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People hacking their lungs out around you and then being like ‘don’t worry it’s not covid’ like girl I don’t want whatever the fuck else it is you’ve got either!!
#ok i get this is a joke post but ive seen a bunch of people with chronic respiratory issues have to do this #a lady with emphysema was getting tattooed when i was and made sure the whole shop knew #a friend with pneumonia scarring on their lungs has to do this all the time #please understand that people with respiratory issues that aren't contagious have been put in a really unfortunate position by all this #like i still see people make these apologies even when they have masks on and are taking proper precautions too #also there's people like me with a bad habit of randomly choking on nothing because i swallowed weird #im putting this in the tags not the comments because i know this is a joke post and obviously #you're within your rights to avoid coughing people like keep safe and everything #but please understand not all illness ia contagious or short lived and chronically ill people dont deserve being treated #like they're contaminated. nor do they owe you a detailed medical history. a quick 'its not covid' is a valid response. #'joke' is the wrong word actually its not really a joke post. what i mean is i get that it's like. not that deep (via @authorizedpope)
covid has definitely created a new era of disabled people having to apologize for being disabled and it's not fun
This is the human equivalent of a crab who goes around giving motivational speeches about the deep joy and mechanics of pulling down your bucketmates
“The ‘’’cycle of abuse’’’ is the water cycle of the living biome that is your marriage. You can’t appreciate the dawn without the dark. The circle of life.”
A lot of ppl are reblogging this with versions of “the straights are not okay”. The article is framed in entirely orientation-neutral language and there are plenty of gay couples I’ve encountered that seem to sustain themselves on a similar principle
Idk, I think that recognizing that in a long term relationship people grow and change and have conflict and might spend some time not liking each other very much is probably a good thing.
This exact pattern of harmony, disruption, repair, and return is a well-studied relationship phenomenon that occurs in family relationships and friendships as well, and pops up in 100-level interpersonal communications classes.
Here's a diagram of relationship stages from my 100-level interpersonal communications class:
It's very normal for relationships to move up and down the top of the pyramid (which includes circumscribing as part of relationship maintenance) instead of hitting the peak and staying there. Here's the definition of circumscribing:
So you might move from circumscribing to integrating to bonding to differentiating to intensifying to circumscribing to bonding in the maintenance of a long relationship.
The point of the article is that it's important to figure out the repair part of the cycle and learn how to work with a partner to manage a relationship instead of expecting that all successful couples are always happy together and never seriously disagree. The belief that brief, intense periods of dislike signify that a relationship is over causes a lot of people to panic and bail on relationships they later realize could have been repaired.
The article explicitly states that this advice isn't for situations where there is abuse or a power imbalance or some significantly confounding factor like addiction issues.
It's extremely normal for people in healthy relationships to have significant fights and for people to react to those fights with heightened emotions, but this article is about cooperating with your partner to move past those moments instead of digging in your heels.
The article basically says "Don't put your partner on a pedestal and recognize that fleeting negative feelings don't mean you have to nuke the relationship; recognize that negative feelings can be worked past (instead of doubling down on them) and show compassion to your partner as you navigate conflict during calm conversations instead of escalating fights."
Characterizing that as crab-bucket mentality seems to be doing the exact idealization of conflict-free relationships that the article is cautioning against.
Also this is a term that Terry Real has been using for at least five years to describe the phenomenon of brief bouts of rage brought on by intense, familiar irritation.
Here's 'normal marital hate' described in Newsweek in July:
Here's a therapist discussing it in a blog from their counseling practice in 2017:
Here is someone who has worked with Real discussing healthy ways to counter Normal Marital Hate early in the pandemic:
This WaPo does a pretty bed job of explaining it, but it appears to be poorly excerpted from an interview about an entire book about this subject.
Basically you know how some people have intrusive thoughts about doing really violent or cruel things and because they don't know that intrusive thoughts are pretty common and not an indication of actual desire to do violence that they start thinking they're a terrible, awful person who doesn't deserve comfort or help or friendship?
