here’s the new link for the fic! from now on all my fics will be posted over there, if you guys could kindly go and follow me there I'd really appreciate it<3
more of my stuff on my masterlist🤍
Pairing: Park Jisung x Female Reader
Word Count: 1.4K+
Genre: fluff, angst
Warning: kissing, traumas from past relationship, perfect boyfriend jisung
This fic was inspired by "Stay Stay Stay - Taylor Swift"
•••
When they way you’ve been treated all this time is barely meeting the bare minimum, a lot of things surprises you.
Before him, you never knew a small gesture like a hand hovering over your head just so you don’t hit your head when you enter his car could give you the feeling of thousands of butterflies swarming inside of you.
Or when he hooks his fingers on your not-so-heavy book bag strap just so you don’t have to bear the full weight walking to his car after you refused to let him carry the bag.
Before him, a fight would consists of both parties throwing things around and screaming to the top of your lungs cussing each other out. Game night usually felt like a roller coaster of emotions. Praying and hoping your school would win just so you don’t have to face your boyfriends rage and tempery attitude later on that night. But not with him. Not with Jisung.
Jisung always wonder, why is your expectation on other people set very low? To be honest, it's probably because you haven't actually felt what it's like to be treated right.
But then, Jisung show you how good it feels to be loved to the point you question the reality. Is this a dream? Do I actually deserve him?
“I am so sorry, J.” you whimper, feeling bad and extremely anxious that you would miss his first home game this season. Silently cursing to whoever alumni that made the tradition of first home game being a big fucking deal.
You can hear Jisung raspy voice as he chuckle, "Babe, its fine. Trust me, I'm not mad. It's a family emergency and family always come first." He assures you. His big hands that squeezed your shoulder earlier now moving up to cup your flamed cheeks.
You're now confused, even after dating him for a few months now, you still couldn't phantom and get used to how kind Jisung's heart is. How caring and understanding this man in front of you could be.
The lack of response from you, made Jisung tilt your face up. Forcing you to look at his adorable smile that showcase his gums. Something he told you he's insecure about, adding more things that confuses you about him. Cause his smile is one of the prettiest smile you’ve ever seen.
"Babe, I promise you I'll be fine. Who cares about the stupid first home game tradition. I know you want to be there for me tonight and that's enough for me." Jisung leans in to kiss the top of your head before continuing, "Now let me drive you home."
"What, no! Baby, you'll miss your pre-game meal." you respond almost instantly.
"I'll just get something to go and you can feed me on the way to your place." He winks, making your heart skips to what feels like a thousand beats.
With disbelief prominently hovering on your face, you try to stand higher on your tippy toes and snake your arms around his neck. Whispering more to yourself, "What did I do to deserve you?"
That very car ride with Jisung filled with nothing but laughter. Who would've thought you would find his very dad-like jokes funny to the point your stomach hurts. Or when he's telling his jokes in such a nonchalant way you'd almost miss it but ended up getting it and cracking up even more a few minutes later.
Your life has definitely changed for the better. And the only person you can think of as to why it did is him.
•••
During the wonderful months of being Jisungs girlfriend, you barely argue with him let alone be in a fight. So when that frightening night where you threw your phone across the room at him happened, you really thought you've seen the end of your wonderful relationship as the phone crashed on the hardwood flooring.
You know its mostly your fault, whatever it is that lead to Jisung finally snap at you. But thanks to the pricks you dated before him, instead of apologizing, you snap right back. Adding fuel into the fire Jisung try so hard to keep at bay.
"I knew it, its always gonna be my fault! I'm the fucked up one here!" you scream, pulling your hair so hard hoping it would distract you from the pain you feel in your chest that you cause yourself.
Jisung who just barely manage to dodge your violent throw says nothing. He stand still by your bed. Watching you fight the battle you're currently having against yourself. No sight of anger shown in his stare anymore. Only worry, pity and love.
You no longer can feel your surrounding. Everything feel suffocating, dark. Your cry fills the room. Leaning towards past experiences, you know Jisung had left. The thought of you losing him adds salt to your wounded heart.
Suddenly you feel a pair of strong arms you know all too well wrapping around your shaking body. Easing the pain away with each stroke and squeeze. Taking you deeper into the realm of unconsciousness.
Jisung only sits there. Holding you tight through your breakdown, preventing you from falling apart. Your very own safety net.
•••
"Okay, let's talk." is the first thing Jisung say as he steps into your bedroom in his football gear coming straight from Sunday practice. The slight smile he forces out did nothing to hide his evident tiredness from having to practice everyday.
All the more reason for you to feel guilty over being this annoying needy girlfriend instead of being the one who supposed to give him comfort in one of the hardest season your school football team has ever seen.
Jisung slowly approaches you whose looking up to him with teary, hopeful eyes.
"Stay," you manage to sound out despite the invisible chokehold you're currently under. "Stay," you repeat as Jisung steps even closer towards your bed. "Stay."
When Jisung finally climbed up the bed and pull you into a warm hug you thought you'd never feel again, you lost it. Crying, circling your arms around his neck, burying your messed-up face in the crook of his neck. Pouring everything out.
"Baby, I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry. I know I don't say this enough. But you are literally the best thing that's ever happen to me. And I love you. Hell, I've been loving you for quite sometime now." you continue to sob, staining his uniform.
With his raspy voice that you love so much, he chuckled "Shhhh.. I know baby, I know." his hands moving against your back, soothing you.
This man is a literal saint.
“Don’t cry, okay? I love you. I’ve also been loving you,” he pauses. His hands reaches for your face, catching tears that fall before continuing, “for quite a long time now.”
The tears only fall harder hearing this gorgeous of a man saying everything right with sincerity in his eyes. With love in his eyes.
Jisungs face move forward, continuing to catch your tears with his lips this time. Sending shivers down your spine, making you chuckle.
“That’s more like it. Stop crying, okay? I know I said you look cute when you’re mad. But I don’t like it when you cry.” he finishes off with planting the sweetest kiss on your lips.
“Stay.” you sigh between kisses. No answer from Jisung, instead he deepens the kiss.
“Stay with me J, stay.” you plea once more.
When Jisung finally break off the kiss. His hands go back to the either side of your face. Forheads touching. “I am not going anywhere and I sure do hope you’re planning on doing the same thing. Cause it’ll only work out if both of us stay.”
•••
HEY GUYS! THIS BLOG HAVE MOVED TO BY-SOLEIL!
here’s the new link for the fic! from now on all my fics will be posted over there, if you guys could kindly go and follow me there I'd really appreciate it<3
here’s the new link for the fic! from now on all my fics will be posted over there, if you guys could kindly go and follow me there I'd really appreciate it<3
more of my stuff on my masterlist🤍
Pairing: Kim Mingyu x Female Reader
Word Count: 2.1K+
Genre: fluff, angst
Warning: kissing, implied sexual content, suggestive scenario, ex boyfriend mingyu
This fic was inspired by "Vintage - Niki"
•••
If we’re talking about high school, there are two kinds of people; the one who despises it or the one who loves every single minute of it. You definitely fall into the later one. The life you had in high school was fucking fantastic.
Sure, some people might categorize you as the snobby popular cheerleader that seemed to have it all easily. You don’t mind, you did have it easy. You had great friends, cool parents that supports everything you do, good grades, and at one point you also dated the hot jock that everyone seemed lust over in senior year, yeah the list goes on.
Nevertheless, that was high school. You eventually had to graduate and leave it all behind to go on another adventure called college—which was also very fucking fantastic.
“Ugh, come on, girl. You look amazing, stop fiddling with your hair and let’s go inside! I can’t wait to meet everybody!” Your friend practically screams on your ear, rushing you to get out of the car to attend the highly anticipated five-year reunion of your high school.
The class of 2015, the only class that has ever won the homecoming pride parade all four years of high school. Beating all the allegations of dorky freshmen and keeping the tittle all the way to senior year.
“Okay, okay, I’m done. Geez.” You sigh, getting out of your friends car. Didn’t even bother to drive your own car cause you know you’re getting fucked up tonight.
You both excitedly enter the huge mansion where the event takes place. When you enter through the front door into the foyer, your eyes immediately scans the room. Trying to locate your high school cliques who are seating comfortably in the middle of the huge living room. Laughing and drinking obnoxiously as if they own the place.
As you walk towards them, you get this sense of déjà vu. This reunion doesn’t feel like a five-year reunion but more like a friday night house party.
