I hope she looks at me and thinks shit he's so pretty~~
RAFE CAMERON X FEM! READER
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Warnings: fluff, profanity and I think thats it lmk if there's anything else :)
Series Summary: You've been waiting for Rafe to make his move then you work up your own courage to do it first.
A/N: I js did this little blob a while ago and found it in my drafts but hope ygs like it. I'm probably gonna do a pt 2 but lemme know if it's even worth it. (Also if the color coding thing is too much lmk and I won't do it next time) Not proofread sry.
COLOR CODED SPEECH:
BLUE: Rafe
PINK: Y/N
ORANGE: Rachel Peters
GREEN: Emma Davis
YELLOW: Topper
Its the middle of your last year of highschool and its all unraveling before you. Wait, y/n please... But lets rewind a bit... You had been friends with Rafe since before you could walk, then you had met Rachel and Emma in 4th grade. Or rather they met you when Bella had been serving the two backhanded "compliments" and you told her to eat a sack of dicks, she cried and went home early that day. From there Rachel and Emma instantly fell in love with you. They became your friends so who'd blame you for wanting to introduce them to your best friend but you soon found out what a grave mistake that was.
You started to notice since you'd introduced them Rafe had the absolute hots for Emma. Everyone seemed to notice except for Emma herself. When you realized this you started to sort of back off because who were you to break what, two of the people you love most, had. You constantly regret not claiming him before he could get his eyes on Emma but its too late now and you've stayed the best friend since. But the start of your high school years that's when the heartache really set in you saw the way he would look at her and then the casual glances he'd send you. You'd wish for anything to make him look at you that way.
Then in the beginning of junior year you found out that he'd gotten his dream girl and they made it official, your heart sank. You sobbed and cried to sleep the night you found out. You'd see Emma push him around as they giggle their sweet nothings to each other, that's when you stopped talking to them all together. It's not like you didn't miss them or you hated them or anything but you knew how much it hurt being around them, around him. Rafe noticed but it would only be a mere 2 seconds before his attention was back on Emma. The first few days he figured you were just busy with class after all its high school he thought he can't be the center of your attention all the time but when it had turned from a couple days into a couple weeks and almost a month he knew something was up, you'd even been walking to school instead of riding with everyone in his car. He tried calling for weeks after him and Emma became a "thing" but you wouldn't pick up, he even tried coming over but every time your lights were out and your window was locked, even though your window was never locked. Then he approached you at school when he saw you wiping tears from your eyes as you walk out the bathroom Hey what's going on? Are you ok? I tried calling- you cut him off startled by his sudden appearance Yea I-I'm fine. It's good all goof- I mean good sorry got to go. You somehow manage a half-hearted smile before storming off... But Y/N- You walked off and tears threatened to spill over the rest of the day. Gradually he started to give up and the missed calls started to decline, the closest thing you'd had to his knocking on your window was the tree beside your houses branches hitting it, bent over by the wind.
Towards the end of the year they broke up because Rafe apparently didn't "feel" like going out with her anymore and he apologized profusely or at least that's what Emma told you on the phone the night of the incident. Hey... An audible lump was in her throat so Anna intervened... Hey, hun I'm sorry I'm js trynna calm down Emma but she said she wanted you, [Can I tell her?] you heard Anna whisper. Tell me what? Did Rafe say something? Is it about me? And why would Emma ask for me? "Ok, so Em said I could tell you on here but you have to promise to keep quiet until next time we see you ok?" these precautions make your stomach tighten "y-yea of course. what's up?" you replied "So Rafe's being a total dickhead and he said like that he just doesn't "feel" like going out with Em anymore like what? He's an idiot right?? And like Emma just really wanted me to call you so..." sniffles and sobs fill the background, but you couldn't feel more the opposite, you hated that your friend felt this way but you couldn't help but feel heat rising to your cheeks and a grin threatening to stretch along your face. You hated this. You shouldn't be feeling this way you were being a terrible friend, she's hurting right now and you should be help-
"hello? y/n?" Shit-I forgot the phone fuck! "OMG yea hey sry- i'm just uh s-shocked" Well you weren't lying about that. "So that's umm all he said?" you could almost see the look on Rachel's face. "Right!? Like he's such an idiot. He just said that and then like kept apologizing, but like we feel sorry for him because that's like his loss right? Right Em-Aww babe..." Yea his loss..."Sorry Emma fell asleep. You know I told them not to date when they started and you know already they've broken up before.."You start to drift back into your own conscience as Anna rambles. Shit of course I know. Rafe comes to ME with that shit when it happens...Its true when they would Rafe would call you and ask if you could come over to his or the other way around, he usually wanted you to come to his though, of course, it's not like he didn't absolutely love your room, your bed and the smell of lavender that cascaded the place but he knew his parents never minded your presence unlike other visitors and he knew how strict your parents were. And in that mood who would want to sneak into a house, and at that time of night. He'd just wanna cuddle and cry in your arms. His cries made your heart ache. I mean I don't understand yk like I thought that she'd get it like I was just joking yk? your heart almost burst. I know, love. you tried to hold back tears I'm sorry I-I would've called one of the guys but Kelce is staying out of town and Topper's been mad at me for being with Emma all the time And- Hey, Hey its ok I don't mind...you know that. I'm here for you. Yea, your a good friend y/n, thank you it really means a lot The first time they broke up you ended up sleeping over, and holding him through the night. You missed this and it was evil but you were sort of happy when they'd break up because you had your best friend again. At least you thought you were happy but soon it started to infuriate you that he was hurting so bad, and he seemed to go back to her every. single. time.
So you waited, each time, for him. But this time was different you knew it was when he was the one breaking things off and not her. Then surprise surprise guess who turned up at your window after school the next day Rafe fucking Cameron. Hiii! he waved like a 6 year old through the closed window. You ran to open it as you laughed and then prepared to cradle him expecting a sad and depressing complexion, as he gracefully tumbled through the aperture, but something was different it was as if he had a weight lifted off of him his head was held just a little higher, and well..I mean he wasn't crying.
Hey dipshit. What's up?
Umm, well I-I broke up with Emma
Oh I'm sorry well did you wanna talk about it or did you wanna lay down or...?
Don't get me wrong I totally do but I actually wanted to tell you something first...
OH MY GOD, theres no way. No, right it's not that he'd never-he would never see me that way. God he doesn't even look at me half the time he-again you get lost in your thoughts looking into space when you realize what you're doing you look back at him to see him already staring at you. Sorry um what is-what'd you wanna tell me? you start to feel your body go numb and all you can hear is your heartbeat. You feel your face start to heat up and in the overwhelming feelings of the moment-you turn away and hear him giggle lightly. Well I- Rafe steps closer and he begins to tilt his head just the slightest to the right and-
Hey dude got your call Kelce said you were here I knew Mr. and Mrs.Y/L/N wouldn't know you were though so what'd you- Topper says as he gradually opens the window and his head starts to lift-Oh shit my bad uh...didn't mean to interrupt. Topper is quick to awkwardly sonder out of the door as he covers his eyes with his forearm and snickers as he walks out like he'd just witnessed his parents share a slimy, sappy, smooch.
Topper! Shit sorry I'll be right back. Just gimme one sec. Rafe says as he walks out and your heart starts to calm itself.
No-yea sure of course, go its totally fine. God you wanted him bad. Your stomach started doing flips realizing what just happened you'd never been the religious type but you prayed and prayed that this wouldn't be just a dream and you hoped he intended to say what you've waited years for him to say. Thoughts and scenarios played through your mind as you layed back with your legs hanging off the edge of the bed, and your face stuffed into a pillow as you smother it. You start to wonder what'll happen afterwawrds. Oh my god wait. Did I shower yet? Shit! You start putting out some clothes for Rafe, because he'd been over so much you already have some of his in your drawers, just in case ;} Then you made your way out the door. Topper and Rafe were just outside the door trying to "quietly" whisper and argue as soon as Topper saw you he cleared his throat, fuck, you thought they had moved downstairs to talk. Shit! Duh, mom and dad don't fuckin' know he's here- You start to scold yourself as you walk out you hoping this can be fast so you can just take a shower and get back in the room Hey! Whats up! Rafe said as he turned to you. His eyes widened and his eyes couldn't help but dart up and down your figure only covered in a tiny towel barely covering any of you, and your pj's in hand. Well this is gonna be fun. Lord help me please. Guess you've gotten pretty good at this praying thing. Sorry I didn't know you guys were out here I was just gonna go take a shower til you got back. And I didn't know if us girls are having a slumber party so I left your pj's on my bed. Unless you're leaving... You try to laugh at your little joke which comes out awkwardly as you try to hint at them to move out of the way so you can get to the bathroom down the hall. No no no he's not leaving right, romeo?
Yea s-shower, that sounds, nice Rafe says under his breath, staring at you still completely dumbfounded, you start to feel the red take over your body and the grin stretching along your face, while Topper snaps him back into consciousness. Earth to Rafe! Rafe almost jumps in response. Maybe keep it in your pants and make way for the lady. He starts to gesture to you and the path. Oh yea! Sorry-Wait shut up he moves out of the way finally as he apologizes to you with a smile then shoves Topper at the realization of his comment. Thanks you say to Topper. Its all good he brushes off your gratitude like some heroic savior. Umm we'll just be in the room! Rafe shouts a little too loud as he attempts for his message to reach you across the hallway. "Y/N! Is everything ok up there?" Your mom shout. Dude! You're still not supposed to be here! You giggle and Topper shoves Rafe in the room and they continue to "whisper argue" once more. Yea! sorry mom just turned the TV up too loud! You look back at the two gesturing to be quiet with your finger mouthing "shh! shut up!" And Rafe mouth's a timid "sorryy" Rolling your eyes you finally walk into the bathroom and replay thoughts in your mind as you undress and let the water heat up.
It's gonna be a long night... you think to yourself basking in the hot, refreshing water, lathered in hibiscus and almond body wash as you scrub and resume to the depths of your conscience. Once finished after a good amount of time you step out. As you got dressed in your pajamas you realized that you didn't bring a bra which you usually don't but with "guests" over you probably should have. Meh who cares. You thought until you slipped on your tiny white silk top and your even smaller shorts. The way your top clung to you showing a little more cleavage than you'd like and how your shorts began to ride a little too high for comfort made you start to overthink the entire outfit. Fuck do I look like a slut?! What if he likes it though. No what if he thinks I'm a whore?? Shit. I should've brought a bra-
Knock! Knock! "Sweetheart? You ok?" Kill me now. "Yea Mom I'm coming out right now sorry!" Well now you're stuck with what you got so here goes. You step out and with a quick glance your mom says "I like that, that's a cute matching set." Well great now I know I look terrible. You think as you thank her passively making your way to your room. What if he already left fuck. You open the door expecting to be met with him and topper arguing or something but you find him laid out on your bed shirtless, his hair messy and worn, all tucked in like a big baby. You always thought he looked so pretty like this, not like a girl but handsome felt to formal and that definitely didn't fit him, but neither did hot though he definitely was at times, to you when he was like this, at peace and unbothered he was simply pretty, beautiful even. Then you realize that now is your chance to put on a bra before he wakes up. So you quietly make your way to your dresser beside your closet facing your back towards him in your bed hoping that he doesn't wake up. After you've found a bra you begin pulling your shirt over your head slowly keeping your back facing him. Little did you know that the sleeping beauty was in fact awake and carefully watching you.
content warning: drug use; sex (protected; oral; p in v)
word count: 9k (o god)
Blurb: friends with benefits (phrase) - a friend with whom one has an occasional and casual sexual relationship; no feelings attached.
The first time it happened, it was after a kegger.
Sunset had turned dusk on the beach. There had been the vague smell of smoke from the bonfire, sticking to everyone’s clothes, and beer, liquor and marijuana. Cigarettes and cider. The Boneyard was a free for all: Kooks and Pogues and tourists alike. If you wanted to let lose, maybe have a dance and shotgun a few beers, then you could. If you want to catch-up with your friends, make the most of the summer, then you could. And if you wanted a quick hook-up, be it a fling or otherwise, you could. That was usually the way JJ leaned. It seemed tonight, you had leaned that way too. That was how you had ended up in bed with him.
Now, you balanced on one leg, leaning against his door for support, wrestling on your trainer. You were already dressed.
JJ was watching you from the bed.
“You do this a lot?”
You frowned and looked up from your foot.
“What?”
“Like, do you hook up with people a lot?”
“Why would you ask me that?” you asked, somewhere between offended and confused.
“Just making conversation,” he shrugged.
