In case it wasn't clear from the title: fictional contagion ahead. Wouldn't it be interesting if snzblr was like that? Depends who you ask, I guess.
"*sniffle* Ugh!" Heather groaned. It was her third day of this miserable cold and she was willing to trade noses with just about anyone else on the planet. No matter how much she blew her red nose, she couldn't relieve the congestion inside it, nor the constant tickle that was tormenting her.
"IdjShooo!" another wet sneeze, another futile blow, another tissue added to the pile covering her bed.
Sighing, she turned on her laptop, looking for some much needed distraction. Browsing through posts made by fellow members of the sneeze kink community, she assumed someone might sympathize with her, or maybe even have an even worse cold than hers. Alas, everyone else seemed to be in perfect health at the moment, even the most allergic people or the ones with a terrible immune system.
"Ha I Tshoo! Ew!!" the spray from her sneeze covered the screen of the laptop. She wiped it with a tissue and then blew her nose again.
Picking up her phone to check for messages, she suddenly had an idea. She turned on the recording app and started talking.
"Hey everyode *sniffle*. As you cad probably tell frob by voice *sniffle* I have a cold id by dose. Yup *sniffle* here I ab stuck id bed while everyode else seebs to be out there havig fud. By dose is… hold od… I thidk I'b godda sdeeIjShoo, I Tshoo! sdeeze. *sniffle* See? This is what I've beed doig for the past two da… Ha Tshoo! days. Whoa *sniffle* bless be *sniffle*. That was a big ode. Adyway *sniffle* I thought sobe of you bight edjoy the soudds of by Ei Tshoo! biserable cold *sniffle*. I dod't usually E Tshoo! record by sdeezes *sniffle* but you cad call it a sdotty idspiratiod or whatever. Ah Ah Ah Tshooo! Bless be agaid. This cold is Hi Tshoo! ridiculous. I feel like a character id a… a… Hhhh IgjShooo! sdeeze fic. By sdeezes are so bessy. Fortudately *sniffle* I haved't beed sick id a while, so I have edough sick days left. Cad you ibagide be havig to go to work with this cold? Well, I guess sobe of you would've liked that. Do such luck for you guys, sorry. It's just be add by He I Tshoo! tissues here. At least I dod't have to worry about givig this Ish Tshooo! cold to adyode else. It sure would've beed dice if I had sobeode here to take care of be though. Sedd be sobe virtual soup id the cobbedts or sA Tshoo! sobethig. OK *sniffle* I thidk that's edough for dow. I deed to get sobe rest. Hopefully I'll feel better sood Ha I Tshooo"!
Ella was exhausted. The software engineer liked her job, but sometimes it was very demanding. Having to deal with her coworkers was probably the hardest part. It's not that they were unkind or incompetent. Most of them were just as good at their job as she was, but sometimes she wished they would just leave her alone and let her get the job done by herself. Just a few hours alone with her laptop could be enough to achieve what would otherwise take days. Alas, working at the office was mandatory at her workplace and she didn't even dare to dream about working from home. Most days it wasn't too bad, but every now and then she would find herself completely depleted at the end of the day. Today was one of those days. She needed something to take her mind off of work. Her favorite option was the sneeze kink community, so that's where she went. After scrolling through a couple of posts, she saw a WAV with a title that caught her eye: "In bed with a terrible cold". Smiling, Ella put on her headphones and played the WAV.
"Oh boy" she thought as she listened to the sniffles and sneezes. That statement described both her empathy towards the suffering woman and her growing excitement as said woman sounded more and more desperate.
"At least I dod't have to worry about givig this Ish Tshooo! cold to adyode else".
"Good" Ella thought. "That cold does not sound fun Ha E Pchooo!" a sudden sneeze interrupted her thoughts. She paused the WAV and wiped her nose with the back of her hand.
"That's interesting" she thought. "I've never sneezed while listening to a sneezing WAV. Guess there really is a first time for everything".
"Sedd be sobe virtual soup id the cobbedts or sA Tshoo"!
"A Pchooo!" Ella sneezed again, less than a second after hearing the recorded sneeze.
"OK" she sniffled "now it's getting a little weird".
Upon hearing the final sneeze and the end of the WAV, Ella felt her nose tickling again: "Ha Ha Pchooo, Ha E PchShooo, He Pchooo, Ha Pchooo! What the hell?!" those last three words were said out loud.
"UpchShooo, E Pchooo! Oh fuck be".
On the bright side, Ella was able to stay at home. On the not so bright side, this was her second day of the cold from hell.
"Ha Pchooo!" she sneezed for what felt like the millionth time.
"He… He… Oh cobe od! For fuck's sake!" another sneeze was toying with her, making her feel like she was going to experience that sweet release only to take it away from her at the very last second. Sitting on her living room couch in her pajamas, Ella grabbed a couple of tissues from the box on the table and gave her nose a gurgling blow. By now, her nose has turned bright red from the constant blowing.
