I Donât Wanna Live Forever - Bucky Barnes
Summary - Bucky Barnes and Y/N Y/L/N find themselves having a disagreement that worsens as the hours pass.
It had been a Tuesday evening at eight fifty-two when the argument had begun for Y/N Y/L/N-Barnes and James Buchanan Barnes. The argument was one like they had never had before in their year of marriage, it had struck a match and blew them both out...
It was after Bucky had come home from work and threw his suit jacket onto the back of the sofa, his suede shoes thrown regardlessly through the living room and the belt of his trousers on the kitchen countertop. He was just too tired to wait until he hit his bedroom. Work was coming down on Bucky Barnes like a ton of bricks; the paperwork, the meetings, the assignments, it was exhausting him at the end of the day and he just wanted to rest.
He dragged himself towards the bottom of the stairs where he would begin his ascent to his Y/N, he had thought of her fondly that day...about what she would be doing whilst he filled out paper after paper and if her parents had returned her call about the holiday they had planned for later on during that year. He had stepped onto the fifth step, holding onto the wooden bannister for support from his dazed state when he had heard the fridge door opening behind him.
Bucky leant his back against the bannister and let his head fall hard against the white-painted wall behind him, he saw his Y/N taking out a slim bottle of the white, Italian Asti from the cold shelf and place it gently onto the marble countertop. She looked beautiful but frustrated, restless; her satin, black robe fell off her shoulder and the belt was so loosely tied, her hair was tousled and ever so slightly frizzy but the eyeliner and dark lip she wore was neat, the black, florally lingerie she wore underneath her robe was elegant and classy.Â
âYou alright, sweetheart?â Bucky called out to her, his voice was concerned and low for his wife. Y/N Y/L/N-Barnes poured the sweet wine into a deep glass for herself and she filled it to just below the brim.Â
âYeah, are you?â Y/N asked, her voice was suppressing the true tone of anger that she was unintentionally feeling. She drunk from the glass, glancing down at the drink within it because, âout of sight, out of mindâ she thought to herself comically.Â
âYeah, whatâs with the tone of your voice?â Bucky recoiled and sneered.
âJust a busy day, been housekeeping and dealing with business since seven this morningâ Y/N sighed breathlessly, the wrinkles by her eyes appearing as she drunk the Asti.
âCome to bed with me then, I donât go in till later tomorrow so we can stay in bedâ Bucky raised his eyebrows sweetly at Y/N but she carried on looking down and away from him.Â
âLet me just finish this thenâ She spoke somberly. Y/N ran a hand through her hair and pushed it away from her face, Bucky could see from where he stood her faded, dark eyeshadow and took notice of how it looked worn down.Â
âAlrightâ Bucky sighed in defeat and pressed his lips thinly together, he started climbing the spiralling staircase once again. He knew when she drunk before bed it must have been a draining day or someone must have annoyed her but he would have appreciated if she prioritised the time with her husband and wanted to be in his arms as soon as she saw him.
âMaybe you could tidy up after yourself with that extra time offâ Y/N mumbled under her breath, putting her empty glass in the sink. Now Bucky knew the had a tendency to get into his wifeâs system fast but she had only had one drink.
âWhat?â Bucky turned around on his heels and looked at her inquisitively.
âGo to bed babe, Iâll be up in a minuteâ Y/N dismissed him like everything was fine.Â
âYou said something sweetheartâ Bucky spoke.
âI just said I would like if you cleared up your clothes before going to bed instead of leaving them all over the place for me to clean upâ Y/N spoke.
âIâll clean them up in the morning before I go, Itâs just been a busy day and I wanna sleep with youâ Buckyâs voice was defensive and raised in pitch.
âYou wonât though because youâll not bother and then itâll leave me to do it and Iâve got enough to do alreadyâ Y/N groaned, her face was held tightly in her hands and she was clearly frustrated, Bucky could tell that it wasnât just a new frustration she had with him.
âI think I'm gonna clean the house that I pay forâ Bucky stated matter of factly.
That fight had sparked and was beginning to ignite. Â
âAnd do you need me to also rejig your memory of who pays for half of the bills, runs half of your business and cleans up after you since weâve been marriedâ Y/N argued back. Her temper had moved her from the counter and into the middle of between the living room and kitchen where Bucky could see her bare legs standing their ground.
