a side blog for dumping stuff

going through a phase i think (she/her, 21)

[mchnwlf]

[something-pretty-neat]

no it's literally just catholic guilt and internalized purity culture. asexuality doesn't exist :)

catholic guilt, purity culture, and a general disinterest in sex can all coexist. i'm not going to claim my sexuality is in no way influenced by my surroundings and culture. to claim that an asexual identity is entirely invalid because of potential cultural influences, however, is reductive to say the least. why does it matter to you, if i use a word to concisely convey my feelings towards sex? i understand if you think my post was diminishing the dangers of catholic guilt and purity culture, but to take that as far as to claim a whole sexuality is therefore entirely bunk is quite a jump. i'm not going to claim to speak for every ace person; i don't know their experiences with different cultures, i don't know their whole life stories and i can't give them an account of whether or not they're right or allowed to label themselves a certain way, nor would i care to. regardless, it seems the ace label isn't what's doing harm here. if your issue is with purity culture, then take it up with that.

[something-pretty-neat]

yk what, i take back my post saying that "not my church" and "those aren't real christians" are the same as a "not all men"

because it's arguably far worse.

weak an argument as "not all men" and the respective variations for other privileged groups are (shows they're complicit, etc etc if youre reading this you prolly know the deal by now), the idea does have one truth in it. they're right when they say they didn't choose to be men or white or straight. and that's more or less the entire basis of their defense of the group as a whole: they aren't a community or cohesive group. they aren't one and the same, just happened to be born a certain way. a good argument it does not make, but it's a truthful foundation all the same.

but the christian variations don't hold up here

because they did choose to be christian. not only to believe in christ, live by their interpretation of the bible, and call themselves one- the people who pull out these arguments are very much affiliated with the organization itself. you cannot argue in the same vein as with men because it requires a conscious choice to participate in the church. it is actively taking up membership in an ideology and the community surrounding it.

if they do claim they in no way chose the belief and they can't help it (something i've seen a couple times, though i will grant that i heard this more back when i was in middle/high school, and i find it hard to be harsh like this to kids who have most likely been convinced that they quite literally do have no choice, through having little to no access outside of the bubble their parents allow, being undeveloped children, and the fact that questioning in said households may well be a question of their safety) that only lessens the value of their argument. to continue with the organization while choosing to shun any semblance of criticism or requests to think critically about why they believe what they do and how that may affect things around them is still a choice. no, you don't choose what you're raised in and the culture you grow up in, but you do choose what you say about it.

the "not all christians " defense just comes off as an off-brand no true scotsman fallacy to claim their church is far better, when it's still under the same umbrella as the others and, as in the men example, is just telling that they don't want to look into the messes in the groups they're in. so yes, not ALL christians do horrible things. but those who don't that choose to do PR for themselves when asked to take the offenses of others seriously are not particularly innocent themselves.

[something-pretty-neat]

where exactly did I do that? me speaking on my experiences growing up and living in a culturally christian country and writing about the way i see christians acting towards other beliefs is not equivalent to condoning every action taken in the name of islam (or any other religion or group, for that matter). i don't speak on islam because i haven't lived under islam or islamic culture. i have no experience with it whatsoever, so i don't feel qualified to be making any judgements on islam. this particular post does not mention islam at any point. i believe i have mentioned islam once, in my post about progressive christians, and even that was just in passing talking about distinctions in how they acknowledge other groupings of religions.

i am not some media juggernaut deciding what gets attention and what doesn't, i am not actively shutting down anyone talking about anything outside of my own issues, im not trying to keep people from having their own discussions. i am one woman writing about her particular experiences and takeaways. im putting my thoughts and feelings on my own blog, and im not claiming to be any bigger than that. take your whataboutism elsewhere.

[something-pretty-neat]

every convention/festival got the

[something-pretty-neat]

yk what, i take back my post saying that "not my church" and "those aren't real christians" are the same as a "not all men"

because it's arguably far worse.

weak an argument as "not all men" and the respective variations for other privileged groups are (shows they're complicit, etc etc if youre reading this you prolly know the deal by now), the idea does have one truth in it. they're right when they say they didn't choose to be men or white or straight. and that's more or less the entire basis of their defense of the group as a whole: they aren't a community or cohesive group. they aren't one and the same, just happened to be born a certain way. a good argument it does not make, but it's a truthful foundation all the same.

but the christian variations don't hold up here

because they did choose to be christian. not only to believe in christ, live by their interpretation of the bible, and call themselves one- the people who pull out these arguments are very much affiliated with the organization itself. you cannot argue in the same vein as with men because it requires a conscious choice to participate in the church. it is actively taking up membership in an ideology and the community surrounding it.

if they do claim they in no way chose the belief and they can't help it (something i've seen a couple times, though i will grant that i heard this more back when i was in middle/high school, and i find it hard to be harsh like this to kids who have most likely been convinced that they quite literally do have no choice, through having little to no access outside of the bubble their parents allow, being undeveloped children, and the fact that questioning in said households may well be a question of their safety) that only lessens the value of their argument. to continue with the organization while choosing to shun any semblance of criticism or requests to think critically about why they believe what they do and how that may affect things around them is still a choice. no, you don't choose what you're raised in and the culture you grow up in, but you do choose what you say about it.

the "not all christians " defense just comes off as an off-brand no true scotsman fallacy to claim their church is far better, when it's still under the same umbrella as the others and, as in the men example, is just telling that they don't want to look into the messes in the groups they're in. so yes, not ALL christians do horrible things. but those who don't that choose to do PR for themselves when asked to take the offenses of others seriously are not particularly innocent themselves.