There are no big screen showcasing old nostalgic photos from the four-year madness. No podium for the student body president at the time to go up and deliver some cheesy emotional speech about how fast the time went by. Instead, loud uplifting music blasting from speakers, people stripping down into their bathing suit and doing canon balls into the pool outside. The only difference being everyone is now drinking legally.
“Are we sure this is a reunion and not an after party of homecoming parade at Jeonghan’s?” you ask when you finally reach your friends. Hearing laughter as response.
“Why are you even surprised? You should’ve expected at least this monstrosity when you refuse to organize the reunion and let Hoshi handle it.” Joshua replies, standing up to pull you into an embrace.
You miss your friends, a lot. The fact that you move away for college across the country made you miss them even more, considering you only get the chance to see most of them on holidays.
Sitting down you snuggle yourself between Joshua and Jun, savoring the sweet feeling of nostalgia having your loved ones laughing around you.
Looking around, you absentmindedly search for him. Mingyu.
Mingyu was the highlight of your senior year. And a few weeks of summer after that. People love Mingyu. Such a scene stealer, standing oh so deliciously tall at 6’2, people drool over him.
You are deep in your thoughts about your beloved ex when your friends starts cheering and calling out his name, pulling you out of your thoughts and looking straight to where he’s standing.
“Speak of the devil, my oh my!” you mumble more to yourself.
Catching you staring, Mingyu flashes his infamous devilish smile your way as he make his way towards the living room. That’s one thing you haven’t seen in a while, you thought to yourself. Making your heart skips one too many beats.
“Hey, little one.” Mingyu continues to grin as he pull you into a big warm comfortable hug.
“Hey, big guy.” you breathe to his chest. Stomach fluttering as if there’s a thousand butterflies swarming inside due to the nickname.
“You look good. You look real good.” Mingyu pulls away but keeping his grip on your waist. Staring down admiring your blushed appearance.
“How have you been?” you chuckled, blurting out the most basic question to mask the nervousness. Eyes glued on how good his features look in this light. Brain zooming back, reminiscing bout the good times.
“Been good, life’s good. Could be better though.” Mingyu winks, pulling you to sit down next to him on the over crowded couch. Making you stick to him in a way way too friendly manner. You can see Dokyeom and Hoshi throwing you teasing looks from the corner of your eyes, making you have to fight the urge to roll your eyes.
After a few rounds of question to catch up on each other’s life, Mingyu pull out his phone to answer some text and making you gasp while doing do.
“Please don’t tell me that’s the same phone you’ve had since the summer after graduating? Oh, never mind it’s the case. How stupid.“
Mingyu chuckles, lightly smacking your knee. “You know I’m way too clumsy to keep a phone functioning more than a year. Still got all of our pics and everything on cloud tho.” His eyebrows raised teasingly.
“For real?!” you bounce in your seat, excited. “I wanna see, show me!”
Mingyu grins so hard you afraid his cheeks might pop. “C’mere.” he invites but his hands already snake his way around your shoulder. Making your head dizzy.
The two of you took a sweet sweet stroll down the memory lane. Lost in the drunken state of each other’s familiar presence. Mingyu makes it easy. Too easy, just like a zephyr. It feels like the last five years had disappear, and you two just a couple of freshly graduated senior, savoring the last summer before drifting apart for college. Making the old feelings resurfaced, not completely, just enough for you to want to hit reverse.
“Mingyu! Why on earth would you let me went out wearing this?!” you shriek looking at his phone, picture of you two snuggling on a couch with you sitting comfortably on his lap inside a poorly lit living room surrounded by drunk underage teenagers. Too much like your current situation.
“What do you mean?! You look amazing!” he blurts out equally shocked with the fact you think you looked ridiculous. “I think all the shit you dealt with in college mess with something up here.” his finger lift to your temple and taps it lightly.
Oh, Mingyu and his charms. His sweet, sweet mouth that always know what to say for a comeback. His clean and clever comebacks.
Your thoughts starts to wonder down the dangerous path of ‘Why the hell did we broke up?’ Cause right now, you really don’t remember. Can’t even fantom you once said see you never.
Time passed with you two still snuggling into each others presence. Minutes? Hours? What the hell. It could be days and you’re confident you won’t mind.
When the outside sky mirror the color of Mingyu’s mesmerizing eyes, he pulls you up. Snatching your body off the couch and back into his embrace, but standing up this time.
“Dance with me, little one.” he ducks his head to whisper in you ear. Broad shoulder and chest with a pair of strong sturdy arms enveloping you. Making you feel another burst of butterfly bombs inside. “Come,” he breathes and leads you through the crowd towards the dance floor filled with people dancing to the uplifting music.
You sway, following his lead on the dance floor. Mingyu’s a big guy, but he doesn’t move like one. Very smooth, nothing you’d expect a 6 foot 2 inches giant would do.
“I like your dress.. You look real fucking good.” he mumbles, another butterfly bomb explodes. Sending shivers down your spine. Making you respond with the only thing your brain manages to form, a nod. A fucking sign that it wont be long before no becomes yes.
Still whispering sweet nothings to you ear, pulling every card to haul you in. You start to think, maybe one more night wont hurt. A reenactment, not repetition. That’s for sure.
You can feel the disapproving looks your friends throw at you from the couch. Knowing the pain you had to and probably will endure again if you didn’t snap out of it right this minute.
But the music’s blaring too loud for you to comprehend shit, and Mingyu’s hand on your hips and waist did not help at all. When the devil of your past leans back in to deliver more of his sweet nothing bullshit, you thought to yourself, fuck it.
You turn you head so fast and caught his lips in yours.
Bombs after bombs of butterfly bursts in your stomach, chest, head, everywhere, even fingers along with the acrylic coffin-shaped nails you get done just for tonight.
Mingyu pulls you out of the dance floor, scrambling through hallways to find an empty bedroom in rapid speed, afraid you change your mind and bolt out of his grasp again.
When he finally find an unoccupied bedroom, he kicks the door but only stand aside. Waiting for you to come in on your own will. Glancing around, you find one of your friend stare you down in disbelief. You look straight into her eyes and reads the unspoken words of “What the fuck?!” thrown your ways.
Without hesitation—the butterflies are taking over you body and soul by now— you throw a quick wink at her before stepping inside the empty bedroom and let Mingyu closes the door behind him as he follows, locking it.
•••
You passed out. Not for long you don’t think. An hour probably.
Sitting up, you feel something heavy weigh down your stomach. An arm, Mingyu’s arm. You chocked. Registering what happened during the short few hours between you arriving and now. Sprawling on top of an unknown bed with someone you know too damn well.
You quickly gather you clothes—thanking the Goddes all of them are within the arms reach. Quickly detangle yourself from the heavy figure sleeping soundly next to you, jumping off the bed you pick up your bag and shoes.
“What’s with the hurry, little one?” he groans, half awake. Freezing you mid way to the door.
“My.. my ride.” you blurt out, knowing damn well he’s not buying it.
“Can we talk?” you can hear him sitting up behind you. You hesitate for a minute as he collects his clothes. When you finally turn your back, he’s already marching towards you. Arms reaching out.
“I can’t, this was a fucking mistake.” you sigh. Arms stretched out to his chest preventing him to come any closer. Afraid of another butterfly bomb clouding your sense.
“Didn’t felt like it.” he mewls, broad shoulder droppings. Your heart sinks.
“I’m sorry, Mingyu. Whatever the fuck that was... was a reenactment and I don’t do repetition.” you sigh. Hands flying up to cup the side of his face. Caressing it lightly. Caressing the boy you once loved with raging force.
“Come on, lil one. You felt it too, I know you do.” Mingyu leans into your hands. Pleading.
“A reenactment. If it makes you feel better, it was a fucking great one.” you wink. Patting his jaw. You reach up, standing on your tippy toes, kissing the side of his face with so much affection you had to pull back.
“Goodbye, big guy.” you turn your back to him. Unlocking the door, you walk away. Doing the thing you should’ve done a few hours ago.
Left all alone, Mingyu freezes. Standing still a few feet away from the door. Watching you walk out breaks him. He thought he had forgotten you. Turns out, he doesn’t. He never did.
And what had happened just a mere hours ago, was wake up call for Mingyu. He needs you. He needs you back. And hopefully, he’ll get you back.
