im sobbing like a baby right now kinda like when you cried as a 7 year old because you were frustrated about something. i posted a joke that i was going to sleep for dinner and they offered to have a pizza delivered to me but i would never ever accept money or food from someone else even though pizza sounds great, but i dont need pizza. thats wat its come down to lately, i cant even buy myself poptarts because i feel guilty. i only eat rice bread eggs and tortillas and bananas because that it wat i need. i dont want anyone to give me money OR ADVICE I DONT WANT ADVICE ON HOW TO FEEL BETTER. i just want someone to agree and tell me it sucks or relate idk and tal about how FUCKED UP this entire system is that we live in and how we cant escape it because it makes me feel so fucking frustrated.
i dont feel poor i have a laptop and phone and a bed but i cant fucking buy a box of $1.89 poptarts from walmart bc unecessary purchases like that add up and leave my account at double digits. it feels impossible to save up for the things i wanted to do. i wanted to go to japan and now i cant because i spent my $1000 savings on over priced tuition. i cant buy my melodica or my switch bc i broke my cheaply made also overpriced phone AGAIN and need a new one. i know i dotn need a switch or musical instruments but they make me happy.
my friend asking me if i wanted a pizza made me realize that i probably am poor and how impossible finances feel, like working is pointless bc the money is gone before i know it. and then i have to go abck to work again and again and again and again. i cant help but feel annoyed when i see customers spend $50+ on h&m clothing bc thats groceries and gas. customers my age saying “ugh i really shouldnt be spending this much!! oh well :)”
this post means nothing. im starting my period soon and im prolly just having an episode that id like to keep private but also vent about on specific social media platforms like this one (the only platform really). comfort would be nice, no advice though. my biggest fear is that my friends and boyfriend will leave me because i complain too much and i dont do anything about it or that having a random episode of being incredibly sad will get annoying and they will leave me so id rather keep my mouth shut and deal with it by myself. i really only trust beth with that side of me because theyve been there and i dont feel ashamed for venting about how much life fucking SUCKS. half of me loves being positive and ambitious but the other half still says being alive and having ambition is pointless because we all die and no one cares no matter what you do and how hard it is to really pull through with all this ambition you have. maybe i really am lazy or maybe im not as ambitious as i thought to pull through with having my dreams come tru and becoming a musician or working in the arts. getting out of bed and DOING things is hard and being poor fucking sucks.
again this entire post is meaningless i just feel like complaining about how my nice life is and now lazy i really am about my “craft”.
areudirty
theartofmadeline
vaporwave
gummygunk
origamiaround
tangentwithtanner
prguitarman
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