JJ leant over to grab papers and bud from his bedside table, preparing to roll. His arms flexed when he did. It was already hard to remember how they felt wrapped around you; pulling you closer, tugging you nearer.
“Making conversation by asking if I’m a whore?”
“Woah!” he laughed, meeting your gaze again, wide eyed. “I never said whore!”
“What else could you mean?” you say, going back to tying your shoelaces.
“Just wondering,” he mumbled. When you looked back over, he was concentrating on laying the bud evenly in the papers. Sighing, you stood back on two feet.
“How about you?”
JJ looked up again, brows furrowed in question.
You held back your smirk, putting on an overly sweet, gushing voice as you went, “I bet you get like so many girls, JJ. Oh my God.”
“Alright,” he chuckled, going back to his rolling. “Touché.”
“That’s what I thought,” you grinned.
It was still dark outside. The crickets and owls made a symphony of the banks. Mosquitos hovered around the lamp that was on, having snuck in through the cracked open window. There wasn’t anybody else at the place. You’d followed JJ back to what you assumed was his house about an hour and a half into the kegger. Sighing, you glanced around the room and debated whether to head straight home or go back to the kegger. People would still be hanging around: it wasn’t too late. JJ hadn’t offered for you to stay over and you hadn’t suggested it. You knew that that wasn’t how these things worked. You didn’t mind that.
“You want a hit?” JJ asked, holding up the now finished joint.
You considered him a moment. Bare torso, abs proudly on display, basking in the orange hue from the bedside lamp. Hair messy and damp with sweat from the forehead, which still held a sheen like a freshly waxed board.
“Sure,” you shrugged, taking perch on the foot of the bed.
Crossing one leg under the other, you watched as he lit up and took a long drag. Taking it from him, you did the same, the vapour gently dissipating before your eyes. The smell consumed your senses, the drug slowly taking effect, mellowing you out. Handing it back, you rested back on your arms and took in his room.
“Where’re your parents?”
“Huh?”
“How come you got the place to yourself?” you wondered, looking back to him.
“I don’t. Not really. It’s my friend John B’s place,” JJ said. “I’m just crashing here.”
“John B…John B…Why do I know that name?”
“He goes to the same school as us,” JJ told you. That was something you’d come to learn when you first started talking to him, earlier that night. Gesturing with his free hand to his hair, he added, “brown hair? Kinda long?”
A picture came to mind, of someone you vaguely remembered from one of your classes. The name seemed to match the face well. Angular face and sharp cheekbones. Tanned skin and the strange memory of a bandana, always attached to him one way or another. You nodded.
“Ah, yeah. I remember.”
“We’ve mostly been hanging out here for the summer,” JJ said, taking another hit.
“Doing what?”
“Surfing. Fishing. Odd jobs to fund the necessities.”
With the latter sentence, he smirked and held up the joint. You smiled back.
“So, I’m taking you as a live-by-the-moment sort of guy?”
“I don’t know,” JJ thought. He studied the joint a moment. “I guess I am, yeah. Like a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants kinda guy, I reckon.”
“Ah,” you hummed. When he offered the joint, you gladly accepted, taking another hit.
“What about you?”
“What about me?”
“Are you a planner?” he wondered.
You took one more hit and handed back the joint. It felt strange, how easy it was to make conversation, and light conversation at that, as if half an hour ago you weren’t as close as two people can get. You didn’t much mind, though.
“Maybe,” you said.
JJ laughed, shifting further up the headboard and messing with his hair. “You always this secretive?”
Giving a small laugh, you shrugged and sighed. “Maybe…”
“Well, I like girls with a bit of mystery,” JJ grinned suggestively.
You chuckled at that. Getting to your feet, heading to his bedroom door, you replied, “don’t get your hopes up, Maybank. I’m not much for commitment.”
“Hell, neither am I,” JJ agreed, almost joyously. He tipped his joint to you as if he were a Victorian gentleman, tipping his hat in farewell. “But I have a feeling I’m gonna see you around.”
Something about that made you pause. You raised a brow as if in challenge. “Oh, you do?”
“Mhm,” he grinned cheekily, tongue pressing against his cheek.
The way he sat, half naked, confident in his skin and his charm: there are few people who hold that sort of aura around them. Noticing this, you began to smirk, eyes narrowing in something akin to suspicion.
“You’re a player, aren’t you? I bet you’ve got hoes.”
JJ chuckled, shaking his head. “You don’t know me like that.”
“Maybe not,” you said, walking towards him again. “But I know guys like you. Yeah, you like the chase. The feeling of getting someone to fall for you, to be weak for you. The thrill it gives.”
“You psychoanalysing me or something, sweetheart?”
“Wouldn’t be much to note,” you replied easily.
“Why don’t you try me on out? I know you wanna be friends,” JJ boldly said.
Licking your lips, you bit back your smile. Hands on your waist, you rocked on your feet in thought. The weed was giving your brain a nice buzz. Paired with the beer from the kegger (that had mostly worn off), it was a pleasant thrum running through your body.
You sighed, as if he’d twisted your arm and glanced around for a pen. When you found one (abandoned on the desk) you walked over to him and began to write on his forearm. He seemed taken off guard at first, before shamelessly looking down your top as you leant over him. You didn’t mind. It wasn’t like there was anything to hide now.
“You didn’t get a good enough look earlier or something?” you mumbled. You clocked his grin in your peripheral.
“If only I could take a picture. Think it’d last longer.”
“In your dreams, Maybank.”
“Every Goddamn night,” he smirked.
You’d be lying if that didn’t stir your stomach in the most delectable of ways. There was a reason why you’d ended up in his bed and not somebody else’s.
Finishing off the last digit, you capped the pen and placed it on his bedside table. Then, you stole the forgotten joint from his fingers and helped yourself to a drag. He watched you, mild surprise written on his face, and then full-on shock as you grabbed his jaw, fingers somewhat firm as you guided his mouth to yours. Exhaling into his mouth, messily falling into a kiss, you smiled as you felt his body go slightly slack under you.
He wasn’t the only one who liked making people feel weak.
Pulling away, you smiled down at him. His lips were still parted, wet from your spit. The image of it stirred something inside you.
“Text me, if you wanna prove me wrong,” you challenged lightly. With that, you gently patted his face, turned and left his bedroom.
You closed the door behind you, leaning against it a moment as you caught up with yourself.
The smell of weed was weaker out in the hallway. It was also darker, with no moonlight flitting through any windows. Instead, wooden walls, adorned with picture frames. You took the time to passingly inspect them as you went to leave. An older man (bearded and broad) with glasses, and a woman with pale skin and dark, nearly black hair. Another of a man fishing. Several of who you could now confirm was John B, some of which JJ appeared in, alongside a brunette girl and dark-skinned boy. One photo of this consistent gang made you smile. Arms looped over one another’s shoulders, hair wet and body littered with water droplets that twinkled under the sun and camera flash like glitter. Dopey smiles on all their faces. Maybe around thirteen or fourteen. For some reason, the picture stuck around in your head as you left the house, starting your walk home.
The second time it happened, it was after midnight.
“Is this seriously a booty call text?”
JJ was leaning against the doorframe of the porch’s netted fencing. Looking down at you, as you stood at the bottom of the stairs, he glanced at your upheld phone, open on his text message. Your conversation thread was phenomenally short. Impressively short.
You up?
Who is this?
The best sex you’ve ever had.
“Knew it,” he grinned.
You frowned, befuddled. “What?”
“I’m the best sex you’ve ever had,” he sighed casually, stretching his arms out. You finally caught on and immediately rolled your eyes.
“Seriously?”
“How else would you know to come here?”
JJ’s eyes scanned your body, head to toe, then back again. You felt a zip run down your spine, but you didn’t want him to think he was winning. You wanted to hold onto your dignity for a little longer.
“There’s only one person who I’ve hooked up with who’s shameless enough to send a ‘you up’ text,” you told him, beginning up the stairs. “It was pretty easy to figure it was you.”
JJ rolled his eyes and started down the few steps to meet you halfway. Standing over you, blue eyes staring down, he gnawed on his lower lip, slowly letting his smirk shine through.
“Well, it worked. That’s good enough for me.”
His lips on yours was now somewhat familiar. You had a sense for how he kissed. Strong at first, all consuming, and then tender as if he were pulling back, easing off. Then stronger again, possessive even. It was captivating and confusing and messy. When his hands traced around your waist, lower over your ass, cupping just beneath to let his fingers sink into the skin of your thighs, just light enough to avoid bruising, you felt yourself melt into him. Arms looping around his shoulders, tethering around his neck as if threatening to strangle. Grunts and moans and heavy breathing as it all become shamelessly obscene. JJ stumbled up the stairs, tugging you with him, and eventually the two of you were on the porch. He seemed to have a vague idea of where to bring you because soon he was tumbling backwards onto a sofa, and you were being pulled down on top. You chuckled, somewhat breathless, against his lips.
You fingers found his hands that had come up to your waist, scratching at your skin, teasing at your t-shirt. Looping your fingers into his, interlocking them sweetly, you didn’t pull away from the kiss. Not until you took your strength to push his arms above his head, holding them down. You moved to better straddle him, feeling him against your thigh, hard through his shorts.
When he opened his eyes, he looked intoxicated and spent. Wet, swollen lips. Pink cheeked. Muscles straining as you held his arms down. You knew he had the strength to push you off, to break free from your hold, but something about the fact that he hadn’t, that he wasn’t, turned you on even more. The thought made you grind back against him, and you relished in his groan.
“Fuck,” he sighed, closing his eyes.
Leaning down again, your lips found the nape of his neck. It began with kisses. Light and sweet, like a child planting dainty pecks on flower petals. Then, you slowly, sensually, and ever so softly, dragged your teeth against the skin. You felt him inhale sharply beneath you. The way the muscle running up his neck tightened, was as if he’d clenched his jaw. You smirked. Working on a hickey or two, you let him free his hands, body almost sighing in relief as he began to touch you again. Your ass, your waist, your legs. Lasciviously coming to your chest, thumbs circling the underside of your breasts. Dragging over your nipples, sensitive through the thin cotton. You moaned against his skin, feeling yourself clench. This was good.
“You wanna take this off for me, pretty girl?”
“You want me to?” you ask back.
“Why’s everything a challenge with you, huh?”
You could hear the grin in his voice, crooning and sensual. Something right out of a fantasy. You leaned back, sitting back on his waist. As you pulled off your top, his hands came to rest on your waist, fingers skimming the skin patiently. Once off, and tossed to the side, you bit your lip as if pretending to suppress your smile, watching as he took you in. You’d once been insecure of your body, the way any girl had, but you felt unashamed to admit that after sleeping with your first boyfriend, that fear went away. They didn’t care what shape you were or what size. The poor suckers are just so glad to be in a position where a girl is willing to sleep with them, that they have no complaints.
That said, the way JJ took you in, hands carefully inching up your body as if teasing you, cupping your tits with just enough pressure to make you sigh, head starting to tilt back to the sky…You felt like the prettiest girl on the planet.
“Jesus Christ, thank God for that kegger,” he mumbled as if in a daze.
You laughed, shaking your head, and then leant down to kiss him again.
From there, no more time was wasted. His shirt joined yours, somewhere on the porch floor, and as the susurrus of the late night-early morning wind rattled the netting, making some wind chimes attached to a far tree sing-out hauntingly, you ended up on your knees on the porch floor between JJ’s parted legs.
The grin that came to JJ’s face when his brain catches up is enough to light up the night sky. But as you go to finish tugging off his boxers, he suddenly sits up.
“Wait.”
Your hands halt on the waistband, eyes flashing up in concern. He’s glancing around, bare chest rising and falling a little more than natural, out of breath from the antics. Then, he’s handing you a couch cushion that he’d somehow found. You take it slowly, confused.
“For your knees,” he explained, nodding down.
You followed his line of gaze and do as he suggested, shifting yourself so your legs were no longer on the splintering floor. It wasn’t that you’d been particularly uncomfortable before, but it certainly felt nicer. There was something weirdly sweet about it and it made you smile.
As if in thanks, you planted a kiss to JJ’s bare inner thigh. Then another, and another, closer and closer. His boxers join the pile and you take your sweet time going down on him.
On the fifth time, it was tryst.
It was a humid night. The air felt thick with moisture, as if warning of rain tomorrow, and you felt like in the chateau it was ten-fold worse. The sex in the air probably didn’t help the clammy feeling that came over you. JJ seemed to notice your discomfort because, once you were clad in your underwear again, he proposed the two of you go outside for a bit.