•••
HEY GUYS! THIS BLOG HAVE MOVED TO BY-SOLEIL!
from now on all my fics will be posted over there, if you guys could kindly go and follow me there I'd really appreciate it<3
here’s the new link for the fic! from now on all my fics will be posted over there, if you guys could kindly go and follow me there I'd really appreciate it<3
more of my stuff on my masterlist🤍
Pairing: Lee Haechan x Female Reader
Word Count: 1.4K+
Genre: so much angst😔
This fic was inspired by "If We Were a Movie - Hannah Montana"
•••
Ever since you were a little girl, you’ve always been obsessed with movies. Fascinated with how everything always seemed to work out in the end. Happy endings.
So, of course its a given thing that you are expecting a typical rom-com, fluffy type of high school life. You know, the one where the freshman caught the eye of an insanely good-looking senior who happens to be a star quarterback, who’s also in the running to become homecoming king? The type of movies you watch when it’s raining and you don’t feel like going out so instead, you snuggled up in your pjs with your fluffy blanket.
Too bad, Haechan unknowingly ruined just that for you.
Falling for Haechan was never part of the plan. At first, it was just a platonic friendship that developed over the 7-minute walk to the bus stop every morning.
Then he started coming over for study sessions, then your parents would asked his parents to watch over you when your sitter couldn’t make it. Some weekends would be spent sleeping on your living room couch with him cause his parents had to get out of town. And eventually you both become each other’s person.
He would not hesitate to leave whatever it is he’s currently doing with just one struggling whiny phone call from you. And to be honest, you’d also drop whatever the hell it is you’re doing if he ever needed you to come to him.
“How do I look?”
You gasp as you feel Haechan’s arm drape over your shoulder out of nowhere. Nearly making you drop the heavy textbook you’ve been carrying around the hallway since this morning.
“Damn, you scared me Haechan!” you nudge his sides with your elbow. “What do you want?”
“My bad, dude. How do I look?” he asks once more, stopping and pulling the both of you away from the busy school hallway to make sure you’re taking in all of his look from head to toe.
Haechan is the it guy. Everyone wants to be either his friends or lovers. He’s charming, getting everybody starstruck with his personality alone. The jaw dropping good look he’s blessed with is only adding more to the damage. That, you know all too damn well.
Standing oh so deliciously in his signature look, white t-shirt, black skinny jeans and his favorite leather jacket—the one that made him drag you along to a part-time job in a smoothie bar just around the corner of your school, all so he can afford the hefty price tag.
His hair smells really good and its also fluffy, a good kind of fluffy like the kind you got after a fresh blow out. The way you would lose your mind everytime his finger run through it, a useless attempt to get it out of his face only for it to fall back into places a second after.
“You got your game outfit on,” you pause, eyeing him up and down. “Now spill, who’s the girl this time?” who’s another lucky girl, to be exact.
“Alexis.” Haechan nonchalantly says, putting one of his arms back around your shoulder and start walking while his other hand snatch the heavy textbook from your sore one.
“The Alexis? Cheer captain Alexis? Classic move.” you roll your eyes. Of course it’s the cheer captain this time. Haechan always seem to go for the obvious. Why are you even surprised? This being the third time Haechan’s falling for the typical main character bitch.
“Yes, don’t you think we’d look good together, though? She’s your height, so that’s definitely the perfect height for me. She’s funny and cute and—“
“And hot as fuck.” you finish him off. Can’t really stand hearing him going on about another girl, knowing damn well you wish that person he’s rambling about was you.
“Exactly. You know me too well, dude.” he chuckles as you arrived to your first class of the day. Handing your textbooks back, he winks before leaving for his class.
•••
Sometime in the 5th grade, you started exploring on other movie genres. You really wished you didn’t though after bawling your eyes out watching your first non-happy-ending movie. The writer probably means well, trying to show their audiences that life happens and you can’t always get what you want.
Just like right now. Here you are, walking out of your house to the short trip down the sidewalk to Haechan’s home after your bestfriend called you over, something about how his date with Alexis is probably one of the best one he had yet.
Come to think of it, you should really thank whoever was behind those sad ending movies for humbling down your expectations. Though you’re still expecting happy endings, there is now a small—very, very small—part of you that expect the disappointment.
“Before you start, I need my chamomile tea.” you say with your hand gesturing him to zip his mouth. Not even bothering to to look his way as you enter his house.
“But then you’ll get all sleepy real fast. Come on, I need to get this out of my chest.” Haechan whines as he follow you to his kitchen.
“No I won’t. It’ll only calm my nerves. Maybe you should also have a cup.” you respond to him without even looking, too busy fiddling with the electric kettle.
“Nope, no thanks. I’ll stick to my Dr. Pepper—okay, you know what just hear me out and just keep doing whatever it is you’re doing.” he backs off of your back and seat himself on one of the bar stool.
He then proceed to tell you all about his amazing date, how this amazing cheer captain most definitely break all the bad stereotypes surrounding her and the persona she carries.
Thanks to the fact that this is not your first rodeo or it might be the camomile tea you chugged down a few moments ago, you can easily smile and show your support as his bestfriend. Guess he’ll never know, that you should win an oscar for this scene you're in.
“I am so happy for you, dude.” you say when Haechan finally done with his tell. The glossiness in his eyes as he talked about all the girls lucky enough to get him on a date, tightens your chest even more.
Often times, you’d find yourself scribbling nonsense on the back of your notebook as you make up scenarios in your head. Scenarios about what life would be if you and Haechan were a movie.
“If we were a movie,” you pause. Contemplating wether you should sound out your thoughts this time. Aimlessly looking around your room knowing very well you’re home alone. “You’d be the right guy.” you continue as your gaze advert through the sheer curtain hanging before your window. Straight into the window that belongs to his room.
You take a deep breath before continuing, “And I’d be the bestfriend, that you’d fall in love with in the end.” a smile creaks as you keep going. “We’d be laughing,” you take another deep, deep breath to the verge of feeling physical pain in your chest.
“watching the sunset, fade to black, show the names—”
Hot tears are now pooling in your eyes, blurring your vision threatening to stream down. You try to blink it away, tilting your head up only to have it rolling down the side of your face, pass through your ears to land on your neck.
“Play the happy song.” you finally finish with a sob.
If only there’s a twist to this story of you and Haechan. Some kind of hero in disguise. A sweet twist where you can finally end up with him. And you can pour out all the affection built inside, express the longing you’ve always had for him. To be touched by Haechan, to feel his lips moving against yours. To be his.
But alas, this is not a movie.
Haechan might be the right guy, but you certainly are not the bestfriend that he falls in love with in the end.
•••
HEY GUYS! THIS BLOG HAVE MOVED TO BY-SOLEIL!
from now on all my fics will be posted over there, if you guys could kindly go and follow me there I'd really appreciate it<3
HEY GUYS! THIS BLOG HAVE MOVED TO BY-SOLEIL!
here’s the new link for the fic! from now on all my fics will be posted over there, if you guys could kindly go and follow me there I'd really appreciate it<3
more of my stuff on my masterlist🤍
Pairing: Johnny Suh x Female Reader
Word Count: 2.2K+
Genre: angst & maybe a fluff if you're squinting hard.
Warning: affair, unhealthy relationship, kissing, implied sexual content
This fic was inspired by "Getaway Car - Taylor Swift"
•••
Right from the very beginning I know it deep inside my heart that this thing I'm about to jump into is gonna lead to nothing but misery for the both of us. But, mostly me.
But Johnny, he's worth the pain. Maybe that's why people do stupid things despite knowing the risks, like robbing a bank or forging a signature. Or in my case, getting involved with a heaven-sent, angel-looking devil.
It's the small hope that hangs on top of my head. So small I can't see it at times but I know its there, "What if?". What if he change? What if I can change him? How amazing the world would've been if the great, all-accomplished mighty Johnny change for me.
Everyone knows Johnny. Hell, how could everyone not? If we're talking about appearance, man's got a bullseye on board. A perfect ten. His tall lean figure paired with broad shoulder and even a great face is a recipe to everyones heart at first sight. The fact that he has the personality too is even worse. He knows what to say and when to say it. He'd lure you in like some kind of black magic. Leaving you wanting, longing, craving for more. Craving for him. And the worst part of it all is he knows.
I have known of Johnny way before I met him. I've heard the way people talk about this one particular guy from a high school nearby who always seem to be everywhere. Parties, events, competitions, festivals, whatever it is you name it, he's there. So when I finally met him. It didn't take long for him to charm his way into my heart.
