I'm a pro at imperfections

21 • I spend too much money on food • Plus Ultra!

[jammyjellyzines]

Arise: Winter Edition POs are Now Live!!!

The time is finally here! Thank you to everyone for your patience and support, we’re blown away by all the love and appreciation we’ve received so far. Head over to our store to get your hands on our Winter themed fashion magazine that features a wide range of works from over 60 content creators! 

Pre-orders will be running from Aug 30th to Sep 27th, 11:59 PST.

PRE-ORDER HERE

Stretch Goals: We will also be having stretch goals that will be announced throughout the pre-order period! Once a stretch goal has been reached, all eligible customers will receive the items completely FREE! Purchases of the Spring Edition will not count toward these stretch goals.

UNLOCKED!250+ physical zines orders: two free postcards (4″ x 6″)! All customers who have purchased a physical zine (including bundles) will be eligible to receive this stretch goal.

250+ Bundle 2 orders: one free double-sided acrylic charm (2.5″)! All customers who have purchased a Bundle 2 will be eligible to receive this stretch goal.

*NEW* 500+ physical zines orders: one embroidered iron-on patch (2″ x 3.75″)! All customers who have purchased a physical zine (including bundles) will be eligible to receive this stretch goal.

More will be announced as stretch goals get unlocked!

Giveaways: Additionally, we will be hosting a giveaway on here, Twitter and Instagram! One lucky person on each platform will be receiving a free copy of the zine (three winners total)! For the full information and rules on how to enter, please read under the cut. 

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[homo-sex-shoe-whale]

Things that have happened so far in senior year:

We complimented the principal and he said "thanks I have low self-esteem"

Business teacher showed us a Mean Girls clip and analysed Regina George's leadership tactics

Girl cried in business class over baby ducks on sale and a dude next to her just said "did you know they're food in Portugal?" and she just started crying even more

Teacher said he had some weird songs on this phone and popular girl randomly went "I have weird sounds on my phone too"

English teacher showing how to analyse poetry by saying "Ding ding, it's a penis!"

Two boys playing the ukulele in the middle of PE while playing dodgeball

Same ukulele boy says to another guy "YOUR MASCULINITY IS FRAGILE"

Girl in math class (daughter of an anti vaxxer) starts coughing and immediately accuses boy on the opposite side of the class of giving her measles.

A guy came running up to me saying "IT'S SO COLD" as he removed his jacket, rubbed his hands together, and yelled "BASKETBALL TIME!"

Teacher asked the class if it was anybody's birthday (from our grade) over the holidays. Girl shouts out "MAAAARY." There is no Mary at our school.

Business teacher wore a tie over a T-shirt because his dress code specifies ties are obligatory, but there's no rules about button ups being so as well.

[homo-sex-shoe-whale]

Y'all I have evidence for some of these

Business teacher wearing tie over a T-shirt

Ukulele boys (they were alternating between themselves since there was only 1 ukulele)

Girl crying over ducks

[homo-sex-shoe-whale]

I forgot to add

I spilled water on my computer at school and a girl immediately offered me a hairdryer. She just carries one in her purse at all times

[homo-sex-shoe-whale]

The fact that this has thousands of notes is so fucking funny to me because it's a staple of how entertaining teenagers (and some of my teachers) are

[omnomnominator]

[unimpressedcats]

when your leg turns against you

[breatheghost]

I CAN’T STOP LAUGHING. OMFG.

[starsofmirkwood]

[threshcadet-deactivated20170714]

[dankmemeuniversity]

[butchsandwich-deactivated201912]

This conjures a mental image of a guy driving down the road, minding his own business, when the cat pops up next to him, he starts screaming, the cat starts screaming.

[parkchanwoohoo]

Me when I stutter on the phone during a business call

[dangerousturkey]

Me when i ask for real spicy and not white people spicy

[parkchanwoohoo]

Me when I step in a puddle and I feel the water penetrate my socks

[dangerousturkey]

Me when my friend’s 90 pound dog stomps on my nuts

[parkchanwoohoo]

Me when h– wait, what?

[parkchanwoohoo]

Oh! I’m sorry! I misheard. I thought you said “Me when my friend’s dog stomps on my 90 pound nuts.”

[dangerousturkey]

If i had 90 pound nuts do you think i’d be here? Clowning in this shit hole? I’d have a house of gold. A car of jewels. Lingerie forged with meteorite and silver coins. Dont be so naieve

[i-am-a-fish]

yee-haw

yee-haw

love yourself it is the law

[lolzmazter]

I'm a darn-tootin' bandit! I don't need to follow no garsh-darn law! Yee haw!

[i-am-a-fish]

haw-yee

haw-yee

ur under arrest & we're taking your knees

[quicksilver-rain]

One of the contractors at work drove past my shack on a forklift yesterday, stopped, backed up to my window and said, “hey, do you have a boyfriend or girlfriend?”

My knee jerk response when asked this, even if it’s by a companionable dude old enough to be my dad, is to go, “uh, nah-” and then ramble uncomfortably until someone stops me-

-which is what I started to do, only to be cut off by Contractor saying, in an embarrassed rush, “some of the guys were asking me because you and I talk sometimes, but I didn’t want them to hit on you at work, so I told them that you Worship the Devil and would Hex them if they tried. I’m sorry.”

Which leaves me wheezing helplessly, trying to get my shit together, because this is honestly one of the nicest, most hysterical things I’ve ever heard someone say to me.