[something-pretty-neat]

you underestimate how much better of a person you become when you finally get away from toxic people.

even if you already knew how toxic they were and how it made you respond.

i mean this in a lot of ways. when you don't have your family to dread going back to every evening anymore, when you dont have to answer the phone or spend your time with that "brutally honest" friend anymore, when you're not beholden to going back to that church weekly anymore, or a school, a job, anything.

when you don't feel the need to respond with the same tone as them, to keep your walls up, to be careful about how much you say so it can't be used against you or belittled there's so much about you that changes.

you'll find you have so much more energy to do the things you want to do. you can pursue projects you care about, be they silly, serious, big, or small. and people will care! people will look at your work and think it's wonderful, they'll want you to tell them more, they'll want to help you, they'll ask you how it's going and tell you that they love it.

you smile more. you can be more open and genuine even with people you don't know that well, because you weren't that introverted, you were beaten down into thinking you wouldn't get that attention because you didn't deserve it, that what you had to express wasn't important enough to be said.

more than that, you find you can receive criticism, not only because you're not on the defense but because once you're away from them you realize it was never that you couldn't, but that they were cruel.

you find you're open to more, not because you were too staunch or too boring but because the people around you now respect your boundaries.

you find you can set those boundaries, not because you were too weak but because you aren't being scared away from doing it. you're not around people who don't think of you as human or worthy of respect anymore.

you find a lot of things that you did in the past that may have been cold or harsh, or seen as flaws by those people were really just a defense. a defense that faded when it wasn't necessary anymore.

and you may have your moments where you rebound, where youre scared and closed off and the trauma responses kick in, but those are just moments. difference is, now you're free to grow, you can look around and see that you're safe and you can get through it all with the support of people who care.

it's not immediate and you don't realize it at first. it's a gradual change that one day leaves you sitting somewhere quiet, looking back and wondering why you feel so different now, hitting yourself over the head wondering why you ever put up with them as you finally cut ties with the leftover "not as bad as the rest" one because now you're so okay that you've forgotten how it feels to think that that's the best there is.

it's so freeing and overwhelmingly exciting to realize. and if you don't know how that feels for yourself yet, i promise you will. i promise those baby steps you're taking for yourself now will pay off. and those big steps you keep deliberating over, trying to figure out how to confront or leave someone but never being quite sure enough of yourself to do it- you'll thank yourself later. i know it's terrifying and draining now but it's such a weight off your shoulders. you'll be okay.

[writing-prompt-s]

“Your honor, my client could not have committed the murder as the victim had 28 stab wounds but my client only had 1 knife.” “Yes, of course! We are sorry for accusing you.”

[something-pretty-neat]

phoenix wright: ace attorney (2001)

[something-pretty-neat]

irl i have a couple friends who are christian, and don't get me wrong, they're very progressive and fine people but i always feel weird about how careful i have to be when talking about the church and how it's been harmful. i have to affirm their no true scotsman arguments so they don't get defensive, and never make it personal, it's always "well, some people feel..."

they're generally pretty responsive to that, and they've never gotten upset with me for not being christian (though i've gotten a couple church invites over the years, and i think the way progressive christians "respect" other beliefs is deserving of its own eventual long post) but then there are times they'll rant to me about how horrible people who dont like christianity are, because they saw a posts somewhere that was critical of it or someone venting their religious trauma, and they launch into that same aggressive defense of the church like it's faultless and saying it's completely uncalled for to criticize the acts of it or christian groups.

the whiplash is unreal honestly, i feel like i always have to hide my own issues with christianity and the church, and sometimes, more and more as time has passed, i wonder if i can ever even really be friends with christians. they're members and passionate defenders a group that i, my friends who have left, my friends of other beliefs, my family, and my queer community have all been hurt by. any time i'm with them i feel like i have to hide this aspect of myself, and the more those discussions and rants happen, the more major of an aspect i realize it is.

i'd love to hear you guys' thoughts feelings and experiences, because i feel like this is something i haven't seen talked about in the exchristian community a lot.

[something-pretty-neat]

"but my church isn't like that!" and "those aren't real christians" are just the christian versions of "not all men" and "those are boys not men"

[something-pretty-neat]

fantastic explanation from @the-library-alcove in the replies to my original post.

[something-pretty-neat]

there is something so mortifying and traumatic about deconverting from christianity from an ethical standpoint as opposed to truth-seeking. you're sitting there, picking fights with god over everything he's done and encouraged, knowing full well that you're consigning yourself to unfathomable eternal torment, and only after that do you question if he's real. and those are burnt bridges that cannot be rebuilt. even if you proved the biblical god to me beyond a shadow of a doubt, i could never return to the church. all you'd have done is shown me that when i accepted damnation i was right to do so.

[pipshinwhatever]

You're laughing. Phoenix pointed out that almost Christmas means it wasn't Christmas and you're laughing

[something-pretty-neat]

i see ace attorney trending every year and get my hopes up that a new game has been announced

i am not a clown, i am the entire circus

[something-pretty-neat]

the tower popping up out of nowhere when im shuffling my deck:

me:

[killertune]

for Rollround’s Dumbass Lawyer zine!