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@snixntrixlopez
Can't. Move.
Rude.
I think he would combust with guilt if he stole something. He’s my brother and I love him and it was my idea. At least I got to go to my bookstore.
Not my fault all the best jokes are offensive.
You're so not helping make it sound any less lame. What book did you get?
Y’know what? Shut up.
I judge the parents the most, tbh. I mean, the whole pageant scene could be beneficial if the parents didn’t twist it. And the kids weren’t like infants.
And I did not, so ha. I was so short that instead of it starting in the middle of my body, it started by my mouth. Then, after accidentally swallowing it, I leaned over in disgust and it got in my eye and then I left. I had little bits of slightly darker skin on my cheeks that I covered up until it faded.
Wow. That almost hurts. Come on, you know that you totally love talking to me. After all, I'm hilarious.
Infants from hell. But you're right. I mean, even Miss USA sort of freaks me out, but whatever floats your boat. Just don't get all psycho about it.
So you're basically telling me that you looked like you swallowed an Oompa Loompa. An orange mouth is even more hilarious. Seriously though - isn't that crap toxic?
Excuse you, your judgement it totally not where it’s at right now, little miss ‘I secretly think that show is the shit’. I feel for some of those kiddos, though. Especially the ones who get tanned. I tried that once when I was like fourteen because I wanted to be cool, and I got in there, accidentally swallowed some, and I almost went blind. They earned my respect once I saw it.
Except I don't line that shit up for the weekends, little miss 'I have it on queue'.
I'll admit that even though I spend 80% of the show judging the kids for being such brats, the parents piss me off way more. Like, your child is five. Their biggest worry should be learning how to color in the lines and not be total shitheads.
Also, I seriously hope you ended up as orange as I'm imagining, because the image in my head is fucking hilarious.
Can't. Move.
Okay one- you know I’m not gay. Two- its my brother Kurt. He’s a bargain shopper so its store after store after store looking for the best deal.
That's what makes it hilarious, Hummel.
Has he never heard of the five finger discount? Kidding. Kind of... Anyway, that sounds extra lame. I totally wouldn't put up with that garbage.
Fair enough. To make it worse, though, Toddlers and Tiaras is on my next week queue.
Totally judging you right now.
If I didn't secretly think that show was the shit I'd totally rip you apart, FYI. But luckily for you, my mom makes me watch it with her, and it's not totally bad. The kids are all sorts of fucked up though. I'm pretty sure it's my mom's way of encouraging me not to get knocked up.
Can't. Move.
Too. Much. Shopping.
Wow. That is the gayest thing I've heard all day. And I just spent the past two hours on Rizzoli & Isles fansites.
Y’know, as someone who brags to her parents constantly about how they don’t have to worry because I actually do have friends, I spend a lot of Saturday nights alone in my bed watching One Tree Hill.
Could be worse. You could be watching Honey Boo Boo.
Listen up losers,
..Who else is on your list?
Nosey ass losers who look like the freaky love child of a meerkat and Justin Bieber.
Listen up losers,
That’s not very pleasant, but it’s good to know you’re okay now! The name is Blaine Anderson, and I’m really hoping to stay off of that list that you have.
Then do yourself a favor and don't be an idiot.
Also, what the hell is on your face? Are those eyebrows or caterpillars? I seriously can't tell.
Listen up losers,
Welcome back to the Land of the Living! Which is so much better than the dead. Unless it’s Undead. That’s the coolest then.
Being sick’s the worst. Especially when it’s a cold. It’s Summer.
I totally didn't read a word of what you just wrote because A) I'm sure it's lamer than JFK's legs, and B) I don't really care. But you should know that this whole passing on your germs to me stunt has landed you in place numero uno on my shit list.
Listen up losers,
Ew gross. I’m glad you’re feeling better, though.
Obviously. The past week must've been total hell for everyone. Not only did you miss out on seeing my hot face, but I'm guessing the school was duller than a sober Charlie Sheen.
Listen up losers,
After what's been a week from hell, Aunty Tana is officially off bedrest just in time for Freaky Friday.
Also, to the idiot who decided it was okay to breathe on me while harboring some sort of freakish alien cold: Congrats! You've made my list.
MASS E-MAIL
Subject: Want to Play?
To: BCC: Blaine Anderson, M. Aubree Berry, S. Chris Evans, L. Quinn Fabray, Olivia Fabray, Dani Harper, Henry Hudson, Kurt Hummel, Cameron Hummel, Santana Lopez, Jack Motta, Reese Pierce, Elijah Puckerman, Myron Rose, Sebastian Smythe, Wyatt Smythe From: The Game Master
Hello friend,
I’d ask how you’ve been, but I already know. All work and no play makes for a dull life, and more importantly, a bored Game Master. Don’t worry though, I’m about to make things far more interesting.
I’ve been playing a solo game of Hide & Seek for too long; Hiding while seeking out every dirty detail of your life. I hope you’re ready to join the game. If not then that thing you’re trying to keep hidden in the shadows might just come to light.
Let’s play. I’ll be watching.
-The Game Master
"What the actual fuck?" Santana muttered to herself, her eyes hastily scanning over the e-mail for a third time. What kind of b.s. was this? It reeked of pathetic freshman - Seriously, who else would be lame enough to call themselves "The Game Master"?
But for some reason Santana found herself anxiously looking over her shoulder. Her dorm room was empty, but as she hovered the cursor on the 'delete' icon, she couldn't help but wonder what would happen if this turned out to be legit. Not that it could, obviously. She was too smart about scheduling her appointments and too good at bullshitting about her schedule for anyone to catch on to what she actually did every Tuesday and Thursday afternoon. But still, whoever sent this was clearly trying to get under her skin; Anger management or not, someone was about to have a life-ending encounter with Aunty Snixx.
Okay, so it’s the third day in and I still haven’t unpacked. I lived out of my suitcase over summer so I’m pretty sure I can do it during the rest of the seasons too.
The most important thing is that this semester, I know I brought enough underwear. And that I didn’t miss Taco Tuesday yesterday. That would’ve been a rough start to the year and you’d have to deal with me crying all day.
Okay, A) no one cares, and B) that is all kinds of disgusting.I don't even want to hear about your flubber being all commando last semester. So gross.
'Sup, bitches?
Oh. Cool.
Of course. I could’ve helped, though. I’m not interested in stealing your stuff.
Right. And that's exactly what thieves tell you before they take your shit. Plus, I don't trust you people.I wouldn't be surprised if someone tried to pocket my weave.
Not to mention that I don't even remember your name.
Woah, people are actually following me on this thing?
I wasn’t expecting that.
Don't get too excited. I made sure to follow all of UW's homos and trolls. It's good for my self-esteem.
Here's the deal
I figure under normal circumstances I’d be pretty pissed I came in as the second frosh to use and abuse UW’s blogosphere, but I figure it’s better this way; letting an eager beaver take the lead while I recover from the welcome week coma all those team building exercises hipchecked me into last week.
So I hit the books for a little last minute research this afternoon, and ladies and gays—lemme tell you—It’s a whole new world out there. (Y’know, Aladdin style?) BUT while I wouldn’t turn down a magic carpet ride ft. a pretty princess, here’s hoping all upperclassman think twice about dunking my ass in the fountain come Freshman Friday ‘cos Reese Pierce ain’t about to go down without a fight and that’s 300% the wrong way to go about soaking my panties.
I'd just like to say that I am totally available to help with any panty soaking, be it the Freshman Friday or Freaky Friday kind.