On the grass outside was a bench, a little old and wobbly. JJ tossed some couch cushions and blankets your way from the porch, and you barely caught them, chuckling. Once the bench was a little comfier, the two of you settled on either end. JJ pulled out a joint, as per tradition, and lit up. The two of you passed it back and forth, telling dumb jokes and proposing dumber philosophies. The conversation eventually died down, as did the craving for weed, and you stretched out your legs onto JJ’s lap, lolling your head back to look at the stars.
The weed made you feel lax and mushy, and you watched as the sky stretched on for miles. Constellations appeared from thin air, twinkles so dainty and brilliant that it put you in a trance. You vaguely registered JJ lifting your right arm, guiding your fingers to his lips. He pressed kisses against them, one by one, and then to your palm. It’s this that caught your attention; your eyes flitting down from the sky to find his already watching you. Against your leg, you feel him harden slightly under his shorts. A part of you considers teasing him about it and cracking a joke, but the thought gets pushed aside. Instead, you shift so he can climb atop. He kissed up your tummy, over your bra covered chest, up your neck, leaving a hickey. You sigh and go pliant like soft clay. Your hands seemed to find home in his hair and you gently rake your fingers through the messy blonde locks. Kisses to your jaw. Cheek. Earlobe. Lips. Then the two of you are making out. It’s different than the other times; there’s no rush to it and no definitive place it will lead to. There just is.
When you eventually broke apart, JJ rested his head on your chest. Your fingers find home in his hair once more, teasing through some nots, beginning to braid some longer strands together. For some reason, you want to ask him why he is always at John B’s house, and never his. You want a real answer. But you don’t. You know it isn’t the time and he won’t tell you. What should it matter anyway? You’re just hooking up. You preferred it that way.
Commitment wasn’t something that came easy to you. There wasn’t anybody to blame, necessarily. Your parents were fine enough and no ex had severely scarred you enough to traumatise you from another relationship. But those relationships had never lasted long. They’d been built on rocky foundations and delipidated rather easily. Maybe that was what put you off. The feeling that it didn’t matter; that it would all end anyway, with their face becoming another blur in the crowd, and their voice a laugh which could be recognised anywhere. That you’d end up alone, and you never understood why.
“What’s your favourite colour?” you asked JJ, trying to find an end to your thought spiel.
“Blue, I think,” he said against you. “Like the water. Kinda mossy blue?”
“Aquamarine?”
“That’s such a dumb word,” JJ sighed. You chuckled.
“Okay, so not aquamarine. How about turquoise?”
“Just blue,” JJ told you. “A very specific blue.”
“Okay, JJ,” you chuckled gently and began to undo one of the braids you’d made.
“What about you?”
“Green,” you say.
“What kind?”
“Forest green. Like…deep, cosy green,” you explained. JJ hummed as if he could picture the colour.
“Nice choice.”
“Why thank you.”
The two of you fell back into silence again, save for the common sounds of the banks. It’s the softest you’ve ever been with one another. Usually, the moment never strayed from sex and flirting. Sometimes the odd word passed back and forth as you got dressed or shared a joint. This was different. You liked it.
“What do you do for fun?” JJ asked.
“I box,” you reply.
“You box?”
“Mhm. I’m on the team at school. Been keeping practise up at the gym throughout the summer,” you say.
JJ shifts so he’s sitting up, and he meets your eyes. “Seriously?”
“Yes,” you laughed. “Why is that so hard for you to believe?”
“I dunno,” he said, chuckling a little. “I just had you pegged as a volleyball girl or some shit.”
“Like a tennis girly? With the little skirts and all?”
“You wouldn’t hear me complaining,” JJ couldn’t help but grin, laughing when you shove at his face. “Seriously, though. What kind of boxing?”
“Competitive,” you shrugged.
His eyes look pretty in the moonlight. You’d never really noticed before. It’s then that you realised you’d never properly seen him in daylight or spent time with him when it wasn’t night or dark.
“You on the team, d’you say?”
“Mhm. Second best.”
“Who’s first?”
“This bitch Samantha,” you muttered, making JJ laugh. “It’s not the best team but coach says he might be able to put me up for a scholarship or something.”
“You smart?”
You snorted. “God no. Thick as shit. But, if I can get into college on a scholarship, then it could be my ticket out of this shit hole.”
“You mean you wanna leave this paradise?” JJ joked, gesturing to the water. The falling-apart jetty and the horizon that had yet to warn of morning.
“Paradise on earth,” you mumbled the infamous tagline of the sign.
Sighing, you laid back down. JJ seemed to agree, resting on your stomach, legs tangled with yours.
You’re not sure when you fall asleep, but you know that when you woke up, JJ’s comforting pressure wasn’t on you anymore. When you woke up, you were outside of the chateau, blinking against the morning sun, alone.
By the seventh time, it was a pattern.
It felt like you were seeing flashes of colour.
Clenching your eyes shut, your mouth was hanging open in silent, insurmountable pleasure. You hopelessly grasped around for some kind of purchase: the sheets, the headboard…You feel your hand being guided to someone’s head, and with that you knot your fingers through JJ’s hair. He groans at the pull. Blue. Somewhere inside of your empty lungs you find a moan, falling past your lips. It only spurs him on. Digging your heels into the skin of his back, just below his shoulder blades, you somehow drive him closer. Green. It’s not enough for him to be going down on you. It wouldn’t even be enough to have him in you. You need him in your veins, in your head, passing through every synapse and invading every molecule. You just need him, him, him.
Red.
When you come, it’s with a shuddering, hopeless, sigh of his name. One of his hands comes to splay across your stomach and hip bone, as if you had begun to lift off the bed and he was guiding you back down. The moans turn to whines and whimpers, lips trembling from the afterglow. Eventually, as your thoughts begin to come back to your head, you let out a small laugh, face burning hot. Lifting one hand to rub at your forehead, raking back your hair, you will your eyes open.
“Fuck,” you sigh through a chuckle.
Looking down, you see JJ falling back on his haunches, chest heaving as if he’d ran a marathon. As if he’d been the one being eaten out. The sight of him, wet lips and damp chin, a cocky grin gradually coming through, it makes you clench around nothing, driving your teeth into your lower lip. You coax him down to you by extending out your arm, smiling against the kiss, moaning quietly at the taste of yourself on his lips.
“Best you’ve ever had?” he asks against your mouth, barely pulling back.
You swat his face away with a tired laugh.
Since that second night, he’d made a habit of asking you it every time. You’d made a habit in doing anything but to tell him the truth: that yes, he was. Nobody needed a JJ with an ego that big, not even you.
“You got some water or something?” you ask him quietly, flopping against the pillows.
“Sure,” JJ says, getting up.
The bed shifts as he walks away. There’s the faint sound of a tap running from another room. You smile to yourself and close your eyes, sighing. The bed dipping with his weight tells you he’s back, and JJ helps you sit up, handing you the glass.
“Thanks,” you mumble before taking several long gulps. When you’re done downing the water, you look to see JJ holding out a t-shirt for you. You chuckle and take it.
“I gotta pee real quick,” you say, routine as always.
He nods and watches as you get up from the bed, pulling on the t-shirt. It’s his, of course. Says something about Kildare County on the back: proud to be from the homeland. You make the familiar route to the bathroom of the chateau. As you go, you make sure to keep the t-shirt tugged down over your modesty. You and JJ had made a habit of you leaving the bedroom in clothes after the infamous run in with John B. Whoops.
Once done, you wash your hands and brave a glance in the mirror. The sight makes you want to laugh. Hair a mess – unruly and untamed – and some leftover mascara smudged under your lower lash line. Swollen lips, rosy cheeked, the beginnings of a love bite already forming on your neck. You want to laugh as a thought comes to your mind: you look like some common whore. Running the water and digging about in the cupboards, you wet your face and hair, finding a random comb and trying to tame some of the tangles. It’s a little better.
When you leave and head back to JJ’s self-proclaimed bedroom, he’s sat atop of the sheets of the bed, rolling a joint. Now wearing boxers, he sits lent against the headboard, one leg bent and the other extended out leisurely.
Sighing, you collapse in a heap at the foot of the bed. You feel him prod at your waist and you bat him away.
“You good?”
“Mhm.”
“How good?”
“Stop.”
“I’ll just keep asking.”
“I’m not gonna tell you you’re good in bed,” you say to the ceiling. JJ snorts.
“Why not?”
“Cause.”
“Cause?”
“Cause it’ll go to your head,” you tell him. You don’t hear a rebuttal (because he knows you’re right). You turn your head so you can watch him. He lifts the paper to his lips and licks it, sealing it shut. “Sides. I feel like it goes without saying.”
“What does?” JJ asks, now searching for his lighter in the mess that is his bedside table.
“You know what.”
The blank look JJ sends you your way tells you no, he does not. Sighing, you clarify. “The fact that I keep hooking up with you. That speaks for itself.”
When the penny finally drops, JJ’s face twists into the most cocky, proud grin you’ve ever seen, and you immediately want to take it back. You tell him this with a groan, tossing your head back, but he’s laughing and basking in the indirect comment you’ve just given him. The comment that he’s pretty God damn good in bed, to have you falling back in it so many times.
“How come you never ask if you’re any good?” JJ wonders. The flick of a lighter tells you that he found one.
“Cause I know I’m good,” you simply say. “And the fact that you keep inviting me to hook up with you also speaks for itself.”
“Can’t argue with that,” JJ mumbles.
You smell the marijuana the moment he takes a drag. Sweet and crisp and only slightly overwhelming. Leaning down with a groan, you begin to lazily search around for your shorts on the floor. Eventually, somehow, you find them, and from the pocket you dig out your cigarettes. You steal the lighter JJ had used from the quilt and light up, lying on your back once more.
“You shouldn’t smoke those, you know?”
You open one eye and look at him. Exhaling out a breath of smoke, you ask, “are you seriously telling me not to smoke whilst you smoke?”
“Cigs, I mean. Gives you cancer.”
“I’ll be sure to tell the government,” you mumble, taking another drag.
“I’m serious. That shit is gonna kill you.”
You sort of smiled. Opening both eyes now, you take in JJ’s expression. You felt as if you knew him well enough to read his face. Something like concern lingered behind his relaxed demeanour. Sitting up, leaning towards him, you took another drag and exhaled it in his face.
“Well, now you’re gonna die too,” you grin.
JJ wafts it away and shakes his head at you. His smile tells you that he’s not offended. “It’s a good thing you’re hot.”
“Is that all I’m good for?” you fake gasp, hand coming to your chest.
“Wait, I thought that what’s all women were good for? Are you telling me women can do more than just be hot?” JJ plays along, gaping in mock horror.
You chuckle and break the charade. Pulling your knees to your chest, you continue to smoke, as does JJ. The floor is a mess. Piles of clothes – some yours and some his – mixed with shoes and hats and abandoned pairs of swimming trunks, probably still damp as he hadn’t hung them out to dry. Scattered around the room was empty cans and bottles. An empty box of condoms in the paper bin. As they catch your eye, a question comes to you.
“Are we exclusive?”
At first you wonder if JJ even heard you, as he doesn’t reply for a while. When you look over to see if he was off in his own thoughts, he’s watching you, as if you were the one who was supposed to answer.
“I don’t know,” he says noncommittedly.
“Okay, lemme ask it another way,” you mumble, putting out your cigarette on the windowsill ash tray. “Have you slept with anyone apart from me since we started hooking up?”
JJ looks away and out the window, as if he doesn’t want to answer. His jaw clicks tighter. You frown. Things suddenly feel tense, awkward even. It never had been that way between the two of you, not even after the first time you fooled around.
“Jayj?”
“Have you?”
When he asks, he’s looking you in the eyes again. There’s a bite to his words as if he’s proposing a challenge. But you’re not shy to talk about it.
“No,” you shrug. “No point, really.”
“No point?”
“Like, you’re not…terrible,” you eventually settle on, careful to avoid boosting his ego more than you already had that night. “And it’s easy.”
“Easy?”
“Are you gonna repeat everything I say?” you wonder sardonically, quirking a brow.
“Why’re you asking me this?”
“Just wondering,” you say, becoming uncomfortable as his tone seems to harden more and more. “Thought we should know who each other’s seeing and stuff.”
“Why? We use protection, it’s not like there’s any point,” JJ practically grumbles.
“Jesus Christ, it really isn’t that deep,” you half-laugh. You start to wish you hadn’t put out your cigarette.
“It’s not like you’re special or anything.”
And okay, ouch. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“We’re just fucking. You’re good in bed. That’s it,” JJ tells you in an even tone.
You stare at him, waiting for the punchline; waiting for this cold façade to break. It doesn’t. He holds your gaze, unfaltering.
“Seriously?” you ask, voice weaker than you want it to be.