Oblivious to this, Contractor then follows up with, “and they were like ‘forreal??’ so I was like, ‘yeah, she’s probably a sadist, too, you can tell by her jewelry. She’ll stab you or something.’”

And tbh I can’t even come up with anything witty to say in response, so all I manage to choke out is, “pleASE LET THEM CONTINUE TO THINK THAT, I’M BEGGING YOU.”

And Contractor just smiles and is like, “Okay! I just wanted to let you know!” before driving off with his forklift.

Like?? Thank god for Contractor tbh. He’s an angel among men, and I hope the rest of his life is filled with prosperity and happiness and like, that he finds $20 on the ground every week for the rest of his life.

[quicksilver-rain]

Update: Every time Contractor sees me, he does a little Devil Horns gesture at me and its adorable.

[quicksilver-rain]

Update the Second: I saw Contractor while doing my tour and he told me that the guy that asked if I was single was around, and that if I saw him, I should just make complicated hand gestures at him while I walk by to scare him off.

This guy’s a fuckin gem.

[kitsumekat]

He adopted you. You’re now his work daughter. 

[quicksilver-rain]

This response to my story is the only one that matters y'all.

[lmaonade]

cats be like please god let me out let me out right now i will die if you do not let me out please please please do you care about me do you care oh my god please let me back in im going to freak out please please i have to be in there again do you care do you care about me 

[aforest2006remaster]

concept

a beaded curtain, but instead of beads they’re worms on strings

[aforest2006remaster]

you know… these guys

[fanotastic]

Hi op I hope this satisfies your needs.

[citrineghost]

Needs more worms

I wanna make one of these that is like a literal curtain of worms

No clear strings available to get caught and tangle, I want them nose to ass like some kind of horrible human centipede of worms, covering my doorway

[lonevarg]

@fanotastic more worms

[fanotastic]

Aw fuck. Nothing makes you assholes happy.

[fanotastic]

Fuck you guys.

[fanotastic]

[fanotastic]

My fellow fuckers, I present you-

384

[randomingoftherandomness]

Finding that one fic on AO3 that hits all your kinks, written well, in character, with all the specs you were looking for

[thelostknee-deactivated20210422]

Reblog this to find your perfect fic in the next 24 hours.

[ell-inad-deactivated20250620]

depression apathy is

- walking past your favorite snacks at the grocery store and not having the energy to even want them - listening to your favorite songs and feeling nothing - only being able to muster half a smile when your lover finishes telling a joke - everyone asking you to speak up because your voice feels too heavy to raise - getting irritated at things that force you to feign interest or participate in small talk - knowing you’re kind of acting like a dick but feeling too drained to do anything about it

[glumshoe]

When I DO get a dog, I want to get a male poodle so I can buy him a pink or floral collar. It’s part of my dastardly scheme to oppress straight people and erode the social order.

[sigmaleph]

people got weird about my male poodle’s leash being purple

it was... extremely puzzling

[glumshoe]

I tried to buy a harness for Crime Dog last year and the PetSmart employee kept trying to push a pink one on me instead of the gray one I picked out because my girl dog “would like pink better”.

I told her my dog was pretty butch, actually, and bought her a red plaid kerchief just to be petty.

[followthebluebell]

I’ve had at least three separate people get Seriously Upset about bows and flowers on my male poodle’s ears.  It’s baffling!

He’s a dog!  His gender identity is dog!

[thecringeworthybarisax]

This reminds me of the story about that one person who worked in A pet shop that ordered male beta fish and had to explain that gender-fied colors didn't apply to any other beings, like pink ≠ girl

[dresdenthemaenad]

My beautiful son. The topic of much discussion. “He’s a dog! He can’t even see color!”

[glumshoe]

Your dog is singlehandedly disrupting the natural color-coded order of the universe. I applaud him, and you.

[sleepnoises]

news from a 15 year old boy i tutor: “there’s a kid in my religion class who i have no idea if they’re a boy or a girl, so when i see them i just call them ‘fam.’ [at my plaintive look of i-don’t-know-if-i-heard-you-right] you know, like family” 

The youth have spoken and fam is the gender neutral bro

[deathinthestorm]

Team Instinct // Pokemon Go aesthetic

Team Mystic | Team Valor 

[withmemyharry]

im aboutta make these my lock & home screens real quick

[gar-dev-oir-s-deactivated201909]

i mean…. i guess imagine dragons is as good as everyone says…..

[theholleywoodsigns]

Dan Reynolds really woke up that day and thought “I’m gonna give the gays everything they want”

[mariedawn]

Bit of background to this, Dan Reynolds (lead singer for Imangine Dragons) holds the LoveLoud concert (the concert these pictures were taken at) in Utah where the LDS or Mormon church is predominantly the culture and religion of the state.

Reynolds was raised Mormon (I don’t know if he is still practicing) but has created this concert to give hope and understanding to the LGBT+ community there, especially the youth.

Utah has an extreme problem with youth suicide, especially Mormon LGBT+ kids who feel especially stressed due to the Mormon religious regulations and beliefs against being LGBT, but also the cultural biases and attitudes of the people that ostracize even non-Mormon LGBT+

Reynolds has advocated for attention to these issues from the Church and State Government, and also uses the LoveLoud concert to gain attention to these issues (and if I’m not mistaken, donates any proceeds to charity for LGBT youth in the state)

As far as I know, he is not LGBT, just a great fucking ally who saw a need in his state/culture and has done his best help.

So yeah, not only do Imagine Dragon songs fucking slap, but they all screamed “GAY RIGHTS!” at a heavily conservative and anti-LGBT state to help create a safe space for gay kids.