Nothing really happen between us after that. He graduated high school a year earlier than me and move away. I didn't think that much of it, not like there was ever anything between the two of us anyway. He's got a girlfriend for fuck's sake.
But when that letter of college acceptance came in. And I moved 12,397 km away from my hometown, a glimpse of hope arise.
"You should just give me a call if anything happens. Or if you ever need anything, really. Having a good friend from back home feels reassuring." Johnny soothingly says after I calmed down, freaked out over a huge pile of enrollment paperwork.
"Thanks, it sure does feel better knowing there's a familiar face around." I smile towards him as I gather what seemed to be an endless amount of paper.
He mirrors my smile, "What about housing? Figured that out yet?"
"Nope, I was thinking off-campus but that'll just add more things for me to worry about, like bus fare and everything."
"So, dorm it is. I'll see what I can do to get you a spot this late. I might know some people that could help." he coos, fishing his phone out of his pocket.
Hearing the words coming out of his mouth, I scoff, "Of course you do. But thanks Johnny, that would be perfect."
•••
The two of us quickly become good friends. I turn to him for a lot of stuff and to my surprise so does he. With the common area of my dorm—which he came through with, thank God—being the place where we hang out most.
It all started very innocent. A friend helping a friend in times of need. That's normal. I'd listen to his complain about his problems. How his girlfriend is borderline caging him with possessive attitude. Adding more stress on top of the one he's been having from school's unrealistic workload.
But at some point, somethings changed. Call me delusional but the distance he put between the two of us over the shared textbook when we study together grow smaller each time. And the oh-so-delicious cologne he's been wearing since forever did not help at all.
Before I know it, I become his getaway car.
Then, that cursed night happened. The rain was unforgiving, drenching me head to toe. I wipe my face trying to get a clear vision of a moving vehicle nearing me. It turns out go be his car pulling up right in front of my soaking self.
“What are you doing?! I told you to wait inside!” he shouts, moving his head signaling me to get inside his car.
“It was jam packed, the humidity is killing me. I’d rather stand in the rain.”
“Are you joking?! You’ll catch a cold.” his tone is harsh unlike his delicate hand drying the water from my face with his gym towel from the backseat, while the other snakes behind my head. Gripping me in place.
“I’ll be fine Johnny, I promise.” I breathe, not realizing just how close Johnny's face from mine at the moment.
The moment I look up to his caring eyes, his movement on my face halts. His eyes finding mine with heavy breaths coming from the both of us. The silence is sickening and I can no longer hear the heavy raindrops drumming his car. All I hear is rapid heartbeat from the two of us, and his has sirens in it.
"Johnny, I—" I try to speak in an attempt to suppress the heavy tension growing in an animalistic pace between us. But Johnny's having none of that.
He crashes his lips into mine in a split seconds. Pouring out all the tension thats been piled up without any of us wanting to acknowledge it.
His lips both hot and cold at the same time. Devouring and moving against my shocked stiff one in a motion so sweet I forget all risks I've been weighing in the back of my mind for sometime now. All my worries and concerns melting with every stroke from his gym callused hands. So rough yet so soft against my damp skin thanks to the rain.
When I finally ran out of common sense thanks to both his expert hands and and mouth, I gave in. Mouth moving against his, matching his pace.
•••
Nothing could have prepared me of what's to come. With neither of us trying to justify what happen that rainy night in his car the very next morning, Johnny and I embark on one hell of an emotional roller coaster. Giving each other comfort both emotionally and physically.
And like I said, a clever man, that Johnny is. Knowing the right thing to say and when to fucking say it. Giving me a taste of heaven and hell in this very world.
“Johnny,” I try to start as I lay there in his room with half of my body weight pressing on top of him. Getting comfortable after he took me to what feels like heaven just a few minutes ago.
“Yes, angel?” he hums with his eyes closed, hands reaching around me drawing random pattern on my bare back.
“Are we.. a bad person? For doing this?” I hesitate before nuzzling my head even deeper on his bare chest. Accentuating my question.
“Everyone has a bad side, angel. Nobody’s perfect,” he tightens his arms around me before continuing. "but I don't know, you might be tho."
This time, his playful persona and jokes couldn't save him. Despite the happiness, joy and pleasure he's been giving me these past year, the guilt I feel inside never suppressed.
Guilt so strong I sometimes wake up in the middle of the night drenched in sweats. Praying to whatever higher being is up there to help me out of this mess I very enjoy creating. How do I get out of this?
"You're always like this. Avoiding things, shower me with praises to get out of this topic. It’s been long overdue, Johnny." I hide my face in his chest. Can't seem to find the courage to look him in the eye after what just came out of my mouth.
Johnny brings one of his hand to his face and let out a heavy frustrated breath, "Then what do you want from me, angel? Haven't I given you enough?" the nickname adds a soft touch to his maddening words.
"I can't live with the guilt. It's killing me, Johnny." I squeeze the sentence out, trying to fight back the tears that threatens to burst.
After a quiet pause he says, "I can't leave her. She needs me emotionally, the way I need you.”
And that did it. Tears streaming down the side of my face, pooling on the dip between Johnnys' chest. Body starting to shake unconsciously.
Johnny abruptly sits up, still holding me. Pulling my leg across his lap, cradling me as if I am a baby.
"Angel, I'm so so so so sorry. I'll make it better, okay? I promise I'll make it better." he says kissing the top of my head repeatedly. Still swaying our body back and forth. "Hang in there, stay with me."
•••
A few months past, Johnny finally come to his senses and choose between the two of us. Breaking the poor girls’ heart and hiding behind 'putting her off of the misery'. I should be happy, right?
But the guilt never went away. Not when one of my best friend is also friends with the poor girl. Not when people back home keep talking and reminding me about how cruel I am for doing what I did to their relationship.
It's always the girls fault. Though both Johnny and I were perfectly sober and conscious when this whole thing started on that damned cursed night.
I try to talk to the said best friends whom I've been putting in a very difficult position, which is right in the middle of my stupid triangle travesty. Not in one of the pointy angles, but exactly in the middle of the shape. She heard my-very weak- defenses, and choose to stay silent.
"I'm not gonna add anything to this mess by forwarding any messages from and to any of y’all. I love y'all equally, but speaking my mind, you're at fault girl." is what she said the last time I try to talk to her. One hundred percent not blaming her. I was shocked she even wanted to talk to me, I'd probably went apeshit if it was the other way around. It isn't though.
More time passes and I've been living the dream with my now official boyfriend, the Johnny fuckin Suh. Doing things backward than what traditionally done. Like posting picture of him for the first time publicly 17 months in the 'relationship'.
Everything smooth sailing as long as I don't pay attention to what people say. And also having closure from the poor girl I hurt through our mutual best friend. I really should thank her properly.
But of course, nothing good starts in a getaway car.
With his final year approaching in accounting school and my crazy calendar as a law student come crashing down, the amount of time spent together become less and less.
The anxious feeling flooding in the longer we go with this pace. Meeting once a week, maybe two times at most. With him on his phone practically the whole time. Phones blowing up when we finally have the time to spend the night together.
I've never been the type of girlfriend who'd ask the annoying question like 'who are you with?' or 'is there any girl?' but I find myself keep doing it with Johnny. Maybe I'm starting to get scared that karma's gonna bite me hard in the ass.
A very selfish way of thinking coming from a girl who's basically a home-wrecker.
And now, here I am. Sobbing through the pain after having the exact same conversation Johnny had with his ex—well, now ex before me—many months ago. Having no one to cry to, mostly ashamed for feeling this way after making someone else felt this way.
A new angel has come and grace his devil self. Bringing comfort that I couldn't provide no more, his words not mine. I know deep down this heartbreak gonna come for me sooner or later. The fear I had about changing become reality.
He could never change. Couldn't be saved. Not by his ex, not by me and surely not by his new angel.
So, I dry my tears using the very gym towel he used that night to do the same thing. Pull out my phone and start typing.
Johnny, thank you for the joy & pain you gave me these past few years. I hope you find true happiness, just so you can stop making people feel as shitty as I do right now. Goodbye.