JJ doesn’t answer. Instead, he takes one last hit of his joint before putting it out. Then he’s standing up from the bed.
“It’s late,” he says, looking around his floor. He finds a t-shirt (gives it a sniff and seems to think it’s clean enough) and pulls it on. Then he’s searching again, and you watch as he digs out your clothes, holding them out to you. It takes you a moment to catch on.
“Are you serious?”
JJ shrugs. “It’s late, is all. Not like you were gonna stay over anyway.”
Any humour is gone. You knew you weren’t going to sleep over; you’d only done that once on accident. That wasn’t what offended you. It was the way JJ had gone about it, like you were some nameless chick in his bed who he needed to sneak out before his parents came home…It made you feel dirty. It made you feel used.
Snatching the clothes from him, you get up and begin to change. JJ doesn’t watch. Instead, he kicks about things on his floor in some attempt of tidying. When you’re back in your own clothes, his t-shirt now in your hand, you make a point to toss it on the bed.
“Fuck you, JJ,” you mumble, heading to his bedroom door.
“What?”
“I said fuck you.”
“What the hell is wrong with you?” JJ snaps, glaring at you.
Something akin to a laugh comes from your mouth, but there’s a bitterness to your tone. “When you’re man enough to talk, lemme know.”
“Get out of my room,” JJ darkly says.
You shake your head. With a scoff, you tell him, “gladly”, and then you walk out of his room. The tears don’t come until you’re outside the house, as if the sting of the wind sobers you up to the situation.
For the eighth time, it was making up.
The house party some random Pogue had thrown was in full swing. Some Kooks had caught wind, naturally, and decided to join the festivities. For the most part, it was Pogues, with the odd, innocent tourist mixed amongst the lot. JJ liked it that way. He felt like he was amongst his people; could let his guard down more.
Kiara was sat outside on a porch swing with Pope, the two seemingly in light conversation. JJ wandered over with a beer in hand and snuck up behind the dark-haired girl. He grinned to himself as he suddenly grabbed her shoulder, shouting in her ear. She let out a yelp, swatting at him as he started laughing. Pope rolled his eyes, also a little spooked, and JJ gave a half-hearted apology through his laughs. He sat between the pair on the swing, encouraging it to rock with his heels dug into the dirt.
“How many are you on?” Pope asked, nodding down to the can.
JJ shrugged. “Who cares? It’s a party.”
“So this has nothing to do with you and your lover having trouble in paradise?” Kie wondered, voice teasing.
JJ rolled his eyes and took a swig. “She’s not my ‘lover’.”
“Hook-up?”
“Bed-pal?”
“Friends with benefits?”
“Alright, alright,” JJ groaned, waving away their synonyms. “Hilarious, guys.”
“What happened with that? I thought you two were hitting it off,” Pope said soberly.
“We were, I guess,” JJ admitted. He looked out to the garden with a sigh and then took another drink. “Doesn’t matter, though. It’s done now.”
“Done?”
“The ‘best sex you’ve ever had’ is just done?” Kie checked.
“Yep,” JJ said, flashing her what he hoped was an unbothered grin. He held up his can as if in cheers. “Use them and lose them, is what I say.”
“JJ—”
“No commitment, no sha-mittment.”
“Wise words, Aristotle,” Pope mumbled.
JJ finished his can in several large gulps and crushed it beneath his grip.
“Need a refill,” he announced. He staggered to his feet, swaying when he stood. He could see Kie’s concerned gaze from his peripheral and pointed at her - just. “Don’t look at me like that.”
“I’ll be sure to have the ambulance on standby,” Pope assured sarcastically, watching JJ walk away. He kindly flipped them off as he went.
“Assholes,” he muttered to himself.
The world was dragging, taking too long to catch up with him, and he struggled to find the kitchen. Had someone moved it? What the hell?
When he found himself in a hallway which he hadn’t yet been in, JJ knew he was both lost and hammered. Whoops.
“JJ?”
He spun around, blinking slowly and rapidly, all at once.
It was you, stood in a sundress, worn down with a grey zipper cardigan and trainers. You frowned at him.
“What’re you doing here?” he asked.
“How much have you had?”
“Just a couple,” JJ said, shrugging. “What’s it to you?”
“It…isn’t,” you say, looking off.
JJ suddenly panics - scared you’re going to walk away - and he finds himself grabbing for your wrist. You make a move as if you’re going to take it from his grip, but then you don’t. He aimlessly guides you into a quieter room, where the music isn’t so blaring and the chatter of others doesn’t bounce of the walls. It happens to be a bathroom.
He locks the door and spins around, immediately feeling green.
“You okay?” you tentatively ask.
JJ nods, but that only makes it worse, and in a matter of seconds he’s darting for the toilet.
There’s something so wonderfully humiliating about throwing up.
“It’s alright,” you say, rubbing his back. He feels the weight of your hand move up and down against his damp t-shirt. JJ cringes into the toilet. So. Embarrassing.
“Sorry,” he gasps, preparing for more to come.
“You don’t gotta be sorry,” you mumble.
He hears you shift around and notices as you sit down, back against the wall. You’ve taken your hand from his back and instead have placed it in his hair, rubbing his scalp soothingly.
“Feel better?”
“Maybe,” he sighs. You nod and lift your arm to flush the toilet.
After a few more bouts of vomit, JJ’s sure there’s nothing left. He leans his cheek against the seat of the toilet, the porcelain cold on his skin, and watches as you get up and head to the sink. You find an abandoned solo cup and rinse it out, filling it with water and offering it to him.
“Here,” you say. He drinks.
“Thanks. You didn’t have to help.”
“Sure I did. If you died, I would’ve been the last person to see you alive,” you tell him, making him laugh.
“Nice to know your heart’s in the right place.”
“You don’t sound so drunk now,” you say.
“Thanks,” he repeats, less grateful.
He sighs and sits up, leaning against the bathroom wall. The room’s spinning less. His ears aren’t rining as badly. There are the remnants of booze blurring the lines between what he wants to say and what he doesn’t.
Someone tries the door and you yell at them to leave. JJ’s never heard you yell before. It sounds unnatural.
“I’m sorry for the other night.”
His eyes shoot open.
Looking to you, wondering if he misheard, he finds you’re already watching him. You’re fiddling with your knuckles, picking at some scabbing, probably the aftermath of training. He still can’t wrap his head around the fact that you box. You’ve always had an edge to you but picturing you fighting someone…The thought was sexy as hell, he was unashamed to admit.
“I’m sorry,” you repeat, as if worried he hadn’t heard, and he comes back to reality.
“About what?”
“About the other night. About asking if we’re exclusive. Like you even owe me that sort of explanation,” you say. “We had a good thing going. It worked for both of us, and I messed it up.”
JJ doesn’t say anything. You sigh, taking his silence as space to continue, and you look down to watch your handiwork as you go on.
“I’m not great at relationships. I mean, I don’t think I am. Every single one that I’ve been in ends up in flames, so…Not the best track record.”
JJ watches as you sigh again, tossing your head back to stare at the ceiling. Your throat is empty of love bites and it looks foreign.
“I try my best in them. Try to be the good girlfriend. Fun and unassuming and pretty and funny. Present and thoughtful. I think I’m doing a good job, and then…Boom. Another one in the shitter. Guess I’m just the common denominator.”
“Denominator?”
“I’m the common thread,” you clarify, looking to him again. You shrug. “But, all cards on the table, I felt like I didn’t have to try with you. I never felt like I was needing to put on a show or think about things as much. Maybe it was because we were only hooking up, but there was never any pressure to be the better version of me. Maybe there is no better version of me. Maybe I just…am.”
JJ stares at you for a minute and you seem to hear back what you’ve said, cause then you’re cupping your face and laughing, embarrassed.
“God, that was so cringey,” you chuckle beratingly. “I promise I’m not high.”
“It wasn’t cringey,” JJ tells you.
Your laughter dies down. You don’t make a move to remove your face from your hands, though. It’s easier for JJ that way, to tell you the truth without having you watch him. If you can lay all your cards out, then so can he. Thank God for vodka, he thinks.
“My mum and dad weren’t the best role models,” JJ admits, clearing his throat. It feels raw after throwing up. “She dipped and my dad’s…a mess. It’s a lot and I won’t bore you with it all but…I just don’t do well with relationships. I barely do well with friendships. Half the time I wonder why my friends hang around with me, and the other half I spend wondering when they’re gonna leave. When they’re gonna realise that I’m nothing special, or important.”
“JJ,” you whisper, going to lift your head. JJ panics and dumbly shoves your face back into your palms. You let out a bark of laughter, and then start nodding as if in understanding. “Okay. Go on.”
JJ takes a breath, removing his hand from your hair.
“I hook-up with people cause it’s easy and there’s no strings and all that crap, and it makes me feel good. But you’re different to the other people I’ve slept with. You’re funny and witty and would say these really nice things out of the blue. You’d do nice things, too. Like when you made me mac and cheese one time after we’d fooled around cause I said I’d been craving it for days. Nobody’s ever really done anything like that for me. I wasn’t sure how to react.”
Here it comes – crawling up his throat. The thing he was terrified to admit. The thing he was so scared to tell you, that he threw whatever thing you had going down the drain, and then apparently let you believe that it was you that steered them off the road.
“We were exclusive. I didn’t want to sleep with anyone else when I was with you.”
JJ doesn’t give you time to react or respond. The words are falling out of him now.
“I didn’t want to leave, and I didn’t want you to leave, and it freaked me out cause I’ve never felt like that with a girl before. All my God damn thoughts were about you, like I was brainwashed. Fuck – they still are! It’s like I wake up and think about it. Think about what you’re doing and where you are. Think about getting you off. Think about how you looked when I told you to leave. How fucking scummy that was of me.
But I got scared. I got scared when you asked me cause it meant we’d have to actually acknowledge that there was something more there, and that things would change, and that terrifies the shit out of me because when things change, it’s usually for the worst. You’d see the real me and my life and learn about all my shit, and you’ll see that I’m nothing good. And I just start thinking about when it’s gonna end. How I’m gonna mess it up, cause I always do.”
He catches his breath. The words hang heavy in the air. JJ stares at you. You still have your face in your hands.
He leans back against the wall and looks down at his fingers, twisting some of his rings. He slowly lets out a breath, pressing his eyes shut.
“Sorry. That was a lot.”
Idiot. Idiot, idiot, idiot.
“Can I look up now?”
JJ can’t help but laugh. Looking to you, he quietly tells you, “Yes, you can look up now.”
When you do, JJ immediately spots the tears on your cheeks. His heart clenches. It’s a new feeling. Strange and unpleasant, though not for the reasons he thought it would be.
“Not everyone leaves, JJ,” you say, wiping your face.
He shrugs.
“I mean it,” you affirm. He sees when an idea comes to mind, your beautiful face lighting up. “There’s this song I like. I guess it’s spoken poetry. It’s called Sunscreen. In the song, the guy says something. He says, ‘accept that some friends will come and go, but hold on to a precious few.’”
JJ frowns, unsure where you’re heading.
“And whilst I agree that you yourself have to hold on, there’s also the other person holding on for you. Sticking their feet in and telling you that they’re not gonna leave when things get just a bit tough. I mean, I feel like you and John B have been friends for ages. One of the pictures in the chateau is of you guys really young.”
“Since the third grade,” JJ quietly says.
Smiling back, you take a breath then say, “I can’t promise you that everyone’ll stay, but I can promise you that I want to. I want to stay, with you. I want to know all the ugly things and I want you to know the ugly things about me. Nobody’s whole and nobody’s perfect, and everybody’s shit scared of opening themselves up because the moment you do, you can get hurt. But sometimes to live, I think you’ve gotta get a bit hurt. So, I want to stay, but only if you want to me to.”
JJ slowly began to smile.
He did. He wanted you to stay. He wanted you to meet his friends and to watch him surf. He wanted to have you stay over and have the balls to be there when you woke up. He wanted to see you in the morning, eating breakfast, and after sex, spent and tired. He wanted to watch you train and box, and cheer you on and kiss the bruises. He wanted to know the things you hid about yourself, and the things that made you somehow imperfect. He wanted your smile and your dumb jokes and the way you like to have the control, the way you fight him for it. He wanted the way you made him feel and the reassurance just your company brought, that somebody wanted him too.
JJ wanted you.
“I want you to stay,” he said. He swallowed and smiled, properly. “I want you to stay with me.”
Your face glowed with your smile. Crinkles by your eyes and a slight girlish giddiness as you quietly laugh down at your hands, bashful all of a sudden. Bashful like you didn’t know that his dying wish was to be baptised in your spit. Like you didn’t get off on being on top; of having him weak under your spell.