âWell, it seems as of late all youâre doing is sitting around on the phone, in underwear that I brought you, drinking wine all-dayâ Bucky knew that stung her more than it stung him because he knew Y/N prided herself on being a woman of business and never wanted to be a housewife.Â
âYou never complained when I was just another girl in your bed every night but now that you have to be committed and be responsible to only me itâs all different isnât it?â Y/Nâs tone was furious.
âYou are the worst person to argue with because you donât even listen to what Iâm actually saying, you just talk and talk and talk and I donât want to listen right nowâ Bucky had shouted back at her.
There was silence after that, it was like there was a cold breeze through the fire. Bucky walked towards Y/N and grabbed his suit jacket off the back of the sofa, walked past her and snatched his belt from the kitchen counter, then trod heavily through the living room to pick up his shoes up from the floor.Â
âWe shouldnât leave thisâ Y/N sighed exasperatedly, she lowered her head and scratched her forearm.
âYou wouldnât listen if I apologised tonightâ Buckyâs strained, tired voice reached her ears and it made her feel like she had to take full responsibility for all of what had happened.Â
âMight be the last chance you can for a long timeâ She said out of spite at his ignorance to her attempt to settle things down at least just for that night.Â
âIâll apologise thenâ Bucky turned to the stairs and began to take a slow, heavy step up them, his voice was left behind him as he disappeared behind the white, cylinder-shaped wall. Y/N Y/L/N-Barnes stood there and her eyebrows turned upwards as the tears filled her eyes, she ran both clenched hands through the front of her hair and gripped at the tangled lox.Â
Her and her husbandâs fights were always that explosive and were never solved until the next morning despite what might have been said in the heat of the moment. Y/N prayed that one day their fights would change and it would end in them tangled up in the bedsheets like other couples instead of walking away from each other...
Y/Nâs black trenchcoat was pulled tight around her body and her ankle boots were pulled onto her feet lazily, the autumn weather would definitely chill her but she would be back indoors quick enough. She questioned if she should stay before going and if it was too dramatic of her to leave so late but Bucky was most likely asleep in their bed already or had already buried his frustrations with her in extra work.Â
The young woman pulled their front door open and turned off the lights behind her, she was met with the heavy downpour of rain outside. The street lights illuminated the rain and made them look golden and the emptiness of the streets made her feel as if she had the whole world to herself like there was no Bucky. It was just her.Â
Y/N shut the door behind her and stepped carefully down the small set of stairs, the rain began to dampen her coat and bare legs and her hair was returning to its natural waves as it dampened. She walked along the pavement as she pulled her phone out of her pocket and called for a taxi to come and pick her up from the corner of Henry Street, she was embarrassed by how many times she had thought of doing that and now she actually had.
At the other end of the street, Bucky Barnes was sat on the edge of his bed, his duvet was half strewn across the carpet, the lamp on his bedside table was on its side and the wardrobe door was recklessly pulled open. He had heard the front door open and close after their argument when he had thought that Y/N would either come to bed much later or stay downstairs that night. She had never done that and that was the moment he knew that he shouldnât have been so unforgiving with her. He chugged down the glass of water he had gotten from the bathroom (The light of which was still on) and sat at the edge, accepting his thoughts were too wild and his dreams would be too real for him to crave the sleep he needed. She would be okay, he thought.Â
Y/N stepped into the taxi and told the driver where she wanted him to take her, Hotel Le Bleu, it was a hotel that she had been to before when she and Bucky were first in talks of her moving to Brooklyn and in with him a month before they had gotten married. She knew it would have been better for her to go somewhere else for the night that didnât have any connotation to the man she loved but it was the first place that came to mind and it slipped out of her mouth so easily.Â
She leant her head against the rain-drizzled window and watched the different coloured lights blur past her through the traffic and stormy weather, the tears still tracked through her makeup but without vivid emotion, without the groaning or screaming, as she thought of her husband; when would he get tired of this? Not to say that she hoped he would. Â
âRough day, pretty lady?â The taxi driver asked respectfully. He had thin, grey hair, a grey handlebar moustache to accompany and wore thick, black-rimmed glasses.Â
âI supposeâ Y/N had replied back. She felt uncomfortable even acknowledging that after making such a huge commitment as a marriage that there would be bad days with the person she vowed to love for the rest of her life.Â
âSounds like possibly the worstâ The senior man sympathised with her.Â
âPerhapsâ Y/N was short with her subtle agreement.Â
âLook, weâre here pretty lady but I hope you have a good night and feel betterâ He wished her. Y/N read the money counter on the carâs dashboard and scanned her card onto the card reader that he held out to her.Â
âYou tooâ She hummed quietly and stepped out of the taxi, slamming the car door behind her. She turned around to face the steps up to the entrance of the hotel and was blinded by the fusillade of flashing, white lights surrounding her. They were so loud. The men holding the cameras were shouting inaudible things at her, blocking the steps.Â
âCan I just get through, please?â Y/N shouted over them but her timid tone was overshadowed by their deep, loud voices and none of them moved. She was caught like a dear in the headlights, stumbling around trying to find a gap in between them to run through.