"Hua Pchooo, Pchooo, He I Pchooo! Are you kiddig be?!" just as she finished properly clearing her nose, three more sneezes turned it back into a congested mess.
"This is so udfair" she complained. Being alone at home, she at least had the option to do so audibly. Thinking of the word "audible", Ella remembered that WAV she listened to the other day. Was her cold some sort of karmic retribution for her enjoyment of another woman's suffering?
"A Pchooo!" she sneezed so hard she almost fell off the couch. Then, she had an idea. Maybe there was a way to balance her presumed karmic debt.
Jewel was really looking forward to the upcoming week. Her class of fifth graders was scheduled to go on a trip to the botanical gardens. Being somewhat of a green thumb, with a love for all growing things, Jewel was probably more excited about this trip than her students were. Still, she knew that with the right approach she could get them excited as well. As a matter of fact, the hard part would be keeping them focused once they do get excited. But those were worries for next week. She had plenty of time to plan all sorts of fun activities for this trip. Her plans for the weekend included rest and relaxation, spending time in her little backyard garden and playing with her dog, Trevor (she liked cats too, but was terribly allergic to them). But first and foremost, she wanted to see how the people in the sneeze kink community were doing.
"Let's see who's go a tickle in their nose today" she told Trevor, who was lying down on the floor by her feet. It was fun talking to him about her little kink, knowing that he'd never judge her. The sneezes were for her ears alone though. No need to scare Trevor with loud noises.
"What do we have here? 'Enjoy my misery'? This looks promising" Jewel placed the wireless headphones in her ears and pressed play.
"Ha Ha Pchooo, He Pchooo E Pchooo! You guys *sniffle* I thidk I bight be dyig. I have dot beed able to stop sdeezig for the past two Hi Pchooo! days. By dose is a total sdot factory. You're lookig for a sick girl? That's A Pchooo! be. This cold is E Pchooo! really torturig by siduses. Seriously *sniffle* by head is like didety percedt sdot at this poidt. Haaa Pchooo, He Pchooo, Hu Pchooo! I'b sdeezig by braids out over here. Sobe of you have beed askig for be to bake a sick talky *sniffle*. Well A Pchooo! you're id luck. Guess who's out of luck though? Ha I Pchooo! You guessed right *sniffle* it's be. I'b so sick, it's dot eved fuddy. What is fuddy is the fact that I started feelig sick while listedig to a WAV of sobeode else sdeezig with a cold. Baybe I'll share it od by blog later *sniffle* if I'b dot too sick to rebebber. Ha Ha Ha Ha Pchooo! Talk about earth-shatterig sdeezes. Hold od *sniffle* I deed to blow by dose. Did you like listedig to that? By dose is overflowig. I have to use bore thad ode tissue half the tibes I'b blowig it. He Pchooo! Great *sniffle* dow by dose is full of sdot agaid. At least I dod't have to go to work. The odly thig worse thad beig a sdotty bess is beig He I Pchooo! a sdotty bess id frodt of your coworkers. Be careful while listedig to this WAV. I ab super codtagious right dow add if I did get sick just frob listedig to sobeode else sdeezig thed Ha Haaa Pchooo, A Pchooo, Hi Pchooo, He Pchooo! do ode else is safe".
Noticing that Jewel took out her headphones, Trevor turned to look at her.
"That was really special" she smiled at him.
"Poor girl. She caught such a bad Hi Ya Tshooooo!" Trevor jumped just in time to avoid getting hit by the spray.
"Bless be" Jewel sniffled, suddenly sounding congested. Fuddy *sniffle* that girl said she started sdeezig while listedig to He Yi Tshooooo! Bless be agaid. I hope I'b dot cobig dowd with sobethig".
It has been a good week for Ashley. Heck, it's even been a good month. Who would've thought that not too long ago she was crying her eyes out on a daily basis? Her breakup with Scotty, her ex boyfriend, took her by surprise. Not that she was sure he was "the one", but at the very least she thought they'd have more time to figure stuff out. It was a good relationship, one that she was not yet willing to see end. But that was out of her control. At least she never told him about her sneezing kink. The thought of an ex boyfriend out in the world with that knowledge, the risk of him sharing her deepest secret with other people, that would've been devastating. While she was lying in bed crying, too sad to even indulge herself by scrolling through sneeze kink posts, she found comfort in the fact that her secret was still her own.
Her birthday was that week and she partied with her good friends, feeling happier than she's been in a long while. Finally, she really felt like she could leave the bad breakup in the past and move on. And what better way to do that than by celebrating with a good sneezing WAV? It didn't take her too long to find one. "Sick and sneezy in my garden" was the title.