“If I hadn’t just thrown up, I’d fuck you right now, right here,” JJ says.
You bark out a laugh, tossing your head back before smiling at him. “Oh really?”
“Yep.”
“You gonna toss me out on the streets after like a hooker?” you risk in a joke.
JJ rolls his eyes and tries to shove away the shame he feels for doing that. He knows it’s in the past now. Can tell by the way you bite your lip through your smile.
“Shut up.”
“Wow. Incredible come back,” you push. He laughs, shaking his head.
“I’m serious. Shut up.”
“Make me.”
The look in your eye becomes almost dark. There’s a quirk to your smile that makes his stomach clench and shrink. He gnaws on his lip. Somehow dragging his eyes from yours, he looks to the bathroom sink and cupboard. He forces himself to his feet and tugs it open, looking around for something – anything – that’ll get rid of the vomit taste stuck on his tongue. A toothbrush. Fuck yes. Maybe God doesn’t hate him after all. When you catch on to what he’s doing, you start to laugh. He quickly brushes his teeth and tongue, rinsing out his mouth.
“Seriously? Guys and their dicks, Jesus.”
“Shut up,” he gurgles, pointing at you with the brush. You laugh harder and JJ can’t help but smile. The best goddamn laugh.
Spitting out, he wipes his mouth, tosses the toothbrush to the side, grabs your hands and tugs you up to your feet. His lips are on yours in a second, clumsy and frantic, and your laughter doesn’t die off immediately. It does when he picks you up, lifting you onto the sink. You gasp against his mouth, somewhat caught off guard. Hands wrapping around his neck, fingers tangling into his hair, JJ feels as you wrap his legs around his waist and tug him closer.
“Fuck,” he sighs, pulling back. He rests his forehead against yours, breathing heavy. You open your eyes slowly and smile, sweet. You’re so sweet. “I missed this.”
“Damn right you did,” you smirk.
There you are.
As you start making out again, there’s something deeper at play. His hands move to your thighs, working up your sundress, and your fingers tug at his hair in the most delicious way. He groans against you. He’s hard and desperate and horny and still somehow a little tipsy. It’s perfect. You’re perfect. Everything about this is just…
“You gonna eat me out or what?”
The words, whispered right down his ear…JJ’s surprised he doesn’t come on the spot. Somehow, he finds his control, enough so to reply, “didn’t anybody teach you manners, princess?”
When you kiss, it’s teeth and tongue, and dirty and messy, and fucking delectable. JJ begins down your neck, over your chest, finding enough space on your collar bone to suck a love bite. It was driving him crazy, seeing your skin unmarked. You shrug off your cardigan and lean back a little, hands scrambling to not slip on the damp sink’s porcelain. You watch him as he makes his way to his knees, shoving up your skirt, and lift yourself off the edge of the sink enough for him to slide your panties down your legs.
“You’re so pretty,” you tell him in a pant.
JJ’s eyes glance up to meet yours. Sees the way your teeth are sunk into your lower lip, a small smile adorning your flushed face. The beginnings of a love bite forming already. It’s the feeling of one of your feet digging into his shoulder blade, urging him to you, that spurs him on.
He takes his time eating you out. Savours the moans and bathes in your whimpers. The sinful sweetness of you on his tongue. His fingers dig into the skin of your thighs, trying to find some self-control. They’ll probably bruise. It’s a nice thought. It’s ephemeral, over too soon; you come with a near-silent moan, ankles locking around him, holding him against you. Perfect, perfect, perfect.
“JJ,” you sigh, sounding desperate. He feels you shift and falls back on his haunches, wiping at his face. Licking his lips. Closing his eyes, he tries to level himself. He has to make it last, at least just a little longer.
The feeling of your hand prying at his shirt has him coming back to reality. JJ looks up at you, panting a little, and smiles lazily at the fucked-out look on your face. He helps you pull him to his feet, kissing you the moment he’s standing above you, smirking as he hears you moan from your own taste. You’re fucking filthy. And it’s only for him. The thought makes him desperate to fuck you.
It seems your mind is on the same track because your fingers start fumbling with his short’s zipper. He pulls away to help you tug them off, dragging his boxers with them.
“You got anything?” you ask, voice no more than a breath.
JJ scrambles through his thoughts and nods, shoving a hand through his damp hair and grabbing for his wallet; digging about with shaking hands, retrieving a condom. You take it from him and open it - giggling in a way that’s too sweet for the salaciousness of the moment - and put it on him, rubbing for longer than you need to. Somehow, he forces your hand from him.
“Can’t do that or I’m not gonna last,” he breathlessly chuckles before pressing a kiss to your lips.
Your arms loop back around his neck, tongue slipping into his mouth, and JJ’s hands slip under your legs and pull you to sit on the very edge of the sink.
The moment he sinks into you, both of you sigh against one another, body’s singing as if in reverence. The sex is rough and rushed and rapturous. Your head rests on his shoulder and your moans fall straight into his ear, as if coming straight from God’s mouth.
And once again, it’s all over too soon. You finish first, JJ soon after, gasping against your shoulder, damp and clammy with sweat. As he fucks you both through it, slowly coming to a stop, your fingers thread gently through his hair, rubbing soothingly at his scalp. He rests in you for a while. The two of you slowly catch your breath, arms tangled around one another, a head on the other’s shoulder.
You’re the first to move, and you do so only enough to kiss him. Tender now. Almost loving. JJ sighs into it, stroking your back gently. The thought of having you near again…It’s almost like he has air back in his lungs. It’s a strange feeling, a bizarre and new one, but JJ’s no longer scared of it like he was before. How can he be when you’re right there with him?
Breaking apart, your foreheads rest against one another, and JJ braves opening his eyes. You’re already looking at him. The two of you smile at the same time, and you begin to laugh.
summary: jj gets tipsy and rambles about his feelings for y/n, leading their friends to decide to play matchmakers.
wc: 6.0k
warnings: pet names (baby), mild language, and allusions to smut at the end
a/n: hi! i have posted wishful thinking before but i decided just to combine it all into one fic and finish it. this is my experiment to see if i wanna come back to writing or not!
“Y’wanna know something?” JJ Maybank’s voice was giggly as he leaned in to whisper to his best friend next to him. It was quiet between the group of friends besides the crackling of the fire in the center of the group and John B’s speaker playing music in the background. Pope raised his eyebrows as he eyed JJ, who had been attempting to whisper, but instead caught the attention of all his friends.
“What?” He asked finishing off the rest of his drink and glancing over at John B who was chuckling at how out of it JJ was.
“Really miss her, man. Miss her pretty laugh.” Pope’s surprised gaze shot back over to JJ. He wasn’t seeing anyone, so he wasn’t sure exactly who he could be talking about. But when he watched as JJ’s glaze slide over to where Y/n usually sat, he understood.
“She’s only been gone an hour, JJ.” Kiera cut in, understanding right away who the blonde had been talking about. Kiera had always known about JJ’s feelings for her, even if he had refused to admit them until now. For years, JJ had been pining over Y/n. She wasn’t sure how the others had’t picked up on it. From the countless times that JJ had tied up her hair while she covered her shoulders with sunscreen, made sure she always her favorite mango soda stocked in the fridge, and cleaned up her cuts and scrapes as he taught her how to skateboard. It was pretty obvious that JJ was head over heels for Y/n.
“Feels like torture, Kie. Getting to see her everyday and not being able to kiss her.” Sarah’s mouth dropped open in surprise as she whipped her head around to make she everyone had just heard what she did. JJ talking about his feelings was rare, so hearing him clue in the other’s to his feelings about her was surprising.
“Oh shit, he’s so out of it.” John B barked out a laughed while leaning forward, hoping to catch more of JJ’s words.
“JB, you get it man! Loving her s’much that your heart just hurts without her.” John B had an amused expression painted on his face as he glanced at his friends.
“Does Y/n know your heart hurts without her?” Sarah slapped John B’s shoulder because she knew he was teasing with his choice of words, even if JJ wasn’t in the state to pick up on it.
“Y’fucking kiddin’? She doesn’t deserve that.”
“JJ, don’t say that.” Kiera scolded as she watched her best friend helplessly shrug back at her. The tipsy giggles had been replaced by a serious look on his face as he stared into the fire. Y/n had been on his mind constantly. Ever since he had met her really, but now more than ever. Before he had thought it was just a hopeless crush, but he wasn’t so sure anymore.
“She deserves flowers, those lilies she always points out when we walk by the market on 7th. Someone to walk her back from the Club because you just know those rich old fucks are gonna try and flirt with her every chance they get. Someone who tells her that she’s the prettiest girl they have ever seen in their life, because it’s fucking true. Someone who can make her the happiest girl in the word, because she deserves that. Y’know?”
His words shocked his friends into silence, all wearing looks of surprise. To some degree, they all knew that JJ had some type of feelings for their other best friend. Just none of them had realized just how deep his feelings ran. No one had said anything, so JJ shrugged and tossed his beer back before heading inside. Leaving his friends to process what he had just said.
“We need to help JJ get the girl.” John B spoke up, getting a chorus of agreement back.
The door flung open, startling her friends as Y/n cheerfully let herself into the Chateau. Everyone was gathered in the kitchen talking amongst themselves. The boys were in charge of cooking the burgers, while Sarah and Kiera stood next to each other chopping veggies and fruits.
It was Sunday, meaning all six of them got together for lunch. It had become a tradition over the years for them to meet every Sunday and spend time together. Y/n was in her favorite jeans shorts and the navy blue sweatshirt she had stolen from JJ months ago. He never complained. Her hair was tied up by a claw clip, and JJ swore that he swooned every time she wore it like that.
“Who owes me an explanation?” While her question sounded accusatory, she was bouncing on the heels on feet trying to hold back her grin.
“An explanation for what?” Pope questioned, glancing over his shoulder at a giggly Y/n.
“These.” She reached into her book bag to pull out a bouquet of lilies. Her eyes swept expectantly over all her friends, waiting for one of them to claim the flowers as their gift.
“Sorry sweetheart! None of us brought you flowers.” John B called out, glancing at everyone as there was a hum of agreement. The only one who didn’t say anything but JJ, who was simply staring at the bouquet in Y/n’s hands He felt sick starting at the flowers. Not just any flowers, but lilies. The same flowers he’s been trying to work up the courage to buy her for weeks. Ever since he watched her stare longingly at them in the market, he knew he wanted to get them for her. Who the hell got them for her?
“It could be a secret admirer!” Sarah called excitedly, dropping her knife and heading over to see the flowers in Y/n’s hands.
“A secret admirer? I highly doubt that.” Y/n hummed while staring down at the flowers. If it wasn’t her friends, who got them for her?
“Oh please, you’re hot and a total catch. I bet it’s a secret admirer.” Kiera called, nearly running into her best friend as they hugged each other in greeting. The girls erupted into giggles when Kiera nearly knocked her over, but Y/n managed to steady them. Y/n and Kiera had been friends well before they had met any of the others. Having met in kindergarten, they truly had never left each others’ sides.
“You think?” She asked, a hopeful smile brightening up her face. She couldn’t help but feel a swell of excitement in her chest at the idea of having a secret admirer. It was flattering, and Y/n had always been a hopeless romantic.
“Sounds like someone’s got a crush on our Y/n.” John B called out while pointing the spatula in her direction. Pope let out a huff and grabbed the spatula from John B who was too distracted by talking to remember the flip the burger patties.
“Maybe it’s not a secret admirer, maybe someone just gave them to you to be nice.” JJ shrugged, trying to fight the ever growing jealously in his chest as he watched her blush over the flowers.
“Yea, and what are the chances someone picked her favorite flowers?” Kiera questioned glancing over at JJ who sent her an irritated look
“It was just a thought.” He grumbled, sending one last glare at the bouquet gripped in Y/n’s hands as she carefully filled a vase for them oblivious to his stare.
Kiera and Pope sent each other small grins excited that their plan was being set into place.
It had been one whole week. One whole week of Y/n receiving a bouquet of flowers from the market everyday. While Y/n was practically glowing from excitement, JJ had never been in a mood this bad.
“What flower do we think it is today?” JJ grumbled kicking at the dirt in front of him. With his eyes glued to the ground, he missed the looks his friends exchanged. Just the night before, the four of them had been wondering if it was time to fess up. But John B had insisted they kept going.
“We know how much he loves her, we can’t say anything!” John B protested, leaning against the couch as he adamantly tried to convince his friends to keep their little secret to themselves.