âI just need to get through, Iâm sorryâ, Y/N shoved her way through the blinding lights and scampered herself up the stairs rolled with a lavish, blue carpet. The tears streaming down her face were replaced with the aftermath - her bloodshot eyes, strained with exhaustion as she reached the silver door handle and heaved it open. It was warm inside and dry, the calm atmosphere away from the rain and cameras made her want to find the nearest bed and just sleep forever. Â
âMiss, can I find you a room or take your coat?â A young lady came and asked Y/N.
âUh, no but a room will do, just for the night please,â Y/N asked back. Her hands went to take off her coat then retracted when she remembered the clothes that she wore underneath.
âTheyâre always out there you know? Just waitingâ The young lady shared a smile with her.Â
It was still raining just as heavy, rattling against the full-body windows when Bucky Barnes had received a phone call from Steve Rogers, his heart had missed a beat considering the time and the quietness of Steveâs phone during working hours. He was reluctant to answer at first, he had only just been able to get comfortable laying down and regaining his need for sleep but it was Steve phoning against his usual routine or work ethic.
âBuck, Iâm sorry itâs late but just a quick one, have you seen the news?â Steve kept his voice to a âhush-hushâ tone as if there must have been people around him.
âThere always news Steveâ Bucky stated ignorantly.Â
âNo, but itâs about Y/Nâ His best friend informed him.
âThere isnât a day where one of us isnât in the news, what did they write?â Bucky wondered, his tired state evident.Â
ââY/N Y/L/N-Barnes, wife to James Barnes, arrives at âHotel Le Bleuâ looking distressed and exhaustedâ then thereâs just a bunch of paparazzi photos of herâ Steve read out loud over the phone.
âAlright, thanks Steve, Iâll see you tomorrow in the morningâ Bucky spoke then ended the phone call and went to look at them, he couldnât read through more than two with their assumptions and descriptions or because of how astray Y/N looked. He knew that she didnât do well with paparazzi following them or the tabloids that they wrote afterwards so he just prayed that she was doing okay but he couldnât deny the anger boiling inside of him at his and her actions from earlier on during the night.Â
Bucky stopped his pacing and for a minute didnât know what to do with himself, he didnât know whether he should express his anger and make the room more of the mess than it already was, he knew Y/N would hate him for it if she was home, or to try and fall back into the rest he was beginning to find himself in. The one thing Bucky knew he couldnât do was to chase after her, it would not do any better for the situation or for the both of them, he had to let her be on her own just for the night...
Y/N stood in front of the bed in the room she had been issued, it was dimly lit, warm and small but nice to be in; the royal blue bedsheets matched the curtains that were closed when she arrived, the bedside lamps radiated a golden hue and the wooden floors made it feel cosy. She invited the warmth and began to untie the belt holding her trenchcoat around her, it dropped to the floor beneath, leaving her in the robe and underwear she wore underneath. She let her back fall to the duvet on top of the bed, it was soft and comforting unlike many other things that happened that night and what she needed, her hands ran tenderly over her thighs and over her chest and then up through to her hair, imagining that they were her husbandâs soft touches sending her to sleep and putting her mind at ease.Â
It didnât, as much as she could close her eyes and try to replicate his presence, her sub-conscience couldnât be tricked enough into thinking it was real. They were still her hands, her body the only one there in a bed she had never slept in before. Y/Nâs arms dropped to her sides in an expression of her frustrations and her back arched perfectly as she pulled her back off the bed, she couldnât describe the emotions that had built inside of her over the last few hours but she worried that that was the last argument they would have, if that was the end of it all. She rested her elbows on her knees and glanced slowly around the room, maybe she didnât want to be at home because it may be for the best but this wasnât where she wanted to be either.
The light beside Buckyâs bed had been switched off and the dull gloom of the night was left to lighten their room, Bucky just wanted for her to call him and ask him to bring her back home because at least she was with him.