•••
HEY GUYS! THIS BLOG HAVE MOVED TO BY-SOLEIL!
from now on all my fics will be posted over there, if you guys could kindly go and follow me there I'd really appreciate it<3
awww, im so sorry (I'm not lol) thankyou soooo much for reading! I really appreciate it! btw I just found out I cant reply to ppl with side blog so I made a new one here! all my fics from now on will be posted over there<3 have a great dayyy bestie
guysss, i just found out that i can’t reply to y’all cs this is a side blog… only thru my main and my main one is personal so... i think I’m gonna go bang my head somewhere
here’s the new link for the fic! from now on all my fics will be posted over there, if you guys could kindly go and follow me there I'd really appreciate it<3
more of my stuff on my masterlist🤍
Pairing: Kim Mingyu x Female Reader
Word Count: 2.1K+
Genre: fluff, angst
Warning: kissing, implied sexual content, suggestive scenario, ex boyfriend mingyu
This fic was inspired by "Vintage - Niki"
•••
If we’re talking about high school, there are two kinds of people; the one who despises it or the one who loves every single minute of it. You definitely fall into the later one. The life you had in high school was fucking fantastic.
Sure, some people might categorize you as the snobby popular cheerleader that seemed to have it all easily. You don’t mind, you did have it easy. You had great friends, cool parents that supports everything you do, good grades, and at one point you also dated the hot jock that everyone seemed lust over in senior year, yeah the list goes on.
Nevertheless, that was high school. You eventually had to graduate and leave it all behind to go on another adventure called college—which was also very fucking fantastic.
“Ugh, come on, girl. You look amazing, stop fiddling with your hair and let’s go inside! I can’t wait to meet everybody!” Your friend practically screams on your ear, rushing you to get out of the car to attend the highly anticipated five-year reunion of your high school.
The class of 2015, the only class that has ever won the homecoming pride parade all four years of high school. Beating all the allegations of dorky freshmen and keeping the tittle all the way to senior year.
“Okay, okay, I’m done. Geez.” You sigh, getting out of your friends car. Didn’t even bother to drive your own car cause you know you’re getting fucked up tonight.
You both excitedly enter the huge mansion where the event takes place. When you enter through the front door into the foyer, your eyes immediately scans the room. Trying to locate your high school cliques who are seating comfortably in the middle of the huge living room. Laughing and drinking obnoxiously as if they own the place.
As you walk towards them, you get this sense of déjà vu. This reunion doesn’t feel like a five-year reunion but more like a friday night house party.
There are no big screen showcasing old nostalgic photos from the four-year madness. No podium for the student body president at the time to go up and deliver some cheesy emotional speech about how fast the time went by. Instead, loud uplifting music blasting from speakers, people stripping down into their bathing suit and doing canon balls into the pool outside. The only difference being everyone is now drinking legally.
“Are we sure this is a reunion and not an after party of homecoming parade at Jeonghan’s?” you ask when you finally reach your friends. Hearing laughter as response.
“Why are you even surprised? You should’ve expected at least this monstrosity when you refuse to organize the reunion and let Hoshi handle it.” Joshua replies, standing up to pull you into an embrace.
You miss your friends, a lot. The fact that you move away for college across the country made you miss them even more, considering you only get the chance to see most of them on holidays.
Sitting down you snuggle yourself between Joshua and Jun, savoring the sweet feeling of nostalgia having your loved ones laughing around you.
Looking around, you absentmindedly search for him. Mingyu.
Mingyu was the highlight of your senior year. And a few weeks of summer after that. People love Mingyu. Such a scene stealer, standing oh so deliciously tall at 6’2, people drool over him.
You are deep in your thoughts about your beloved ex when your friends starts cheering and calling out his name, pulling you out of your thoughts and looking straight to where he’s standing.
“Speak of the devil, my oh my!” you mumble more to yourself.
Catching you staring, Mingyu flashes his infamous devilish smile your way as he make his way towards the living room. That’s one thing you haven’t seen in a while, you thought to yourself. Making your heart skips one too many beats.
“Hey, little one.” Mingyu continues to grin as he pull you into a big warm comfortable hug.
“Hey, big guy.” you breathe to his chest. Stomach fluttering as if there’s a thousand butterflies swarming inside due to the nickname.
“You look good. You look real good.” Mingyu pulls away but keeping his grip on your waist. Staring down admiring your blushed appearance.
“How have you been?” you chuckled, blurting out the most basic question to mask the nervousness. Eyes glued on how good his features look in this light. Brain zooming back, reminiscing bout the good times.
“Been good, life’s good. Could be better though.” Mingyu winks, pulling you to sit down next to him on the over crowded couch. Making you stick to him in a way way too friendly manner. You can see Dokyeom and Hoshi throwing you teasing looks from the corner of your eyes, making you have to fight the urge to roll your eyes.
After a few rounds of question to catch up on each other’s life, Mingyu pull out his phone to answer some text and making you gasp while doing do.
“Please don’t tell me that’s the same phone you’ve had since the summer after graduating? Oh, never mind it’s the case. How stupid.“
Mingyu chuckles, lightly smacking your knee. “You know I’m way too clumsy to keep a phone functioning more than a year. Still got all of our pics and everything on cloud tho.” His eyebrows raised teasingly.
“For real?!” you bounce in your seat, excited. “I wanna see, show me!”
Mingyu grins so hard you afraid his cheeks might pop. “C’mere.” he invites but his hands already snake his way around your shoulder. Making your head dizzy.
The two of you took a sweet sweet stroll down the memory lane. Lost in the drunken state of each other’s familiar presence. Mingyu makes it easy. Too easy, just like a zephyr. It feels like the last five years had disappear, and you two just a couple of freshly graduated senior, savoring the last summer before drifting apart for college. Making the old feelings resurfaced, not completely, just enough for you to want to hit reverse.
“Mingyu! Why on earth would you let me went out wearing this?!” you shriek looking at his phone, picture of you two snuggling on a couch with you sitting comfortably on his lap inside a poorly lit living room surrounded by drunk underage teenagers. Too much like your current situation.
“What do you mean?! You look amazing!” he blurts out equally shocked with the fact you think you looked ridiculous. “I think all the shit you dealt with in college mess with something up here.” his finger lift to your temple and taps it lightly.
Oh, Mingyu and his charms. His sweet, sweet mouth that always know what to say for a comeback. His clean and clever comebacks.
Your thoughts starts to wonder down the dangerous path of ‘Why the hell did we broke up?’ Cause right now, you really don’t remember. Can’t even fantom you once said see you never.
Time passed with you two still snuggling into each others presence. Minutes? Hours? What the hell. It could be days and you’re confident you won’t mind.
When the outside sky mirror the color of Mingyu’s mesmerizing eyes, he pulls you up. Snatching your body off the couch and back into his embrace, but standing up this time.
“Dance with me, little one.” he ducks his head to whisper in you ear. Broad shoulder and chest with a pair of strong sturdy arms enveloping you. Making you feel another burst of butterfly bombs inside. “Come,” he breathes and leads you through the crowd towards the dance floor filled with people dancing to the uplifting music.
You sway, following his lead on the dance floor. Mingyu’s a big guy, but he doesn’t move like one. Very smooth, nothing you’d expect a 6 foot 2 inches giant would do.
“I like your dress.. You look real fucking good.” he mumbles, another butterfly bomb explodes. Sending shivers down your spine. Making you respond with the only thing your brain manages to form, a nod. A fucking sign that it wont be long before no becomes yes.
Still whispering sweet nothings to you ear, pulling every card to haul you in. You start to think, maybe one more night wont hurt. A reenactment, not repetition. That’s for sure.
You can feel the disapproving looks your friends throw at you from the couch. Knowing the pain you had to and probably will endure again if you didn’t snap out of it right this minute.
But the music’s blaring too loud for you to comprehend shit, and Mingyu’s hand on your hips and waist did not help at all. When the devil of your past leans back in to deliver more of his sweet nothing bullshit, you thought to yourself, fuck it.
You turn you head so fast and caught his lips in yours.
Bombs after bombs of butterfly bursts in your stomach, chest, head, everywhere, even fingers along with the acrylic coffin-shaped nails you get done just for tonight.
Mingyu pulls you out of the dance floor, scrambling through hallways to find an empty bedroom in rapid speed, afraid you change your mind and bolt out of his grasp again.
When he finally find an unoccupied bedroom, he kicks the door but only stand aside. Waiting for you to come in on your own will. Glancing around, you find one of your friend stare you down in disbelief. You look straight into her eyes and reads the unspoken words of “What the fuck?!” thrown your ways.