“What does that have to do with anything? JJ has watched Y/n get flowers all week and said nothing to her. The goal was to get him to confess his feelings, and it isn’t working.” Kiera sighed while glancing over at the freshly bought flowers sitting on the table, waiting to be delivered to Y/n. She felt guilt swirl in her stomach, this was her best friend she way lying to, even if the end goal was for her to be happy. The past week Y/n had been gushing to her about who the mystery guy could be, and when she asked her opinion on the matter, Kiera nearly pulled out the receipts and showed Y/n just who her admirer was.
“He just needs a little bit more convincing,” John B shot back running a palm down his face.“Come on, Kie.”
“Are we even sure that Y/n feels the same way about him?” Pope spoke up, breaking the stare off between John B and Kiera. All eyes turned to Kiera, who knew all of Y/n’s secrets.
“No, I’m not spilling her secrets.” She crossed her arms over her chest, fingers tightening around the friendship bracelets they both wore.
“Don’t spill her secrets then. It’s simple, does JJ have any sort of shot with Y/n?” Pope questioned, glancing over at Kiera who was nibbling at her lip.
“Yes.” She admitted, prompting John B to high five Sarah.
“So we keep playing the secret admirer? Amp it up a little until JJ acts on his feelings?” Sarah asked, sending a hopeful smile over to Kiera.
“Fine, but as soon as JJ breaks it off were admitting to what we did.” She huffed while the rest cheered.
“Who knows, she’s gotten every flower imaginable at this point.” John B shrugged, knowing that Sarah and Kiera had been the ones who insisted on getting the prettiest bouquets every time they went. JJ’s frown deepened at John B’s response.
“It’s just stupid, y’know? If this guy likes her so much why doesn’t he just say something?”
“Great point, now take your own advice.” Sarah called out making JJ falter. The tips of his ears turned red and he let out a scoff.
“That’s different.” JJ shook his head.
“Please, enlighten us.” Pope snorted while grabbing another drink. It was around noon and they were waiting for Y/n to show up after her shift so they could all go swimming. Lately she had been spending most of her time at work, but it seemed to work out for the pogues, since they were able to deliver the flowers to her house secretly this way.
“You already know-”
“Hi! I’m sorry I’m so late!” JJ spun around in his chair to see his favorite girl walking towards them with her bikini already on and her favorite bag slung over her shoulder like always. He could see the new bouquet of flowers peeking out of her bag, and he fought the urge to roll his eyes at them.
Instead of showing off the flowers like she usually had, Y/n tossed her bag onto the cooler besides her without a comment about them. Her friends shared a surprised look, expecting her to show them off and fawn over them.
“Scoot over.” She called to JJ as she climbed up into the hammock with him, easily slotting herself into his side. JJ felt himself relax at the feeling of her pressed against him, and he tossed his arm over her shoulder.
“Anyone ready to swim? I need a break.” Y/n smiled halfheartedly, puzzling her friends at her sudden change in mood.
Y/n was frustrated. A whole week of flowers and no one had fessed up to who was delivering her the beautiful arrangements everyday. As each passing day went by, she found herself becoming slightly bugged by the flowers. Not by the sweet gesture, but by the mystery of them. Why was there no cards left? Or any hints at who her admirer could be?
Each morning before work the flowers could be found tucked against the doorframe, waiting for Y/n to find them. Today marked exactly one week that the flowers had started being delivered, and unlike every other time, Y/n didn’t check for a card. In fact, she had left the flowers on the porch until she came home from work. On her way out she simply picked up the bouquet and put it in her bag, knowing she was already late to meeting her friends.
“Any ideas on who your secret admirer is?” Sarah teased while bumping her left shoulder against Y/n’s. The three girls were sat on the boat next to each other with Sarah in the middle. The boys had been in the water for the past twenty minutes, currently seeing who could hold their breath the longest. Pope had won the last two rounds and JJ was pissed, determined to beat him.
“No, and I’ve gone over my name list about twenty times. It’s starting to drive me crazy.” Y/n sighed while sipping at her pink straw that poked out of her mango soda that JJ had brought her. She missed the look shared between her two best friends, too busy gazing out at the water.
“List your ideas.” Kiera called out as she stood up to grab the cans the boys had left behind and toss them into a bag she brought with her for this very reason. She flopped down on the seat across from her two friends once she was done, eyeing Y/n somber expression.
“Well, Malakai Cost could be an option. Remember him? We ‘dated’ in freshman year.” She used her fingers to air quote as she said the word dated with a slight laugh.
“I hardly call that dating, babe.” Kiera laughed remembering the memory of the curly haired boy who Y/n lost her virginity to. He was sweet, but Kiera could tell that her best friend didn’t have that strong of feelings for him. That was obvious by the way ‘the relationship’ was cut short when the pair had realized they would rather have sex with other people.
“Okay, uh, option two is Porter from work. Option three is -”
“Pervy Porter? God, I hope not.” Sarah cries out, cringing at the thought of the 26 year old who worked at the club and was consistently hitting on high school aged girls.
“Option three: Cal. He’s been flirting with me the past couple weeks, and it’s an option I don’t honestly hate.” Y/n explained, while holding up her three fingers still as she mulled over her list.
“Cal from English? He’s cute.” Sarah agreed, nodding along. Although she did not like the idea nearly as much as Y/n and JJ being together.
“And option four.” Y/n let out a soft sigh and leaned back on her hands.
“Who is option four?” Kiera asked, leaning forward towards her best friend when she noticed she wasn’t openly supplying information.
“I don’t really think this is an option, but more like a hope.” Y/n said, bitting at her lower lip as she glanced over at the boys to make sure they were still busy.
“Well who is it?” Sarah asked, scooting closer to Y/n as she three friends then made a little circle on the floor of the boat.
“JJ.” Y/n shyly whispered with her eyes downcast as she twirled her straw in her soda. Kiera and Sarah sent each other wide eyed looking, trying to contain their excitement.
“You want it to be JJ?” Sarah asked, using both hands to cover her mouth as she practically bounced on her butt.
“I mean, I’ve always had a thing for JJ. How could I not? Plus, he’s the only one who knows how bad I had wanted lilies from the market and those are what I got! But, fuck, when I saw the look on his face when I brought them over, I knew it wasn’t him.”
“He was probably just mad somebody did it before he could.” Sarah supplied, as Y/n looked up at her blonde friend with a hopeful look in her eye.
“I mean maybe, but realistically JJ has shown no interest in me. So why would it be him?” Y/n shrugged trying to keep her hopes from soaring.
“Are you serious?” Kiera nearly shrieked. She glanced over her shoulder at the splashing boys before turning back to her best friend.
“Y/n, look at your drink. You have a mango soda that was chilled, unlike the rest of our drinks, and your favorite pink straw. And who made up your drink for you?” Y/n glanced down at her drink, her heart swelling at the simple things JJ constantly did for her the left her feeling warm and special.
JJ had always been the person who made her feel safe. Kiera would forever be her best friend, but if Y/n ever needed saving JJ was the person that she instantly went to. She couldn’t help it, there was something about him that made her feel cared for, and she loved that feeling more than anything.
“He insisted you stayed at the Chateau until you got over your cold, remember? You two literally slept in his bed together while he took care of you. None of us went near you except for him.” Sarah explained, sipping at her drink.
“But it’s JJ, he doesn’t care about germs.”
“Really? Because when I had strep throat he told me if I got near him he would beat my ass.” Kiera deadpanned making her two friends laugh at the memory.
“All I’m getting from this is that he’s a sweet friend. There’s no way it could be him delivering the flowers.” Y/n shook her head, getting nervous that her hopes about JJ being her secret admirer were rising again.
“Okay, just forget the flowers. What if JJ told you that he had feelings for you? What would you do?” Kiera asked hoping to get a read on her friends feelings.
“Also, how the hell did we not know you were into JJ?” Sarah added on, to which Kiera raised her drink at, making Y/n blush.
“It’s always been at the back of my mind, and then I realized I keep hoping it’s him that is behind it. And about the feelings thing? If he likes me back I would hope that he does something about it, and soon.”
“Woah, woah, woah! Our Y/n’s got the hot’s for someone?” John B cried out, scaring the three girls.
“God, John B! We’re talking about Y/n’s man, you guys can’t just listen in like that.” Kiera whipped around, bending over the edge of the boat to wack him on the head. She glanced at JJ who was behind John B, but his face was blank.
“Y/n’s man, huh?” He tried to tease, but Kiera could see that he could hardly keep the smile on his face.
“I don’t have a man.” Y/n laughed, redness sweeping onto her cheeks. She hid behind her drink, embarrassed that the boys overheard their conversation. She was just hoping that JJ didn’t realize that they were talking about him.
“Her secret admirer. She’s waiting for him to make an actual move.” Y/n shot a warning look at Sarah who had elaborated for the boys.
“So you know who he is?” JJ asked, swimming closer to the boat as Y/n leaned over the edge to look down at him. They were so close together that JJ could feel the ends of her hair brushing against his face as he looked up at her.
“No, but I have my hopes.” Y/n shrugged her left shoulder, nervously bitting at her lip. Could it be JJ? Did he get that she was telling him to make his move?
His eyes dropped to her lips and he immediately felt the urge to reach up and bring her mouth to his, but he couldn’t. So instead he took one last look at the rosy lips he always fantasized about before glancing back up at her. They were both carefully studying each other.
“Any you wanna share with the class?” Pope teased, bringing JJ and Y/n out of their little moment. Y/n glanced away from JJ to look at Pope who was swimming behind him.
“No.” Y/n blushed. “I’m sure we’ll all find out soon enough anyways.”
“I think it’s Cal from English.” Y/n rushed out as she nearly tossed herself on the couch next to her two best friends. She knew she had limited time before the boys came into the Chateau and would be able to hear their gossip.
“Seriously?” Sarah questioned, tossing aside her phone to be able to put her full attention on Y/n. She glanced over at Kiara who had furrowed eyebrows and looked unsure.
“Why do you think it’s Cal?” She asked uncertainty, feeling the guilt well up in her chest. She couldn’t remember the last time she had kept a secret from Y/n. The two of them told each other everything, and it was killing her to lie to her face and pretend she had no clue who the flowers were coming from. How was she supposed to tell her that it was them this whole time? Would she understand them trying to get her and JJ together? Or would she understandably be upset?
“He remembered that my favorite flowers are lilies, and they were my first flowers I got.”
“You told Cal your favorite flowers?” Kiara asked a little concerned. She didn’t want Y/n thinking that someone else besides JJ could have been doing this for you. She didn’t think Cal from English would have memorized your favorite flowers just like JJ had.
“I guess, we chat a lot in AP English. Mrs. Donovan lets us have time to write for ten minutes at the end of class and we pass notes instead.”
“That’s cute.” Sarah smiled softly, but she wasn’t totally sure what else to say. “Do you think it’s Cal then? For sure?”
“I don’t really know, but I might find out tonight.” Y/n supplied while heading into the kitchen to grab a glass of mango soda. She smiled softly when she realized her stash had been restocked from the last time she had grabbed one.
“Why tonight?” Sarah asked shifting on the couch to watch her best friend curiously. Y/n took a long sip before sending them a nervous smile, like she was scared of what they were going to say.
“I agreed to go out with him.” There was brief pause of silence between the three best friends.
“Wait. But..I thought you wanted it to be JJ?” Kiara asked, lowering her voice as she heard the voices of the boys outside doing God knows what.
“I mean I do. I really fucking do. But it doesn’t seem like it’s him and I can’t sit around and wait for him forever. Besides, if Cal is the one leaving these flowers for me I wanna give him a chance. It could lead into something really nice y’know.” She shrugged simply.
Kiara stayed quiet, trying to piece together a plan to swing this in JJ’s favor. Cal was not actually supposed to be an option in this. The goal was to get JJ and Y/n together.
“So you’re not waiting for JJ anymore?” Sarah questioned. Y/n opened her mouth to respond but nothing came out.
“Honestly, I would wait for JJ forever if I could. But I know that won’t get me anywhere. I’m attracted to Cal and I think it could be something, so I’m gonna give it a chance.”
“Y/n, I-” Kiara was cut off by boys heading up to the door, she could hear them before she could see them.
“I’m gonna head out, I just wanted to let you guys know that I think I might be solving this mystery.” Y/n grabbed her bag and blew a kiss towards before heading towards the door. Right as she opened the door the boys came tumbling through. Y/n shouted out her goodbyes before heading out the door.
“Where is she going? Thought we were all gonna hangout here?” John B questioned confused, looking after Y/n’s retreating figure.
“She’s got a date.” Kiara mumbled, still wracking her brain to try and come up with an idea to fix this. John B mumbled a quiet ‘oh shit’ before looking towards JJ who looked dejected.