"Hi guys *sniffle*. Guess who's si… Yi Tshooooo! sick? By dose has a Ya Tshiooooo! sdeezy cold idside of it. Oh gosh *sniffle* it's so ti… ti… ti… Yi Tshi! tickly. I'b just sittig here id by little garded *sniffle* dridkig greed tea add occasiodally Ha Ya Tshooooo! scarig by dog with by sdeezes. This cold cabe at the worst Hi Ya Tshiooooo! possible tibe. I had sobethig at work that I was really TshiYooooo! lookig forward to add dow I'b godda biss it. This Ha Tshiooooo! cobpletely blows. Speakig of which. Oh gosh, so sdotty. By poor little dose. I thought sittig id the sud bight help, but by cold is… is… Hi Yi Tshooooo! still goig strodg. At least the sud keeps be warb. Usually whed I catch a cold I Ye Tshiooooo! shiver all the tibe. Dow I dod't feel cold *sniffle* but all I do is I TishYooooo! sdeeze *sniffle* blow by dose Ha Tshiooooo! repeat. Of course, I'b sure you dod't bidd listedig to be while I do. A word of cautiod for all you sdeeze-fads out there: I started sdeezig right after listedig to adother girl talkig about her Yi Tshooooo! sdeezy cold. She said the sabe thig happeded to her, so this cold bight be codtagious over the idterdet. Would't that be fuddy? I guess dot if you Ha A TshiYooooo! catch it like I did. Listed at your owd peril, I guess".
"That's silly" Ashley thought. "People can't get sick over the internet".
Finally, after what seemed like eternity, the skin on Heather's nose was beginning to heal. She was at the tail end of her cold, looking forward to being back out in the world. Not being able to get out of bed for days, too sick and tired to read posts and listen to WAVs, she had a lot of catching up to do. Plans with friends have been made and even going back to work didn't seem so menacing. But that would be tomorrow. Today, she had a different kind of catching up to do.
"Wow! This is my most popular post ever" she thought with satisfaction as she looked at all the likes and reposts her WAV got. "Maybe I should record my sneezes more often. Then again, I hope I don't get sick again for a very long time. Maybe an allergy WAV or even inducing, if I feel like it. What's this? Looks like my post started a surge of WAVs. I'm not sure why I've been tagged in some of them. Guess I've inspired people in a way. This recent one looks interesting. 'Can't get out of bed'? Been there, sister. I guess it can't hurt if I see what it's all about".
"Ha Ishoo, A Ish, He Ishoo! Oh god *sniffle* those hurt by throat. I should ward you right frob the start: Dod't listed to this WAV if you dod't wadt to risk sharig by A Shoo! horrible cold. You thidk you're safe? Tellig yourselves that you cad't get sick just frob listedig to a WAV? Let be tell you - that's exactly what I thought the other day. Add boy was I Hat Ashoo! wrodg. This is odly the begiddig of by cold add it's already bakig be Ha Ishoo, Ei Shoo, I Shooo, He Ashoo! sdeeze like dever before id by life. I'b Eshoo, Ha Ish, Washoo! dead serious. This cold hit be like a tod of bricks. Ode bobedt I was totally fide add dext thig you kdow here I ab *cough cough* Ha Shoo! coughig add sdeezig id bed. By dose wod't stop ruddig add it's already bright red. It tickles all the tibe add so does by throat. What bakes this all eved worse is that there is do ode here to Ha Ishoo, Hi Shoo, Ashoo, Hat I Shoo, Hi Ish, Ishoo, Ha Eshoo! take care of be. Oh by god *sniffle* that fit was idsade! I really should't be talkig right dow *sniffle* but I just had to tell you guys about by A Shoo! cold. Wod't sobebody cobe add bake be tea? I'b a sick sick girl add I deed sobe Ha Ish, Eshoo, Hi Ashoo! TLC. You already risk catchig by cold just by listedig to this WAV *sniffle* bight as well cobe here so we cad help each other blow our doses. This cold is bakig be soudd like I'b id sobe bizarre sdeeze-kidk scedario, but at this poidt I'b just too sick to care. Oh do *sniffle* I'b godda sdeeze agaid, watch out Ha Ashoo, Ishoo, He Eshoo, Ha Ish, Hu Washoo, He Ashoo, He Ish, Ha I Shoo! If that fit did't get you sick *sniffle* you probably have a perfect ibbude systeb. Udfortudately, I dod't. Dow, if you'll excuse be, I'b godda blow by dose for five whole bidutes add thed fall idto a coba udtil this cold leaves by body".
"That was intense" Heather thought. "Wait, does she really think she caught this cold from a series of WAVs dating back to the one I made? No. It can't be. As bad as my cold was, no virus is really contagious over the internet, right"?
Just as that thought passed through her mind, Heather felt a strong tickle in her nose, one she hoped she was done feeling for the time being.
"Ha Ha IgdjShooo!" the spray covered the screen of her laptop, as if she was recreating the scene that happened a few days earlier.
"Oh do" she sighed and sniffled. "Here I go agaid".