Without hesitation—the butterflies are taking over you body and soul by now— you throw a quick wink at her before stepping inside the empty bedroom and let Mingyu closes the door behind him as he follows, locking it.
•••
You passed out. Not for long you don’t think. An hour probably.
Sitting up, you feel something heavy weigh down your stomach. An arm, Mingyu’s arm. You chocked. Registering what happened during the short few hours between you arriving and now. Sprawling on top of an unknown bed with someone you know too damn well.
You quickly gather you clothes—thanking the Goddes all of them are within the arms reach. Quickly detangle yourself from the heavy figure sleeping soundly next to you, jumping off the bed you pick up your bag and shoes.
“What’s with the hurry, little one?” he groans, half awake. Freezing you mid way to the door.
“My.. my ride.” you blurt out, knowing damn well he’s not buying it.
“Can we talk?” you can hear him sitting up behind you. You hesitate for a minute as he collects his clothes. When you finally turn your back, he’s already marching towards you. Arms reaching out.
“I can’t, this was a fucking mistake.” you sigh. Arms stretched out to his chest preventing him to come any closer. Afraid of another butterfly bomb clouding your sense.
“Didn’t felt like it.” he mewls, broad shoulder droppings. Your heart sinks.
“I’m sorry, Mingyu. Whatever the fuck that was... was a reenactment and I don’t do repetition.” you sigh. Hands flying up to cup the side of his face. Caressing it lightly. Caressing the boy you once loved with raging force.
“Come on, lil one. You felt it too, I know you do.” Mingyu leans into your hands. Pleading.
“A reenactment. If it makes you feel better, it was a fucking great one.” you wink. Patting his jaw. You reach up, standing on your tippy toes, kissing the side of his face with so much affection you had to pull back.
“Goodbye, big guy.” you turn your back to him. Unlocking the door, you walk away. Doing the thing you should’ve done a few hours ago.
Left all alone, Mingyu freezes. Standing still a few feet away from the door. Watching you walk out breaks him. He thought he had forgotten you. Turns out, he doesn’t. He never did.
And what had happened just a mere hours ago, was wake up call for Mingyu. He needs you. He needs you back. And hopefully, he’ll get you back.
•••
HEY GUYS! THIS BLOG HAVE MOVED TO BY-SOLEIL!
from now on all my fics will be posted over there, if you guys could kindly go and follow me there I'd really appreciate it<3
here’s the new link for the fic! from now on all my fics will be posted over there, if you guys could kindly go and follow me there I'd really appreciate it<3
more of my stuff on my masterlist🤍
Pairing: Lee Haechan x Female Reader
Word Count: 1.4K+
Genre: so much angst😔
This fic was inspired by "If We Were a Movie - Hannah Montana"
•••
Ever since you were a little girl, you’ve always been obsessed with movies. Fascinated with how everything always seemed to work out in the end. Happy endings.
So, of course its a given thing that you are expecting a typical rom-com, fluffy type of high school life. You know, the one where the freshman caught the eye of an insanely good-looking senior who happens to be a star quarterback, who’s also in the running to become homecoming king? The type of movies you watch when it’s raining and you don’t feel like going out so instead, you snuggled up in your pjs with your fluffy blanket.
Too bad, Haechan unknowingly ruined just that for you.
Falling for Haechan was never part of the plan. At first, it was just a platonic friendship that developed over the 7-minute walk to the bus stop every morning.
Then he started coming over for study sessions, then your parents would asked his parents to watch over you when your sitter couldn’t make it. Some weekends would be spent sleeping on your living room couch with him cause his parents had to get out of town. And eventually you both become each other’s person.
He would not hesitate to leave whatever it is he’s currently doing with just one struggling whiny phone call from you. And to be honest, you’d also drop whatever the hell it is you’re doing if he ever needed you to come to him.
“How do I look?”
You gasp as you feel Haechan’s arm drape over your shoulder out of nowhere. Nearly making you drop the heavy textbook you’ve been carrying around the hallway since this morning.
“Damn, you scared me Haechan!” you nudge his sides with your elbow. “What do you want?”
“My bad, dude. How do I look?” he asks once more, stopping and pulling the both of you away from the busy school hallway to make sure you’re taking in all of his look from head to toe.
Haechan is the it guy. Everyone wants to be either his friends or lovers. He’s charming, getting everybody starstruck with his personality alone. The jaw dropping good look he’s blessed with is only adding more to the damage. That, you know all too damn well.
Standing oh so deliciously in his signature look, white t-shirt, black skinny jeans and his favorite leather jacket—the one that made him drag you along to a part-time job in a smoothie bar just around the corner of your school, all so he can afford the hefty price tag.
His hair smells really good and its also fluffy, a good kind of fluffy like the kind you got after a fresh blow out. The way you would lose your mind everytime his finger run through it, a useless attempt to get it out of his face only for it to fall back into places a second after.
“You got your game outfit on,” you pause, eyeing him up and down. “Now spill, who’s the girl this time?” who’s another lucky girl, to be exact.
“Alexis.” Haechan nonchalantly says, putting one of his arms back around your shoulder and start walking while his other hand snatch the heavy textbook from your sore one.
“The Alexis? Cheer captain Alexis? Classic move.” you roll your eyes. Of course it’s the cheer captain this time. Haechan always seem to go for the obvious. Why are you even surprised? This being the third time Haechan’s falling for the typical main character bitch.
“Yes, don’t you think we’d look good together, though? She’s your height, so that’s definitely the perfect height for me. She’s funny and cute and—“
“And hot as fuck.” you finish him off. Can’t really stand hearing him going on about another girl, knowing damn well you wish that person he’s rambling about was you.
“Exactly. You know me too well, dude.” he chuckles as you arrived to your first class of the day. Handing your textbooks back, he winks before leaving for his class.
•••
Sometime in the 5th grade, you started exploring on other movie genres. You really wished you didn’t though after bawling your eyes out watching your first non-happy-ending movie. The writer probably means well, trying to show their audiences that life happens and you can’t always get what you want.
Just like right now. Here you are, walking out of your house to the short trip down the sidewalk to Haechan’s home after your bestfriend called you over, something about how his date with Alexis is probably one of the best one he had yet.
Come to think of it, you should really thank whoever was behind those sad ending movies for humbling down your expectations. Though you’re still expecting happy endings, there is now a small—very, very small—part of you that expect the disappointment.
“Before you start, I need my chamomile tea.” you say with your hand gesturing him to zip his mouth. Not even bothering to to look his way as you enter his house.
“But then you’ll get all sleepy real fast. Come on, I need to get this out of my chest.” Haechan whines as he follow you to his kitchen.
“No I won’t. It’ll only calm my nerves. Maybe you should also have a cup.” you respond to him without even looking, too busy fiddling with the electric kettle.
“Nope, no thanks. I’ll stick to my Dr. Pepper—okay, you know what just hear me out and just keep doing whatever it is you’re doing.” he backs off of your back and seat himself on one of the bar stool.
He then proceed to tell you all about his amazing date, how this amazing cheer captain most definitely break all the bad stereotypes surrounding her and the persona she carries.
Thanks to the fact that this is not your first rodeo or it might be the camomile tea you chugged down a few moments ago, you can easily smile and show your support as his bestfriend. Guess he’ll never know, that you should win an oscar for this scene you're in.
“I am so happy for you, dude.” you say when Haechan finally done with his tell. The glossiness in his eyes as he talked about all the girls lucky enough to get him on a date, tightens your chest even more.
Often times, you’d find yourself scribbling nonsense on the back of your notebook as you make up scenarios in your head. Scenarios about what life would be if you and Haechan were a movie.
“If we were a movie,” you pause. Contemplating wether you should sound out your thoughts this time. Aimlessly looking around your room knowing very well you’re home alone. “You’d be the right guy.” you continue as your gaze advert through the sheer curtain hanging before your window. Straight into the window that belongs to his room.
You take a deep breath before continuing, “And I’d be the bestfriend, that you’d fall in love with in the end.” a smile creaks as you keep going. “We’d be laughing,” you take another deep, deep breath to the verge of feeling physical pain in your chest.
“watching the sunset, fade to black, show the names—”
Hot tears are now pooling in your eyes, blurring your vision threatening to stream down. You try to blink it away, tilting your head up only to have it rolling down the side of your face, pass through your ears to land on your neck.
“Play the happy song.” you finally finish with a sob.
