I think what fully won me over to Kylo Ren was the moment when Rey calls him a monster and he looks her straight in the face and says, without any hesitation, “Yes, I am.” He fully believes it, accepts it as pure fact. The sky is blue, water is wet, I am a monster. I connected hard, because I’ve been in that exact same position.
Children, especially sensitive children, have an uncanny knack for making everything into their own fault. If conflict occurs within their family, they find a way to blame themselves for it. Consider the amount of times that Ben Solo would have had to receive the wrong messages in order to be able to say “I am a monster” without a shred of doubt. Consider the number of times he’d have interpreted the actions of the adults (and peers) around him as “you are a monster” until he fully believed it.
You’re born with a “raw strength” nobody else has ever seen. You are a monster.
Your father is perturbed by you at best, frightened of you at worst. You are a monster.
Your parents constantly fight, and your father is constantly running away. You are a monster.
Your mother can no longer deal with you and juggle her job, and she chooses the job over you and ships you off to your uncle. You are a monster.
Your uncle begins acting suspicious of you during training, showing the same dark worry in his eyes as your father once did. You are a monster.
Your uncle becomes so frightened of you that he tries to kill you in your sleep. You are a monster.
You find out that your grandfather was Darth Vader, that this is genetic, that you have a monster in your veins that you can never escape. You are a monster.
You realise that this is why every adult in your life thus far has looked at you in fear: because they were looking at you and seeing Vader. You are a monster.
That one line, “Yes, I am,” delivered so resolutely, sums up exactly what broke Ben Solo.
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