“Looks like she got what she wanted. She found the guy who has been giving her flowers.” JJ mumbled before heading to the fridge to grab a beer. There wasn’t much else he wanted to do right now besides drink or smoke.
“JJ, man. I’m sorry.” Pope let out, heading into the kitchen. The Pogues all watched quietly, as JJ rested his elbows on the counter and then dropped his head into his hands. He threaded his fingers between the strands before pulling on his slightly out of frustration. Why hadn’t he just told her how he felt? Would it have made a difference?
“It’s alright, not your fault, bro.” JJ mumbled and Pope nearly flinched. This was his fault, it was all of their faults. They shouldn’t have gotten involved in the first place.
Pope was so focused on his guilt he hadn’t notice Kiara walk up and place something in front of JJ.
“Why the fuck are you giving me recipts? I don’t owe you for anything.” JJ grumbled, not in the mood for Kiara to bug him about paying her back for healthy food he didn’t even want in the first place.
“JJ, read them.” He glanced up to find Kiara nervously chewing on her bottom lip while the rest of their friends stood next to him. He let out a sigh before picking out a thick bundle of the slips of paper.
“You went to the market on 7th. Nice?”
“JJ, read what she fucking bought.” John B huffed getting fed up with his best friend. JJ’s eyebrows scrunched together as he read the receipt. He then began to shuffle through all of them before standing up fully and looking at Kiara.
“What the fuck? Have you been buying her flowers?” He asked incredulously.
“Yes, but JJ listen. We were hoping that it would push you to tell her how you feel and-“ JJ cut Kiara off by pointing at all of them.
“All of you were in on this shit?”
“We were trying to help.” Kiara rushed out, hoping to make amends but from the look on JJ’s face she knew that would not be happening soon.
“What? You thought I couldn’t do it myself?”
“Honestly JJ, no.” John B interrupted. “You two would be perfect together and you’re refusing to do anything about it!”
“That’s the fucking point! She’s way too good for me! She’s gonna go to college and do something with her life and I’ll be stuck here. What the fuck am I supposed to offer her? A life with a guy who is gonna go nowhere in life?”
“JJ-“ Pope tried to cut in but JJ shook his head before pointing at him.
“Honestly, I thought you would’ve had my back on this. You get how I feel.” Pope dropped his gaze, thinking about all the times he had vented about his feelings about Kiara to him.
“JJ, she’s on a date with a guy who she thinks is leaving her the flowers.” Sarah spoke up while JJ downed the rest of his beer.
“And? You guys found her a date, be proud of yourselves.”
“That wasn’t the point! The point was for you to take her on a date!” Sarah shot back, getting frustrated with him.
“That would only work if she felt the same.” JJ snapped back and John B rolled her eyes at his snippy attitude. He couldn’t stand when JJ got something stuck in his head and refused to listen to anyone else.
“Good fucking thing she does then.” Sarah snapped back and JJ froze. His eyes flickered to Kiara, the one person he really trusted to confirm your feelings right now. She gave a small nod.
“She’s liked you for years, J.” Kiara supplied.
“What?” He sounded breathless and Sarah felt a silver of hope run through her. They were getting him to listen now.
When she heard the knock at the door she took a deep breath before swinging open the door. There stood Cal, holding a bouquet of white lilies and sending her the sweetest smile. Cal gave her a soft greeting before handing over the stunning flowers.
“Hey. These are so sweet, you really didn’t have to get me more flowers.” She smiled softly before bringing the flowers up to her nose and breathing in the scent.
“Oh uh, I’ve only gotten you these flowers?” Cal had the most confused look on his face as he watched Y/n hold the flowers to her chest. Y/n faltered when she realized what she had slipped out. Her plan was to bring it up in later conversation, ask Cal if it was him instead of outright implying that it was him.”
“Oh. You haven’t been leaving me bouquets of flowers?” She bit her lip and glanced over at the other lilies sitting in the vase by the door. She felt her stomach sink as she realized she still didn’t know who was doing this for her.
“No? Did you want me to? Is this your way of asking me to bring you more flowers?” Her eyes darted back to Cal and she felt guilty for bringing her secret admirer up. That probably was not a line she should have opened up with on a first date.
“No! I just, I’ve been getting flowers everyday left on my porch for the last two weeks or so and I have no idea who it is.”
“That’s fucking expensive.” Cal let out a soft laugh, trying to break up some of the disappointment on Y/n’s face. “Listen, it seems like you’re not totally into this date so maybe it’s better if I just go.” Cal jabbed his thumb behind him pointing at his truck. He was starting to feel a little awkward about going on a date with a girl who had someone so clearly pining over her, he didn’t want to get in the middle of anything.
“No! Listen, I really have no idea who has been leaving these flowers. I’ve had my hopes and suspicions but-“
“Was I one of them? One of people you were hoping for?” Cal asked taking a step closer to her.
“You were.” Y/n confirmed looking up at him. She hadn’t realized how blue his eyes were and she couldn’t help but compare him to another boy with blue eyes she knew.
“And what about JJ Maybank?”
“I-I’m sorry?” Y/n asked completely thrown off by his question. Cal ran his hand through his hair and sent her a sympathetic smile.
“I’m sorry. I just had to ask. I’ve always thought he had a thing for you, which was what prevented me from asking you out in the first place.”
“He doesn’t, there’s no way. I-“
“Y/n!” Cal and Y/n turned to see JJ standing at the edge of driveway. His chest was heaving and she realized that he had ran here. Her breath hitched when she took in his red cut-off t-shirt and blonde locks that were tamed by his backwords hat. She felt her heart squeeze when she realized he was holding orange lilies. Not just her favorite flower, but her favorite color.
“Y/n, baby. I need to talk to you.”
“Seems like he does after all. I’ll see you around, Y/n.” Cal squeezed her arm and gave her a sweet smile before heading towards his car. She heard him greet JJ and watched in disbelief as he headed out.
“What are you doing here?” Y/n finally asked as JJ walked up to her.
“I needed to talk to you.”
“You said that. It couldn’t after waited until after my date?”
“To be fair, you don’t have a date anymore.”
“JJ.” Y/n sighed before sending him a deadpan look. “What did you need to talk to me about?”
“It’s not Cal bringing you glowers.”
“I know.”
“You know?”
“He told me.”
“Well. It wasn’t me either.” Y/n felt her heart sink and she looked away from JJ to prevent him from seeing the disappointed look that crossed her face. She was too late. He saw it.
“Where are you going with this?”
“Can we talk about this inside?” Y/n turned around to open the door and let JJ inside. No one was home, her mom was working a late shift at the hospital and her older sister was staying the night with her boyfriend.
JJ followed behind her as she lead him up to her room, taking the time to appreciate her dress. His mood soured when he remembered she had worn this for another guy. When they reached her room she sat down on her bed and patted the spot next to her.
JJ had been in her room plenty of times, but this time felt different and it was making him incredibly nervous. He set the lilies on her bedside and glanced over at the picture of the two of them she had framed on her bedside. She was sat in his lap with a big smile holding her drink in the air while JJ had his arms around her waist and was smiling at the camera. He still couldn’t believe he was the one she chose to have on her nightstand, maybe their friends were really right about her liking him.
“I wasn’t the one buying you those flowers the whole time.”
“You said that.”
“It was our friends.”
“I’m sorry?” Their friends had been behind this the whole time? She couldn’t even bring herself to be mad when JJ was looking at her like she was the only girl in his world.
“I got drunk and spilled my feelings about you, they were trying to get me to confess my feeling to you.” JJ’s voice was nearly a whisper. He was scared if he spoke too loud he would scare her away.
“Your feelings for me?” Y/n’s voice sounded shaky and she wanted to kick herself for giving away how she was feeling way too easily. She shifted so she was fully facing him, in turn moving their faces even closer. JJ’s head was turned towards her, taking in the hopeful look in her eye.
“Y/n. I can’t stand the thought of you going on a date with another guy. I know I wasn’t the one to give you flowers, and I’m sorry because I should have. You deserve that.”
“I don’t care about the flowers, J.’
“You don’t?”
“No, if this means you’re telling me that you like me.”
“Baby, this is me telling you that I love you.” Y/n surged forward and pressed her lips against his. JJ let out a surprised moan but was quick to recover and pull Y/n into his lap and bringing his hand to the back of her head to kiss her harder.
“I love you, JJ. I have for so long.” She pulled away quickly to whisper to him before shoving him back and crawling on top of him.
Chapter 5: Trouble in paradise || “The Pogue Prince and Kook Princess || Series ||
Warnings: party, cussing, sorta bitchy main character and sorta bitchy JJ, drinking and smoking, sexual jokes + themes, bullying, body image issues, flashing
Summary: Sarah suggests you guys have a party at her house, but she invites the Pogues as well, you and JJ just so happen to get caught up in a really good conversation
A/N: not proof read, if you can’t tell by now i rarely proof read😭
You and Sarah finally got out of the pool. “I’m going to make us some grilled cheese.” Sarah said as she grabbed a towel and ringed her hair out, you did the same as you patted yourself dry. “Fuck yeah, i’m starving.” You groaned. Sarah laughed as she grabbed y’all’s cups and you both walked inside.
You came and sat down at her bar by the kitchen as you watched her cook. You were exhausted from swimming and being out all day, a nap and shower was just what you need. “So Y/N,” Sarah started. “I was thinking, since it’s Friday and neither of us have anything to do, plus both of our parents are out, why don’t we throw a party!” Sarah said grabbing a plastic plate and putting your sandwich on it. Honestly a lively social event exactly what you need.
You took a bite and with your mouth full replied, “I’m down.” She laughed at your filthy eating and turned to sit next to you with her food. “But there’s one thing.”
“What’s up?”
“I wanna invite the Pogues.”
You coughed as you choke on your food. You looked back up at her, then tilted your head with a smirk. “Is this about John B?” Her face turned pink and she took a bite to ignore your question. You chuckled and continued. “Why don’t you just invite him? I think i’ve had enough Pogue for one day.”
“Come on Y/N, the pogues really know how to party! Plus there’s no guarantee JJ will be there. Even if he comes he might just leave you alone.” You finished your food and put it in the dishwasher. “Fine, but i’m going to shower and take a nap before I have to be put through this torture.
“Oh you poor thing.” She teased. You smiled to yourself as you went upstairs to her room and began to shower.
————————————————————
6:35
You looked at yourself in the mirror and observed yourself one last time. Your hair was up out of your face, you had a natural make up look, a maroon lacey tank top, cute skinny jeans, maroon converse, the pearl earrings from earlier, and a locket necklace of your grandma. She had always helped you get through tough times and you really missed her. You kissed it before you scanned over your form one last time.
The party had started an hour ago but you wanted to make a appearance later and get a few people’s attention. You grabbed your phone, stuffing it in your back pocket and spraying some cherry perfume over your shirt and shoes, careful not to get it on your skin since it’s sensitive and cause you to break out.
You took a small breathe and headed downstairs. You saw Sarah talking to John B, JJ right next to them. Sarah gave him a drink before you caught her eyes as you walked into the kitchen. “Y/N!” She smiled pulling you into a hug which caught John B’s and JJ’s attention. You smiled into her hug as you pulled back and she handed you a red solo cup of your favorite bear.
“Hey Y/N.” John B smiled. You decided to play nice tonight, for Sarah. “Hello John B.” You smiled. He gave you another happy smile and you turned to JJ. You smile faded a bit but not completely. He gave you a slight nod as his eyes raked over your outfit. His eyes met yours again and you gave him an “my eyes are up here” smirk. He himself was wearing a black button up, army green cargo shorts, those shiny black boots, and some rings and bracelets.
He scoffed slightly but couldn’t help the smirk that crept on his face. You turned to face Sarah as a familiar song began to play. “Care to dance?” You said with a slight bow. She giggled and she took both of your drinks, handing them to John B. She gave her your hand. “Be my guest.”
You both laughed as you took a step back and began to dance together. You twirled her around with a laugh and she leaned into you. She grabbed your hips and made you sway with her as you two sang along to the song. When it was finished John B clapped and cheered for you two and JJ smiled before taking another sip of his drink.
You took your drink from John B and downed it quickly. John B laughed, “Damn Y/N I didn’t know you could drink that fast.”
“You should see her with shots, she’s a pro.” Sarah said nudging her arm. “So is JJ.” John B chimed in as him and Sarah exchanged a glance. You and JJ looked at each other awkwardly before Sarah gasped and clapped her hands together, shocking the rest of us. “I have an idea!” She giggled before running off. John B smiled as she skipped away. “Does she do this a lot?” He asked to you.