If only there’s a twist to this story of you and Haechan. Some kind of hero in disguise. A sweet twist where you can finally end up with him. And you can pour out all the affection built inside, express the longing you’ve always had for him. To be touched by Haechan, to feel his lips moving against yours. To be his.
But alas, this is not a movie.
Haechan might be the right guy, but you certainly are not the bestfriend that he falls in love with in the end.
•••
HEY GUYS! THIS BLOG HAVE MOVED TO BY-SOLEIL!
from now on all my fics will be posted over there, if you guys could kindly go and follow me there I'd really appreciate it<3
here’s the new link for the fic! from now on all my fics will be posted over there, if you guys could kindly go and follow me there I'd really appreciate it<3
more of my stuff on my masterlist🤍
Pairing: Park Jisung x Female Reader
Word Count: 1.4K+
Genre: fluff, angst
Warning: kissing, traumas from past relationship, perfect boyfriend jisung
This fic was inspired by "Stay Stay Stay - Taylor Swift"
•••
When they way you’ve been treated all this time is barely meeting the bare minimum, a lot of things surprises you.
Before him, you never knew a small gesture like a hand hovering over your head just so you don’t hit your head when you enter his car could give you the feeling of thousands of butterflies swarming inside of you.
Or when he hooks his fingers on your not-so-heavy book bag strap just so you don’t have to bear the full weight walking to his car after you refused to let him carry the bag.
Before him, a fight would consists of both parties throwing things around and screaming to the top of your lungs cussing each other out. Game night usually felt like a roller coaster of emotions. Praying and hoping your school would win just so you don’t have to face your boyfriends rage and tempery attitude later on that night. But not with him. Not with Jisung.
Jisung always wonder, why is your expectation on other people set very low? To be honest, it's probably because you haven't actually felt what it's like to be treated right.
But then, Jisung show you how good it feels to be loved to the point you question the reality. Is this a dream? Do I actually deserve him?
“I am so sorry, J.” you whimper, feeling bad and extremely anxious that you would miss his first home game this season. Silently cursing to whoever alumni that made the tradition of first home game being a big fucking deal.
You can hear Jisung raspy voice as he chuckle, "Babe, its fine. Trust me, I'm not mad. It's a family emergency and family always come first." He assures you. His big hands that squeezed your shoulder earlier now moving up to cup your flamed cheeks.
You're now confused, even after dating him for a few months now, you still couldn't phantom and get used to how kind Jisung's heart is. How caring and understanding this man in front of you could be.
The lack of response from you, made Jisung tilt your face up. Forcing you to look at his adorable smile that showcase his gums. Something he told you he's insecure about, adding more things that confuses you about him. Cause his smile is one of the prettiest smile you’ve ever seen.
"Babe, I promise you I'll be fine. Who cares about the stupid first home game tradition. I know you want to be there for me tonight and that's enough for me." Jisung leans in to kiss the top of your head before continuing, "Now let me drive you home."
"What, no! Baby, you'll miss your pre-game meal." you respond almost instantly.
"I'll just get something to go and you can feed me on the way to your place." He winks, making your heart skips to what feels like a thousand beats.
With disbelief prominently hovering on your face, you try to stand higher on your tippy toes and snake your arms around his neck. Whispering more to yourself, "What did I do to deserve you?"
That very car ride with Jisung filled with nothing but laughter. Who would've thought you would find his very dad-like jokes funny to the point your stomach hurts. Or when he's telling his jokes in such a nonchalant way you'd almost miss it but ended up getting it and cracking up even more a few minutes later.
Your life has definitely changed for the better. And the only person you can think of as to why it did is him.
•••
During the wonderful months of being Jisungs girlfriend, you barely argue with him let alone be in a fight. So when that frightening night where you threw your phone across the room at him happened, you really thought you've seen the end of your wonderful relationship as the phone crashed on the hardwood flooring.
You know its mostly your fault, whatever it is that lead to Jisung finally snap at you. But thanks to the pricks you dated before him, instead of apologizing, you snap right back. Adding fuel into the fire Jisung try so hard to keep at bay.
"I knew it, its always gonna be my fault! I'm the fucked up one here!" you scream, pulling your hair so hard hoping it would distract you from the pain you feel in your chest that you cause yourself.
Jisung who just barely manage to dodge your violent throw says nothing. He stand still by your bed. Watching you fight the battle you're currently having against yourself. No sight of anger shown in his stare anymore. Only worry, pity and love.
You no longer can feel your surrounding. Everything feel suffocating, dark. Your cry fills the room. Leaning towards past experiences, you know Jisung had left. The thought of you losing him adds salt to your wounded heart.
Suddenly you feel a pair of strong arms you know all too well wrapping around your shaking body. Easing the pain away with each stroke and squeeze. Taking you deeper into the realm of unconsciousness.
Jisung only sits there. Holding you tight through your breakdown, preventing you from falling apart. Your very own safety net.
•••
"Okay, let's talk." is the first thing Jisung say as he steps into your bedroom in his football gear coming straight from Sunday practice. The slight smile he forces out did nothing to hide his evident tiredness from having to practice everyday.
All the more reason for you to feel guilty over being this annoying needy girlfriend instead of being the one who supposed to give him comfort in one of the hardest season your school football team has ever seen.
Jisung slowly approaches you whose looking up to him with teary, hopeful eyes.
"Stay," you manage to sound out despite the invisible chokehold you're currently under. "Stay," you repeat as Jisung steps even closer towards your bed. "Stay."
When Jisung finally climbed up the bed and pull you into a warm hug you thought you'd never feel again, you lost it. Crying, circling your arms around his neck, burying your messed-up face in the crook of his neck. Pouring everything out.
"Baby, I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry. I know I don't say this enough. But you are literally the best thing that's ever happen to me. And I love you. Hell, I've been loving you for quite sometime now." you continue to sob, staining his uniform.
With his raspy voice that you love so much, he chuckled "Shhhh.. I know baby, I know." his hands moving against your back, soothing you.
This man is a literal saint.
“Don’t cry, okay? I love you. I’ve also been loving you,” he pauses. His hands reaches for your face, catching tears that fall before continuing, “for quite a long time now.”
The tears only fall harder hearing this gorgeous of a man saying everything right with sincerity in his eyes. With love in his eyes.
Jisungs face move forward, continuing to catch your tears with his lips this time. Sending shivers down your spine, making you chuckle.
“That’s more like it. Stop crying, okay? I know I said you look cute when you’re mad. But I don’t like it when you cry.” he finishes off with planting the sweetest kiss on your lips.
“Stay.” you sigh between kisses. No answer from Jisung, instead he deepens the kiss.
“Stay with me J, stay.” you plea once more.
When Jisung finally break off the kiss. His hands go back to the either side of your face. Forheads touching. “I am not going anywhere and I sure do hope you’re planning on doing the same thing. Cause it’ll only work out if both of us stay.”
•••
HEY GUYS! THIS BLOG HAVE MOVED TO BY-SOLEIL!
here’s the new link for the fic! from now on all my fics will be posted over there, if you guys could kindly go and follow me there I'd really appreciate it<3
HEY GUYS! THIS BLOG HAVE MOVED TO BY-SOLEIL!
here’s the new link for the fic! from now on all my fics will be posted over there, if you guys could kindly go and follow me there I'd really appreciate it<3
more of my stuff on my masterlist🤍
Pairing: Johnny Suh x Female Reader
Word Count: 2.2K+
Genre: angst & maybe a fluff if you're squinting hard.
Warning: affair, unhealthy relationship, kissing, implied sexual content
This fic was inspired by "Getaway Car - Taylor Swift"
•••
Right from the very beginning I know it deep inside my heart that this thing I'm about to jump into is gonna lead to nothing but misery for the both of us. But, mostly me.
But Johnny, he's worth the pain. Maybe that's why people do stupid things despite knowing the risks, like robbing a bank or forging a signature. Or in my case, getting involved with a heaven-sent, angel-looking devil.
It's the small hope that hangs on top of my head. So small I can't see it at times but I know its there, "What if?". What if he change? What if I can change him? How amazing the world would've been if the great, all-accomplished mighty Johnny change for me.
Everyone knows Johnny. Hell, how could everyone not? If we're talking about appearance, man's got a bullseye on board. A perfect ten. His tall lean figure paired with broad shoulder and even a great face is a recipe to everyones heart at first sight. The fact that he has the personality too is even worse. He knows what to say and when to say it. He'd lure you in like some kind of black magic. Leaving you wanting, longing, craving for more. Craving for him. And the worst part of it all is he knows.
