim. And yet, Bruce is still showing him ‘love and respect’ in the form of attention.
[Batman (1940) #657, #658]
It’s easy to blame all of Damian’s actions on himself, but in the end, he was just a child. A naive child, at that.
[Batman (1940) #658]
But Tim is also just a child. Likely around 15 or 16, although I’m not sure his age is specifically stated at this time. I know he tells Jason at least once that he’s 16 quite a while later, but that’s straying off topic. It’s easy for Tim to blame everything Damian did on Damian himself, because he doesn’t understand Damian or his background.
Bruce does understand, though. That doesn’t mean he trusts Damian, doesn’t mean he welcomes him warmly in the future, but he understands that Damian’s actions were not his own. They were the result of abuse and indoctrination.
[Batman (1940) #658]
Damian, however, does not see that he has been manipulated. That he’s been horribly mistreated and his actions are wrong. And it’s this lack of revelation that actually hurts his relationships in the future, but that’s straying again.
Of course, Damian returns to his mother and we don’t see him for a while. Tim recovers, and eventually calls Damian what he is: his brother.
[Batman (1940) #676]
Begrudgingly, at least. In a I’m-very-annoyed-why-is-this-happening-to-me sort of way.
But he’s recognizing it, and he’s coming to terms with the reality of the situation. It causes Tim to become incredibly insecure in his place by Batman’s side, as Bruce’s son, despite Bruce’s reassurances.
[Batman (1940) #657]
[Batman (1940) #665]
And thus begins the tumultuous relationship that is Tim and Damian.
To be continued….