“Every damn day. But you learn to love it.” You turned to face John B. “I know about you and Sarah.” His face turned whiter than a ghost. “Don’t worry, im not saying anything to Topper. All i’m saying is treat her well, okay? I’m beat the shit out of you if you hurt her. She really likes you.”
“Are her and Topper still uh, a thing?”
You shrugged. Not really, they never officially called it off, but they both see other people and don’t do couple things but sometimes they still hang out. You smiled softly as Sarah came back, vodka in one hand and two shot glasses in the other. She slightly pushed John B aside before turning to me and JJ.
“Okay! First party game of the night, our best shot takers.” She said finger-gunning me and JJ. Jesus how many drinks has she had? She’s definitely drunk. “Both of you are going to take as many shots as you can.”
“What does the winner get?” JJ asks.
“Bragging rights?” Sarah shrugged. “That’s boring,” John B chimed in. “How about the loser has to jump in the pool, but, we have to fill it with ice.”
“My parents will kill me,” Sarah started. “Let’s do it.”
____________________________________
Now you and JJ were sitting next to each other, facing one another, first shots in hand. “On three,” Sarah began.
“One,”
“Two,”
“Three!”
And with that the challenge began.
You and JJ both took the first shot. Neither of you had much reaction, you scrunched your nose up and but and he sniffled. “Already gonna tap out?” He teased as your next shots got poured. “Please, you’ll pass out before you can call quits.” You reply. You two grabbed the second round, tilted your heads back and let the liquid groan your throat.
Three shots, four shots, five shots, six, seven, eight..
After eight JJ tapped out and you threw your hands in victory but quickly regretted it as you felt your food from earlier about to come up. JJ coughed and stood up and Sarah handed you a glass of cold wine and you gulped that bitch down. You set the glass down and looked at JJ. “Gonna jump in or you gonna be a pussy about that to?” You asked with a half smile. He smirked down at you and turned to John B.
“Get the ice.”
————————————————————
You all gathered around the pool that was now filled with ice. JJ stood on the edge of the pool, shirtless and shoeless, as everyone had their phones out to record. You couldn’t help but admire his perfectly toned abs and how they glistened under moon. “On the count of three!” Someone yelled.
“One,” The ground started. “Two,”
“Three!” We all yelled.
JJ jumped into the pull with a big splash, you couldn’t help but laugh as he came up to surface with a yell. “He’ll yeah!” He laughed. Everyone cheered as he shivered and got out of the pool. He walked over to where me, John B, and Sarah were standing. John B handed him a towel and JJ ruffled his hair with it.
“That was fucking sick.”
“So worth it.” Sarah chimes in. The alcohol has definitely set in now and you were definitely getting drunk. JJ looked at you and saw your big, toothy grin. “Pogues, 0, Kooks, 1.” You said with a teasing voice as your left hand held a 1 and your right held a 0. JJ couldn’t help but to chuckled as he leaned in to grab his shirt behind you, his mouth was right against your ear and he whispered, “Challenge accepted Princess.”
He pulled back with a smirk and you blushing slightly, but it could have passed as you being completely wasted. You couldn’t deny the way he said it was attractive, his voice was raspier when he whispered. He through the towel at you as he put his shirt on and you sent him a glare, throwing the towel over the chair behind you.
“Whatever.” You spoke with an eye roll. “I’m getting another drink.” You said as you walked away, hearing JJ cackle behind you. You walked back into the house and sighed at the warmth behind you, you quickly realized it wasn’t wasn’t from the house, but from a person as they wrapped their arms around you. You whipped around and your heart dropped at Rafe peering down at you.
“What are you doing here?” You deadpanned and he laughed softly. “I live here remember?” He leaned down to your ear. “You kicked me out, where else was I supposed to go?” You shutter as he breath fanned your neck. You stepped back and crossed your arm, currently feeling intimidated. “What do you want?”
He shrugged, “Nothing. Came here to party with my girl.”
You swallowed. “I’m not you’re girl anymore Rafe. We ended it remember?”
“He’s not talking about you, sweetheart.” Your heart stopped at the same annoying voice you knew all too well. Julia.
You turn your head to see Julia taking a sip of her drink next to Rafe. He grabbed her waist and pulled her closer to him, kissing her with way too much tongue. He turned to face you with a smirk. “Someone had to get you off your high horse.” You rolled your eyes.
“You know,” Julia started. “That’s a cute outfit. Would be a shame if someone ruined it.” Your brows furrowed in confusion but before you could respond she threw her drink at your chest. You along with everyone else gasped as Rafe peered down at you and Julia laughed. Everyone was silent, everyone was looking at you.
Rafe, Julia, Topper, Sarah, John B, JJ. You probably looked like an absolute fool. You wanted to cry. You wanted to run away and never show your face again. But you couldn’t, you wouldn’t. You blinked back your tears and put on your best poker face. “Fuck,” You said loudly, pulling the hem of your shirt to look at it better.
“Sorry everyone.” You said looking around, causing Julia’s smile to fade slightly. You turned back to Julia. “I spilt my drink.”
“No worries though.” You said, without thinking you took your shirt off, revealing your white laces push up bra. There were many whistles at your figure. People were checking you out, blushing, trying not to check you out but failing. One of those people were Rafe, and surprisingly JJ. You looked at JJ and shot him a wink, a wink that didn’t go unnoticed by Rafe. He scowled.
You looked back between him and Julia. “I’ll just go change.” You say throwing your beer covered shirt at Rafe and turning on your heels and storming up the stairs. When you got to Sarah’s room you immediately grabbed one of her t-shirts and sat on the bed.
You can’t believe you did that. You showed your body to everyone. Everyone looked at something you could barely look at yourself. You felt disgusting, you felt like a whore. Like a slut.
To stop yourself from the tears that threatened to spill you took out your phone, connecting it to Sarah’s speaker and began to play your favorite band. Sleeping with sirens, the song you chose was Tally it up, settle the score. You hummed softly to the song and turned up the speaker a little bit.
Tally up those points for me, we're settling the score
After everything we've started, you’re gonna keep begging me for more, watch this
You tapped your foot at the beat, nodding your head softly. You close your eyes as the lyrics continued.
Tally up those points for me, we're settling the score
After everything we've started, you’re gonna keep begging me for more
You tapped the beat on your lap as you let yourself sink into the music, feeling more calm.
You don't need to tell me all about, the person I have been, keep believing that we've given up
We're not giving in, I promise, this is personal
Whoa, ohh
Look at what you've started here
You heard a knock at the door and immediately jumped up and whipped your head around. JJ. “You forgot to shut the door, knew I heard something.” He half joked.
Tell me what were you thinking, when you kept calling us out
Oh, you thought we would sit quietly And let you keep running your mouth
He cocked a brow as he listened to the lyrics. “You listen to Sleeping with sirens?” He asked. Finally, someone was asking about your interests. You nodded your head softly. “Yeah my brother showed me them a couple years ago, they’ve been my favorite band ever since.”
He moved from the door to sit next to you. “What song is this?” He asked peering over your shoulder at your phone. “I like the guitar solo at the beginning.”
“Right!” You say cheerfully, voice now higher pitched as you grab your phone to scroll through the songs. “The song playing is “Tally it up, settle the score”! The guitarist is amazing but personally the drums are my favorite. It’s just the way they can make two very different instruments collide to make a beautiful melody is just insane! And the amount of passion they sing with is incredible. And the build up for “If you can’t hang” is thrilling! Like-“ You turn your head to look at JJ, he was looking at you with big eyes and mouth slightly agape.
Your words slowly faded as you stopped talking. You turned away from him embarrassed. “Sorry,” You laughed slightly. “Geeked out for a second there.” She said as she absentmindedly scrolled for another song. He shook head. “It’s okay, I thought it was pretty cool how you interpreted it.” You turned to look at him.
“Really?” You asked. He nodded. “Yeah, not many people appreciate music like you do. They don’t read into it as much and aren’t able to find a deeper meaning.” You nodded rapidly as you agreed. “Yeah I agree! Like they don’t take their time to really get into it. Honestly the meanings are so much deeper than they seem and they deserve recognition.”
JJ agreed as you two continued your conversation about your favorite songs and other bands you enjoy mutually. Your finger slipped in the middle of the conversation and a new song played.
There's so many things that I could say, but I'm sure it would come out all wrong
“Oh! This is a good song too.” You said to yourself, and JJ silently agreed as the two of you leaned closer to the speaker to pay better attention to the lyrics.
You've got something that I can't explain, still I try and try and let you know
Summer we spent, one could never forget
On the summer lyric you and JJ looked at each other for a moment, then back at the speaker.
Looking for any kind of reason to
Escape all the mess
That we thought is what made us
You mumbled the next lyrics, recognizing your favorite song.
“Ain't it funny now, we can see We're who we're meant to be,”
The next lyrics you were silent.
You still have all of my
You still have all of my
You still have all of my heart (oh)
There's so many things left to say
You and JJ both pulled back and he cleared his throat just as Sarah walked in. “Hey-oh,” she paused looking inbetween you two. “We’re kicking everyone out, parties over. It got a bit heated between Rafe and Topper. Y/N you can stay if you want.”
You shook your head. “No, I can’t stay. Rafe will be here and they won’t be good, plus I need to make sure Tops okay.” Sarah nodded. “Uhm, someone fucked with the car, so it’s broke. But I really don’t want you walking home alone this late.”
“I’ll walk her home.” JJ said, turning to face me. I shrugged. “Better than being alone.”
song inspiration: i love you baby by frank sinatra
word count: 341
note: super short but i loved this idea <3
you laid on john b's couch, flipping through the pages of the book you were currently reading. mostly engrossed in it, but not enough so you were able to hear jj say his goodnights to kie and pope.
hearing him chuckle as he walked through the front door, you still tried to concentrate on the words that were close to your face, but found it more difficult as you felt his gaze land on you, only looking up when he hovered beside you with a goofy smile on his lips.
no words were exchanged between you, but you knew what he wanted, so you folded the corner of the page that you were on, leaving you where you had finished. placing the book closed beside the two of you on the coffee table.
that's when he climbed on top of you and into your arms, entangling his legs with yours, his head resting against your chest.
"i missed you so much." he mumbled into the fabric of your shirt.
even though you had been together the entire day you knew exactly how he felt. you could also tell after getting back that you were both well beyond tired.
that's when you started running your fingers through his hair, feeling him melt into your touch. a smile appeared on your face, feeling accomplished at being able to make someone special to you so comfortable.
you started humming the melody of frank sinatra's i love you baby continuing to stroke the blonde hairs out of his face, it took little to no time for him to fall asleep to your voice and the buzz of the cicadas outside of the window.
you always felt a little bit uneasy to go to sleep at night, the overthinking thoughts echoing loud in your mind, oh but that all stopped when you met jj.
he would protect you with his life, his arms wrapped tighter around you, moving slightly in his sleep as he snuggled into you. he made sure you knew that too.
so we all agree "mike wheeler is the heart of the group" is bullshit, right?
we all agree that it is will byers instead right?
in season 1, everyone banded together (and found el) to find will.
in season 2, will was more than happy about max joining the party. but guess who wasn't? mike wheeler.
in season 2, everyone worked together to help will.
in season 3, mike was literally going away from his friend group to make out with el at all given times.
in season 3, we saw will being the only one who stayed till the very end when dustin returned because he missed his friend.
in season 3, will just wanted all of his friends to spend time TOGETHER (because let's be real, will would've been so happy just doing whatever, not only d&d, as long as all six of them were together. just look at how excited he was when they all were about to leave for the hill)
in season 3, will let go of his very rightful anger towards his friends who kept ignoring what he had to say, because he thinks it's for the betterment of the group.
in season 3, will is even willing to let go of his own interests (playing D&D) if it meant his friends would still spend time with him whenever he returned to hawkins next.
in season 4, max, lucas, dustin and mike are literally falling apart because they're all too into their heads (and i don't really blame them here - especially not lucas and max). mike and dustin weren't even that supportive of lucas joining basketball when his reasons of doing so were extremely valid.
in season 4, mike is quite literally having relationship problems with el by not being able to say "i love you" (and the confession scene doesn't seem to have done much either because why is el still not talking to him at the end?)
in season 4, will brushes aside his own feelings for mike and instead focuses on helping mike and el get back together because he loves them both dearly and he just wants to see them happy together.
in season 4, mike only really confesses after will byers pushes him to. shouldn't it have been mike's instinct which "really kicked in" when he sees his loved one is in danger?
will byers is the heart of the group and fuck whoever wrote those scenes because you don't even know your characters at this point.
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