I have known of Johnny way before I met him. I've heard the way people talk about this one particular guy from a high school nearby who always seem to be everywhere. Parties, events, competitions, festivals, whatever it is you name it, he's there. So when I finally met him. It didn't take long for him to charm his way into my heart.
Nothing really happen between us after that. He graduated high school a year earlier than me and move away. I didn't think that much of it, not like there was ever anything between the two of us anyway. He's got a girlfriend for fuck's sake.
But when that letter of college acceptance came in. And I moved 12,397 km away from my hometown, a glimpse of hope arise.
"You should just give me a call if anything happens. Or if you ever need anything, really. Having a good friend from back home feels reassuring." Johnny soothingly says after I calmed down, freaked out over a huge pile of enrollment paperwork.
"Thanks, it sure does feel better knowing there's a familiar face around." I smile towards him as I gather what seemed to be an endless amount of paper.
He mirrors my smile, "What about housing? Figured that out yet?"
"Nope, I was thinking off-campus but that'll just add more things for me to worry about, like bus fare and everything."
"So, dorm it is. I'll see what I can do to get you a spot this late. I might know some people that could help." he coos, fishing his phone out of his pocket.
Hearing the words coming out of his mouth, I scoff, "Of course you do. But thanks Johnny, that would be perfect."
•••
The two of us quickly become good friends. I turn to him for a lot of stuff and to my surprise so does he. With the common area of my dorm—which he came through with, thank God—being the place where we hang out most.
It all started very innocent. A friend helping a friend in times of need. That's normal. I'd listen to his complain about his problems. How his girlfriend is borderline caging him with possessive attitude. Adding more stress on top of the one he's been having from school's unrealistic workload.
But at some point, somethings changed. Call me delusional but the distance he put between the two of us over the shared textbook when we study together grow smaller each time. And the oh-so-delicious cologne he's been wearing since forever did not help at all.
Before I know it, I become his getaway car.
Then, that cursed night happened. The rain was unforgiving, drenching me head to toe. I wipe my face trying to get a clear vision of a moving vehicle nearing me. It turns out go be his car pulling up right in front of my soaking self.
“What are you doing?! I told you to wait inside!” he shouts, moving his head signaling me to get inside his car.
“It was jam packed, the humidity is killing me. I’d rather stand in the rain.”
“Are you joking?! You’ll catch a cold.” his tone is harsh unlike his delicate hand drying the water from my face with his gym towel from the backseat, while the other snakes behind my head. Gripping me in place.
“I’ll be fine Johnny, I promise.” I breathe, not realizing just how close Johnny's face from mine at the moment.
The moment I look up to his caring eyes, his movement on my face halts. His eyes finding mine with heavy breaths coming from the both of us. The silence is sickening and I can no longer hear the heavy raindrops drumming his car. All I hear is rapid heartbeat from the two of us, and his has sirens in it.
"Johnny, I—" I try to speak in an attempt to suppress the heavy tension growing in an animalistic pace between us. But Johnny's having none of that.
He crashes his lips into mine in a split seconds. Pouring out all the tension thats been piled up without any of us wanting to acknowledge it.
His lips both hot and cold at the same time. Devouring and moving against my shocked stiff one in a motion so sweet I forget all risks I've been weighing in the back of my mind for sometime now. All my worries and concerns melting with every stroke from his gym callused hands. So rough yet so soft against my damp skin thanks to the rain.
When I finally ran out of common sense thanks to both his expert hands and and mouth, I gave in. Mouth moving against his, matching his pace.
•••
Nothing could have prepared me of what's to come. With neither of us trying to justify what happen that rainy night in his car the very next morning, Johnny and I embark on one hell of an emotional roller coaster. Giving each other comfort both emotionally and physically.
And like I said, a clever man, that Johnny is. Knowing the right thing to say and when to fucking say it. Giving me a taste of heaven and hell in this very world.
“Johnny,” I try to start as I lay there in his room with half of my body weight pressing on top of him. Getting comfortable after he took me to what feels like heaven just a few minutes ago.
“Yes, angel?” he hums with his eyes closed, hands reaching around me drawing random pattern on my bare back.
“Are we.. a bad person? For doing this?” I hesitate before nuzzling my head even deeper on his bare chest. Accentuating my question.
“Everyone has a bad side, angel. Nobody’s perfect,” he tightens his arms around me before continuing. "but I don't know, you might be tho."
This time, his playful persona and jokes couldn't save him. Despite the happiness, joy and pleasure he's been giving me these past year, the guilt I feel inside never suppressed.
Guilt so strong I sometimes wake up in the middle of the night drenched in sweats. Praying to whatever higher being is up there to help me out of this mess I very enjoy creating. How do I get out of this?
"You're always like this. Avoiding things, shower me with praises to get out of this topic. It’s been long overdue, Johnny." I hide my face in his chest. Can't seem to find the courage to look him in the eye after what just came out of my mouth.
Johnny brings one of his hand to his face and let out a heavy frustrated breath, "Then what do you want from me, angel? Haven't I given you enough?" the nickname adds a soft touch to his maddening words.
"I can't live with the guilt. It's killing me, Johnny." I squeeze the sentence out, trying to fight back the tears that threatens to burst.
After a quiet pause he says, "I can't leave her. She needs me emotionally, the way I need you.”
And that did it. Tears streaming down the side of my face, pooling on the dip between Johnnys' chest. Body starting to shake unconsciously.
Johnny abruptly sits up, still holding me. Pulling my leg across his lap, cradling me as if I am a baby.
"Angel, I'm so so so so sorry. I'll make it better, okay? I promise I'll make it better." he says kissing the top of my head repeatedly. Still swaying our body back and forth. "Hang in there, stay with me."
•••
A few months past, Johnny finally come to his senses and choose between the two of us. Breaking the poor girls’ heart and hiding behind 'putting her off of the misery'. I should be happy, right?
But the guilt never went away. Not when one of my best friend is also friends with the poor girl. Not when people back home keep talking and reminding me about how cruel I am for doing what I did to their relationship.
It's always the girls fault. Though both Johnny and I were perfectly sober and conscious when this whole thing started on that damned cursed night.
I try to talk to the said best friends whom I've been putting in a very difficult position, which is right in the middle of my stupid triangle travesty. Not in one of the pointy angles, but exactly in the middle of the shape. She heard my-very weak- defenses, and choose to stay silent.
"I'm not gonna add anything to this mess by forwarding any messages from and to any of y’all. I love y'all equally, but speaking my mind, you're at fault girl." is what she said the last time I try to talk to her. One hundred percent not blaming her. I was shocked she even wanted to talk to me, I'd probably went apeshit if it was the other way around. It isn't though.
More time passes and I've been living the dream with my now official boyfriend, the Johnny fuckin Suh. Doing things backward than what traditionally done. Like posting picture of him for the first time publicly 17 months in the 'relationship'.
Everything smooth sailing as long as I don't pay attention to what people say. And also having closure from the poor girl I hurt through our mutual best friend. I really should thank her properly.
But of course, nothing good starts in a getaway car.
With his final year approaching in accounting school and my crazy calendar as a law student come crashing down, the amount of time spent together become less and less.
The anxious feeling flooding in the longer we go with this pace. Meeting once a week, maybe two times at most. With him on his phone practically the whole time. Phones blowing up when we finally have the time to spend the night together.
I've never been the type of girlfriend who'd ask the annoying question like 'who are you with?' or 'is there any girl?' but I find myself keep doing it with Johnny. Maybe I'm starting to get scared that karma's gonna bite me hard in the ass.
A very selfish way of thinking coming from a girl who's basically a home-wrecker.
And now, here I am. Sobbing through the pain after having the exact same conversation Johnny had with his ex—well, now ex before me—many months ago. Having no one to cry to, mostly ashamed for feeling this way after making someone else felt this way.
A new angel has come and grace his devil self. Bringing comfort that I couldn't provide no more, his words not mine. I know deep down this heartbreak gonna come for me sooner or later. The fear I had about changing become reality.
He could never change. Couldn't be saved. Not by his ex, not by me and surely not by his new angel.
So, I dry my tears using the very gym towel he used that night to do the same thing. Pull out my phone and start typing.
Johnny, thank you for the joy & pain you gave me these past few years. I hope you find true happiness, just so you can stop making people feel as shitty as I do right now. Goodbye.
•••
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