Real is using the term "normal marital hate" to normalize intrusive cruel/angry/bitter thoughts about a partner, because brains are kind of garbage and if you start having intrusive thoughts about how much you 'hate' a partner's behavior you may start to think that the relationship is unfixable/terrible/harmful when you're really just having some totally standard intrusive thoughts.
Nothing in the article describes 'normal marital hate' as ongoing resentment or cruelty, only as moments of strong emotion that shouldn't be translated to the relationship as a whole.
So you see it is a little frustrating seeing someone who is attempting to coin a useful term for a phenomenon that is very common in relationships that makes people think that they are bad or evil or that their relationships are unusually terrible when they are in fact experiencing something common and fixable and then seeing people say "no actually if you ever feel half a second of hatred for your partner you are in an abusive relationship and need to leave."
You know when I hated my spouse? When he was dying. When he was dying and he was scared and didn't want to be honest with his doctor because they might tell him how sick he was. I remember thinking "fine, if that's how you want to be about it, that's how it's going to be. You'll die and I won't have to deal with this anymore" because he was *so stubborn* and *wouldn't listen* and he has *always been so stubborn*
And then I took a breath and told him that he was going to the hospital and if he didn't like it he could divorce me when he got out.
Someday you're going to be planning a funeral with someone you love. Someday you're going to miss your flight in a foreign country with someone you love. Someday someone you love will get sick and the little differences you shrug off everyday or the one irritating joke they always make or the trait that you normally admire them for is going to make you want to strangle them.
And then you'll take a breath and choose a color for the urn or get a flight with three connecting stops or pick up your keys and go to the hospital and you'll get through it, and that one moment doesn't mean the relationship is over or that anyone is abusing anyone else, it means you need to have a talk about priorities and feeling respected and plans for the future later, when no one feels like strangling anyone else.
As described in all of the linked articles normal marital hatred isn't something that you should tolerate every day, but neither is it a death knell for a relationship. It is a symptom that you should follow up on. Headaches aren't always brain tumors, but you shouldn't just ignore them if you're suddenly having a lot of them.
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Posts that make you want to take world leaders hostage
(。・ω・。) hai!!!! twitter userz are you coming back uwu? *glomps you* nya (*/ω\*) hooray!!! you can read my super smexy destiel yaoi fic!!!!! >.< Rawr!! haha sorry, I'm random ヾ(•ω•`)o I'm an SJW btw and suuuuuuper proud of it, and I'll cancel u if you don't like my smexy yaois douj--*cutting to look offscreen* god that's not actually a threat is it? peak SJW discourse doesnt actually come close to Twitter toxicity this won't even faze them. Should I--can we change the script? No? just keep--okay keep filming? okay I--nyaaaa!!! >.< Hetalia is Da Best if you don't think Italy is the kawaiiest then--*cutting offscreen again* I can't. It won't work. This won't keep them out.
Hey now. A lot of those Twitter users were artists on Tumblr who sought refuge after the great titty ban. They are our brothers and sisters, we cannot turn them away so coldly.
happy pride
a car goes full speed off a cliff and explodes at the bottom and when the smoke clears it's actually just perfectly parallel parked
a second car somewhere in the world perfectly parallel parks and when you think the car is finally aligned it spontaneously combusts and explodes
treasure planet is a fucking phenomenal film and was released during a time where it was destined to be forgotten by everyone
Thank you, /r/ProgrammerHumor, I love you endlessly.
Redditors competing to make the worst volume sliders possible...
hey remember that time that tumblr benefited off the pure energy sex workers and queer people put into this platform for YEARS and YEARS before being told we didn’t belong and having the entire rug pulled out from under us?? and people suffered?? ESPECIALLY the trans people who were made to feel that sharing their journey of transition was something sexually inappropriate??? the rule reversal “fake out” is unsurprising and pretty much standard for tumblr staff but some people clearly forgot how actually harmful the nsfw ban was. so many had to either sink or swim and other social media platforms were the only answer for folks to get by or express themselves. it’s kinda weird as fuck that this community has forgotten and become so hostile towards the idea that these people could’ve possibly regained a useful and validating platform & made their way back here to tumblr. just some words for thought idk.
source: snale
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They need to invent fakeposting for men
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